TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

Thanks @Laney79 and @Yukka, I'll be counting the days.

@Russkispy congratulations! Amazing news! Fx for a healthy sticky bean x

@boboelephant that's so exciting. I hope this little one sticks x

@boboelephant that's brilliant news I'm so happy for you xx lots and lots of sticky wishes coming your way xx

As for me my world is upside down. I'm hobbling around totally confused and disappointed with my body. Everything is backwards I spent the last two weeks hoping for a bfn and disappointed by a bfp. Now I'm hoping for a huge bleed. This is rediculous and totally messing my head up.
And the cramping is hurting like hell but I finding myself praying that it continues so that I can hopefully pa's the poc naturally for a change.

@Lilimum6 as awful as the cramping is it is a good sign-when I lost Bow it happened naturally and I had several days where I had severe cramps and lots of blood/clot loss for a couple of hours at a time then it would ease. However I didn't actually pass bow/sac until 2/3 days after the painful cramp episodes stopped - and when I did there was no pain -I just felt something strange coming out. Fingers crossed your body is kind on you.

Oh congratulations @russkispy that’s fabulous news! Fingers crossed for you!

@boboelephant here’s hoping this one buries nice and snug for you xxx

@lilimum6 it does sound like your body might finally be responding - I hope so it would be really great for you to have a natural bleed. Take paracetamol if it’s painful and if it gets worse go to a and e and they’ll give you oral morphine. I needed it for a couple of days and like @laney79 actual products passed a few days later with no pain xxx

@Russkispy that's absolutely amazing news!!! Congratulations! And so impressive it was natural after all the efforts you've been through. I really admire how positive and hopeful you always seem, an I guess it's paid off!

@Boboelephant Yey!!! I'm so thrilled that they managed to do the transfer. Right now I feel more invested in you having a healthy pregnancy than myself! Sending you lots of good vibes and hugs and baby dust and crossed fingers and anything else I can think of to help this be a successful pregnancy!

Thank you everyone who replied to my melt-down. It was a tough weekend emotionally but I'm feeling a bit better again.
I just sometimes feel like OH wants to impose how he thinks I should be dealing with all this emotionally rather than just supporting me with my feelings... But he is generally supportive and gives me hugs and stuff; he just can't relate because he doesn't know how I feel. That must be hard for him too. We're all good anyway. And it really helps knowing that you ladies have been/are going through the same thing; as much as I wish that you weren't.

@Laney79 Hope you've surviving the anniversary with more dignity than I have been. It's comforting to have someone in the same boat. Hugs.

@Lilimum6 I think cramping is a really good sign that your body is trying to do this itself. I really hope so, as horrible as it is to have to go through. Huge hugs. Look after yourself.

@KnitKitty I've had plenty of tears over the past couple of days and this morning. I think we just have to do whatever we need to to get through it. I keep thinking how different things were and how much hope I had, and how much I've changed. Like you say it helps to know there's someone else who understands. Fella's will never feel the same as we do, they haven't carried the babies so they can't. I just hope 2019 is a better year. Hugs xxx

Waiting for AF now. Feeling like she's on her way. Hopefully she'll kick in today and then I can get back on the crazy train. Week off next week so if she does arrive on time I may be able to fit in a well timed break away for a couple of nights. Gotta try to focus on something!

Thanks for the warm wishes. I feel a bit more reassured. I'm not going to have any more early scans unless there is a reason. Ultrasounds scare me.

@boboelephant that's great news!! Sorry it has been a bit of a rollercoaster but I'm so hoping that your little embryo is getting all settled. I hope you're doing ok during your 2ww, which I imagine is a bit different to the usual! Excited and hopeful for you.
@russkispy you must be over the moon! So delighted for you. What a huge surprise :)
@lilimum6 sorry that this is ongoing but as the others have said it sounds like things are progressing and I'm hoping the end is in sight.
@laney79 sorry you're having a rough time of it, very difficult with anniversaries and impending af. Really hope you feel better soon.
@indreamland wouldn't worry at all about ovulating later than usual as long as your luteal phase length adjusts. Since my mmc I ovulated between day 11 and day 31, and sometimes not at all. Plus low sperm count! So I have total faith you will conceive :)
@knitkitty that was clumsy of your dh. It is hard for partners to feel what we feel, and it's hard for us knowing that they don't feel it like we do. It makes us feel even more alone. But he probably is very worried about you, and it will hurt seeing you so sad. It's just not the same for men and for me the best way to support is to listen and be a shoulder to cry on. Glad you're feeling a little better.

Hi everyone

Just checking in had such a busy week I've been catching up but just not had the time to post.

Congratulations to those with good news and sorry for those who are still finding things tough. At least we have this group as amazing support.

I'm 9dpo today and finding it hard not to test, especially after my last pregnancy I got a faint BFP at 9dpo. So should I test or wait???

How's everyone doing?
I'm 3dpo and cd20, 2nd cycle after MMC. AF due between 27th-2nd not really sure.
Having the most vivid dreams for the past week and have the worst back pain.

I have a night out planned for Friday and know it's probably still too soon to test then but really unsure what to do re drinking that night?

Hi everyone, I’m sorry I joined this group and went AWOL. It was my one year anniversary of my first date with DH and we needed to take a break from the grief and stress after ERPC for MMC on 4/2/19 so we could celebrate. I’m feeling much better emotionally and looking at what we can do to prevent this from happening again. I’m just gonna need to catch up on the thread but I’ll respond as and when I can.

Firstly @ale2992 I wouldn’t drink but up to you. I had a BPN the night of a Christmas night out, got drunk and then four days later got BFP. The doctor has reassured me this was not the reason for MMC as baby wouldnt have implanted yet. I still beat myself up over it. I’d obstain or just have one drink not because it’s dangerous but to stop the overthinking should something go wrong. It was my first pregnancy and I fell straight away so wasn’t expecting it. I could kick myself now.

@Catconfusion that's what I've been thinking, just worried about the usual questions that come when you're not drinking not sure if I can face the questions!

@pop1234 I haven’t ovulated after ERPC yet but we’ve decided to wait until at least 14dpo. Last time we were 10dpo when we got faint positive but I guess this time I’m more scared something will go wrong early like a chemical pregnancy and would rather not know if the case. We found out MMC at 10 weeks last time but scared this time something will happen earlier on. It’s probably irrational. I guess knowing early means you are more prepared. It’s horrible how MMC robs you of enjoying these otherwise exciting moments.

@ale2992 It’s so awkward isn’t it! Part of the reason I drank at Christmas. I had a negative test and no reason to think I was pregnant. I’m going to say to friends now the MMC and pregnancy has affected my tolerance to alcohol. I’ve also said we won’t try again for a while to throw people off the scent. It’s horrible people asking you about it and thinking if you’re not drinking you might be pregnant again.

I had severe nausea and vomiting with my pregnancy. Strangely it was worse in the month after baby stopped developing, we just didn’t know. Also made me have a false sense everything was ok that I felt super pregnant. This added to the shock. Was vomiting up until ERPC. Alcohol definitely doesn’t sit well with my tummy after the experience so I’m just telling friends that’s why.

I hope you make the right decision for you. A couple of drinks however might help with the stress.

@Catconfusion Yes! And me and the other half want to keep it secret if I am for as long as poss this time.
I might just say I'm on antibiotics and not drink either way. But I feel like they'll still think I am!

@Catconfusion I know the feeling with MMC it really does make you feel robbed.
To be honest I feel to nervous to test. I did have a good feeling about this month but that does seem to have disappeared now.

People probably agree but even if I do get a BFP it's still only a first hurdle. After 3 miscarriages it takes the excitement of a BFP away because why would this time be any different? ☹️ sorry to be depressing x

Just had an appointment with rmc nurse (because of BFP) get to have scans every 2 weeks from 7 weeks and see her each time plus she’s put me on 5mg folic acid and cyclogest pesseries so (aswell as the aspirin I’m also secretly taking) I feel like I’m at least doing something differently this time. Still not feeling positive but desperately keeping my fingers crossed.

So I read through the thread since I had my break. So much has happened to you all. Congratulations to those of you with good news and I’m so sorry for those of you still recovering from loss/not getting that BFP.

So I’m two weeks post ERPC and am feeling emotionally stronger. DH and I have DTD a couple of times since because I only bled for a day so seemed to recover quickly. Last time I started getting sporadic sharp pains afterwards; felt like my cervix. It died down after a couple of days but we decided to have a weeks break to let everything heal.

Our GP and EPU told us to TTC when we felt ready so we’re just going to see what happens. No sign of Ovulation on Ovusense but I generally ovulate around day 21 anyway. My tempreture has gone down to normal though so can imagine it’ll come soonish. I’m having all the tests you guys recommended next week (the ones GP says I can have) Starting Q10 today too.

At the moment I’m still finding it difficult to decide whether to TTC straight away or wait a couple of months for when we have test results and can get supplements in our system. The thought of using contraception is horrible. Doctors have just said for most people it’s bad luck to have MMC and to not worry about it but we can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason. It’s horrible that we have to go through 3 to get help. 1 miscarriage is life changing and a huge emotional stress. I feel robbed of enjoying pregnancy, even if the next one is healthy. We’re told to stay positive but that’s so hard! Sorry rant over. Anyway I’ll try and support you guys best I can.

@ale2992 that sounds like a plan. We too feel really guarded about the next pregnancy. At 10 weeks we told several people as we thought very unlikely to have a loss. It was horrible then having to tell those people about the miscarriage. I did however then have a massive meltdown last week and announce our miscarriage on social media to our friends. I felt surprisingly good afterwards as did DH. We got so much support from it. It was on the day we would have had our 12 week scan. I’m hoping that everyone knowing the trauma we’ve been through will stop the questioning as we’ll be very secretive next time.

@pop1234 I’m so sorry you’ve had three losses. It’s really not fair and you have every right to be down about it. If 1 loss has made me feel this low about getting a bfp I can’t imagine how you feel. I really hope you have good news soon.

@rdm10 it sounds like you’re being well looked after and controlling all you can possibly control. I’m getting excited for you thinking about you seeing that little heartbeat on those scans.

@Catconfusion I did contemplate putting it in social media also as me and my partner told lots of people very prematurely obviously.
I've also heard form a few people that 7dpo may be too early even for implementation or even if no too early you don't share blood supply that early

@ale2992 we just felt sad and robbed of our pregnancy announcement. On my husbands first day back at work a colleague ran over with her 3 month scan that she’d got at the hospital on the day we got our bad news. She asked if we were pregnant as she expected as newly weds we would be by now. Obviously it was rude but it made me angry. I felt people are a bit oblivious to early pregnancy loss, especially MMC so we went for it.

Yes drinking that early is not likely to cause any problems. It really is a personal choice.

Thanks ladies for your kind words and support and encouragement. I'm just feeling really sad and low at the moment. I just need to get this physical stuff over with so I can fix my head.

@Catconfusion it's horrible, we had literally announced it the day before we found out so I had a lot of work colleagues congratulating me and so did my partner, was horrible.

@lilimum6 it sounds horrendous what you’re going through. Completely understandable that you’re feeling low. The physical reminders must be so distressing I hope it calms down soon so you get some relief.

@ale2992 it’s just not fair is it. You look at the statistics and think it’s so unlikely something will go wrong then boom. I’d been unable to work with sickness so I had to tell clients as I couldn’t make deadlines.

Hopefully everyone you told were supportive. We found mostly they were. Some people were wellmeaning but had such stereotypical views of what happens when someone miscarries. Even people who’d had one themselves thought they understood but it’s such an individual experience.

Thought I'd try a clearblue digital test with weeks indicator. Well it said Not Pregnant! Then I took a FRER right after and the line was still there but slightly lighter. Guess the fancy clearblue is not that sensitive and I'm not even 3 weeks? And why FRER shows a a lighter line? I've been feeling queasy all day today. And won't let those tests mess with my head. Booked blood tests on Friday and Monday. Till then, ill just get on with it.