The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

AF has unexpectedly arrived here 😨😥

Hi all

@ProseccoBee Gosh that does sound horrific .
When we lost our little Emily (first MMC) the Sonographer at the EPU went through all of my options. She suggested the surgical option would be the least traumatic and told me that miscarrying naturally at 9 weeks would be like giving birth with real labour pains. So basically what you described there.
Needless to say, I chose surgery at the time but then regretted it as I wanted to see my baby and say goodbye properly. I know that's not to everyone's taste but I felt in limbo where I had no idea where my baby was, they just took her away from me without any explanation. I eventually found out they cremated the babies from that week and put them in a burial plot in the local cemetery (90 in total including our little one). But that took a complaint to PALS and a (really lovely) meeting with the Matron of Gynae. Now I have a place to go but it's in London so a bit of a trek but we do visit from time to time, like on her birthday.
Sorry, I'm digressing again (my usual!). I think what I am trying to say is that I was warned of the trauma having the baby naturally but wasn't warned of the emotional distance I would feel with the surgery and how clinical and 'conveyor belt' it all was. This time I wanted to have my baby at home should the worst happen (before I knew I was going to MC), but they offered genetic testing so went for surgery for physical ease. I still don't know how I would feel MCing at home and seeing my baby. It's a choice none of us should have to make and I still don't know what I would do next time...
You seem pretty upbeat though which is good, but I do hope you're not suppressing any feelings xx

@TinselBee - spotting? I don't know... I wonder if you still have preg hormones that you may still be getting rid of the last bits? What is your temp like today? Any clues there?

@Kinsters I cannot imagine having to do xmas shopping while it's all going on. I won't venture anywhere near the shops so managed to do a load of online shopping while I was still pregnant (and happy) thank god! Though I have still done a bit online since. I actually went into Tiger yesterday and walked straight out, the queue twisted the whole way around the shop.

How is everyone else?

So this morning Ovusense has predicted actual ovulation for today . I'm trying very hard not to read too much into it, my temp could be just doing a PCOS thing. Still, we did some jiggery pokery this morning just in case I'll also jump on him tomorrow too and maybe the next day if he hasn't got an injunction against me by then
Will this be the one....

Come on little egg...

Kin I havent a clue as I have only been here a few months but I imagine not at the glee from my colleague opposite!

Frazzle I think DS has run off with the thermometer as I couldn't find it this morning! No more spotting today though, was just that one small bit like what I get when I ov! Think you might be right though, probably from weird pregnancy hormones!

EEEEEEKKKK Frazzle go egg go go go ! FX

Rose oh no! how many days are you again? Did read on the other MC thread some people seem to stop bleeding only to carry on bleeding a week or two later! (was wondering if that was what the start of my spotting was going to lead to)

I am exactly 4 weeks post eprc today, so I’m assuming it is proper AF. Today is also when I should have been 12 weeks 😥

oh Rose what awful timing ey? Does sound like it must be Af then. Hopefully a new year baby will be conceived then?

oh @Rose68 I missed your post. That is shitty timing. Today will be hard for you. What you you doing today? Just think, you are starting a new fresh cycle, all you need to do is keep your DH on board for a couple more weeks. Hang on in there xx

@TinselBee Ah annoying about thermometer! But, funny you should mention pre-ov spotting, that was exactly what I was going to suggest but also didn't want to get your hopes up. Our cycles have been similar since our losses so maybe, just maybe, we are also synced with ovulation...? I say that like I am certain I have ov'd - see already getting my hopes up! Still I was in a very irritable mood yesterday so would explain that..

Morning all. Sitting at the hospital waiting for the doctor so I can fill out the medical management paperwork. Scan showed that my little bean died almost as soon as it started developing - 3mm only. So I've been carrying it around feeling crap for the past fortnight (nice). Not really looking forward to mc'ing at home over Christmas but it is what it is. Don't fancy ERPC because of my weird shaped womb!!!

@ProseccoBee sorry you went through it at the weekend; my first mc passed naturally and I do remember that as soon as the pregnancy sac was gone I started to feel better almost straight away. I hope it's the same way for you

@Frazzlerock everything crossed for a good strong sticky egg!! We are due some good news on this thread!!

A big hug to all xx

Oh Betty I’m so sorry. I guess it must have happened soon after your last scan then, it’s so annoying that they made you wait 2 weeks and I know they wanted that to be 3. I really hope the next few days aren’t too dreadful for you, sending you lots of love & hugs

Betty I am so sorry they really made you wait that long, would have been awful if they did stick to the 3 weeks! sorry its over xmas

Frazzle just cant imgaine I'll be Oving when I am still getting BFPs though? We actually have had a similar experience so far though! FX for us all

Congrats @Frazzlerock how exciting go go go!!!

Oh @Rose I'm so sorry. Sending hugs to you. I know how shit it feels.

@Betty that's really shit - I do hope it happens as quickly as it can for you. That sounds dreadful.
Sending lots of love to you.

God knows what is going on with my body. My mouth is like the Sahara desert, have a banging headache and my boobs are so sore. I'm also still having weird dreams and even had a gum bleed when I brushed my teeth this morning. Exactly the same symptoms as I had when I got my BFP last time. Cramps have completely gone, no sign of AF or PMT, so lucky DH I've done a test this morning, BFN. So, so frustrating. I am 98% sure I'm not pg, I just wish my body would stop acting like it was.

Had a google, appears we can expect to ovulate as soon as our HCG is close to 0! I suppose that is why some women ovulate only 2 weeks post MC. I am only 11 days post Op but 13 days since I started bleeding so assume I should just DTD lots for next 2 weeks to catch Ov

Rather that is so frustrating! Why does it play tricks on us, not like we havent been through enough already!!!!

Afternoon all

Sorry to hear some of you are having a tough time

Fingers crossed for you @frazzle!!

Had hcg results from Dr... down to 34 yesterday (day 17). Anyone know if I can ovulate with them at that level?? So frustrated as willing them to be 0 :(
Although 33,000 to 34 in 3 weeks is quite a drop - no wonder I’m a moody / emotional / excited / generally strange wreck at the mo!!

Found this on another thread that I found interesting re hcg levels as clear blue tests....

Rachy from what I've read around ovulation post MC, OV happens very quickly after gettng close to 0. Should imagine that be lower than 10mlu. I'll be shocked if you aren't there in next couple of days by how fast you've been dropping! So you might be ovulating within next week maybe? Get DTD!

Typical to be the week up to Xmas.
I’m bloody exhausted!! Lol

BettySwoll0cks so sorry you waited so long just to hear bad news. That seems extra unfair.

Rose that's some shitty AF timing.

I've decided to take a break from TTC stress for a bit so no pregnancy tests, opks or temping. I think it'll be easy to follow that over Christmas when we're really busy and then January/February are quite busy for us with Chinese New Year and maybe going away. I can't face opening up fertility friend right now.

Rachy hopefully you'll find time to squeeze it in!

Kin I do understand how you feel partly, I keep wondering if we should just give it a rest till the new year at least or even after our best friends wedding.

I've had to mute my NCT group chat from previous pregnancy. Just can't deal with the cutesy pregnancy chat going on about a couple of the girls. Feel so bitter. But I would have been due around same time as one of them. Hurts so bad.

Morning all! How is everyone?

Bought a new thermometer yesterday, temp at 36.3 so no sign of Ov. But then again, wouldn't expect it as BFP this morning too...

TinselBee yeah I think it's a good idea to mute. I'm lucky that I don't know anybody whose pregnant or with young children at the moment. Well I do know some but not well.

I went into work this morning but then left because I kept crying I'll be back I. The new year. Working in a foreign country is really hard and lonely but it feels extra lonely right now. No one asked why I'd been gone or cared that I was upset.

What tests are you using? I'll probably pick up some FRERs in the UK (they're crazy expensive here).

Oh and I wanted to share a weirdly woo little story with you to see if anyone has experienced similar.

I have this hair just under my belly button which for some reason I call my "life hair" and won't pluck or wax it. Its much longer and thicker than the little hairs around it. Anyway, after our first positive scan when we saw the heartbeat I noticed that there was a second hair just above my "life hair" it was the same kind of thick and strong hair but a little bit smaller and lighter.

Before our scan where we learned the heartbeat had stopped I noticed the second hair was diminished like much smaller and weaker feeling but I ignored it and told myself (and believed) that I was being ridiculous. By the time of the third scan where the baby had disappeared it was gone completely.

I'll be interested to see if it comes back if when I get pregnant again. DH reckons it was caused by hormones but idk. Idk what I'd do if "my" hair dropped off - probably have a panic attack and convince myself I was dying!

Sorry for this very weird story, I mean it in a lighthearted way and will try not to get obsessed with my belly hairs over the coming months!

@Kinsters our bodies truly are amazing. That's a bizarre but really lovely little story. I don't think that's weird or woo at all, just your body acknowledging another one growing with you.

I know Mumsnet doesn't approve of "woo" type stories but when I was pg and working alone from home, I had this really strong feeling that I wasn't actually alone in the house. When I miscarried, the sensation completely vanished.

@TinselBee glad you've managed to get another thermometer! Sorry to hear you've still got a BFP (how weird it feels saying this).

Still waiting for AF to come - I even did a test last night just to rule out pg and it was BFN, so confident I'm not pg, just want AF to hurry up and get on with being here so we can crack on with ttc next month.

Well and truly ready for 2019 now....!!

Morning everyone

@ratherbeshowjumping - well those symptoms are confusing aren't they. Dare I ask if it is too early to test?

@TinselBee Well that is interesting about ovulating once HSG drops. Maybe my ovusense (my 'little mouse' I call it) is correct in predicting mine then...
I totlaly get why you would mute that convo. I wish I could mute the convos in the office right now. One colleague's wife is about to drop and another is due in late January. I have a lot of bitterness towards all the people who can easily pop babies out. It seems to be 'rife' at my office (except for me obviously) I shouldn't be bitter but I can't pretend otherwise. When the baby convo starts I shove my earphones in and put my music on loud - I have Spotify loaded up and waiting for emergencies!
Still BFP? You're making me wonder if I should do one just in case...

@Rachyrach83 You're just gonna have to get jiggy with it, and forget the tiredness!

@Kinsters Totally understand you wanting to take a break. I probably should too, but nearly 3 years of desperation and heartache... I just can't. I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone right now. It's hard when no one asks. I've had colleagues ask me if I've been away or something and I bloody well tell them that no actually, I haven't! Then they get my full story. Most have responded well. The colleagues who haven't asked have completely ignored me. So I think they know, but too scared to approach me which is really shit. Well done for attempting to go into work, don't feel bad for going home.
That is a strange thing to happen with your tummy hairs! I wonder if they is any truth in it. I have loads of tummy hairs being riddled with PCOS, I get them waxed off!

Talking of 'Woo' stories, my eldest cat Phoebe knows when I'm pregnant. She didn't leave me alone in any of my pregnancies, she had to sit on my tummy when I was on the sofa watching telly when she always goes to DP usually. As soon as I had my ops, she didn't bother with me and went back to DP. Maybe I won't need a test next time, I will just see what she does.

This morning I am slightly sprightlier than usual. It may be all the vitamin D I'm caning, or the prospect of being at home as of tomorrow until the boys go back to school. Although, since I've been sat at my desk, my mood is plummeting again.

I'm still hopeful that I have, or am, or about to ovulate. I need to try and get DP to bed early tonight to make sure we are covered. Though he went out last night and has already told me he feels awful so it might be tricky..

Kin I have one of those hairs too! Although I am forever plucking. Also got an additional couple over course of pregnancy with DS and actually they haven’t grown back for a while now so wonder if they are gone. Can’t say I noticed any extra with the pregnancy just lost. Is rather lovely thought though I think about your hair and the second one. Hopefully you’ll have a lovely healthy second hair soon (feels weird saying that!) So sorry you are feeling lonely too, I cant imagine what it must be like

Rather Not long now though till 2019, less than 2 weeks to go! Lets hope 2019 is the lucky year for us all xx

Frazzle Makes me feel awful though feeling all bitter! Tbh I would react same way as you with the headphones. I was so pissed off with my stepdad the other day actually, went over there for dinner and was in middle of conversation with my mum over dinner when stepdad decides that he will update me all of a sudden on how my sister’s newborn is doing and how perfect the 4 of them are together now! Honestly, was close to slapping him!! I don’t know how you have held off taking a test! Apparently the average is 12-16 days for HCG to leave the body post start of MC but can take as long as 4 weeks!! Depends on high your levels were and how your body gets rid of them and if there is any retained product etc. I am 12 days post ERPC but 14 days post start of bleeding so guessing I am gonna be one of the longer ones to rid HCG. Tbh I am pretty pissed I am not having a follow up scan to ensure nothing is left and GP won’t monitor my HCG either so have no choice but to keep POASs.

@TinselBee what an arse your stepdad was! . I'd be furious as well.
The reason I've not taken a test is that testing brings me so much misery and anxiety. My two boys were so hard to conceive I took so many tests. And then taking tests for the three we lost over the past 2-3 years has been hard. Especially the first one as DP never wanted his own children and she was a complete surprise for both of us.
Even with Popsy, I didn't test until 14DPO as was so scared it would be negative despite my chart telling me otherwise. I think I've just developed a fear of tests tbh.
It's really shit that you can't get some kind of check to make sure all is well. Maybe its because you've no sign of infection?