TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Tiniestsky @HSapr I'm normally rubbish at talking to people about my own situations but opening up and talking to people about my MC actually made it easier to accept it and move forward.
In this situation I don't think there is a right way to tell people, it's whatever is best for you. I'm sure your mum's will just want to support you x

Welcome @BerylBunny so sorry for your losses, sounds like you have been through an awful time. I've found sharing experiences and advice on here really helpful and I hope you do too x

I'm after a bit of advice myself. I have been thinking about timings of my experience. I tested about 10 times in the 2 weeks I knew I was pregnant, all BFP results. The last one was last Thursday and although it was a tad fainter, it was still very clearly there. (It was a shitty dip strip, so at the time I put it down to that and the fact it was the evening and I'd drank a lot) the spotting started last Friday afternoon and continued to get heavier throughout the weekend. The hospital took a urine sample on Sunday morning and said it was negative. It was only AFTER this that the actual MC took place (I think), I.e. the super heavy stuff.
So I guess I was just wondering what that all means. How can my HCG drop so quickly? I thought it must mean that it ended a lot earlier than last Friday when I started spotting but I was getting super strong tests up until Wednesday. Can the hcg disappear in 3 days?!

@DayDreamer1707 I had very much romanticised the 'telling people' in my head. And I know this may sound stupid but I feel like if I tell friends and family I'll never have that moment again. Like, they would be expecting news from now on and I could never get that moment of surprise and excitement on their faces. Wow. Reading that back, it kinda makes me sound bad...

With my last mmc coming so late I had to tell everyone because we had shared the good news after the 20 weeks scan. It's forced me to talk about it and it really has made it more manageable. I've had so much support and kindness. But I know what you mean about taking the surprise away, I feel like next I'm pregnant and announce it people will look at me with sadness and ask how I'm feeling and not be excited! There's no right or wrong,it's whatever you're comfortable with xx

12 week scan that should say, definitely wasn't good news after the 20 week 🙈

I guess I ask because I'm not sure from her point of view whether she'd be upset I didn't tell her face to face but equally I don't wanna make a big deal about it. My bf doesn't think I should be driving the hour n half journey on my own cos I'd get too distracted by my thoughts

@HSapr to be fair I had told my mum and close family I was pregnant as I didn't have a clue what to do and wanted them there in case the worst happened (which it did). So it is totally up to you and depends if you feel you need the support. And you don't sound bad at all, I genuinely can't wait for the day I get to tell people again x

You also probably could of had a MMC which explains you still having HCG in your system. It will have possible been going down over time before you even knew it was happening?

@Tiniestsky It's up to you but I do think that if you tell your mum over the phone she will totally understand. Not something you want to travel all that way and do, would be different if she was just around the corner x

@Tiniestsky I agree with DayDreamer, I'm sure she won't mind you telling her over the phone. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Today I got out of the house and I must admit I really do feel better for it!

@DayDreamer1707 stupid question...what's the difference between a MC and a MMC?? Sorry I am trying not to google stuff at the moment. It sends my anxiety through the roof!!

Mmc is a missed miscarriage, usually only picked up on a scan, no bleeding or anything beforehand.

Well done for getting out and about @HSapr,I'm a big believer in a bit of fresh air and clearing the cobwebs!

Thanks ladies, I've been sat here staring at my iPad wondering what to type to her and wondering what her response will be, whether she'll be annoyed I didn't tell her sooner or that I told her via message rather than when I see her...

@Tiniestsky I'm sure the last thought on her mind will be HOW you told her xx

Sorry I wasn't shouting that!

@HSapr Don't worry, anxiety is awful!

OK so I had a MMC which is where my body let me think I was pregnant right up until 11 weeks,I began having light spotting and had a scan where I then found out my baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks. Its like your body 'missed' having the MC, if that makes sense? x

@HSapr I know lol
Thanks for e advice, with regards to your question of advice, sorry if you've already said, but is this your first pregnancy? How far along were you?

@DayDreamer1707 and @BerylBunny thank you for explaining - so a MC is when you get physical symptoms, e.g. bleeding at the actual time of loss, and a MMC is when physical symptoms come after the loss (or not at all in some cases)

@Tiniestsky yep it was my first pregnancy and I was just over 5 was so very early x

@HSapr sorry to hear that, mine was the same situation, I found out i was pregnant a couple weeks back on Tuesday and by Friday I was bleeding, I knew what had happened but haven't had it confirmed since, because I was only 4/5 weeks the nurse I spoke to at the epu on the phone said to check again in a few weeks to see if the test was still positive.
The last test I did was Monday gone, a week after the bleeding stopped was still positive.

That's right @HSapr. Not at all in my case, I've had to have intervention every time. Silly body!! So frustrating!

So sorry for all your losses ladies 😔

@hayleyfx thank you for thinking of me. I tested with the same kind of cheapie I originally used (supposedly sensitivity of 10miU/ml) and its negative. Plus I just found out my friend who has had 2 MMC and is pregnant again. I can't stop crying.

@strawberrye I'm so sorry 😞

So sorry this is happening to you @strawberrye cry as much as you need to xx

@strawberrye I'm so sorry hun xx

Hello everyone, I've been failing miserably at keeping up with this thread, it moves so fast!

@strawberrye So sorry you've had a further loss.

Welcome to the newbies, sorry you find yourselves here, this is a lovely supportive thread.

Hello to all the oldies! Especially @boboelephant @laney79 @mistymeow @KnitKitty - I feel you ladies have shared so much of my journey!

@Yukka Congrats on the BFP!

I'm having an interesting time, I'm part way through an IVF cycle, recovering from egg collection which was yesterday. Despite having what appeared to be a good response to stims the number of eggs collected and fertilised has been disappointing and it's looking likely I'll have to have a day 2 transfer. I'm very close to my due date from me previous pregnancy and it's difficult not to think about what would have been. So, very mixed emotions here.