TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

@Laney79 I feel as though my body as fooled me too. I guess I'm not out until AF arrives but I know myself I'm out!!

I've had some bloods done but still awaiting results. Not had all of them though only the one the NHS do. Do you know which you're having done?

@Pop1234 yeah-I've has a few nhs ones but as I haven't had three losses they won't do the full list that Coventry do (I emailed Tommy's to ask which ones are standard) - so I'm paying for the ones that I'm missing. It's mostly thrombophilia tests, factor v Leiden, prothrombin etc etc. Already had thyroid checks done. I know it's unlikely they'll show anything but if I don't have the tests and I lose a third, then it's discovered it was something that could've been picked up and treated I'll never forgive myself.

Massive hugs to everyone feeling low today.

@Pop1234 I've hag the hysterosalpingogram and it was not painful at all. Maybe I was lucky but seriously it didn't hurt at all.

@moonpeace that was so insensitive of her. Some people just like to rub it in. You are so strong.

Feel like all I've had is pregnant women and maternity leave shoved in my face all day. Why can't i escape it? I just want to go a day without being reminded about how useless my body is and how inadequate i feel.

Penguin hugs to all.

Fingers crossed your little blastocyst is bedding in nicely @boboelephant

@russkispy I hope your bloods show a nice HCG increase and that this is your miracle baby

@rdm10 I had how miscarriage robs all the joy of pregnancy. Hoping it's just normal symptom fluctuation.

Oh and I had my cycle review appointment yesterday, from my Oct/Nov IVF cycle that resulted in a chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks. It was basically a bit pointless.

I want to try again with low dose prednisolone, but now facing a wait of unknown duration for the clinic to decide if they will prescribe them.

@InDreamland that makes me feel a little better. Thank you for the reassurance.

Anybody feeling better this evening?

Hi all, wanted to introduce myself here. I found out about my MMC at 10 weeks two weeks ago and had my ERPC one week ago. Currently reading everything ever published on the internet about trying to conceive after loss. I’m so sad and hormonal. I know it’s early still but my pregnancy tests are still positive and I’m so depressed. Looking for light and hope.

Sorry to jump in but I have been on this thread before and it is so supportive. I am feeling so low today. My baby girl (who we lost at 16 weeks) was due last week. In that last 9 days by SIL and my two best friends have all given birth to beautiful baby girls. I am of course so happy for them but I feel like sh*t and then feel guilty because their joy has nothing to do with my loss. It's like a smack in the face every time a new baby is born and it's doubly hard that they are all girls :(.
Sorry to come on and moan, I just know you ladies will know how I feel.

@mynameisMrG I have absolutely no idea how shit you must feel but please have a hug from me.

It's my birthday and I've spent the whole day with my little boy so I'm feeling blessed. I've got such awful morning sickness with the retained products, strong positive almost 5 weeks on. Just get out. Get out, get out and let me draw my fucking line.

Thank you @Frilly. Happy birthday x

Happy belated birthday @frillyfarmer.

@mynameisMrG

@SARmum14 sorry you find yourself here. It's a lovely supportive thread.

@boboelephant @Russkispy @Lilimum6 how are you today?

@TinyPaws I hope they make a decision and let you know quickly. The waiting must be excruciating.

4dpo for me and this TWW is really dragging- not that I believe this month could be it. Feel like I've lost all faith.

@rdm10 how are you feeling today?

@moonpeace it is a bit insensitive but it’s more that people ask without thinking about what the answer could be and how to talk about it, so it ends up awkward. Ive always said if you’re going to ask how someone is, actually be prepatef to listen and talk. Hope you feel better.

@laney79 sad af arrived for you, but glad you had a solid on time cycle. That’s good news. Keep focussed on the end goal you will get there xx

Happy birthday @frillyfarmer wish it would pass for you too x

Sorry for new joiners here. It’s a rollercoaster of a journey and you’ll get support from the lovely ladies of the penguin huddle x

Sounds like we’re all having a pretty rubbish few days.

My boobs are hurting again today but I did have some really intense cramps yesterday so don’t really know what to think. It’s too early to do anything anyway so just trying to relax and take a ‘what will be will be’ attitude (easier said than done!) and not spend every minute thinking about it.
Today should be my due date 🙁
I’ve been better than I was on my first mc due date back in sept but it’s still really rubbish.

Thank you so much @indreamland. I know I’m lucky - I have a job, a house, a wonderful husband and a (mostly) wonderful DS. I know, rationally that these are all things that I’m incredibly grateful for and when I was in between rubbish boyfriends and jobs in my early 20s I would have killed to have the live I have now. And yet, since the MMC I am devastated. Walking around as though I have a terminal illness. Both my brother and my dad died unexpectedly and this is still the worst thing I’ve ever been through. And I’m desperately looking for hope. But it’s 10 days post-ERPC and I’ve started feeling crampy today. I haven’t had much bleeding after the op and it’s all stopped now. Could it be AF after only 10days? But still with positive pregnancy tests? I don’t understand anything. I feel like they armed me with zero info at the hospital, hence frenzied reading of every MN thread since 2003 over the last week. Any and all help/advice gratefully received.

So much for not symptom spotting, I seem to have developed several in the last few hours 😩 dizziness, fatigue, cramps, sore boobs/nipples and they feel massive, also feeling bloated. All of those could be pms I suppose so trying to stay pessimistic.

@indreamland hello hun thanks for asking after me. Still no hormones, bleeding but still have horrible cramps. I caved and went to the docs about my vertigo and got meds which are really really bad for fertility but I couldn't cope with feeling drunk another day. How are you?

Hi ladies, Just dropping in.

On my way home yesterday I saw the biggest, most beautiful rainbow and I thought of all of you. I'm hoping it's a good omen for our group and we get some wonderful rainbow babies coming along. xxx

@rdm10 How are you today hun? Really hope this is a sticky one. I get how nerve wracking and difficult it is being pregnant again after recurrent loss. Be kind to yourself, rest and take each hour at a time. xxx

@Lilimum6 Oh chicken. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make everything better for you. I can't remember, are you under RMC? Are you considering taking a couple of months off from TTC to heal some more?

@Russkispy How are you today?

@Boboelephant I woke up wondering how you are. Is everything going ok since the transfer? How are you feeling? Are you coping ok?

Hey everyone.

@TinyPaws any news from the clinic on your prednisone? I hope they'll prescribe it for you.

@SARmum14 welcome to the huddle, it's a safe place to say exactly what you are feeling. I am a research nut, and did exactly the same as you after my first loss in terms of trying to find ways of helping with TTC after loss. It's starts with an egg is a good book. As for the cramping, are your tests getting lighter? I didn't have an operation so can't really advise but I'm sure others can

@mynameisMrG Hugs. I think it's completely understandable you feel that way.

@frillyfarmer How are you doing? My first loss dragged on and on too and I just wanted it over, I got so angry with my body for not letting go.

@InDreamland I think having faith is hard when you've been through what we have. It's hard to believe that things will work out ok when you've been on the wrong end of the odds, especially multiple times so I'd say don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. I honestly thought I was out when we caught with Bow, so much so I had a pint as I thought AF was arriving. 4 days later bfp.

@Yukka thanks lovely. Yeah it seems my luteal phase is working fine However I'm a bit concerned about AF... tmi but would appreciate others experiences...started spotting Monday arvo, heavy flow (going to the loo every hour or so...blood but no real clots/tissue and only really when I go to the loo, not much on a pad) Tuesday and yesterday till lunchtime when it eased to medium/light flow...and so far today light to spotting. It just seems too short to be "right" - I have no reference point as I was on the pill for 20 years and then preg/MMC's this past year. So I don't know what normal is. They are much shorter than I was used to with my pill bleeds, and they always had the stringy/black tissue bits, but I don't get that at all now. Should I be worried?

@rdm10 I'm keeping everything crossed for you lovely. Will you have an early scan?

@ale2992 symptom spotting is horrible isn't it-I was so certain we'd caught this month-all the signs but nope bfn and AF. Our bodies are cruel.

@Lilimum6 I wish there was something we could do to help lovely. This really is dragging on for you xxx

@KnitKitty hope you are right about the rainbow. I've been and bought some rainbow wool and I'm going to ask my oh Nanna to knit us a rainbow blanket in the hope that one day we'll be able to use it. Stupidly worried about tempting fate but she's almost 90 and I desperately want any baby we have to meet her, but if that's not possible I want them to have a special Nanna blanket made by her. Daft I know.

Apart from my AF fears as above (advice/experience appreciated!) I'm feeling rotten as I have lurg again. Off work. Did go and have my coeliac blood test yesterday though, so that's another one off the list.

Woke up to a gush of blood! Came from nowhere! Like AF bleed. I'm not in pain or cramps. Still feeling queasy. Yesterday I was so tired but wasn't feel nauseous. I'm not sure what to make of it as it's a completely unknown territory and I'm not connected/tuned to it. Feeling weird. Impartial, emotionally. Hard to describe, ladies. My doc told me to take progesterone right now and evening. And still go for HCG and progesterone blood tests tomorrow and I will. I'm not seeking answers. Tests will give me some answers. And will take it from there. Other than that I'm ok. I'm not consulting Dr Google nor am I taking FRER. What will be will be. I always have a plan B. My IVF drugs are in the fridge. Time will tell.

So I caved and did a test this morning, bfn but I know it's really early I'm only 6dpo.
Just annoyed at myself now and feel shitty.
Still symptom spotting, feeling sick this morning and I'm exhausted, feeling like I have abit of a cold coming.

@Russkispy that must've been very frightening. I'm hoping it's just your body throwing a bit of a wobbler, and that all is well. My mom said when she was pregnant with my brother she didn't know until she was 5 months as she was still having normal periods, and he is now 52. Keeping everything crossed for you.

@ale2992 6dpo is very early lovely. From what I've read implantation can be anything from 4-12dpo so you're not out yet. Tww is a bitch xxx

@ale2992 I got a negative at 8 dpo and then a positive at 12 dpo so very early. I know probably seeing the sight of a negative hasn’t helped but hang on in there!

Thank you ladies, I'm absolutely convinced it's AF. And tomorrow bloods will confirm it, I'm sure. If HCG is less than 1, then my doc will agree with starting IVF following day. I'll have my results in the afternoon.

@Russkispy I'm sorry things aren't straight forward and you've been bleeding. At least you're not in pain, but it's difficult all the same. As always you're being very positive and practical about things, but if you need to let out emotions we're here for you. xx

@Laney79 I think that's a lovely idea for your blanket.Not tempting fate at all. I think it's easy to get caught up in superstitions with situations like this because everything is so out of our control; but it's nature, not fate, playing the biggest part in all this. (I believe).

Well I finally had a bit of good news today! I've got my follow up appointment through for RMC. (Maybe my nagging worked)
It'll be at the end of March; which doesn't seem too far away.

It's 16 weeks after my first appointment rather than the 8-10 they said it would be... But that doesn't really matter. I am so grateful for the hard work of the NHS staff.