The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

ratherbe maybe it's different whilst TTC? MWs told us to take primrose oil post 36 weeks to help with prep of dilation during our antenatal class... Then again... DS was born bang on 37 weeks...

Yes everything I've read has been saying to speed up labour, probably why they don't want you taking it at 8 weeks!!
Perhaps it is different ttc, or even early days pg!

@Rachyrach83 oh good, I'm glad its not just me struggling with preg women. TBH I have had a problem with them since our first loss in 2016 and still haven't worked out how to get over myself, apart from when I was pregnant this time. Pregnancy seems to cure the rage funnily enough... I've a feeling that is my only cure. Anyway, I have decided to WFH tomorrow as DS has a school xmas thing and I really don't want to be in.

@ratherbeshowjumping and @TinselBee I am interested as after three losses and at 39 years old I wonder if my eggs are just a bit shit now. I figured I would do all I can to improve my egg quality.

I don't think you younguns need to worry - I only took Pregnacare when preg with the DSs at 26 and 30 years old and had never had a MC until I turned 36

Interesting about your temp chart being similar too tinsel and FWIW I am still getting the odd brown blood. But only maybe once a day and a tiny amount - I'm now 13 days post op.

@Frazzle and @Rachy - completely with you. One of my best friends put a bump pic on FB last night and I think that definitely fuelled part of my hysterics.... it's pathetic as I'm so pleased.
I really want to vow that when I am luckily enough to have a big bump, I won't put anything on Facebook, as you just don't know what others are going through.

100% take what you can to improve what you can. I've been having a little look at what to take to reduce chance of mc but there doesn't seem to be much on there.

I'm on CD20 now, out of a usual 26 CD cycle. With my last pg, CD20 was the first day I had a feeling I may be pg... and today I've had the cramps on the right hand side, tingly boobs, headaches and a dry mouth. I'm trying so so hard not to ss or get overexcited or to imagine things that absolutely are not there but I can't help but sit here with my fingers, toes, eyes, everything crossed.

*pleased for her - that was meant to say!!

Strange isn't it Frazzle as I'm only CD8 if I'm to count the first day I started bleeding. I've attached my chart. FF reckons I'll be ovulating CD14 which means only a 26 day cycle. Pre MC my cycles were 26-29 days in length. I thought cycles tend to be longer post MC? I'm confused!

Ratherbe feels odd doesn't it feeling jealous and grouchy but also being pleased and happy for them. Really have my FX that you are lucky this cycle and have a healthy lil baby next year

Very quick message from me cause I am short of time, but @Tinsel and @Ratherbe you shouldn’t need these supplements, for us oldies they are good because they are meant to improve egg quality. You guys shouldn’t have that problem yet. For you guys I would recommend pregnacare conception and primrose oil.
I believe primrose oil helps the sperm get to the egg, some recommend only taking it from CD1 until ovulation, but I have been taking it all cycle. xxx

Thank you Rose I see, I think I'll stick with the fertility lube as that worked for us last time round on the first time we used it and that's to help aid get sperm to the egg etc. We've still got half a tube left.

Morning,

Well after saying I was only buying Ubiquinol and EPO, I popped into Holland and Barrett en route to the station yesterday and bought Vitamin D spray, a big pot of Vitamin C, and some Bee Propolis. I am now completely skint. Silly really, I just couldn't help myself.
Pretty sure I have bought all the xmas pressies I need to (I hope anyway!)

I meant to say @TinselBee that sounds positive news about your crash. I would feel the same as you, but money will definitely come in handy. I hope your day isn't as manic today

DP and I are both WFH today so a nice relaxing one. I'm still in my PJ's when I'd normally be in the office half an hour ago. I love WFH - plus I've saved myself travel fare - double win.

When do you think is reasonable to try and chase up our genetic testing results of the baby? It's been two weeks tomorrow.

Morning Ladies

I think I am slightly calmer today, no manic rushing around this morning and we are off to see a pantomime this afternoon. My boys are at private school, hence the early finish, but I quite like the holidays, I think it gives me a sense of purpose again. I think I need to find myself a job, my acupuncturist was trying to talk me into working for myself, which I could definitely do, but it’s just where to start, and confidence.

@Ratherbe I’m so sorry to hear about your dog, it must be so hard especially on top of what’s already happened.

@Tinsel wow re the car accident, do they really think it could have caused your mc? I guess the money would be really handy, but of course it will never replace what you have lost. I had brown blood after mine too, I think it’s normal for it to stop and start a bit.

@Frazzle I found out about the supplements through much research on tinterweb and also from being on the over 40 ttc thread. I mostly follow the instructions on the packets. I am a bit concerned about taking too much folic acid though cause I have also just got cassanovum which has folic acid in it, so that’s 3 x 400mgs I’m having a day 😳 I’m not sure if this is okay or not...
I don’t think you are being unreasonable re your work colleague, she must understand how you are feeling, and really it’s on her to approach you, I think it’s really bad she didn’t speak to you at all! I understand she feels awkward, but she should still make the effort.

@Rachyrach83 I have looked into melatonin before, but for some reason I was a bit scared of it, I might have another look. I got my dhea from biovea.

@Frazzle I did buy some low dose asprin tablets, but I haven’t started taking them yet. I did read that it can help blood flow to the ovaries and uterus, which is a good thing. But you say they shouldn’t be taken while ttc?

Sending everyone much love
xxx

@rose68
I understand being cautious
The antidepressant I was on was a massive synthetic dose of melatonin (agmelatone) 25mg and so I thought 3mg isn’t scary to me and reads well when it comes to fertility benefits in low doses xx

Morning all!

Frazzle what if you phone and ask when you can expect the results rather than as a chase as such? Actually I'm taking Vit D too, haven't heard of it as a spray before though?

Rose I think they're considering it as a factor as the stress it caused me and the dates of stopped growth match the date of the car crash. Glad you feel calmer today. What would you consider doing if you worked for yourself?

I cried in middle of the shops today... oops. Aww a million new borns round town and then it was a school choir that hit me with the final blow of emotion. Hopefully people will just think I was crying with pride haha.

Hi ladies, I was very much a lurker on the July antenatal Board but I hope that it's still ok to join you here. I had a reassurance scan this morning at what should have been 10+5. There was no heartbeat and the baby measured around 17mm so made it to about 8 weeks. This is my third mc (MMC in April baby was 10 weeks, CP around 5 weeks in August and now this) so I'm now on the waiting list for RMC - could be up to three months. Has anyone else been through several Miscarriages and the RMC that could give me the low down on what tests etc to expect there and if there's anything particular i should push for?

Maybe it's not sunk in yet but i don't feel quite so decimated this time round. I think I'd programmed myself to expect bad news rather than good today and never let myself fall in love with this baby. Is that wrong?

xx

Hi all, this is probably my last message for the next two weeks as I am lucky enough to be going on holiday tomorrow. I am off to the Caribbean on a cruise......which is a long old journey from the Middle East starting at 2.30am with my first flight tomorrow. But I'll grit my teeth and get through it until I get there!

I will be back, and hopefully when I am back, everyone will be feeling loads better and have all had a very Merry Christmas. We are having Christmas here in Dubai which is a shame as I miss home but I am back to work on 27th Dec.

I went back to work today for one day and survived. Cried in front of my boss but thankfully she was very nice.

Thanks all for the vitamin and supplement information. I was taking Vit D and pregnacare andCoEQ10 before so have still got those. I will research into the getting some of the others in the new year.

I went to the doctor today for a week checkup and all seems to be OK. The doctor had the results back from the hospital and there was no genetic issues in the tissue so that's good (kind of). I also had the tests done after the first miscarriage and it was also OK. Which is good that there are no issues, but doesn't help understanding why it happened. I am lucky in Dubai that they test each time.

The doctor has asked me to come back in Feb for the blood testing to check for the clotting/stickiness of blood. You have to wait at least 8 weeks for all the hormones to leave the system. And if that comes back with nothing, I will do the genetic testing.

But in the meantime, we will try again..

Sorry for the lack of personal responses, but I wanted to reply before I left for holiday. I still have lots of packing to do upstairs before we leave for the airport in a bit.

Lots of love to you all.
xxxxxxx

Also @rose68
What’s the bee pollen you are taking?
What are the benefits and what’s the dose??

@Rose68 re aspirin, my consultant back in 2016 prescribed me aspirin with progesterone. I'm pretty sure he said to take aspirin while TTC but I have read lots of things about not taking it until BFP so I waited.
I'm glad things will be slightly easier while your boys are home. I also like the holidays as I get to WFH. What line of work are you thinking of getting into?
I hope the panto was fun! We've not booked one this year which is a first for us, but they can be quite pricey and we've booked to go to a xmas outdoorsy thing this weekend. My mum usually books us all tickets to one of the London ones but she's not mentioned it this year and I don't like to ask!

@TinselBee apparently the Vit D Spray is absorbed better than any other method. Oh poor you having a tear up. I did that today during DS2's KS2 xmas concert. It's just all so emotional when we've been through so much. I'm not a cryer (or never used to be), but anything sets me off. How are you now?

@awakeatnight I'm so sorry for you. I've also just had my third MC so going through the RMC. I wasn't put on a list though. I had to get my GP tpo refer me, then she gave me a print out with a code on. I then went online and booked myself an appointment. But it's not until 20th Feb. I've no idea what to expect. Our baby has been sent off for genetic testing. DP has just reminded me they told us it will take at least 21 days.
Like you, I feel like I've coped better with this one. We also set ourselves up for bad news, despite also trying to be very positive. Our first one was a real car crash moment. I was a mess for a very very long time.

@edidxb I hope you have a wonderful time. Man, you deserve it! I am amazed at the testing. It is good news there is nothing sinister wrong with your babies, but I understand that makes you wonder what on earth is going on.

@Rachyrach83 If it helps, I have bought Bee Propolis which is 500mg and H&B brand

Next door's baby was crying again last night as we were going to sleep. I think I've mentioned before that they seem to leave the poor little thing to 'cry it out' which clearly doesn't work. It breaks my heart and he cries most nights for what seems like ages. I desperately want to give him a cuddle . DP told me this morning that he could here his mum shout at him last night, he is no more than 5 months old and is clearly in pain.
DP said he understands why she did it and that she is probably at her wits end, but I can't help feeling so angry that she has this beautiful baby (her third child, all under 5/6 years old - not one MC as she has told me) and she sounds so ungrateful, when I've been desperate for nearly 3 years and my beautiful babies keep dying. It just seems so fucked up and unfair.
But she is honestly such a nice person, and the family are lovely so I should be kind to her. I just can't bear it though

*hear not here

Hello all quick check in. Sorry to find you here @awakeatnight but hope you'll find it super-supportive as we all are. Hope your holiday goes well @edidxb!

Have just received eBay Clearblue fertility monitor through post which will start using as soon as AF arrives. Last time I was TTC and fell pregnant before I could even use it so here's hoping it is some kind of lucky charm for sticky babies.

Thanks all for the kind welcome. I wish none of us needed to be here but thank you @Frazzlerock for bringing people together to support each other.

@Frazzlerock my baby will get investigations done too. The EPU nurse called it something other than a post mortem but i guess that's what it is.

They told me yesterday that my 'insides' all appear fine. Apparently they give you a quick once over every time you're scanned but don't really mention it to you. So my notes from my daughter, 2 scans with my first mmc and then today have never shown up any problems there so that's a relief straight off the bat.

@edidxb Sounds like a fab and well timed holiday! Shame you won't make it home though. What's Christmas in Dubai like?

Interested in the vitamins - I'll need to scroll down and read that. I was seeing a fertility reflexologist who put me on iodine and I was also taking pregnacare max. She also recommended N-Acetyl L-Carnitine but i never got any as it was £!

Good luck with the fertility monitor @smerlin ! I was using cheap opk and had been BBT/ temping since August which I think I will continue again now. The monitor/ CB sticks give you slightly more of a heads up though don't they?

Morning,

Today is proving difficult.
I thought it would be a good day as I managed to get a parking space really close to the station - usually have a good 5-10 minute walk. I was like "today is starting well!"

Then, on the train, I looked to my right at the woman who had just sat down. She was wearing a 'Baby on Board' badge. She undid her coat and her bump was the same size mine was.
It was really hard to hold back the tears and I tried really hard to focus on the series I'm watching on my phone. But I couldn't help but keep looking over at her and wishing so hard that was me.
Then all these worries started, scared that my stupid PCOS will stop me getting pregnant, or my eggs are shit and old. Scared I'll go back to that state I was in for all that time when DP refused to TTC. Scared that they will tell us at the RMC that DP and I are completely incompatible and we have no hope of ever holding our Rainbow.

Then I had flashbacks to the day we found out Popsy had gone, and remembered something DP said when we were trying to discuss the best way forward regarding surgery or not. He said something like "It is your decision". When I said "It's your baby too", he responded with "Not anymore it isn't".
I don't know why this bothers me so much, as it is up to him how he feels, but it really upsets me. I feel like our baby only has me now, not that they are here, but in memory, you know?

Then as I was deep in thought walking to the office from the station , I must have slowed right down as some twat barge passed me and nearly knocked me flying and didn't turn around to apologise. It felt very deliberate. and that was it, I've been in tears ever since, and now sat at my desk writing this and sniveling. The ironic thing is I'm wearing my jolly xmas jumper - I feel and look so pathetic.

Oh and a lovely woman commented on my blog and wrote such a heartfelt message, but I just felt rage as she was banging on about god and angels and stuff which I am categorically against, being atheist, and I am so tired of people shoving their beliefs down my throat everytime we lose a baby. I know they mean well, but it bugs me that people make assumptions in order to find words that they think will help.
I want to scream at them sometimes. Even close friends who were never religious before, tell me our babies are looking over us and are in heaven - these are people who know how much I despise religion. A couple of friends even told me they were shocked that it happened to us again because they prayed for us all the time.

I'm sorry if any of you are religious and this offends you, it just pains me and I've had this for so long now.

I hope you're all having a better day than me and sorry for the rant xx

Morning Frazzle So sorry you have had a tough morning already. Not surprised that sitting next to a pregnant woman got you started in a roll ball of emotions. I also totally understand what you mean by the religious stuff. It is hard for me to not find people’s kind words irritating as to me too. Hope your day gets brighter as it goes on.

Enjoy your holiday edidxb ! Sounds like a wonderful treat to enjoy after everything. At least it isn’t genetics I guess and I hope you get lucky soon or at least are given some solutions for TTC successfully.

Welcome awakeatnight I am sory you have had to join us here but glad you have us at least. Totally not wrong way of looking at whats happened btw, probably a rather natural and common response xx

smerlin bloody hope you are lucky again without chance to use it much!

Day has started off okay for me, only a half day and I am going to attempt to get my hair cut with DS in tow! Really hope he lets me get it done as its been about half a year. Hoping to finaly put the xmas decs up this weekend as the living room should hopefully be at least painted with furniture in (floor will have to wait till new year now). We had hoped to get it done by start of Dec but with everything that happened we weren’t motivated.

Btw, temp dropped again this morning… only 36.10! That doesn’t usually happen until day before I Ov but I cant imagine that will be tomorrow as that be far too early! Gonna try and DTD tonight though just in case

Thanks @TinselBee . Wow, that is a very low temp. Get on it I say!
My temp keeps dropping and is finally where it was pre-ovulation in my pregnancy cycle - that was the first one I had tracked so I don't know if I have a 'normal' cycle. PCOS could throw anything in. Ovusense is telling me I'm in my fertile window but this is based on one cycle so we are just BDing (I hate that term!) every other day if we can.
36.16 was my lowest temp pre ov in my last cycle. Today I am 36.33. I'm trying very hard to to read into it too much. I went nuts in my last cycle trying to analyse every temp and compare to others online. Especially as my temp increased after ovulation. I wonder if my anxiety around it didn't help with the pregnancy...

Frazzle that is why i gave up BBT charting after half a year of doing it. DH pointed out I was going crazy every day with over looking at every temp drop and panicking if I didnt sleep in the same way for the same length in similar conditions and I would be so pissed if I didnt get a chance to temp too! He isnt happy I am doing it this cycle but he says he understands wanting a heads up AF is on her way. I did become somewhat a bit of an expert though, was in a thread called the Nutty TTCers at the time and half the group were so clued up and taught me a lot about BBT charting

Have you managed to calm down a bit now you are more settled into the office? You back on the coffee btw? I am really struggling to resist it (as it is my love) but think it is probably better to stay off it anyway?

@tinselbee

I’m a complete newbie to bbt ... mine is all over the place!!
What does this chart suggest to you hun??

I try to temp in the same 3hr window but i work shifts I’m up at 6.30 3 days a week as I work and do the stepkids school run and get a lie in till around 8.30/9 on other days when I’m on late shifts as the DH does the school run..... I’m currently CD16 (16 days post ERPC) and still getting bfp on test. (Hcg was 194 on Monday)... been DTD last few nights just in case but I feel like I’m a million miles from ovulation!!