35+ TTC#1 Thread 5

[BambiOnIce80]

New Year, new thread! 🍾🥂

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping 2019 brings some BFP luck to us all!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

Double hmmmm @Carley32 - I'm with @79andnotout. Is your DP sick too? If not, do you think it's worth redoing the HPT tomorrow with FMU? Sorry you're feeling awful, but AF late, spotting, BFP OPK when you shouldn't get one that late in the cycle and vomming??!! It can't hurt to double check, can it?x

Sorry AF has rocked up @Weathergirl1 💐 I'm a lover of fertility lube - it's not helped get me pregnant, but if makes the DTD marathon much more comfortable during FW 👍

Excellent news on the rubella result and the referral @79andnotout 😊 Glad the food poisoning is over and done with too!

Well, I had today off too because I had my pelvic US appointment at the fertility clinic. I managed to get the sonographer chatting (😉😬) and told her how I'd previously been told in the same kind of scan that I had double figures of cysts on my right ovary and single on the left. She said the terms 'cyst' and 'follicle' are interchangeable in their field and I definitely didn't have PCOS. She thinks they meant my right ovary is more 'active' than my left... and there was me holding a grudge against righty all this time!! 😨 So. Seemingly not much up with my ovaries. My endometrial lining was 'normal' except for a very, very teeny-weeny possible polyp. She said she doubted it'd interfere with TTC and would probably slough off with AF. Not worried and will wait and see what the doctor lady says about the report when I see her in early May... Definitely looking like good old unexplained infertility again though 🙄

Sorry to hear you’re feeling rough @Carley32 When you’re feeling a bit better, i’d recommend trying yoga with Adrienne on YouTube - i’ve started doing some of the beginner videos and she’s great! Also second that it might be best to do it alone. I had a go with DH last week and got the giggles 😁

Great tips @MrsRRC Might have to try some of those 👍

Sounds like good news @79andnotout glad you’re feeling better and that things are moving forwards.

Welcome to the thread @flyingplum

@Weathergirl1 I think I have a form of tokophobia too - I actually went to my GP a while ago as I was worried about ttc and, even though I really want a baby and can’t imagine not having one, the thought of actually being pregnant and giving birth freaks me out. Think i’ve stopped worrying so much though the longer ttc takes.... The lovely Dr I saw told me I was worrying 4 steps ahead, which was completely right. I’m a natural born worrier though

That sounds positive @BambiOnIce annoying that it might come under the ‘unexplained fertility’ label though - that seems to be a blanket term that could cover anything and everything!

@Carley32 Good idea from some of the others to test again. Think there are also some prenatal yoga videos if you end up needing them 🤞

Got myself a box of 5 strip type opk from Superdrug. I'm cd6 and just finishing af. What day is best to start testing? Wat time of day is best too please? Thanks x

@BambiOneIce80 that’s strange that she said cyst and follicle were the same thing. They aren’t though are they? A follicle has, or potentially has, an egg in it, whereas cysts never do. Or at least that’s what I thought!

Ha @Carley32 I meant pregnancy yoga! One day back at work and my brain is scrambled

@PixieN ah, so I've never been broody and I actually think I found it really hard to get to where we are because of the tokophobia - I wasn't really sure if I did or didn't want to have a child, just that I was blimmin' petrified of carrying and birthing one! I'm an only of onlies and my Mum was never gushy around babies as I was growing up (and admitted that she didn't really want a baby before I came along but was glad she had me once I was here - it was my Dad who reckoned they would regret not having a child) so it's probably a combination of genes and environment why I feel the same! It's my DH who really would like us to have a baby, but he's been great at not pressuring me at all - to be honest, I feel most pressure from our age now.

I know what you mean about worrying 4 steps ahead. I found Mumsnet originally when I was looking up about tokophobia and there are some really good posts by a poster called RedToothbrush - she (and others) sought medical advice before starting TTC - I thought about it, but we did our own research into the local services here and I have a friend who had a maternal request caesarean a year or so back so I felt a bit happier that my concerns would be listened to if I got that far! I've had general anxiety too which doesn't help (though given that's been diagnosed I feel it will actually help my case).

Apart from a bit of 'omg what have we done?' when I first had brown discharge in cycle 1, my mind seems to be focused at the moment on getting that BFP - it's my competitive nature coming through and I can't help it! If I do get a BFP, I'm sure I'm going to turn into a bag of 'oh s*"#!'

@bambionice80 👍 I think you've sold it to me 😂

Blimey sorry for the long indulgent post!

@Weathergirl1 that really resonated with me as, funnily enough, I found Mumsnet in the extract same way - remember reading quite a few posts by RedToothbrush. I posted my own thread and had some brilliant advice so i’ll PM you the link if you like? Also had some lovely mumsnetters pm me with their own experiences and advice. Some of my worries stem from my mum having postnatal depression and battling with her mental health. I worry about how it will affect me. It wasn’t really recognised when my mum had us and she just got told to pull herself together

I’m also focussed on getting that Bfp now too, but will definitely have an ‘Oh s*#t!’ moment if it happens!

Ah @PixieN yay to have found someone who understands! 💐 Please do PM me (though I have never done PMs so I have no idea how they work!!) 🤣

My Mum didn't have PND, but she did suffer from all day sickness for the full 9 months with me (and I was a breech) - I guess she would probably have been diagnosed with HG had the antisickness drugs not been available back in the early 1980s - another thing that worries me as there is a maternal link to HG...

Thanks @MrsRRC!

Can anyone help with my question? It's a few posts down from here re opk? X

Never used the super drug OPK's @pitterpatterbaby, so might be best to go with whatever the instructions that come with them say. I use the IC OPK's off Amazon and their instructions are different to the CB's, so wouldn't want to give you the wrong info!

I know @beverlymarsh - confusing I'm wondering if I had follicular cysts 6 years ago because I had the transvaginal US on my last of 6 cycles of clomid (which is apparently very nifty at giving us the latter). They can disappear between cycles, which might explain the clean bill of ovary health now. I'm going to not send myself nuts trying to figure it out and just wait for the full US report from the doc in May and grill her about it then 👍

@Weathergirl1 and @PixieN, the carrying and giving birth part doesn't worry me too much (although I absolutely get why it should!) - it's the having a bambino to look after for at least 18 years part that freaks me out!! 😰 I'm an only of onlies and didn't exactly have a shining example of a maternal figure, so I'm quite worried I'd make a complete arse of it 😟 The people I know with kids that aren't great with kids tell me it's different when you've got your own and instincts kick in (and that's what I'm clinging on to!).

How are you feeling today @Carley32? Better, I hope 🤞🏻💐

Morning ladies

I will defo have a look at the yoga when I am up to it @PixiN, I’ll just need a friendly way to tell DP to bugger off out for an hour.

I’m exactly the same with the worrying. Getting pregnant is just the beginning lol. I literally obsessively worry over everything. It’s not a great way to be.

I am feeling a little better today @BambiOnIce80 not great but didn’t eat a single thing yesterday so expected.
That’s great news on the all clear, although still very frustrating I imagine. You seem like such a calm person that I don’t think it could even be put down to stress. So I bet your mind is all over the place, wondering!

Well a little more spotting came through the night, darker red this time (sorry Tmi) so didn’t bother with a test.

But Iv been on Dr google and the discomfort Iv been having in my lower back for a while along with how very uncomfortable and painful it was with the sickness has got me worrying! PID mostly!

@pitterpatterbaby I think they are all different, but usually comes with something that tells you when to start using them. If not maybe google the test you have?

@bambionice80 oh I'm pretty freaked out about that part too, don't worry! Actually one of the things that I think our advanced age gives us is life experience and perspective - I definitely feel a lot more prepared to deal with potentially looking after a child than I did 10 or even 5 years ago, doesn't mean the scare factor doesn't go away though. And I do think (I've said this to friends who've worried) it's those who worry they won't be very good at it who will actually make the best go at it because that worry shows they are thinking about/care about it.

Hello all. Quiet today.

I had results. All were ok and one confirmed I ovulated. Although instill don’t know what they actually tested for. I didn’t speak to the doctor.

Just the office manager who said to just keep my appointment in the 18th and go from there.
Hope all are ok x

Good to know it's not just me that's totally conflicted @Weathergirl1! 😉 Only one way to find out too!x

@Carley32, glad you're feeling a bit better today. Are you also feeling a little better now they've told you your results are OK and you're ovulating?x

@BambiOnIce80 Yes I am pleased. But it’s just that unknown isn’t it, I mean was it just that one month I ovulated?
It’s still early days though so I can’t complain to much lol.
And af is here today heavier (quite heavy infact) than it has been since stopping the pill. So I guess this is a good thing maybe 🤔. It’s all a bloody mind boggle though.

How are you today, are you and DP enjoying his time off?

I am a fully paid up member of the conflicted crew - not only from the perspective of being quite set in my ways at the grand old age of late 30s, but also I am a bit of an eco warrior and the potential state of the planet in say 30 years time really does worry me - i don’t know if I want to bring someone into the world only for them to have a hard time living in it! Hmmm

Same. And hot days like this in February have got me really worried. It doesn't give me much hope for the future.

Yep - I worry about the actual being somebody’s mum part too as well as the state of the world we’ll be bringing them into. Think the 18year commitment worries DH more than me @BambiOnIce - remember him saying (when he was anti having kids) that it’s like a life sentence lol.

Glad your results came back o.k @Carley32 sorry about af

Oooh, heavier AF sounds like a good mind boggle though @Carley32! 🤩 Heaviest so far has got to be a great big tick in the 'getting back to normal' box ✅👍 DP is indeed off but I've had to go to work today and tomorrow because A) it's the end of our annual leave year and I've got knob all left and B) we've got our yearly inspection coming up next month and the paper work has to be in this week 😣 Very much looking forward to the luxury gastro hotel break on Thursday to let the paperwork stress dissipate 😪 AF will be arriving anytime from Friday, so that takes the shine off it a bit 😏 That said - I'm quite looking forward to CD3 so I can take the soy isoflavones again and hopefully get the awesome endorphins again 🤞🏻😄🤞🏻😄Thought about not taking them this cycle (with DP being on sex strike and what not), but my inner science geek wants to see whether the fantabulous mood and epic EWCM are replicable 🤔🤓

I'm also freaked out by this mental spring like weather ladies ☀ 😵 I distinctly remember not being able to get to work this week last year because the beast from the east had rocked up and literally everything ground to a halt! ❄ We almost didn't book our hotel break at the end of this week in case we wouldn't be able to get through the snow (at 16.°C in the Highlands, that's not looking like it's going to be a problem this year!!). Apart from the weather, I had a serious conversation with my step mother about the state of the world (aka Trump/Brexit) and what kind of opportunities her grandkids are going to have in 20 years time (my step sisters kids, to give context) and she admitted she wasn't sure she'd have kids now with the way things are going... Oooh, bit heavy!! Luckily my rational brain goes on holiday when it's FW and we go at TTC with wanten abandon!! 😬

Hope everyone is having a good week so far.

@Carley32 great to have confirmation that you have ovulated, but super pants that you have to wait until the 18th to actually understand what they have tested and what it all means. I hope the next 3 weeks goes quickly for you - keep yourself busy. Sorry to hear AF turned up...hope you enjoyed the rugby 🏉

@BambiOnIce80 good to hear that your right ovary is not as you had been told...albeit ruddy frustrating 🤨.

To all those who have mentioned the thought or motherhood (beyond the all consuming TTC), I share the worry. To think, if I was lucky to conceive this cycle, I would be mid 50's when I was responsible for a young adult!!! Would I rather be traveling the world not giving a flip about student loans and supporting a young-one. Constantly flipping between the two scenarios.

Feeling a little blah about TTC at the minute. Since the ERPC in Nov, all I've thought about is getting pregnant. Feel like it's consuming me and taking over who I am. Struggling with it all tbh. I'm generally okay until mid afternoon, then the ttc thoughts kick-in and I start checking the web for all the things that can help to make it happen quicker. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I know it's not who I am, or what i want to be. I'm probably just in a bit in limbo, im a kinda girl that likes to plan and by planning gets results, and ttc is something I have no control over. Anybody else have these feelings/thoughts? Have any ideas on how best to control them? Vino is helping at the moment 🤪🤪😳 but know it's not a long term solution.

It's like you're in my head @Amanda81 🤯 The lack of control is a killer to the super organised planners amongst us 😔 I also find lovely, lovely vino/gin to help put things in perspective, but not exactly the most appropriate destressor when TTC I tend to plan other non-TTC related things to take my mind off it... Our diaries are looking pretty full up to July so far! 🤪🙄