The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

Good Sunday morning to you all? How is everyone?

Prosecco how are you feeling this morning? Hope you aren't in too much pain.

Took a test this morning, BFP starring rigjt at me as soon as the pee touched the stick! So, oddly, devastating to see. Least I know that's why I have whacky temps atm.

Oh @tinsel isn’t it a killer!!
All we want is a positive test, but to get there we have to have a BFN first. It’s killing me too. This was my last one.... MUCH lighter than the week before but still there :(

Really does suck Rachy horrid we just want a BFN now.

So I guess ovulation isn't gonna happen until a little while after we are back to getting a BFN?

How long has it been for you??
Day 17 post ERPC for me.
I brought some cheapies opk yesterday.... and clearly a negative :(
MY GP is good (at times) and is happy to hcg rest me weekly until normal, might be worth an ask??
My next test is Monday (results Tuesday) - doesn’t stop me doing a midweek hpt tho - I’m
A nightmare!! X

I'm only day 9 post ERPC so I shouldn't be surprised, guess I thought maybe body be a bit quicker at it considering I've not had any real bleeding.

I'll ask my GP but the I won't hold my breath. I've been left in the dark I feel, no follow ups or anything.

Has anyone had a lot of cramping significantly after? Have had BFN after mc so not to do with that but feel like I have quite a lot of pain, possibly around ovaries? Am guessing either ovulation pain or start of period pain but really doesn't feel like any period pain I have had before?

smerlin if it really is bad it might be an infection? Get it checked out and ensure they take is serious as PID can cause issues with fertility (GPs can be reluctant to diagnose without STI history I found but with MC history they might consider it as that?)

@tinsel
At 9 days I was at hcg of 194 (started at 33,000 on day found out no hb) my bfp was glowing!! But 1 week later it was much feinter.
Still no sign of Ov tho.... and opk (internet chespies tho) showing negative still.... DH is all up for trying again ASAP - but he doesn’t know all this BDing now is just to get him used to regular shagging!! Ha ha!!
Enjoyed a lot of pate and wine and gin over last few nights so trying to make most of it xx

Morning ladies!!
Any bbt-ers.... is this pre-ov drop do u think??
I did internet cheapie opk last night and it laughed at me it was so negative!!
Pounded on DH (made him late for work!) when I saw it just in case!

Meant to say too... NO cm.... like non at all since ERPC

Having to use pre-seed.
Pre ERPC was rather more juicy shall we say
Guessing must be linked ??

rachy I suppose even with levels of 25hcg I am gonna be getting a BFP so should expect to take a while.

Hmmm, tbh I havent ever seen a drop that steep for a pre Ov drop! Could it be a drop in temp due to your hcg finally getting down to 0?

0 CM would also indicate not Ov yet too? Get DTD though just in case. I guess we all will just have to keep pouncing until new BFP or AFs!

My temps still a mess. I'm tempted to stop temping until I get a BFN tbh

Good morning all,

First a catch up as I've been AWOL for the weekend due to all sorts of pre-xmas things going on.

@ProseccoBee I'm so sorry for you. This is such a rough and unfair ride, but you should find this lot helpful.

@TinselBee wow that chart of yours! I understand you still have hormones floating about but why such a random large increase? I don't understand any of this. I'm too scared to take a test. I will be miserable either way so will just leave it for now while my temps seem to be doing 'normal' things. BTW, I wouldn't stop temping, it might be interesting to see what happens to your temps while you're in this limbo?

@smerlin What's with the cramping? And how is it today? I agree with Tinsel to get it checked out if it is that bad. Or call 111?

@Rachyrach83 Not sure about your chart. As I've said, I'm still learning and I've only just installed FF so using both Ovusense and FF now - just to give myself more of a headfuck FWIW, I don't think I've ever had EWCM and have had 5 pregnancies so I'm not sure you need it? The only time I get it is when I'm a bit horny round DP but even then it isn't every time.

This weekend we've been pretty busy. Saturday I treated myself to a full leg and bikini wax and finally feel like a human again, despite already being skint, I am now more skint but I needed some sort of pampering and I couldn't bear looking like a gorilla any longer.

Then I had my friend's 40th birthday party. I am still freaked out that all my close friends are now turning 40 - the ones I've known since I was a child. It's just so weird! Then I remember it will be my 40th next June . I've always said I am not a grown up yet and waiting for that moment to hit where I am just as 'grown up' as everyone else. Then this party made me realise even more how young I feel (despite being the same age).My friend (who is lovely btw and comes from a pretty humble background) married into a wealthy family so her children go to private school and their social circles are all very 'well to do', in a nice way, they're all lovely. But the party just felt very 'grown up' you know? Like it was supposed to be casual but everyone was really well turned out and clearly had expensive 'casual' clothes on and just looked immaculate. DP and I just felt a bit uncomfortable which was entirely our own insecurities. They had a catering company in serving sushi and champagne and, while it was lovely, it just wasn't 'our thing', you know? I felt like we wouldn't have had anything in common with the other guests. Plus with everything going on for us it was hard to socialise with people we don't know and force smiles.

Anyway, we made it through. Sunday we had lunch with DP's Dad and Step-mum which was really nice.
Then we went to Bedgebury to see the Christmas lights in the evening. It's a National Trust park and it had been done up beautifully. We were caught in the rain the whole time but it was still spectacular and really christmassy.

@Rose68 I have listened to what you've said and I am now strictly on de-caff coffee.

For the charting peeps, I will post my chart, it isn't very exciting though. My 'predicted fertile window' had disappeared.

My FF chart and Ovusense

Hi everyone,

Just catching up after a few days away - @prosecco and @KinCat, I am so sorry to see you both here, but glad you've found us.

Had a really lovely four days in Prague, but our flight was delayed last night meaning we didn't get home until 3am this morning. Feeling absolutely rubbish today.

Have had cramping all weekend so think it's a sign that AF is on her way - feeling absolutely rotten about it, I would have been 12 weeks this coming Friday. It feels really unfair to be sat here waiting for AF when I should be gearing up for Christmas with a growing, healthy little bean.

Frazzle that party sounds like a complete other world to me! But one I would certainly enjoy (well the food and drink anyway, tbh I would be same as you with awkwardness of socialising with unknown people right now)

As for your chart, interesting to see we both had cramps / ovulation pain approx. same time post ERPC as me. I wasn’t sure if it was Ov pain, felt similar to me to my usual Ov pain and was certainly one-sided but then I was also acutely aware that it was the same side as where my baby was implanted…

I’ll post my FF chart too for anyone who wants a nosey! (I think my temp spike was alcohol related tbh)

Rather glad you had a lovely time in Prague, is so pretty there, where there xmas markets? so sorry though about the thought of 12 weeks and waiting for AF to show, really is crap!

My FF chart. Looking at CM it would be easy to assume I've ovulated already but I feel the temps suggest otherwise, especially with the BFP test

Thanks @Frazzlerock and @TinselBee - seems to have gone today. Too much information but felt very 'up for it' yesterday and pain seems to have gone today so think it might have just been strange post-mc ovulation situation.

Why should we avoid coffee- think I missed that one?

smerlin well I super hope it was an Ov thing and DTD will be lucky for you! Glad it has gone.

Coffee isn't great for egg quality and can increase early miscarriage risk. Apparently it is fine for men to continue to drink coffee though from what I have read.

Speaking of coffee, I am on my 2nd of the day already! urgh! so much for my 1 coffee a day limit

@ratherbeshowjumping I'm so pleased you had a lovely time in Prague. I'd love to go. We are off to Berlin in Jan, I bought tickets for DP for his birthday so hell find out on Sunday. Sorry your flight was delayed.
Oh we were so close in due date. I should be 12 weeks on Sunday. Feels so shit doesn't it. Our scan should have been on Thursday and big announcement on Sunday at DP's surprise birthday lunch

@TinselBee Oh that is interesting. My pain was on the right side, I was convinced it must be ov pain especially as Ovusense had predicted my fertile window at that time. But then the window vanished so I guess it was just nothing. I also had a spike after drinking heavily. Mine was on CD11 which, interestingly, was a day before your spike. I knew it was drinking though as that was the day after our big night out in London and I felt rotten.
You're really good at marking down all your signs and symptoms. Do you pay for FF? What is included in the paid for version?

@smerlin Rose suggested I avoid caffeine as it's bad for our older eggs. I just wanna do everything I can to keep my eggs as healthy as possible as they are now approaching 40 like me. I do wonder if the past 3 years of MCs is linked to my age

Is anyone struggling with all xmas stuff?
everything sets me off thinking i should be doing this with my Popsy bump. Like our trip to Bedgebury last night, I became so emotional afterwards as I booked the tickets when I was pregnant and expected to be carrying around my lovely bump. And just listening to xmas music, I just think how happy I would have been. I feel like everything is tainted.
I had about 7 weeks of knowing I was pregnant and, although they were nerve wracking, I was the happiest I have been in a long time. And now I'm back to being miserable and forcing smiles.

Frazzle I include them as I like to see a pattern, usually my skin breaks out a few days before Ovulation or AF and I always get headaches close to AF and suffered with them during and post pregnancy terribly. I think my temp was still up Sunday as I did have a drink Saturday night too, but not a heavy one so didnt mark it down (but maybe i should...)

FF paid is okay, it is great for interpreting in more depth and you can compare your chart against others more easily too and there are other things like the light box etc but I won't be paying for it again for a while I think. Idk if it really was worth the money and just made me more obsessive. I also use Ovia which I think gives similar info for free tbh.

Oh don't I am an emotional wreck with Xmas too Yesterday xmas shopping was impossible without crying at everything and decorating the tree last night meant finding DS' first xmas bauble from last year and topping the tree with the Owl that my Dad bought me post MC as a "cheering up" gift. Extra tough too as we were gonna announce to wider family and friends the pregnancy at Xmas. Feels tough enjoying the food and drink too now at Xmas as we wouldnt have been allowed to have half of it and so now it feels tainted when I am trying to enjoy it.

@TinselBee yes lots of markets! It was really beautiful, and it even started snowing when we were visiting the castle. It felt like something out of GOT. It's definitely worth a visit

Frazzle, I know exactly what you mean, and this is what's got me on a bit of a downer I think. Prague was my birthday present and DH gave me the tickets for it when I was literally 3.5 weeks pg. Whilst it was lovely to drink gluhwein in the markets, I was really expecting to have a little bump growing instead, and that would have been much nicer.

It sounds so, so depressing but I am finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything - everything just feels meaningless without a baby on the way. Does that sound really daft??
Just trying to muster the energy to get up and get dressed is impossible. The 5.5 weeks I knew I was pg was the happiest of my life - such a cliche, but really truly was.

Morning Ladies

Good to see you back @Ratherbe, I’m so sorry you are feeling low, I am certain you will get your baby really quite soon. I know just how you feel though, and even with DC I feel the same, nothing makes sense when you can’t have a baby. It seems funny that I mc before you, yet you are ahead of me. I guess that’s the difference between natural and surgical. Prague is lovely, we went there 10 years ago, I’m pretty sure it started snowing when we went to the castle too.

I should have been 12 weeks tomorrow, but instead I will be 4 weeks post ERPC, I was planning to wrap up a box containing our 12 week scan picture for our boys to open on Christmas morning. I still imagine their faces as they work out what it is.

yup, we've not done Christmas cards for the same reasons regarding announcements. I was going to write from the bump too, but now it just doesn't seem right and I won't be feeling 'in the spirit' enough to write well meaning messages.

@ratherbeshowjumping I also find it hard to motivate myself, we didn't really want to do anything at the weekend, just lounge around on the sofa, but we forced ourselves.

Now I'm nervous about DP's surprise birthday lunch. I have avoiding his family as there has been a few babies born over the three years we've had losses. but the only ones I go to someone bloody announces their pregnancy an I'm terrified someone will do the same this time. I've no reason to believe anyone will, I just worry because this was supposed to be our time for good news.
I'm organising the whole thing and I really feel like saying "If anyone is planning to announce anything, please don't!" - but that would be crazy. His family already think I'm mental for struggling all this time

Anyway, I am so sorry you're all struggling so much. I wasn't meant to be this way and we don't deserve this pain.

I hope so much in a few months time we all get to change this group into an ante natal group, an a super lucky one at that.

@TinselBee I don't think I'll bother paying for FF. I pay £20 a month for the privilege of Ovusense and I also use Flo and now the free version of FF. Maybe I should start paying more attention to signs and symptoms for FF. But then I wonder if it is worth noting these things. For instance, I've had a headache for four days now but I think it is probably down to no caffeine. I guess if I note it down, I can see if the same thing happens next cycle. Right, you've convinced me to write things down - sorry garbled brain dump right there

haha no worries for the brain dump Frazzle and yes put it all down! It actually helped me stop being too crazy during TWW as I realised i actually did get "pregnancy" symptoms every time leading up to AF