The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

Rachy When you lay in do you stir at all? If you do wake, even if you keep your eyes closed, when DH gets up then you should take your temp then. Also if you are still getting a BFP on tests (I haven't dared do one actually so night today!) then your body might still be a bit out of whack hence the temps being bit all over the show. Keep at them though, a pattern might be revealed. I know BBT charting isn't that reliable post MC due to hormone levels, same reason OPKs are not that great either before 1st AF

@TinselBee I'm glad you are an expert, I can ask you what is going on You may wish you never told me that!

Yes I am back on the coffee, just one a day though. And no dairy milk, only oat milk - the only alternative I can stomach. I feel a little better since having a coffee but I keep welling up again since my lovely colleague walked in. He asked me how I was and I just shrugged and then asked him how he was. He sent me a private message asking me what's up. So I told him of all my worries today. He responded with the most amazing message, so that has set me off again.
My team at work have supported me so much over the past 2-3 years with each loss, and they know everything. Even the stuff with DP not wanted to TTC and the points we nearly broke up and the severe depression that came with it all. They really have my back, and they were all really excited when I told them we were expecting again at long last. I am very lucky to have them.

Actually, I say one coffee a day, but I have a good 2-3 shots!

I'm so pleased your DH is supportive of you charting despite how he feels about it. It is useful to know when AF is on its way. Mine always comes as a complete surprise and whenever it feels like it, so I do like it for that.

@tinsel
Yeah I do stir when he gets up, I always intend to reach over and grab the thermometer but end up snuggling back down in the duvet and nodding back off!

@Rachyrach83 (sorry, completely missed your posts) I'm no expert whatsoever (tinsel much better at this than me). But (and don't take my word for this) I am guessing that CD12 was an ovulation dip and you are now in your luteal phase hence the rise again? Pre CD12 was your hormones returning to normal post MC. It's a possibility isn't it? Or maybe, like Tinsel says, your temps are a bit erratic due to MC. What are your cycles usually like, length wise? Do you know which day(s) you usually ovulate?

@frazzle

Usually 30 days..... but not a bloody clue about ovulation!
Honestly I was so naive before my MC about all of this!!

@Rachyrach83 I know we're all different but this was my cycle where we conceived our little one. I think it's a pretty text book cycle so might give you an idea of what happens...

You can see my temps were fairly low and I had a drop just before ovulation, then they elevated with the odd drop (prob implantation) until until BFP (or AF in a non preg cycle).

This chart is what convinced me all my scans were showing bad news, but no one believed me!

Rachy Frazzle could be onto something, rise prior was due to excess pregnancy hormones, then that steep drop is where they have started to drop. But to Ov CD12-13 would be quite early for a 30 day cycle (unless you have an unusually long luteal phase) but then also Ov does tend to happen later post MC too. Tbh temping post MC is new to me, only going from what I have read around it and seen on other threads, does tend to be a totally whacky chart though but will be back to normal post 1st AF.

Frazzle that is great they have your back and know everything. Lovely to work in a team that actually supports you and you can trust with personal life stuff. Maybe try cutting those shots down to 2 haha! I'm sticking to just 1 or ordering hot chocolates now as my usual place, was pretty funny for first few times when I had to quickly say "oh not the usual, hot chocolate today!"

the first sonographer had a look at my chart and said no way would I have ovulated on CD14 as that is too text book for someone with PCOS. He said I would have ovulated later and that was why our baby was measuring so much smaller. He basically suggested that Ovusense was a load of rubbish. But I know it was right, and our last scan proved that baby just was not growing

@TinselBee I agree with you about @rachy's 30 day cycle and CD12/13 being too early for Ov. So Rachy don't get your hopes up! Just see what happens over the next week or so and keep jumping on DH

Frazzle I didn't want to believe you either tbf, didn't want to think it was going to be bad news for you Think if I had seen that chart though I would have found it hard to see it looking positive but then again plus with hindsight it really does seem if dates are ever behind then it will be bad news. Still tracking the July board and anyone that has been having slow growth / dates ends up with bad news (only positive stories I have seen are when people have no real knowledge of how this whole process works or were not charting / tracking)

fucking HATE the amount of pregnancy and new born baby related adverts I get now! Anyone know how to help curb that? I did switch off the "parenting" settings on Facebook but I am still getting them on there! too!

@tinsel @frazzle

Thanks for the advice.... I’m not getting my hopesup, just getting back into the swing of things.

I agree with you about hospital not believing you about lack of growth. Although not temping etc me and OH only did it twice on the month I caught.... and so there was no way our dates were out! So when I just kept being told ‘it’s just 10days’ begind, to me that was like telling me I was the Virgin Mary conceiving without a shag!! I knew it was bad news from then and it caused so many nasty arguments with me and DH as he couldn’t understand why I was ‘writing this baby off’ in my own mind. He couldn’t understand that it just couldn’t be right.... and ultimately it wasn’t!

I was on another thread on another site that was full of enteral
Optimists who would tell everyone it would all be ok and baby would catch up.... but the end to the story never seemed to come, which indicates someone too broken hearted to post their devastating update.

TinselBee I know no one wanted to believe me. And I really did appreciate the hope and support on that thread and I wanted to believe more than anyone that my chart was somehow (not sure how) wrong.

I have hidden the July thread, I just can't bear the updates from everyone, knowing we should all still be there enjoying/not enjoying pregnancy along with them. I need to hide all the pregnancy topics, which I'd only just unhidden and started to enjoy again.
I also hate all the advertising. I actually have ad blocker on my laptop at work so don't see much on there. But FB and instagram ads infuriate me when on my phone. I had a massive go at Notonthehighstreet for keep showing a particular ad. Then realising I only see that ad because of all the internet searching I was doing before we lost our baby.
Actually, I saw a great post from Tommys. I'm going to go grab it...
Oh and there is a link which I didn't even realise! It explains how to remove FB ads...
www.tommys.org/our-organisation/about-us/charity-news/how-stop-pregnancy-ads-following-you-after-loss

@Rachyrach83 exactly! DP and I also had a terrible time just after our 2nd scan. DP said I was writing off this pregnancy when it should have been the happiest day of his life, given it was the very first time he'd ever seen the heartbeat of something he had created. He was furious with me, but I was devastated that our third baby would likely not survive this so it was a really hard time.

Pregnant colleague has just come in. Still no word from her. Not even a private message just to say something, anything
This sounds terribly sexist of me but if my male colleague who has never experienced pregnancy or parenthood can send such a beautiful message, then why can't she...

I think I will leave early again today. Start afresh on Monday

Hi guys, another one joining from the July 2019 thread. Sucks but here we all are.

I had a scan last week that showed a 7+4 baby with strong heartbeat then we had another scan this week and no growth or heartbeat. I'd had some brown spotting which is why I went for the scan last week but the Dr today said the blood came from an ectropion on my cervix and was nothing to do with the miscarriage.

The Dr I saw today was very against the idea of ERPC and medical management is illegal where I live. Went to see a different Dr who will do ERPC on Monday if it hasn't happened naturally by then. I would leave it to nature but we're travelling home for Christmas and I don't want it hanging over me.

Hoping we can start TTC again soon after the ERPC.

@frazzle
You don’t know how your messages give me some comfort!!
There was a 3 week wait between the scan that showed slow growth and the scan that showed he had died.
During that time I was convinced I was going to lose my husband and my baby, and be left with nothing. He called me all the cold and heartless bitches under the sun, but I just knew. I’m a very ‘evidenced based’ person (I’m actually a detective so in my nature!) so hopes and dreams don’t cut it against cold hard facts!
Nothing could explain away:

1. dates of sex
2. dates I got 2-3 and 3+
3. having hcg Levels only rising by 10% and too high for early dates (wanted me to accept 26,000 at 5 weeks!)
4. a baby that was still dated at 5 weeks at 7 weeks and 8 weeks.

I understand the job situation too.
I have just been signed off till the 2nd Jan - I just can’t face it before then!! New year, new start and all that. Xx

Oh @KinCat not you as well. I really hoped we were the last of the shit news. I'm so sorry xx

@Rachyrach83 I'm glad I can be of some help. I agree, the facts always beat all the hopes and dreams don't they, as much as we wish they didn't. But DP was telling me that the facts are what the experts were telling us, not what I think or some ovulation device. But we were right, weren't we . Maybe I should be a detective...

Newsflash - preg colleague has messaged me and suggested meeting for coffee. I told her I want to go home so next week.
I am going home in 20 mins. There is just not enough to do here and I've 101 things to do at home while work is quiet.

That's great you have the flexibility Frazzle. Hopefully the weekend off will help. I'll be back in on Monday as long as everything miscarries this weekend and I'm kinda dreading it. Like you I've got very little on at the moment so too much time for sitting and thinking.

I feel you all on the dates and knowing when you ovulated. Especially if you've charted, it's pretty well understood and clear cut! I guess maybe the sonographers see lots of ladies who don't chart and are just out with their dates. That's the only reason I can think for it.

I've started bleeding properly now which is weird timing. DH said it's as if my body knew but my mind wouldn't accept it. Going to take some codeine and go to bed. Hope I don't ruin the sheets. Might sleep on a towel just in case.

@Rachyrach83 I had the exact same- took a CB HPT that calculates date of conception and it went 2-3 weeks then 1-2 weeks. DH said that wasn't evidence as it wasn't a healthcare professional who told me to do that but I knew there was no way, given the dates, that my HCG levels could be in the 1-2 week band.

Welcome @KinCat but sorry you 're with us. Sorry you've had such a shit day @Frazzlerock. I find 3rd trimester people don't set me off as badly as people who are early days, as I still thought I would be over Christmas

Hi all, still in that shit limbo over here. Body still v sure it's pg, still no spotting or any sign of symptoms dying down. It's so unfair because like you all, I am now coldly evidence based about early pg and I'm almost waiting for my scan on Tues to be proven right; there are no gestational miracles, it's science and if you know when you conceived then a 2 week delay in development can only be a bad sign.

Unlike yours, my DH thinks it's obviously a wrong'un and if Tuesday's scan shows some development he still thinks I should have it terminated which is incredibly hard to contemplate. So I'm worrying about that now, if baby is still alive and has caught up a bit what then? Wait until it fails even further down the line? 14 weeks? 20 weeks? Urgh I just hate the not-knowing (and also feel like I'm wasting time w this doomed pregnancy when we could be getting ready to ttc again)

Rant over.

Happy Friday everyone

@KinCat really sorry to hear of your loss.

Afternoon all, I’m struggling to keep up again, I will blame it on Christmas [santa]

So, going back a bit, the shoulder pain I had was definitely pregnancy related, there is nothing else it could have been. I think there were a few of us on the July thread that had shoulder pain. When it was really bad I just wished it would stop and then when it started to get a bit better all I could think was ‘oh shit’.

I am an accountant, so that would be what I would do if I was to work for myself.

It’s strange because if you google about small fetal poles at 6 weeks there are loads of stories about it being fine and baby catching up. Yet every single one of us who measured behind has had bad news, also it seems the brown spotting is a real tell tale sign, but again, if you google it, it would seem to be fine.

@awakeatnight, sorry you find yourself here, but you are very welcome.

@edidxb have a fab holiday!

@Rachyrach83 it’s Bee propolis, 500mg a day and it’s meant to help with egg quality.

@kincat welcome, I am really sorry you are here, what was your doctors reason for being against an ERPC?

@Tinsel I have never done the temperature charting thing, I know I would obsess over it way too much and I know my cycle anyway so I don’t think I need to. However I was (rather ridiculously) taking my temperature in my ear with our thermometer when ever I feel like it during the tww, I would keep doing it until I got a temperature that I was happy with. Totally ridiculous!

@Frazzle I’m sorry to hear about your next doors baby, it’s not good shouting at a 5 month old, but I can understand that she was at her wits end. I think when we are in this terrible position it’s not always easy to remember just how hard work a baby can be. I had one that was very hard work and one that was a dream. It’s good that your colleague has contacted you, will you go for a coffee with her or politely decline?

Also, @Frazzle caffeine isn’t good for egg quality, could you switch to decaf?

xxx

BettySwoll0cks that sounds awful for you. At least you and your DH are on the same page about it. It would be an impossibly difficult decision if there was some progress though.

Rose68 I don't really know why she was so against ERPC. She just said why "put myself through that" and that it was better to let nature take its course. This after I'd clearly explained why I felt it was the best option for me! She called me a control freak for charting my temp but I think she's the one whose the control freak! Won't be going back to her.

You're right everyone with brown spotting on our thread seems to have not ended with a happy outcome. My Dr was quite convinced it was totally unrelated though. But I'm not totally sure I trust her judgement!

I'm thinking about taking a month off TTC and booking a dive holiday for the new year.

Hi everyone, can i join you all? I was meant to be due the last weekend of June and this week I made it to twelve weeks. Had a pretty easy ride other than a bit of morning sickness in the earlier weeks but then out of the blue on Monday evening i started spotting, Tuesday it got even worse and started cramping. I managed to get an appointment at the EPU and they scanned and said it didn't look good, sac was an abnormal shape and the baby looked more like 7 weeks. They kept asking if I definitely had my dates right and i know for certain that they are. So they've said they don't think the pregnancy is viable but i have to go back in two weeks time 27th of December to confirm but they expected me to naturally miscarriage in the meantime. I think i was in total shock that day and managed to hold it together despite being a cryer at the best of times. Since then the bleeding but more so the cramping has been utterly severe and i'm just so shocked as to how much blood and how painful it all is. Have managed to ring in sick at work and i Have a Dr's appointment this week to get a sick note for the last few day of term as literally cant face going back to work for the Christmas party day and school nativity with all my lovely three year olds. I suppose i'm just at a bit of a loss now and made worse by the fact that my lovely sister in law is due the exact same weekend as we were, and she has had a terrible time herself with IVF so i feel so awful and guilty for her as well as its took the shine off and made her so upset. just feeling low at the minute hoping chatting with you all is the tonic!

Hello ProseccoBee Sorry to see you here. But welcome a fellow Bee.

Oh no KinCat I can't believe you're here too now!

Rose temp taking is obsessive and if you know your cycles then worth steering clear!

Betty I am so sorry you're still in limbo still, must be so hard. Especially this time of year too.

My chart is odd this morning. Temp shot up! Buying a pregnancy tests today to see if I still have the hormones floating about.

Hi @prosecco
Sorry to hear that hun
The ladies on here are lovely and made me very welcome and I’m sure they will do the same for you.
It sounds like you are passing naturally now and I’m afraid I don’t have any experience of that as mine was a silent miscarriage at 9 weeks and I had to have ERPC.
You need time off to heal emotionally and physically, don’t feel bad about that!
I’ve just extended my sick note to jan! And you know what! I couldn’t care less. This is about me and work can wait!

Hope this thread gives you some support, it’s kept me sane the past week or so!! Xx

@ProseccoBee I’m so sorry, it’s so devastating and for it to be happening over Christmas too, that can’t be easy. I haven’t got experience of a natural mc, but from what others have said it sounds similar to what you describe. Try to get plenty of rest xxx