Over 40 ttc- lots of baby dust for me!

[Orchid222]

hmmm123: 41 (42 in spring!) 1 dc ttc #2 6 months ish
Rose68: 43, 2 DS 9 and 6, 1mmc, ttc #3
chatbash72: 46, 2ds 21,19,17,8,5
2 mmc(9wks,6wks) 2cp ttc 2.5 yrs
Russkispy: 42 (43 this April). 1 DD. TTC#2. 1mmc. 2 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF, no frosties
Minime2017: 41 ttc#1, 1cp, 1mc, ttc 2.5 yrs
Karryk: 41, 1cp, 2mmc (5.5wks, 8wks), 1dd (17 mths old), ttc#2, 1mc (6.5wks)
Realitysucks:40 (41 in 17 days) ttc#2, 1mc (5.5wks), 1DS (16), TTC cycle 5
KateyA: 40, ttc#1 (1 frosty), cycle
Karigan195 41 1DS 1mc April 2018. Pregnant 5+4 today 3.1,19
Littlemimosa age 42, 2DC 5&7, ttc too long!
Cleozeta, 41, 2dc, ttc #3 for nearly 2 years. 1 mmc at 10 wks, 1 cp
Onemorego2019 - age 40, DS 15, DD 10 & DS 3 ttc#4 Dec 2018
ZoeRoma, 41, 1st month TTC#2, DS aged 4 months
Crittertamer: Turned 41 last week! No DC, currently (as of 3.1.19) 15+5 pregnant with twins following second IVF cycle.,
Gizmojo: 44, DS (18 months), 1 mmc, ttc#2 4 months
Letsdothis43: 43 TTC#1 ttc for 2 years first IVF cycle in January/2019
Booseysmom: 46. 47 in Feb. 1 DS 5. Ttc #2 3 years
SparrowSG: 44 in April, 1 DS 2 from IVF 2016. 1 ectopic 2014. Currently BFP @ almost 8wks
Olivia12: 43. 44 in September, 1 DD 10yo, ttc #2 with DP, 1 month
Floofsquidge: 40. No DC, currently 20 +5 pg as at 9th Jan.
Taxgirl: 43 (44 in April). 1 DS (March 2017) ttc #2 for 1 year - 3 mc and 1 mmc

@cleozeta I'm so sorry you had such a disappointing appointment. I don't really know what to say.

@rose68 I was informed by my consultant (in his Oh so gentle manner) that it looked as though my fertility had fallen off a cliff. Low AMH, low FSH but high estradiol (the estrogen suppresses the FSH and gives a false low apparently). He said he'd be very surprised if I was even ovulating - but if I wanted to carry on ttc I could get my bloods done every month to see if I got a good month. He said I might get lucky. He also said (in case any of you want to give this a try) that I could take the pill for a mon th to rest my ovaries and see if it helps regulate my hormones. Or I could try clomid but he thought I would be wasting my time. The honesty was pretty brutal but it has led to me closing this chapter and it made me realise just how hard the ttc journey is. It really takes its toll. I really admire all of you ladies. You're a real inspiration and the support you offer is phenomenal. This particular journey has come to an end for me but I wanted to wish you all the best of luck and to say that I will be thinking of you all. Thank you for being so welcoming and offering your support when I most needed it xx

Tax girl - I’m so sorry to hear you’ve decided to call it a day. I hope you’re ok. It’s such a hard road ttc at any age but at our age it’s eveh harder as you just feel that you’ve got a ticking time bomb in your face. I hope you’re at peace with your decision and that you know you’re welcome here with us anytime for a chat or whatever x

Cleo - I’m so sorry it didn’t go well. You must be so fed up especially as you skipped a cycle for the test. What do your test results mean? I’m not v well up on amh and what is FC? I hate to say it but it sounds like you got the short straw with that consultant! I know when I went they were very dismissive of my age and said 42 was nothing to worry about. They offered me ivf (private) but we don’t want to go down that route so I’m surprised they said it was pointless. Was this a private consultation?? The only thing I can say to remotely make you feel better is take heart from the fact that they knew a hycosy wasnt worth doing for you. They know you can conceive. I know it probably doesn’t feel like a consolation tonight but try to think of it like that.

On a separate note, does anyone get bruises after acupuncture? You should see my poor tummy! And is anyone getting loads of sore zits from DHEA?? I feel like a teenager again.

Thankyou everyone for your kind and positive comments. I have been feeling really down today after that, I had so hoped to come away with a plan, but instead nothing. Information of my low reserves and that's it.
The dr was new to the clinic apparently. They might regret that recruitment as I'm sure I won't be the only one to leave disappointed. I'll be writing to them tomorrow to ask for a refund on the hycosy and I'll mention the fact that the hour long consultation was only 30 mins and was shit.

Mimosa - AMH is an indication of egg reserve. Anything below 5 is considered very low. FC us follicle count. She did actually say that the FC was very good considering the AMH (although not sure what that would mean for my fertility)

As for accupuncture, I don't get bruising but sometimes it bloody hurts. I had on between the eyes the other day and accidentally frowned, think I scratched the bone!!!!

Taxgirl - sorry to hear things weren't good for you and that you have decided to give up this whole journey is so stressful and upsetting at times

@cleozeta could you complain and ask to see another doctor. It really does sound as though something's not right. How can they book you in for a hycosy and then not give you one?

Taxgirl - the dr said I didn't need it, which is fine, but they could have told me that 6 weeks ago! I've been waiting all this time and even missed a cycle for it. Not good to be missing cycles unecessarily at my age when there are limited left!

@Taxgirl1 wow, are they sure... I know you were pregnant recently, so to go from that to ‘not even ovulating’ doesn’t really sound right. I hope you are okay, it must have been really hard to hear that. I regularly wish I could get off this ttc merry go round, but I can’t quite make myself do it. Maybe I need someone to say the same to me.

@Cleo I would definitely complain and ask for a free consultation with someone else.

@Little yes I have had the occasional bruise from acupuncture, but it’s only happened a couple of times. I had one in the top of my head today that was hurting, but I can’t really check the top of my head ☺️

Was just sick cleaning my teeth always did that with the other two drives you crazy looking at every sign feel like I'm letting my DP down when I get AF I have been having some signs though x

@Cleozeta - I'm sorry you had such a useless doctor at your appointment and that they have lost a cycle for you by mucking you around - how frustrating! I'm surprised that they weren't more positive about you trying ivf - I'm the same age as you and while admittedly I started the whole ivf rollercoaster 3 years ago, I was positively shoved towards ivf as being our most likely chance. The stats for ivf over 40 aren't great tho, so I often wonder if we hadn't started down this route, would we have got there naturally by now? You can take heart from your follicle count - that's a perfectly good level and certainly shows that your ovaries aren't shutting down yet! I'm sure you know, but AMH doesn't say a thing about quality of your eggs, just likely quantity if undergoing IVF - I have a relatively good AMH but I've been churning out shit eggs most of the time it seems (hopefully this one is an exception), so while a useful number of doing ivf, if not - it's really not that accurate a measure imo. I agree with others that you should complain about the doc you saw and ask for another appointment as you shouldn't have been mucked around like that and you should have had much longer! X

@Taxgirl1 - I'm sorry your consultant was so brutal. Only you know if it's right to close the door on all this; I hope your decision means you can get some relief from the weight of the constant hope x

Ooh @Taxgirl1 I'm so sorry you gave such a brutal gp.., some have the bedside manner of idiots.. could you try a female dr, mine has been lovely.. admittedly I haven't had tests but her attitude is be patient and relax..
hope you don't disappear
@Cleozeta again what's with the brutal attitude of drs... think they never got over women being in the forefront of child birthing.. midwives that they insisted it all came into hospitals and became too clinical.. sending big hugs to you all and yes
@Dickybow321 and @Marty77 I know half a dozen ladies well over 40 ( 44) who had babies last year xxx

@Cleo - what a horrible appointment, I hope you can see a more sympathetic and helpful Dr next time

@taxgirl sorry this journey is ending for you, sending you

8dpo on the first "active" cycle we've had for a couple of months and symptom spotting already, there's no hope for my middle aged sanity!

Hobbes, she very lightly brushed over IVF and IUI but as formality and so quickly J bearly heard it. I asked her to repeat what she had said about IUI and she just said "the chance of success with IVF in your agegroup is about 5%, IUI would be even less" then started going on about conceiving not being my problem, my problem is keeping them, and egg quality. But then gave me no advice on egg quality. She said she would give me a list of suppliments at the end. The list of suppliments turned out to be a standard prenatal vitimin they sell at the clinic. Useless. Honestly I think I knew more than her.
Yes will ask about seeing someone else

@Cleozeta.in so sorry you've had a shit time at your clinic - I remember all too well the poor bedside manner of 'Dr Doom' at the follow up appointment I had after our failed cycle - it's incredible how 20 minutes with one doctor like that can make you feel utterly terrible! The plus side is that he is literally the only doctor like that at my clinic - all the others are wonderful, positive and supportive. Our counsellor even our in an (anonymous) complaint about him on our behalf becaause he made me feel so bad, so definitely ask to see a different doctor. I'd also question the IVF success rates you were given - my clinic has a 15- 20% success rate (per cycle not per woman) with the 40 - 41 age group, and I think Orchid's clinic was similar - maybe look for another clinic? It does drop after 42 though, and yes 5% max for IUI sounds about right. I see no reason why you wouldn't be able to try IVF with that AMH and FC - plenty of people do with worse results. xxx

I'm 42 in 2 weeks time is going by so quickly and my chances are dwindling constantly. I just wanted someone to suggest something positive that we could do. An action plan. Anything. Instead I walked away with no advice, no plan, and no hope. It was truly shit. I was thinking of trying the other clinic in our area but they seem very focussed on the younger people, not much said about 40+, but now I feel like a fraud anyway so don't want to get laughed out of there. I was really hoping to try IUI or something similar, just to up the chances from a natural cycle. I'd like to try medicated & monitored. Dr didn't seem to think I needed it. She didn't seem to think I needed anything. If that's the case then why still no baby 2 years down the line?!

@Cleozeta - as critter has said I know of people who have done ivf with eventual success with worse numbers than you.
I don't want to be as bad as your doctor and I know this might sound brutal, so I'm sorry if this makes it worse, I just want to try to give you something that might be helpful...?

regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy I will not be doing IVF again with my own eggs and that's largely due to me having to accept that I'm 42 soon and if it doesn't work this time, then I feel like it's not going to. The stats for over 42 aren't great for IVF, that is true. If there is nothing they have diagnosed as an issue for you (ie blocked tubes / low sperm count etc) then I think the reality is that you have just as much chance to get pregnant naturally as with IVF once over 42ish and doing it naturally is much easier on your body than IVF.
I think the thing is that as we get older it's likely that doig ivf we would get less eggs - if you were to say only get 3 eggs, then while that's still a chance (it only takes one etc) but 3 eggs is equivalent to timing sex well for 3 months. IVF can screw up your cycles a bit when it doesn't work - so can take out a couple of months... so you can see that getting that good egg is probably just as likely when trying naturally in those circumstances...

I hope I'm explaining myself properly - I don't want to be mega negative...
I would def see another doc tho, and see what they say - if you can afford it, and go in with your eyes open there is no reason not to try IVF - it definitely could work - someone has to be the 5-10%! X

Thanks Hobbes, yes I see what you mean. I think I would more likely try IUI than IVF, as I don't have any of the other issues, my main issue I believe, is hormones. My LP has only been 9 days recently and that's not enough to support a pregnancy (hence my cp in Oct) this is what I was really hoping for help with, and the reason I would choose IUI is because it is medicated, meaning I may produce more eggs, so upping the chances, and it is supportef with progesterone, which in my case would definitely up my chances

Cleo - so i've been reading about AMH and I don't think you need to panic. It's just a number and you certainly shouldn't hang your entire fertility on it. I totally understand how you're feeling right now, when a birthday is looming it's awful. Everytime i have a birthday since 39 the anticipation in the run up is horrid. But 42 is nothing really. I bet you'll feel more positive once it's passed. My 43rd is looming so i'm feeling your pain.

Have a listen to this podcast. It's all about AMH and older ladies and IVF
www.fertilityhour.com/episodes/scott-martin-40/

Cleo - i feel the same. I think my issue is hormones too. My cycles vary so much these days (but in the follicular phase) that i suspect my body is struggling to maintain normal cycles anymore and produce the right hormones in the right amounts at the right times. TCM has improved things a LOT though:)

Sorry to hear you are feeling down cleozota

I too am stressing about the age thing and time running out which is having a really negative effect on everything and turning me into a crazy hormonal bitch which is not helped by DH having a completely laid back attitude to the whole thing!

Yesterday was smiley face day and dh went out with friends after work came home drunk and passed out! No chance of dtd.. leading to a blazing row between us this morning that he is not taking this seriously enough and does not understand the urgency and time pressure that we face. I have told him all the stats but he says he doesn't want to feel "used" on certain days. WTF!! I wonder if he is just less keen on the whole idea of having another than me ...

Anyway today is still showing smiley but as we are now both not speaking to each other I think chances are unlikely and then that's another month down the drain and closer to my 42nd birthday which is looming..

The pressure to perform on certain days is stressful but if you try and go with the flow and wait for you both to be in the mood when you both work full time and have stressful jobs and demands etc you are likely to miss the exact time

Add to that the feeling that time is ticking down every day and the pressure is awful

Anyway .. no answers but sending hugs!

Thank you mimosa & hmmm, nice to not feel alone with this.
I talked to my TCM guy the other day about my LP worries and he seemed to think he could fix it. He put some needles in my back and squidged them around (ouch!) That was new, will be interested to see if it works. Currently 5dpo and impatiantly awaiting the next cycle so we can try again.
Hmmm - I find the best tactic for dtd is to not involve DH with opk's and just pretend I really fancy some jiggy jiggy that night. Works a treat and takes the pressure off

@hmmm123 - I know what you mean. My DH says he wants another child and then acts like it's the farthest thing from his mind sometimes. I never tell him when I get a smiley on an opk though and before now, I've let him off scott free after he's been a complete toad just because I knew it was ov time.

@Littlemimosa, I have 2 bruises on my tummy from acupuncture, I’ve never noticed them before!

@Cleo I’m pretty sure it’s down to you and DH how you want to proceed, I decided against any kind of intervention because I’m pretty sure my problem is egg quality, so even if Ivf did work, I would still lose it anyway. I think it depends how much you want this, for me I know I am starting to move on, albeit with a very heavy heart and a lot of regret. We might carry on have unprotected sex though, just in case ☺️

So everything has fallen apart. Got results back from Harmony testing earlier today with a high risk of trisomy 13, Patau’s syndrome. After much crying and then research, we’ve decided to get the blood test done once more with a different company and if that comes back positive to have an amnio. Apparently, whilst the results are pretty accurate for Downs, they are less so for Edwards and then even less for Patau. For now I’m going to cling on to this tiny bit of hope, especially as in a few months I’ll be 44 and this was surely one of, if not the last chance for me.

Oh Sparrow, I really really hope it turns out ok for you. How soon can you have the next test done? xxx