TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

Morning all! Just realised we hit 1k posts in the last thread. Couldn't see that anyone had created a new thread so I hope I haven't duplicated!

@hayleyfx Thank you for sharing precious Charlie 💙 I love your tattoo too, your babies will always be with you. I wanted to get a tattoo a couple of weeks ago but couldn't as I had to have tests to check why I've been bruising so badly recently. All came back normal so I should have done it! Going to wait now.

@Lbish So sorry for your loss and that you find yourself joining us here. I have had two miscarriages this year and It's been such a hard year but these lovely ladies have really given me so much support. I hope you will find comfort here.

It is so so hard and everyone deals with pregnancy announcements in different ways. For me, I try to think that some day that will be me and I would want people to be happy for me. My best friend was a week behind me with my second pregnancy, I lost my baby but she's now 16 weeks and I'm genuinely happy for her because it's her 4th pregnancy after 3 consecutive miscarriages. My nephew was born whilst I was miscarrying but I visited and held him a few days later - it was hard but I think of it as if I can't have children then at least I have nieces and a nephew to love and spoil!

I'm not always able to deal with it. There's been 4 pregnant women at work and I've watched them all get beautiful bumps and go on maternity leave. Some days seeing it all day long has been hard and I've had to go outside for fresh air. It is hard and we don't have to be brave all the time. I think in time it might get easier, we just have to stay positive that we will get there.

Sorry probably not very helpful. You are entitled to have a good cry so don't beat yourself up over it xx

Tefiti2
Age 25
TTC #2
Early MC in Feb18
Early MC in Apr18

We haven’t been trying for the last few months as I found it was effecting my mental health negatively - but now are back at it and currently maybe 2DPO!

Morning, marking my place in the new thread - thanks @redrobin7!

My stats:

Ttc#2 (dd almost 3)
Cycle 5 post mc in March at 6-7 weeks
Age 38 (39 soon)

I had a total meltdown yesterday out of nowhere & triggered by something really trivial. My dh is starting to despair & is getting frustrated with me. I honestly thought I’ve been doing ok but obviously there are some feelings that I’ve been pushing away that all came bubbling back at once. I just wish I had a magic wand in all this!

So this is what I was trying to post I answer to @hayleyfx epic 1000th post in the last thread. I'll do intro etc next chance I get!

Oh @hayleyfx your collages are wonderful. Charlie is a lovely boy and you are right to be proud to share him. I think you are a total inspiration.

@RedRobin7 you too are an inspiring lady. Your budding post is brave but throughly necessary. I've been thinking about doing something similar for a long time too (well, a few months but it seems like forever since I was forced to realise how badly we need to have conversations about miscarriage). Glad to see you back amongst us. Good luck with your results, I hope they've found a solution for you. Also hope this weekend hasn't been too hard on your soul xx

Am cd20/8dpo. May have tested yesterday 🙄 I don't know why I did it other than my nips were a bit sore in the gym (err probs because I'm an idiot that forgot a proper bra!) and my hips felt a bit stretchy (errr also connected to the gym, idiot!). I'm going to the GP on Thursday as that will be 6 months post MMC and to ask for blood tests re. Questionable thyroid function as well as to see if there's anything we can do about the lack of baby around here. Not hopefull there as I only turned 35 in August and technically have been pregnant in that time although lost it very early (5weeks LMP but only AF pretty much on time by OPK) . Il be 12dpo when I go to doctor - should I test just in case? X

Morning all!

SuperSharpShooter82
Age 36
TTC #2 (DD is 22 months)
MC July 2018
Am now awaiting second AF post MC so this will be my first proper cycle. Fully expecting AF to arrive next weekend.

@hayleyfx your collage is beautiful as is your tattoo tribute. Hugs xxx

@RedRobin7 your post is brilliant and I think you are very brave. I might actually use some of your wording and post something similar is Baby Loss week next month. I agree that the silence around MC makes it harder.

I'm plodding along after last weekend's disaster babybomb. My sister has not been in touch to ask if I'm ok, let alone apologise. I am debating on emailing her as a couple of you suggested but every time I start writing it I get upset. I hope everyone is is doing ok. Will try and keep up better with this thread!

Forgot to say @Laney79 I've been thinking of you and hope you are holding up as best you can xxx

Morning to all ladies old & new 👋🏼 I haven’t been on for quite a bit but have been following everthatyone everyday ❤️ I have wanted to post but didn’t want to upset anyone. Just a quick update I am now 20+1 & have my next scan on 3/10/18 so not long to go! We are going to stay team yellow 🙈 I am now off all medication apart from vitamins & so far all is well.
Firstly I want to say hi to @boboelephant sweetie I so admire your strength & completely understand that you are taking a little time out, I think it’s defo the right thing to spk /consult with doctors & specialists & I think it helps us that with trying to find answers we are actively doing something which is good for mind body & soul👍🏼 You are an inspiration to all women & please don’t ever give up cos like I said quite a while ago this sparkle will always be in your corner sending love to you ❤️
Also @hayleyfx I cannot believe your strength & positivity you have been through so much & I know how proud you are of Charlie ❤️ He is beautiful & all of your pictures/precious moments shine through my hunny. You carry such grace & again an inspiration to women you are a wonderful mummy 💋

To all you other gals old & new I’m so sorry for what you are going through I only know too well & a lot of you are so similar to my experiences & I urge you all to try & find answers if that is the right thing for you to do. I have been through The rmc & am now under specialist widwives and 2 consultants (due to rmc & other issues) I am 40 in early January & please please don’t think age is a main factor it may be a little harder & a little longer but it’s important to suss out what is going on with our bodies it’s too easy for medical people to blame age!!! All of the feelings are a massive part of the journey & even though I am pregnant now I am still dealing with loosing my 3 sparkly angels I truly think it never goes away but learn to live with it❤️
I have spoken to a lot of specialists in the last few months & I always get their input/take on miscarriage some of them say it’s bad luck or an underlying problem & some of them are like a grey area one midwife I am seeing is a research midwife & she has worked all over the world & seen a lot of pregnancies/birth, she said that the best bit of advice to give is to be yourself & never ever think that it is anything that we have done wrong ❤️ Pregnancy birth & miscarriage are one of the most “unknown” areas in the medical field, it’s a bit like scientists know about space, volcanoes, freak weather but when it come to the ocean they know only 1% that’s what we’re going through!! Whether it’s because lack of money, resources or they just don’t know we have to have threads like this so we can help each other ❤️ Do what is best for you if it’s aspirin then do it (always under medical supervision) if it’s twigs & tea do it if it’s private do it just listen to your body mind & soul! I hope I haven’t rambled too much🙈 I follow you all everyday & I hope & prey your rainbow 🌈 will be with you soon lots of love to you all SPARKLE xxx

Hi everyone

Here I am. Hugs to you all.

Age 34
Ttc #1 for 2 years
Mmc April 2018 (9w5d)
Dh has secondary infertility due to rare condition (under fertility treatment)
Awaiting referral letter from UCLH to begin ivf process

Thanks for the thread @redrobin7 and I think your Facebook post is wonderful. It's hard to break taboos and I will find it hard when I do my post but if I can help one person it will be worth it.

@hayleyfx thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures. It's a treasure trove of memories to remember your lovely lad by. I agree with sparkle, you are an inspiration.

@lovemysparkle thanks for updating us and so pleased it's all going well. Your post is so encouraging to read ❤

Just marking my place, will reply properly to people after.

Knitkitty
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC in March. ERPC around 11ish weeks but measured 6ish weeks.
CP in June; period bang on time.
CP in September; period was a few days late.

Also, have a history of endometriosis and had left ovary removed when I was 14 and I have a didelphic uterus (had second womb removed when I was 21)

Hi everyone

Marking my place.

InDreamland here.
Age 38
TTC #1
MC 16th July 2018 was 12+3 (found out a week earlier at 11+4 baby had died).
Have been TTC since June 2013.

@RedRobin7 I think your FB post is really heartfelt and absolutely needs to be posted if you feel you can. I have been toying with putting something similar on FB during Baby loss awareness week and when I burn a candle for the wave of light - I've bought a candle especially for it. Since the mc I've not really been on FB, not posted anything but have liked a couple of posts from a family event. Thought that Baby loss awareness could be my first post since the mc. However, like you I'm in 2 minds, not sure DH wants me to talk about it publicly (he never does anything of FB) beyond those closest who know. I also wondered if I'd be brave enough to post something on the due date. If I did post then also wondered if some of what you wrote I could plagiarise. I hope you get some answers on Wednesday and can get back on the bus in October with the right medical support.

@hayleyfx thank you for sharing your photos. I think it's lovely you have those pics as memories of your 2 DC. Sadly I don't have anything for my one baby apart from letters with appointments and the pack from the midwife from our booking appointment. That's why I got DH to buy me a piece of jewellery to remember our lost little bean.

@boboelephant sorry if I missed it, hope appointment went well and you got some answers.

@Russkispy fx for you and everyone else in tww.

I'm currently CD11 and got a flashing smiley on CB OPK this morning. 2 days earlier than last month (this is only cycle 2 since mc). Not sure what to make of that. For those OPKing, once you get flashing smiley or see line getting stronger if you're using IC, do you start testing twice a day (morning and evening)? Or stick with just morning?

@sweetpea0318 sending you hugs! It's not been that long since your loss and you will have days that are harder than others. When you feel sad let it out. It's a totally natural thing for you to feel. Hopefully your DH will begin to understand how it affects you. Sorry if you already have but have you considered counselling? I've had 3 sessions since my mc and DH comes with me - he actually said this week after my last session which I sobbed the whole way through that it helped him understand how I feel and why. Hopefully that helps when I'm crying at home or just not feeling like going out etc. Hope every day you feel stronger and one day soon have your next baby x

@RedRobin7 Thanks for starting the new thread. Glad the bloods came back normal for the bruising. Now wrap yourself in bubble-wrap so you don't injure yourself again! What tattoo are you going to get?
I really like your Facebook post too. I have been wondering about doing something similar, but like you I'm not sure OH would be on board with it and I don't want to do it unless he agrees. Will probably write a post and get him to read it and see if he's ok with it when the time comes.

RE: pregnancy announcements and things, a colleague came into work with her newborn the other day. I actually found it harder watching her be pregnant than seeing her son. He was adorable and made me sooo broody. I was really pleasantly surprised that I coped so well seeing a newborn. But, on the other hand a friend announced she's started her maternity leave this week and that hit me because I would have started mine around now too. And I saw some little newborn halloween and christmas clothes in the shops and it tugged on my heartstrings and I had to look away before I started to cry.

As you all know, I like to refer to waves of emotion.
I'm finding mine these days feel less like tidal waves and more like gentle ripples.

@Tefiti2 Hi! Good luck with trying again. xxx

@sweetpea0318 Hugs. xxx

@doddlebobs Yes, I would test on 12dpo just in case before your appointment.

@SuperSharpShooter82 Sorry your sister hasn't been back in touch.

@Lovemysparkle I'm so pleased things are going well for you! Thanks for dropping by the update us. Your words are lovely.

@hayleyfx Thanks for sharing the collage of your pregnancies. Charlie is so precious. xxx Seems like a fitting end to the other thread.

Hi to the newbies and hugs all round to every one of you where ever you are in your cycles or your stage of TTC.
I see so many brave ladies on here, all of your strength is truly inspirational.

Marking my place, despite what's happening I still can't let go of my dream to be a mom.

Name: Laneycakes79
Age:39
TTC#1 since coming off pill sept 17.
MMC in March 18 (should've been 9 weeks, bean only 3.1mm so approx 6 weeks) - took till June to fully resolve following repeated medical management.
MMC Sept 18. My little Bow should be 9 weeks, but again she's just 6 weeks at 4.2mm with no blood flow or heartbeat. Waiting for confirmation scan 3rd October. Then likely med mgmt again.

I wish I could be as positive as some of you ladies-you are just incredible. I just hope this is over with more quickly than last time so I can get tested and move on. I am so grateful to have this board to be able to talk and vent on-my head is a mess and it feels safe on here, so Thankyou xxx

Hi all, I have been quiet for a while but just checking in on the new thread.

mostimproved
TTC #2, DS is 7
Age: Will be 28 on Wednesday!
Started TTC in April, MMC around 10 weeks in August this year. I have hypothyroidism which could have been a contributing factor.

This is my first proper cycle post MC and I'm currently on CD17 and 3dpo. I'm not anything this time as we have only DTD twice due to me feeling so down all the time.

I like the idea of the FB posts, and would do something similar if I used FB! We often do charity events at work so I am thinking of nominating a miscarriage/baby loss charity next time we do something.

@InDreamland I use the IC OPKs and start testing twice a day when the second line starts appearing, as I have found the surge can be quite quick and I don't want to miss it.

Marking my place here too:

Ancient mama of 42! With 15 months old baby girl. Conceived with IUI
TTC #2 since January 2018.
May 2018 - IUI
June 2018 - missed miscarriage at 6 weeks
In 2ww now.
Having acupuncture and reflexology regularly plus taking supplements and various herbal drinks from my fertility nutritionist.
Must stay positive and our time will come!!

Thanks @mostimproved. Good to know.I did wonder if last month the surge was 12 hours earlier than when I got the static smiley because I was only testing in the morning. Was hoping that DTD plenty since getting flashing smiley we'd have caught it but didn't obviously.

Marking my place- thanks for the tag so I found you!

Boboelephant
Age- 35
TTC #2 DS - 3
Trying since Sep 2016. Ectopic rupture and tube removal at 7.5 weeks. Nov '16
MMC and ERPC at 10 weeks, bub measured 8. Dec '17
Cycle 9 since MC.

@RedRobin7 thanks for starting new thread. I also think your fb post sounds great and very brave. You're right that every baby should be talked about. Nice to see you back.
@hayleyfx your collages are beautiful. Thankyou for sharing little Charlie with us. I second everyone about how inspirational you are. Re: your spotting. I had this cycle 2 after MC just a few days before ovulation. It was almost like bleeding to signal fertile week starting.
@strawberrye I'm sorry for bfn hun. I know the feeling but am positive it will happen for you.
@Lovemysparkle so nice to hear from you!! I have often thought about you and your lovely sparkliness. What a lovely message, you always brighten the thread. And thankyou for your beautiful words. ❤ So happy for you and that you've reached 20 weeks.
@sweetpea0318 sorry to hear you're having a tough time. The days where everything seems too hard can really hit you out of the blue. Hope you're feeling better today.
@doddlebobs 7dpo is far too early as you know 😉 so hopefully it will turn to a bfp later. I think asking for tests is a great idea but I would test at 12dpo before going too.

Thanks to all of you who asked about my appointment. It went really well and the consultant we saw was amazing. Some of you may remember the one I saw in March who was a total douche face... so this was a relief! Turns out 6 months ago my tsh levels were borderline for underactive thyroid which he didn't pick up. So they are most likely worse now and this can effect fertility. I had another blood test and will find out levels tomorrow but they basically need to halve to be peak fertility level. I've been put on levithyroxine which will be monitored in 6 weeks. Also getting a hsg xray tomorrow to look for any scarring or adhesions in my remaining tube and uterus. I found out I have adenomyosis so they say this doesn't affect my fertility but does mean my uterus is most likely inflamed. Once all these tests are back and if nothing in the next couple of momths, we will be doing ivf. She thinks we have a very high chance of success so fingers crossed if it comes to that. Feeling more optimistic than I have in ages so it was worthwhile going private!

@boboelephant so glad it sounds like you are getting some answers and that you sound more positive for the future. Hopefully you'll soon get your BFP and DC#2!

Thankyou @InDreamland. Good luck for fw! Hope it's a lucky one for you.

Place marking:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1 since October 2017
Early MC January 2018
Early MC April 2018
Coming towards the end of cycle 6 TTC since most recent loss, cycle 12 or 13 in total TTC.

@Russkispy @Mistymeow @KnitKitty @hellotoyellow @hayleyfx @boboelephant Thank you for your kind words. I think the BFN hit me extra hard this weekend as I saw a friend who is due not long after I should have been with my first pregnancy – made it very hard thinking I should be as big and pregnant as her, yet here I am no further along to becoming a mum.

@Mistymeow how are you getting on in the TWW?

@KnitKitty that’s a shame about the time of your in-laws visit. Can you manage any ninja JKS?

@RedRobin7 that sounds like a very brave thing to post on Facebook. I too am planning on writing something on there in October in pregnancy loss awareness week, just haven’t quite found the right words yet

@hayleyfx your collages are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing them with us.

@lovemysparkle lovely to hear things are progressing well.

@boboelephant glad to hear the appointment was positive. Welcome to the levothyroxine club! I’m getting mine monitored next week and hoping it’s settled into a good range for conception and pregnancy.

@boboelephant so glad that you have some answers from your appointment your positivity is amazing & shines through ❤️ And like I said earlier pregnancy,birth & miscarriage is such an unknown territory & by you sharing your experiences could then prompt another lady to investigate which is why it is so important to have people like you & threads like this😊 and I’m all for awareness it gets the message out there for all different walks of life.
Following on from what I said earlier do what you have to do & never second guess or doubt yourselves especially when your well being, mental health & dreams are at risk!! As always I’ll follow you all everyday & check in from time to time & if anyone needs advice re-rmc etc just shout ❤️❤️

Hello ladies, is it okay if I join?

35 years old, ttc for #1
Miscarriage in January at 8 weeks, he or she would have been due on September 4th.

Didn't try for a while as couldn't face it. But we have been trying again for the last few cycles. Although I haven't been confident in always ovulating, test lines never that strong.

This cycle I am on day 37 and no AF yet. Feels like AF is coming but if it doesn't soon I will test. I don't feel pregnant though.

Sorry for all of your losses. Hoping for good news for us all soon ❤️️

@strawberrye it's understandable. It's always harder when we see a visual reminder of where we should be in pregnancy. I saw a few 3 and 1 year old siblings today which is what I would have had and it was very painful. Good to hear someone else is on levothyroxine! How long have you been taking it and what were your tsh levels? Do you feel any different? Hopefully your levels have settled and thats the missing piece of the puzzle!
@Lovemysparkle thankyou lovely. Sending lots of sparkly love back to you.
@agteacht welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. How long are your cycles usually?