TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

I finally have my period!!8 weeks after early 2nd tri loss, 4 and a bit weeks after d and c for retained products! Ive bled and spotted constantly since i delivered.. and was about to see doctor but proper period came today along with.... sorry if tmi...
I passed a mass/clot of around 3-4 cm, was rubbery, reddish, bleugh...i feel fine otherwise and no other symptoms so assume everything is being cleared out...
i hope to god this period is the end of the bleeding. Constant reminder of my loss, fingers crossed i can finally get back to normal.
Not ttc for until after i have my appt for post mortem results etc on dr’s orders. Good luck ladies xx

Thanks for the info @Yukka. Gosh is hard to know what to do. I'm so torn now. I just have to trust the consultants who've told me to take it I guess?

@boboelephant I'm so sorry it got delayed but keeping positive for you that you will still get a successful transfer.

@Laney79 sorry you got a BFN but it could just be too early to test. You're not out until AF shows. Hope you're enjoying Boyzone!

So I finally got my static smiley on Thursday night before I went to bed. Was CD16 so I'm worried it's too late to be a BFP this cycle given my cycles seem to have dropped to 26 days since mc #2 in November.

Hi all, sorry i don't post often, I've been trying not to think/stress over TTC. But I just needed to message tonight. So since my Surgical erpc at the end of December I bled lightly for a couple of weeks on and off alternate weeks, then had what I thought was after so DH n I started TTC. I don't know my ovulation dates now as I have used any test strips but basically I think my last AF started on 26th Jan and lasted about 5 days, DH n I DTD on 8th and 12th of Feb. I've been using tracker apps but they say different expected ovulation dates. (Not helpful). So moving forward to tonight, Tmi coming up, I went to the loo before bed and when I wiped I had pinkish/red smear on the tissue!? I've had nothing all day, nothing in my white underwear! So now I'm wondering could this be implantation bleed!? Or am I just getting my hopes up. 🙄 Agh I promised myself I wouldn't obsess over it all this time.... But here I go again 🙄🙈

@Lilimum6 I'm hoping and hoping you pass it and avoid surgery.

I'm waiting for something to pass now, it's been a full month since MC - how much longer is reasonable to wait? In the back of my mind is the constant fear that it is still ectopic-I never thought I'd be hoping for a BFN 🙄

Medicinal G&T tonight with DH and then I'm drawing my self pitying line and getting on with losing the 7lbs I've gained since Christmas!!

Urgh.

I just got home from a (rare) night out.
I mentioned to OH that it was a year tomorrow since finding out about Little Pea. Discussion ensued whereby he basically said it didn't really mean anything to him but he understood it being different for me.
Of course it's f*ing different for me... I felt all of our lost babies from before we even "knew" they were there.....................

I feel so lonely with this sometimes.

Only you other childless mothers understand.

How can this be so hard even a year on???????????

@KnitKitty I understand. It's horrible. I cry more now as time passes. My OH does have a level of understanding and he was effected by the first MC and the second but i feel he grew strong again whereas I've got more emotional and find it harder. I'm struggling with the fact that r

Sorry pressed send by mistake.

... I'm struggling that if I fall pg this next cycle It will be exactly the same timing as my first MC but then if I don't fall pg, will I feel worse?? I feel like I'm cutting off from things too... I don't want to socialise I'd speak to my friends anymore, I can't even explain why. I just feel like I need to have this baby and then I can carry on living again. It's so ridiculous I know.

@Newbie21 hugs.
My OH and I never really fight usually. But he seemed to feel so annoyed at my grief this evening. I just don't know where we go from here. I'm really, really upset. It's a significant anniversary. He came to comfort me but ended up making things worse. And I think he seems under the impresssion I'm only upset because I had a drink.
I explaind that I was more able to express what's always there after having a drink, but the feelings don't change. He just seemed annoyed more than anything.
I don't get men sometimes.

I know how you feel Newbie21 about life feeling on hold. I feel the same.

@KnitKitty hugs to you too. I'm sure it will all work out. I can't speak for your OH but I think sometimes for us, DH does sympathise and care but desperately wants me to keep being strong and not think about MCs and TTC all the time. In the evenings tends to be when I talk about stuff. I don't do it all the time but it's frequent enough. He doesn't mean to be unsympathetic but sometimes can't hide that he is thinking "please, not tonight!" I actually get it, sometimes I think it to myself too but when I can tell that he is thinking it, I can get upset. Not sure if I am making sense but I guess what I'm trying to say is that this journey is exhausting - for us and them and the frustrations we feel happen at different times which will inevitably cause friction and the odd row. None of us mean it. Xx

@knitkitty and @newbie21 we went through the same last summer, I really had to explain that I was finding it difficult and I needed more support from him. He did get it, and he said he didn’t feel the same way I did about the mcs and just thought we’d be fine next time. Like it wasn’t a big deal. I was glad he was honest but made the point that he needed to make more effort to help me be ready again if we were ever going to get there. It’s great that he’s fine, but I’m not and I need him. He realised and he did start being more involved in what was going on with my body, how I was feeling, and making little forward plans for things so I wasn’t always thinking about ttc.

Hope you feel better today and can talk things through xxx

@mummyg82 hmmm your on the cusp really. It would have to mean quite early ovulation ie pre day 14. Implantation bleed is often brown as it’s a few days old before it finds its way out. Is there anything this morning, cycles can be very off for a few months after mc.

Thinking of you @frillyfarmer c

@indreamland see what happens this cycle, if your luteal phase is too short ie if arrives on day 26 then I’d go back to gp. Anything under 10 days I believe should be checked x

@Yukka thanks for replying, I think I ovulate early, when I had my ds I had AF n conceived him a week later, on our wedding night! This morning there is a little brown smearing but nothing on panty liner.
Guess I'll just have to sit it out n see what happens.

I'm quite emotional at the moment but that's cos I'm coming up to what would have been 20 weeks with my MMC 😢 xx

@Boboelephant keeping everything crossed for you today. Do let us know how it goes.

@Ithinkthatsenough as horrid as AF is I'm glad for you that your body is healing. Waiting for af after mc is horrible. Xx

@InDreamland Try not to worry too much - I had a late ovulation (like cd21/22!) in dec but the luteal phase after ovulation is usually the same. As @Yukka Says if that part of your cycle changes that's the time to ask questions. Mine is 12/13 days - if anything it's gone to 13 since losing my second but I wonder if that's to do with my body healing properly and me taking the co-q10. If it gets any longer/shorter for more than one month I'd be onto the GP.

@MummyG82 Wish I could have the answer for you. The only tie I had implantation bleeding it was brown and was approx 9dpo.

@frillyfarmer Did they say how long they were happy to leave it? Are you still getting strong positive tests? Hugs.

@KnitKitty And @Newbie21 Same sort of issues here. It's my bfp anniversary today too. Had a proper meltdown yesterday after my bfn as I so desperately wanted it to be positive partly to help get me through today. My oh is brilliant in so many ways but he can be a bit blunt at times. One of his comments yesterday was "it might not happen for us so that's something we have to get used to" I know that, but honestly I really don't want to hear it. I want to hear that it's going to be ok, that of course we'll have a baby. He doesn't get the anniversary things either. They are such huge moments in my life that I can't ever forget them. They are burned in my brain. Dates of bfp, dates of scans showing MC's. the absolute joy followed by the complete devastation. I tried explaining the feeling to him and the nearest I could get was asking him to imagine losing our dog that he adores twice in 6 months. He said it would destroy him so That analogy helped a little.

It's so strange to think that this time last year I was sat shaking with fear but absolutely overjoyed at my two little lines, the first I ever got. Was such a fool to think that that equalled a baby. Xxx

Decided to take a FRER before the scan, just in case and it's BFP! I'm in shock! CD36 today. Not idea when I ovulated! A bit clueless about the dates! Waiting to my speak to my doctor! And this is a natural conception! Totally in shock!

Aw congrats @Russkispy lovely news xx

Thank you ladies! Absolutely in shock and trying to keep it together! Never had a natural conception! Don't even know what's next! What supplements to stop taking ?! What to carry on with? I've got loads of progesterone. Am I taking them? Waiting to speak to my doctor. And maybe she asked to do beta tests next week.
But good thing is that I can have a reassurance scan at my hospital promised to me after my MMC followed by a fiasco with D&C. Don't even know when to scan as I don't even know how far I am? On Thursday was BFN, I was cd34. No tests for 2 days. And today CD36 and BFP. Last period 13/01. Expected period should have been around 10/02, cd27. No idea when ovulated. Keep asking what we did differently this time. DTD from cd7-cd19, every other day, and mornings only! And very quietly as my dad was visiting us at that time haha

@Russkispy congratulations hun xx

@Boboelephant hi hun when is the new transfer day hun x

@Russkispy Congratulations!

@Laney79 @KnitKitty and @Newbie21 totally with you all on the anniversary thing. I’ve got 2 this week. Wednesday should have been my due date for mc2. We’re going to the seaside, it’s my happy place and it’s what we did for my first due date back in sept. And Tuesday is a year since my first mc started 😢. I can still remember that day so vividly. In many ways mc1 was the worst as I still had that lovely pregnancy niavety and totally didn’t see it coming and thought by 10 weeks I was safe 😢
Dh is good and supportive but he doesn’t feel the same at all and I don’t think he’d think about it at all if I didn’t bring it up.

@Russkispy wow!! What a wonderful surprise! They do say that so many people fall pregnant naturally after a failed IVF cycle. Congratulations!!! Did you get some of your questions answered today?

@KnitKitty, @Newbie21 and @Laney79 sending hugs. We have the same convo sometimes. My DH is amazing but manages to just look forward and imagine everything will turn out fine whilst I constantly think 'my baby should be turning two in June', or my next baby would be turning one' etc. Men and women really are made differently emotionally with some things!

@Lilimum6 thanks for asking after me. How are you feeling??

I had my transfer today and officially PUPO. Very happy to report that we did have a good quality blastocyst that is now nestled deep inside my uterus- hopefully to stay for the next 8 months!! I was a bit disappointed as it was the only one that made it to day 6 so none to freeze which to be honest I really expected more after having 13 embryos at day 3, but I am trying to stay positive and hope that it means this embie is here to stay. 🤞🤞🤞

Everything crossed for you @Boboelephant

Thank you lovely ladies. this is cycle 7 post missed miscarriage. Going for beta test on Tuesday and Thursday next week.
@Boboelephant absolutely everything crossed for you!

Ooh exciting @Boboelephant thinking the stickiest of sticky thoughts for you xxx

@Boboelephant best of luck. Fingers and toes crossed for your little embie. Xx