TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@SerenaOverjoyed I’m sorry you’ve had worrying news, have you heard back? I’ve always heard that it’s not the hcg level but whether or not it’s doubling every 48 hours that is important. I understand how stressed you must be feeling. I really hope that you get good news soon and I’ve also never heard of KAJ before? So fingers crossed it was an error - could have been wrong!! I hope so 🤞

@Lilimum5 I’m so sorry you didn’t get better news. I’ve only ever had medical management or natural losses so I’m probably not much help but from what I’ve read, surgery seems to be over quickly and not too bad. The hospital are usually great with pain meds etc too so try not to worry. I hope you’re okay x

@TinyPaws good luck for Monday!

Oh my good lord, it was 2670!

What an afternoon of panic for nothing. We're opening something that 0% alcohol and marketing itself as sparkling wine tonight!

@SerenaOverjoyed brilliant news! So relieved for you. Enjoy your 0% alcohol!

Hi ladies. Sorry not been on for almost a week. Been trying to relax on holiday. Still here in the sunny Seychelles until Thursday. Despite trying to de-stress and cope with loss #2 a week before we flew out I keep feeling really low. Feel like pregnant woman is following me around everywhere. I don't need to see pregnant belly when I'm supposed to be 31 weeks with baby #1 who we lost in July. Aaarrrgggghhhhhh. Anyway, tried to attach a pic of nice calming beach and sea but internet here is rubbish so can't.

Sorry I can't reply to everyone individually, this thread moves so fast.

Welcome to the new joiners, so sorry you find yourselves here but you're in the right place for lots of support.

I'm so sorry to read that so many of you are having a rough time this week @Lilimum5 @strawberrye @Tiniestsky (sorry anyone I've missed)

Good luck with IVF @Russkispy @TinyPaws

Congratulations @SerenaOverjoyed

haleyfx thankyou!

Lilimum5 I'm sorry about your news. It sounds really frustrating and upsetting. I don't know a thing about medical management.

It does seem like a theme that people are giving you their views on your womb. It's not their business, it's between you and dh. Please do give yourself permission to have space from anyone with unhelpful opinions for a little while, if you need it. Recurrent miscarriage doesn't have common sense arm-chair solutions.

@SerenaOverjoyed so pleased you got positive news. Fingers crossed for you.

@hayleyfx glad you had a better experience with the phone call from the GP this time. Did you decide about bloods?

@TinyPaws fingers crossed for your embryos -grow little ones!

@strawberrye And @Lilimum5 So sorry to hear both your news. @Lilimum5 If you go for another op can they do it with ultrasound guidance? I really don't think it's fair they don't-the operation failure rate seems quite high anecdotally. Surely it'd be better for patients and more cost effective to only have to do it once? @strawberrye did you get anywhere with your gp appointment? I hope they refer you quickly lovely and they come up with a treatment plan for you.

Welcome to all the newbies, sorry you are here but welcome to the huddle. It's a real lifesaver.

As for me, AF has arrived. So about a 48 day wait since my MMC bleeding stopped. So far a bit of pain but not too heavy. Hoping it does t get any heavier/more painful as I've got a 6-7 hour round trip drive to do tomorrow to footy with dad. Hoping it bodes well for this cycle though. Start of fertile week should be when oh and I go away for a couple of days to a gig. Hopefully a well timed bit of fun at our nice hotel may give us a wonderful Christmas present! See I'm trying to be positive! Xxx

Hi all, please could I huddle in? I'm technically 5-6 weeks pregnant after my first miscarriage but I had a scan on Wednesday which showed a sac and yolk but no baby yet - I had a MMC in May (I was 12 weeks but baby passed at 8+4 - I had an ERPC on the day my 12 week scan was booked) which I'm still struggling to come to terms with, I feel really negative about this pregnancy too, DH wants me to be positive but it feels impossible, I've been reading everybody's stories and everyone seems so supportive and kind! It's a very lonely place to be in X

@Laney79 thanks lovely but no it will be the same one I had two weeks ago. I've just got to get this done so I can move on. I'll have to worry about the possibility of scar tissue later. Just so gutted at the moment and I'm not good company for anyone at the moment xx

Oh @Lilimum5 -I'm sorry lovely. Big hugs. Centre of the huddle for you. Xxx

Great news @SerenaOverjoyed! So lovely to hear some positive stories. Gives me hope!

Hi @Justincase87. Sorry for your loss and sorry that your feeling so anxious about this pregnancy. It's totally understandable. I'm still at the point where I'm almost scared to be pregnant because of the anxiety. My last mmc was a late one so I'm expecting I'll be feeling anxious for the vast majority of any future pregnancy! Really hope you get positive need soon x

Oh @Lilimum5 I'm sorry. Few of us feeling rock bottom today it seems. You have company xx

@BerylBunny I think I know how you feel hun. I hope you don't mind me asking how late was your mmc?

I don't mind! Always happy to share! We found out at the 20 week scan that the baby had died at 14+3. Post Mortem gave no explanation for it,just one of those things. And incredibly rare after two happy healthy scans. Had to have medical management as surgery wasn't an option at that point. I lost a helluva lot of blood in the process, and at the end the placenta wouldn't come away so I ended up in surgery after all. Pretty hellish. I'm still getting over the blood loss now - severe anaemia. My previous two Mmcs were early, simple operation and quick recovery. So this knocked me for 6.

@Lilimum5 I’m sorry 😔 sending hugs and strength x

@Justincase87 sorry you’re feeling so worried during this pregnancy, totally understandable I’m 5+1 and terrified! Very early scans sometimes don’t show much, I hope you get some good news soon and fingers crossed for a very sticky bean 🤞

@BerylBunny I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my son at 14 weeks (well TFMR) so it wasn’t a MMC like my previous pregnancy or yours. It’s so awful. It’s like you give birth and then leave the hospital without a baby, just grief. It’s sad to see how many people go through this. Wishing you the best of luck for TTC again and the future x

@hayleyfx thank you lovely. So sorry you had to go through that too. So so sad. It's such a different experience,being allowed to see your baby when it's so tiny and having no choice but to deliver it in a way you never thought you'd have to go through. All the medical complications meant I didn't focus as much on the loss as I could at the time either. Wishing you all the very very best too hun xxx

Hi ladies, I haven't been around for a bit. So after being told I was experiencing an MMC for the second time and it was very unlikely I would miscarry naturally given my hormone levels I arranged a D&C but next day I started bleeding and then the scan before the D&C revealed all virtually gone so D&C not necessary. This second time has been an odd experience. I'm distraught that I am here again but there was an odd relief it happened naturally. I now feel like I'm in a weird place. I haven't done an HPT to see if hormone levels are still high, I'm not checking ovulation or anything. I desperately want to be pregnant but I don't want to know about anything. I just want to be pregnant and not be paranoid and not know and then get a pleasant surprise that all is well. I think I might just go a few months of having sex without timing stuff or anything. I feel numb. Has anyone experienced this after a loss. Will it suddenly hit me and I'll go into meltdown? I just don't know. I feel like I'm in denial at the moment. Working, going out with friends, not talking about it, pretending nothing is happening. But then maybe this is how I survive it, I need to keep buggering on, I don't know. :-(

Newbie21 I'm so sorry you find yourself back here, and for your loss. . A break from opks and timing sounds really good, they have their uses but they cause (me) so much stress and occupy so much headspace.

I haven't experienced a feeling of calmness/detachment you describe after a pregnancy loss, but I have when grieving. A lost pregnancy is so much to process, especially on top of what is frankly trauma from the miscarriage itself. You might find you have more feelings later, you might not. Fingers crossed it's a smooth transition to ttc.

BerylBunny I can't believe how much you've been through. There are no words, I'm just totally inspired by your bravery. Thanks for saying good news gives you hope. I don't mean to flood the thread with early pregnancy noise, I'm just feeling really wobbly as I've had 4 v early mcs, all within 13 months.

Justincase87 Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's quite rare to see a heartbeat before 6-7wks, my epu don't even scan before 5wks 6d. It sounds like you're where you should be? I definitely understand the anxiety though. When is your next scan?

@lilimum5 so sorry you have to go through it again, what a nightmare. Hopefully they can bring you in soon and you can focus on speedy recovery. I don’t see why people tell you it’s time to stop trying, and as someone else be sure to surround yourself with those that can support you in all your decisions. Have you asked about tests- both for you and for what might have been left behind?

@berylbunny sorry to read your story I can’t imagine how hard it must be. Hope you are recovering well and beginning to look to the future. Presume you are also going for tests after x3?

@justincase87 - completely understand your mixed emotions. There is lots in you for focus on though, most women who have one mc have a healthy baby next time. Today you are pregnant and that’s wonderful news, congratulations :) take it one week at time.

@newbie21 so so sorry you are back here. I’m glad it happened naturally for you I think it’s better and less traumatic all round. It’s normal to have mixed emotions and numbness, don’t be afraid to ask for counselling if you would go, it can help a lot. I also started hatha yoga and found it useful to bring me mentally back to being able to try again xx

So far I’m still pregnant, today is a milestone, 5 weeks. Several phone calls yesterday between my GP and Registra and they want me to start heparin on Monday and first scan the following week.

Think I'm finally accepting I may need some kind of medical management, it's been 2 weeks since I had a 2 day bleed and I'm still positive. I know it's one of 3 possibilities (pregnant still, hormones still lingering or tissue left behind)
For 2 weeks I've wanted to believe either of the first 2 but I need to make room for the possibility that this scan on Wednesday will show something else.
I assume they try medical management fist..? Is it really horrible?

@SerenaOverjoyed @hayleyfx I am seeing my GP on Tuesday to ask about recurrent miscarriage clinic. Only saw her a fortnight ago and she said she'd refer us down the infertility route! How a couple of weeks can change things. I'm glad to hear your hCG levels are nice and high, they sound promising

@Yukka You're totally right it could be something else. And to be fair I don't even have an APS diagnosis yet. I guess the uncertainty of it all is the most difficult thing - it would be good to have some answers. Glad to hear the medical team around you are being proactive and you've hit a good milestone today.

@Tiniestsky sorry I don't have any experience to help explain as all my losses have been early and natural but just thinking of you and sending hugs

@BerylBunny milestones are really tough, sending hugs

@Lilimum5 so sorry to hear your news, I really wish this could all be over for you so you can have some closure and move on. Don't listen to the people telling you it's time to stop, thats a decision to be made by you and DP alone.

@Laney79 fingers crossed for a Christmas BFP for you

@Newbie21 really really sorry to see you are back here. I had a sense of detachment after my second loss. I think there is no "normal" way to feel, just let yourself feel whatever you feel and ride the wave. Sending you lots of hugs hun.

@Justincase87 I know its hard after loss, but try to be positive, its unusual to see much on ultrasound at that stage. Keeping my fingers crossed for you

@InDreamland hope the pregnant lady buggers off so you can relax without her as a constant reminder.

@berylbunny sorry to hear about your losses, they sound exceptionally hard.

Well I started spotting a bit yesterday and this morning have woken up with severe cramps so I think at least things are moving on with this loss. Going to go Christmas shopping and try to ignore all the inevitable babies and bumps today.

@Newbie21 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this but I think it's quite normal. You just need to do what feels right for you. I kinda feel similar which is why I left the OPKs at home rather than bring on holiday with us. Just have sex because it feels right and enjoy it rather than because a stick tells you to now is the best time. I almost wish i didn't know about the second pregnancy which we lost 2 weeks ago as I am still trying to cope with the first one - but then I feel guilty for thinking it because it's mean to think that I didn't want to know about my second baby. Ignorance is bliss. Don't put pressure on yourself, you've been through a really awful time and how you feel is totally natural. Just try to ride the wave (more like a tsunami), only time will help you to learn how best to cope with your experiences and losses (and maybe some counselling). Sending you lots of hugs

@Yukka that all sounds so promising so far. Keeping fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

@Justincase87 congrats on the BFP. Naturally you will feel anxious about any pregnancy following a mc. I can vouch for that - as soon as I saw the 2 lines on the FRER I immediately felt anxious about losing a second baby ......... sadly I did mc early. Is suggest calling your midwife/GP and tell them how you're feeling so you can get extra support. It is still very early days and maybe too early to see a fetal pole so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that this one is very sticky.

Good morning ladies!!

So sorry to you all who have had awful news these last few days, I pray for some positivity to come soon.

I’m feeling pretty anxious and annoyed today as I have a baby shower to go to for someone who doesn’t know who the father is and she still smokes and drinks throughout her pregnancy. Make my blood boil when their are people like ourselves that would do anything to not only be pregnant but would do anything to make sure it’s a healthy pregnancy. Obviously I’m happy for her but still... am I being out of order? Think I’m extra frustrated because I’ve still not had a positive or close to a positive on my OPKs but I’m just impatient 🙈.

Sorry for the rant x

@Newbie21 so sorry your loss. I think I too felt that period of calm and then it hit me later. Still does out of the blue sometimes. We've also just been having sex whenever and no tracking or dating,just going with the flow. It's been nice. We might start trying properly again in the new year.

@Yukka no testing yet unfortunately as I had one mmc, then my dd, then 2 mmcs this year so technically not recurrent 🙄bit frustrated by that. We had a post mortem after the last loss but it didn't show anything so I fully expect that I've just been very unlucky. Such an unknown though.

@DayDreamer1707 I don't think that's out of order at all, unless it was a relative or best friend I don't think I'd personally bother associating with people like that, might make me selfish but in a time like this if we can't put ourselves first, when can we?
It's hard enough seeing pregnant strangers passing by. I'm in the process of unfollowing people who are pregnant or have babies etc on Facebook lol

@Tiniestsky it’s family to be so I’m going to have a large wine and one day it will be my day! Just annoying isn’t it