The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

Frazzle I am sorry that it causes you to feel that way, I do get it. I hate seeing that BFP every morning now as 2 lines does not = baby. Hmm I guess, but it might take a while to become infected and then it means this is all dragging out longer! Hope not though.

Anyone else seriously breaking out? My skin has never been this bad!

@Frazzlerock, it could be too early to test. I think I ov'd on either Thursday 6th or Friday 7th, which would put me at around 12dpo. I know every pregnancy is different but last time round I got a glaring line at 8dpo and every symptom going. I may test again on Friday if AF hasn't shown. Just hate seeing the BFN's :(
I did read something that cycles tend to elongate after a mc - but do AF symptoms change too?!

How lovely about your cat (gorgeous name too). I think animal behavours are a great indicator - I know one of my DHorses was uncharacteristically careful and considerate towards me when i was pg - he's usually like Bambi on ice!

@Tinsel that's really interesting, I didn't realise it could take that long. There seems to be so much contradictory information on the internet. I was the hospital could just give you a booklet with all of this information on - hcg levels, ovulating time, changes to cycles. I know it varies person to person, pregnancy to pregnancy but some indicator would be fantastic, instead of having to really on hearsay or incorrect info on google.
That's really shit about your SD - I'm sorry he was such an arse. I don't know how you held off slapping him.
We are due to go out with PIL tomorrow. I'm absolutely dreading the "are you pregnant yet" conversation and all the stupid comments that come with it such as "I'm so lucky I never miscarried" "are you sure there's nothing wrong with you" or my absolutely favourite "things happen for a reason and perhaps you're not meant to be a mother right now" - no MIL nothing wrong with me and yes MIL very lucky but out of your 3 children, 2 of them don't talk to you so yes you may have all the luck in the world doesn't make you a nice person or a good mother

Wow that was a bit of a rant, sorry about that one!!!!

Love a rant!

I got asked by my boss yesterday if I was going to start trying again ‘or give it a rest for a bit and concentrate on not going sick again?!’
Wtf??!
I said I didn’t think asking if I had unprotected Sex with my DH was appropriate and bordering on creepy! 😂 he nearly crawled up his own arse!!

My ‘best friend’ also likes to tell me frequently how ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ And ‘not the right time’.... er.... no.... it was very much the right time and very much meant to be.... she doesn’t mean to be a heartless d-head, but I’ve found me avoiding her for over a week!!

I've been avoiding speaking to my Dad for weeks. He doesn't know about my mc's (he's a total drama queen and we're not that close) but I am going to have to come up with an excuse for my silence now. Christmas stuff I guess. I just haven't felt like speaking and having to pretend everything is fine. Plus we have a new baby in the family (my step mother's first grandchild) so they can't stop going on about her, and I have done the duty thing of newborn gifts and texts etc

I haven't really told many people about it tbh. I find that when I do, they generally go a bit OTT and so I then find myself reassuring them that it's all ok really, "it's life ... I'm so lucky to have DS" etc etc. Just can't be bothered.

Feeling a bit grinchy today. It's my last day in work (hooray) but with the prospect of medical management this morning, I'm not doing very well with the festive cheer!!

Oh yes, and how about "well at least you know you can conceive". Yes ... brilliant.

@rachyrach83 that's the strangest thing a boss could say!! WTAF!! I'm glad you managed to make him squirm though, good for you!

@Betty "well at least you know you can conceive" is the all-time classic. Imagine saying to someone who'd just been fired, "at least you know you can get a job" or someone who had a stillborn, "at least you know you can have a baby."

I do think many people don't know what to do or say in these situations and they fall into the categories of 1. not acknowledging you or saying anything at all. 2. making you "feel better" by reminding you that you can conceive or that "things happen for a reason" or 3. doing what MIL did and sending texts the next morning saying "hope you are ok, sure you will have another one soon." Yes I'm great actually, I delivered my dead baby a few hours ago but all well and good over here!!!!!

I know the feeling about pretending your ok

My mum has cancer so she nor my dad knows about my pregnancy nor my MC. They only need positive things to focus on and we were going to tell them on Xmas Day as something for my mum to focus on getting better for, so upsetting them when there is nothing that they can do to help seems unfair on them now. I usually speak to them or see them everyday but for a week I couldn’t face it.
I had to pretend I’d lost my voice which meant I couldn’t call and couldn’t go round (mum can’t be around any germs because of chemo) so spent a week whatsapping only!
Even now as I type I’m sitting with them pretending I’m fine!

@TinselBee that is very true, maybe see a different GP?

@ratherbeshowjumping Well it would be worth testing in the morning rather than evening, so see what happens on Friday. But, as I said to Tinsel above, I totally get the fear of testing. I do wonder if AF symptoms change, or if you just become more aware of your body changes. It was after my first MC that I noticed I had metal mouth and dry mouth in the TWW and I thought I only got that in early pregnancy. It drove me nuts as I kept thinking I was preg when I was just pre AF.
That is really sweet about your horse. Animals are incredible aren't they. So intuitive!

Oh I hate all the shit responses to MC. "I was just a ball of cells" was my favourite from DP's Dad after our first loss.
This time my sister's response to me just losing our precious baby was "oh, well hopefully it is only a small op!?"
Anything that starts with "At least..." goes straight into room 101
And nowt wrong with a rant here Rather. Fill your boots, we're all listening and here in solidarity!

@Rachyrach83 your boss! Great come back mind you

@BettySwoll0cks I'm not surprised you're feeling grinchy. Grinch away, you need it. Life has been fucking hard xx

I agree with you Rather - people do not know what to say. Heck, I havent a clue what to say even though I am going through it! I suppose it is just nice to have acknowledgement that it is okay for s to be grieving and anxious. The OTT responses are probably the worse though Betty - I am with you on that.

Does sound like you have a nightmare of a MiL though Rather who clearly has no understanding of good manners let alone what to say to you regarding MCs!

And yup totally agree, wish the booklet hopsital gave me was more informative. Just states on there that I can TTC as soon as bleeding stops and to expect ovulation to happen around 2 - 4 weeks post MC and to have AF return 4 - 6 weeks post MC. And 1st day of bleeding or ERPC should be taken as CD1. So yeah been doing more reading on the net, mainly stalking old threads tbh.

oh Rachy I am so sorry to read that about your mum, such a bloody tough time for you as it is with your mum and now this too

Frazzle I will ask for a diffeent GP if I am still getting BFPs post Xmas as that be 3 weeks later

I've just ordered Methylfolate now. I can't even begin to think how much I've spent on supplements. I am determined for our next baby to hang on!

@Rachyrach83 I'm so, so sorry. What a shit time you're having at the minute... I completely understand not wanting to face them right now. Sending lots of love to you

@Frazzlerock yes will test in the morning - last time round I got a bfp at 2.30pm, 8dpo. But that was last time, and this is this time, is what I keep trying to tell myself.
Yes definitely, there are so many crossover symptoms. I know when AF is on her way because I get cramps up and down my thighs from about 3 days before. I knew I was pg last time as these just didn't appear. Now I've got no cramps there at all, just feel like I'm going to come on any minute, if that makes sense? Still have the dry mouth, sore boobs and metal mouth that I've never noticed with AF though before. So bizarre.

"Ball of cells..." wow that certainly tops it!!! How did you react to that?!

@TinselBee I would definitely seek a second opinion, that doesn't sound right to me at all....
Likewise, obsessed with old threads. The madeformums ones from 2008 make me laugh - everything is "hi huni, praying 4 u huni xxxxx" glad MN is more authentic...

Yesss @Frazzlerock - if you'll support my rants, I'll happily support your supplement spending spree! Solidarity!

Ah thanks all

Yes been a rollercoaster year.
Mum got diagnosed with brain tumour on 1st April... had to have surgery on 25th April, so DH and I cancelled our August Wedding and rearranged it all in 11 days and got married on 20th April so mum was there dancing to Witney and drinking cocktails!!
Surgery went well but found it’s spread to her lymph nodes.
She’s a fighter tho, just would have been nice to give her a reason to battle on (first grandchild!) that’s one of the reasons I’m so desperate to get straight back on it now.

I’m surprisingly alright with being around them now, I like that they don’t know so don’t wrap me up and it isn’t that they don’t know what to say. Today they had be getting their Xmas tree out of the loft and mum told me my arse was getting big! 😂 that sense of normality is actually refreshing at times x

On a happier note.... look what’s arrived!!

@Rachyrach83 what a tough year it has been for you all. I hope things turn around for you soon and your mum is able to get better?

Oh I think I have that book from when I was TTC DS2 10 years ago! It might have disappeared before we moved though as I think I got rid of most of my TTC books. I stupidly thought I wouldn't need them anymore as I was pregnant at the time, such a naive woman I was then

Sorry for hogging the thread today....
I’m putting off doing the wrapping...
does this look like a bfn to you all??
I’m starting to think I can see a feint line but don’t know if I’m going mad ?? Hcg was 34 on Monday at 11am so we are 52 hrs later now.
(Hope this kind of post is allowed???)

@Rachyrach83 I think that is a BFN - I think you are finally in the clear. I am tempted to do one tomorrow morning to check mine but I've only got an expensive Clear Blue one. Need to buy some cheap ones really

I feel pathetic that I cried despite we wanting to see this for 2 weeks now.
It’s like it’s finally a horrible reality that I’m no longer pregnant :(
This was a Sainsbury’s one they are £3.50 for 2

I don't blame you for being upset, I think this is why I don't want to see mine as it's just so final xx

oh Rachy what a strange position to be in ey? It is no wonder you cried, you've longed for a BFN despite actually wanting to be pregnant still. It sure does look like a BFN and any line you may be able to see is probably just one of those indent lines as it isnt showing in the pic.

Thanks ladies xx

@Rachyrach83 looks like a BFN to me too... don't feel pathetic for crying! It's a completely natural reaction. How can you not be upset when you have it in front of you, clear as day, evidence that you are no longer pregnant?
Sending even more hugs and wine xx

Thinking about booking DH and I a night away for his b'day in Feb now to take our minds off all this TTC etc if we do not get lucky in next couple of cycles. Anyone been to Norwich here?

Not me @TinselBee but look on Travel Zoo as that has some great UK breaks for cheap as chips x