ttc after MC July 2007 - anybody out there?

[popsy76]

Hi ladies, our old thread is full and now I can't find anyone
I have posted here and on bereavement thread with same title - come join me if you find this

Don't worry sybil - you are perfectly normal. Give yourself time to be angry. Losing a baby is hard and for me it only got harder as the weeks/months went by. You just have to remember that you WILL feel better again eventually. Just stick with it and make sure you always have your mum/friend/DH on hand to complain to and get a pep talk from!

its so stupid, I have been doing really well and now today I feel incredibly tearful about it.

aww sybil I know it is so hard when everywhere you look you see babies or pregnant women, i don't think youa re self absorbed at all just grieving for what could have been it's completely natural, you are thinking you are doing OK then something comes up and knocks you for six.

Lcy - I still have a little bit of brown discharge (sorry if TMI) and it's been over 2 weeks now I just want it all to stop so I can get a normal cycle again

Well better get back to the 2 monsters!

Sybil - hello - i just turned on friends and burst into tears because Ross's ex-wife is pregnant . At least you are about a real person!

Lcy, (and others!) thank you. I am a stupid jealous cow, but at least I have you all to tell me its ok to be a stupid envious cow.

Its not even that I resent her being pg, I just wish it was me. Obviously just having anh uber-emotional moment and will be better tomorrow.

girls it's all normal! sybil you're human nothing more nothing less

kitty- yes i'm the same wiht the march thread look in sometimes but tbh i'm as well. and really hate the world right now - going thru major it's not fair like a 6 year old mode.

tj - sorry to see you over here but these are a fab bunch of girls.

hope everyone else is well. as I say been a bit down (again) of late and on the verge of tears most of the time so not good company we're 4 weeks on form passing the sac today and 2 week tomorrow since I had my scan so hoping AF will show up by the weekend so we can get back to it again. also bit down as with my 2nd m/c by this time I already knew we were expecting DS

anyhow won't make the cake fest but will eat copious amounts of cakes with you at home

hey Pipsqueeke, we're in good company anyway. Yes we're tearful and low, but at least we're not tearful and low on our own.

i wanted to ask about the bleeding, lcy, since i had my d/c the friday just before yours. I still have occasional very light orange? when i wipe but i have been b/d (sorry - is there another acronym i can use -i just can't go there!)since the weekend. i hope that wasn't too soon . . .

i have my check up in the morning so hope everything looks okay. she was the loveliest gynae but it may be a bit hard just being in the same room where i broke down so hard when we couldn't see a heartbeat.

when i see p/g women i feel really sad and wistful right now but the true test is going to visit my friend who had a baby two days after my d/c. we are going to cook and fill up her freezer and then whip round with the hoover, because she seems to be a bit down. i don't know how i will be when i get there but right now i am thinking that i should actually try and change a nappy or something, since i actually know jack about kids myself. i hope it goes well.

cake fest sounds good, wish i was in the uk to join. they don't know how to hook up cakes here - its always marzipan-based. pastries though? amazing . . .

btw, has anyone else heard the theory that m/c can 'prime' your body for a successful pregnancy? that's what my dr was trying to say but i was wondering if it holds water?

Hi TJuice - i still have a light brown discharge and on Sunday had a red bleed again- i think it is normal but you could check it at your appointment. The good old NHS doesnt offer a follow up appointment here. I was told to expect bleeding for two weeks - if it goes on for more than this i will go to my GP. Hope that helps?

hi pipsqueeke nice to see you but sorry you have felt so down sometimes I think it helps being on here and just whittering on about stuff I so missed it when my pc was away, this has probably one of the lowest months of my life what with the mc, the sheer lack of support from my family, then them forgetting my birthday and various other things going on I've felt so down, still it's nearly a new month.

I feel very lucky having the DDs I do have and with DD2 only being 19 months she still feels like a baby if that makes sense yet the thing about this is that people think if you already have 2 it's not as bad as if it were the first. Although the other 2 have been great comfort it's still losing a baby but I think this gets overlooked. I so feel for women having recurrent mc's must get you so down.

Message withdrawn

sk I know I should have come back to you girls sooner and to the outside world everything's fine and dandy, i've gotten over it and it's all been swept away but in truth nothing could be further from the truth. this third time has really knocked me for six. no one seems to want to talk about it. i'm not sure I want to. i'm scared that DS will be an only child - completely insane I know but i'm worried about these blood tests and what they'll hold - I know mum still blames herself as it was their decision for the homrones in the first place when I was small so althou I want to tell her can't as I don't want to make things worse still shouldn't dwell really, can't change the past only look forward.

tj - give our self time to prepare. i'm sure everything will go fine. just be comfortable with what you want to do. and as for changing nappies - well all you need to know is if it's a boy point the winkle down and basically cover the area with a muslin asap otherwise you get peed on also yes a m/c can make you v v fertile. I had a pos after 25 days with DS - tbh wasn't sure what was going on, all I say is make sure you have a neg test etc inbetween - that's how I kew DS was a 'fresh' pg if you like.

looks like next weekend will be the day at DB's and SIL's with SIL's mum. is it really shallow to not want to go etc and not to be able to participate int eh conversations about unborn babies etc? - althou I have no doubt i'll be told to 'get over it' or words to that effect

Thats the thing pipsqueeke you are kind of told well it's all over with now but in reality it's not. I felt like screaming today I should be 12 weeks pregnant it's so bloody unfair! I'm not surprised you have been knocked for 6 3 times is horrendous you poor thing at least now they will investigate I think it's better to know than not to know if thats makes sense.

Hello Kensgirl - nice to see you back I change my name everytime I m/c so it's probably difficult to keep track! Now on my 3rd nickname and hope it's the last. Glad you had a nice holiday. Sorry about the painters arriving but glad to chat again. I'm on CD17 and got 5th postitive opk today but have only bd once (both tired this week). I have short cycles too (approx 24 days) but I think I ovulate every month. This is the first month doing opks - usually I check cm.

Sweetkitty - ikwym people think it's less sad if you lose babies when you've already got one. Not something that you can generalise imo as personally I found it more tough losing babies when I already had a child - because it was having him that engendered maternal feelings.

Lcy - glad you and dh had a nice time out. Very therapeutic to spend time together - I found alcohol helped A LOT too

ALBS - sorry cannot make cakefest but defo up for one in october. I did make my apologies a week or so ago - childcare issues.Hope you all (hope all is plural!)scoff your faces with loadsa lush cake.

Tjuice -sorry to hear of your m/c . Hope your cycle gets back on track soon. I was advised to abstain from intercourse for 2 weeks due to risk of infection, but if your drs didn't advise you similarly I can only assume that medical opinion on this varies.

Does anyone know much about opks? Just got my 5th positive. Does it mean I am still fertile?

i'd say LL - are you sure they're def pos?? - I know that sounds silly but I didn't get on wiht the lines ones and working out if they were the same iycwim.

kitty - I know i'm so worried the tests will show somehitng up thou.

lcy - gald you had a good tie away

nh - hope this cycle of clomid is for you sorry about AF coming thou.

as for me AF came today am sad (well it's not a full AF yet but will be by the end of the day I think) mum said well at least you have a clear cycle now - so fingers crossed this will be the one for me - at least I will be working on DH a lot hopefully he'll be home at the rihgt time this month! lol. don't want to wait till jan when I know for a fact he won't be going anywhere! lol.

Hi everyone - well i thought i was coping with everything quite well but had a complete (partly wine induced) breakdown yesterday. I was meant to be 12 weeks yesterday and for some reason it just threw me - i went to bed and sobbed for hours. I went through the whole self pity - what did i do wrong, will it happen everytime i am pregnant, life is crap, why me, why me, why me..... (poor DH!)

To make things worse i had to go to the hospital this morning because started to bleed heavily (9 days after D&C). They have booked me in for a scan tommorow to make sure the D&C worked. I am actually quite happy about this because i want to check all is ok.

Sorry to whinge x

Was blubbery wreck last night with the news that yet anther of our friends is pregnant. Get this- she didn't even realise until she started throwing up a lot. I am absolutely inconsolable, not least because she is due round about the time I would have been, had I not miscarried. So every time I see her, I am going to be comparing myself to her. I feel hideous and evil for even thinking it, and am genuinely happy for her, but don't you just hate people who don't even realise they are pregant? They haven't been temping and using OPKs and agonising about the whole thing......it seems so unfair.

On a more positive note, have vowed to pee on a stick every bloody day this month to find out if Iam or am not ovulating, as the doctors have thus far been unable to tell me......they also told me not to pee on stick because I have PCOS.

Any thoughts....what works for you? A friend told me I need to be my own doctor, read up on everything and know everything about myself, but DH and I thought that approach too militant. As our approach hasn't work, I'm looking for a new one. I am so tired of not being (and staying) pregnant.

I have to make an apology. My dd2 has Chicken Pox and so nursery will not let her through the front doors, this means I will not make it on Friday for the cake fest. I am most upset as I was really looking forward to eating my body weight in cake.
My dd1 has left off the lid off the salad cream at some point recently and I have just shaken it all over my self. I hate salad cream.
Two reasons not to have children!.
It has taken me a long time to feel nice about other womens BFPs. EllieG is the first time that my first emotions were not envy, rage, jealousy and failure. I hope that doesnt make me a horrible person, I would rather think it makes me human.
It takes a long time for the raw grief that we all feel about the loss of our babies to quiet down to just a dull roar. I have 4 weeks to go until my 'due date'. I am currently very calm and positive but watch this space. I am sure I will become the same angry, hurt little girl I was when I first started posting.
Nh101, I am so happy your af turned up, you can now move on to the worry that you may concieve. (6 like the lady in the paper)

sorry to feel that you've been feeling down, lcy and flosspot. its a rough ride . . . but we'll get there.

i went to my gynae today for check up which was good. sad that its all empty in there ,but could see my eggs and ovaries etc and she was really positive saying i should just stay healthy, keep up the acupuncture, relax and when it happens I can come in for a scan every two weeks in the first trimester on the same doctors referral note.

she did say though, that i should stick to one glass of wine a night while trying and not get 'faced while i am trying.

one glass of wine? i have an office summer party on friday and am responsible for the rum punch! but i will give it a try . . .

has anyone else heard that gum disease and miscarriage link? i read it in my "what to expect" book. my gums have always been a bit bleedy so i am trying to sort out my dental hygiene right now. tomorrow i have a dental appointment with x-rays and and re-fillings booked.

i think that's what is keeping me going right now - doing all the little "to-do" stuff. at some point i will be married, in a bigger flat with good teeth etc.

that's when i guess i will start temping and counting days etc . . .

ladylush - I think you are maybe right about it hurting more when you already have DC because I look at them and think I've lost another little person like them and they are so brilliant and that makes me so sad. Other people think oh well you have 2 already especially those that thought I was crazy having 3 and that it must have been a mistake.

pip - sorry about AF turning up this is the first one since the mc isn't it as you said it's sad bit in some ways nice to know everything is in working order again and you have a cycle again, as you also said now it's over to your DH if you can get to him!

Lcy - don't apologise for whinging I would have been 12 weeks on Sunday had it marked on the calendar and everything would have also had my booking in appt with the MW this morning, it bloody hurts we can say it.

flosspot - sorry to hear you are feeling low to I think it's only natural when you hear friends becoming pregnant, I know about 5 ttc just now and I bet you one or more gets pregnant then doesn't want to tell me.

ronshar - hope your DD feels better soon

TJuice - glad your check up went well have never heard about gums and miscarriage, mien were bleeding more but they always do when I'm pregnant.

Well in my insane ttc world I bought some pregnacare this morning, was looking a baby clothes in Adams(!!!???), and getting upset that DP was too stressed out about his interview to BD last night (we still haven't since the mc) although considering I kept coughing, sneezing and dribbling water from my nose I can't really blame him.

Oh and I didn't know Clearblue fertility monitors cost £100, rip off bet they don't need to cost that much, I was tempted by the Boots own brand ones (buy one get one half price) just to see if will ovulate this month you see but was good.

I'm off to clean the house that will take my mind off things for a bit..............

I know kitty, but i'm just so angry at the world right now. and there's nothing I can do to stop the sun rising/falling, but this isn't getting any easier either. (maybe in reality i've berried my head in the sand for the last 4 weeks and blocked it out? I don't know.) lol@ the vision of you spluttering over DH! lol. have good news this am apparenlty DH isn't away during the crucail week (only hear say from friends wife) but fingers crossed he'll be here. pretty sure we'll be ok for it YAY! lol. re the moniter thingy have you thought of one form ebay? or if you're not keen on spending a lot how aboutt he CB digital ov sticks? I think it's a smiley face they do at hte right time. althou they're £20 odd a go I think. must get some pregnacare really - i've only got the standard FA - this month off to get some of the vit c and e as well hopefully that will help.

lcy - you're def not alone. my 12 week mark has passed and unfortunatly I have a constant reminder of a friend who's due as well - am seeing her tomorrow. not sure how that will go but it's anne summers so hoping will be ok. fingers crossed for you for tomorrow. and tbh no one can answer those questions accuratly. you did nothing wrong thou. this isn't your fault. you just need to take the leap of faith that next time everything will be fine.

floss - agree it's only natural to feel sad. it will be our turn again soon just need to keep beliveing that not sure if POAS works for PCOS might be worht asking attila is it she has it on the conception boards. I use persona but not sure if that will even work with pcos. my friend has it/had it not sure if it ever really leaves you anyhow she was basically jsut having sex every other day I think took 18 months to get there (well 6 once AF returned to every month) and her LO was 1 just last week, so ther's hope out there

ron - ah don't ya just love kids! lol. sorry to hear you have the pox in your hosue - it's currently going about around here - tbh i'm sooo tempted to take DS over to my friends house to expose him! lol. (althou they ahve been playing together a lot before hand) gremlin doesn't seem to have picked it up thou!

I think i'm also sad that i'll not be having a babay now before we move again - and I relaly really wanted to have another while we were here. mainly as i'm close to my family here.

also any thoughts was wondering does clomid normally mean muliple births?

Don't know whether it's a full moon or something but I'm a bit up and down as well at the moment. Would have been 13 weeks this Friday so next week was the week I'd planned to tell people at work. And not only am I seeing pregnant women everywhere, I bloody well found myself yesterday driving behind a car whose numberplate said "TTC"! Still hopefully I'll get the appt before too long for the recurrent mc clinic and will start to fell that we're doing something about it...

Ronshar - I thought c'pox was one of the illnesses we were supposed to actively encourage our children to get as young as possible?!

LCY - hope scan OK tomorrow

Pip - hi! That thing about boys pointing down in their nappy is so obvious, isn't it, when you know, but I don't think I'd have worked it out if I hadn't been told