TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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I had to teach my OH (who is French) what "Aye up me duck! Ye rate?" meant before we moved here from France.
A funny thing happened last year. I have a friend who lives in London and is from Cornwall originally. She came up to visit me and literally danced around in a circle when we walked passed someone who said the very phrase mentioned above. She was so excited and slightly astonished that people ACTUALLY talk like that! It was hilarious! Haha!

Sorry to hear about the AFs and BFNs ladies 😤 I've only been part of this thread a few days and am already excited at the thought of someone posting about their BFP!

I also have received several emails from Pampers even though I definitely unsubscribed.. I felt the need to complain as it definitely felt like a blow. It's crazy how many pregnant women and babies I'm noticing now, they seem to be everywhere. Can't wait until that's me. Fingers crossed all is well when I next fall pregnant.

@kintan Thank you, I'm certain that we'll try again after AF. Feels like forever since we last DTD 😂

@Knitkitty Thank you. Hope you enjoy your day with your friend tomorrow and it isn't too difficult for you.

@robin78 Hope everything is OK with you and your friend, I'm sure she'll understand and be supportive now that she knows. Completely understandable that you reacted the way you did.

@Redrobin7 I'm sure that going back to work will be absolutely fine. If you're anything like me then you'll work yourself up about it, thinking how awful it will be and then you'll go to work and realise it wasn't actually that bad at all. You might have to get some blinkers to avoid the bump-rubbing lady though!

Anyone doing anything nice this weekend? Think we're in for another treat weather wise ☀️

@YellowDaffodils86 I am geordie through and through so you must think I sound hilarious! :D

I started my own blog tonight if any of you ladies want to have a look...
elrobson91.wixsite.com/onetruettcjourney

Hello All,
Joining the role call for the new thread. Apologies as I've been quiet since last month's AF post MMC. I'm into my second cycle now so fingers crossed. Congratulations to all those lovely BFPs I've seen. To all of those new to the thread, I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this situation, I've found this thread a great comfort and I hope you will too.

My username is possibly too long:
SunshineSparklesSmiles
Age 33
TTC #1
Cycle 2 post MMC beginning of June.

@TinyPaws ooh not too far at all! waves How long before you have to test? Hope the clinic has worked its magic for you X

Morning everyone

Sorry for being rubbish at keeping up again. This is my last weekend of working so should hopefully do a bit better after this.

@Russkispy lovely idea about meeting up. Unfortunately I'm in Aberdeen- doubt there's anyone else all the way up here!
Don't have the accent though as am actually an impersonating southerner & originally from Hampshire/Surrey way.

@KnitKitty should have known you were from Derbyshire- trained/worked there for a while & loved it everyone's so friendly and lovely. Still miss being called love or Duckie!
I hope today with your friend goes ok. Don't feel bad if you do find it hard- it's only natural.

@RedRobin7 Understand how you feel with going back to work. I think its important to just see how you feel & if you feel when you do go back that you need longer- chat to your boss. I found everything a lot harder after the second loss & wish I hadn't rushed back quite so soon- still had the bruise from the canula of my smm on the back of my hand! Didn't help I started off first day working next to a neonatal hip ultrasound clinic though tbf! 🙈

@Lilimum4 @SunshineSparklesSmiles @Laney79 sport for the AFs but wishing you all the best of luck for the next cycle!

That was obviously meant to be sorry for the AFs not sport!!

@YellowDaffodils86 I'm in Gravesend. Can't for the meeting to see what they've got to say for themselves! Will let you know!
Talking about funny accents, I'm born Russian and lived in the UK for just over 20 years now. Practically native and don't sound Russian at all. And only yesterday at work, a little autistic boy kept calling me Sheila (and I'm not) his father kept telling him I wasn't but the boy just loved calling me Sheila!

@RedRobin7 it's weird wanting to see a negative isn't it! I did one yesterday and it was negative, which is great as it means my hCG came back to normal within a week and I can start trying again, but it also felt quite sad.

OK so I ovulated yesterday and had a little cry its really hard all this TTC stuff. It's so upsetting when some people just dtd and wham there pregnant when it takes some of us years. We does it have to be so hard.

Sorry for the moan had to get it off my chest

@crazyhorseylady how long did you wait for your negative?! I'm yet to get my white/blank negative on HPT. It's been 3 weeks now.
@Lilimum4 sorry you're feeling sad! It does feel unfair. But our turn will come up. I'm convinced. Big hugs

@Russkispy I started bleeding last Friday so got the bfn a week after that. I think I was lucky in terms of how quick it was. My blood levels on the Tuesday were 150 when I went to the EPU for a scan. My miscarriage all happened naturally which I think tends to mean it's a bit quicker to come down than after a D&C or medical intervention. I also used the test the hospital gave me which I have a suspicion from reading the label is not quite as sensitive as some of the over the counter ones - it said it had a cut-off of 25 and I think a lot have a cut off of 5?

@RedRobin7 I wish you didn't feel embarrassed about being signed off again but I do understand. I am dreading going back to work, seeing other pregnant women ia going to be so hard and there's always someone plus announcements. I did buy 2 pregnancy books, one for me and one for DH because it was our first and we just really didn't know what to expect. I hope Wednesday is easier for you than you fear it will be. How do you find the strength to continue pretending?

@Dyra I was worried about mc which was why I only told a small select group of people so pretty all but 2 people at work must have been surprised when they were told about my mc. At the same time though I stupidly thought (maybe hoped) that everything would be ok. Ironically the day my boss told people I was comfortable knowing about my mc, was the day I was going to tell them I was expecting.

@doddlebobs it is horrible untelling people, not that I had many to tell but it is horrible nonetheless. You're right though, those who knew it was so lovely seeing them all excited about the baby.

@YellowDaffodils86 yep, life likes to stick 2 fingers up at me regularly, well that's how I felt not being about to concieve for 5 years and constantly having pregnant women in my face and now this. I only signed up to emma's diary for those freebie packs which I never collected, I didn't want to get them until I had a12 week scan and a picture after hearing the heartbeat - stupid me but in a way glad I don't have them in the house. I baked some cookies yesterday and because they only needed egg yolks ended up making meringues with the whites. Was considering a lemon drizzle cake - everyone I've made it for loves my lemon drizzle (plus it's free from all milk products - I have an allergy).

Thanks everyone for being so amazing, you've managed to stop me I think from totally going off the rails this past week. Like you've all said, horrible club to be in but at the same time grateful those in the club are so lovely.

@crazyhorseylady mine dropped pretty quick too, took about 8 days for a clear negative. Similar to you, i “liked” seeing it as it gave me some sort of closure to move on and try again.

@Russkispy have you been checked for retained products? I was told if I still had a positive test, even a squinter, to call EPU and they’d do a scan/blood tests to check for leftover stuff.

@Lilimum4 yep, it’s truly shit when people just have to LOOK at their OH and are pregnant. Thankfully I don’t know too many of those at the moment. Each time I hear someone is pregnant I remind myself it didn’t happen for them overnight (if I know their story of course!)

Just to add on the telling/untelling front, we only had 3 days of knowing before the miscarriage happened so literally only parents and my boss knew.
I had only told my boss “just in case” anything happened.
When I explained to him I was losing the baby just 24hours after I’d told him I was pregnant, he was amazing.
He told the people that I sit with (we sit in kind of “pods”) so that they were prepared for when I went back and I’ve told most people in the office that I’m close to.
I’m not ashamed of it and I hate the taboo that comes with it. If I want to talk about it, then I will.

DH seems keen to start TTC as soon as possible ......... I'm in two minds. I'm so scared of another mc but also scared about going through the heartache of AF always turning up and teething BFNs for another 5 years.

Consultant at EPU told me after bleeding stopped to wait until proper period after before unprotected sex ........ only reason she gave was because it's hard to date a pregnancy of end up conceiving before first period. Is there any other reason to have to use contraception for the weeks after mc?

She also said many fall pregnant again within 6 months of a mc, apparently it's an unexplained thing why so many manage to conceive quickly .........I bet I'm one of the ones though who doesn't.

I must be the only one who wasn't told by the EPU to do a HPT a couple of weeks after mc. Also given no info about counselling.

Any reason why I wasn't told to do a HPT?

Consultant told me I should get a period 3-4 weeks after I stop bleeding but if I don't to contact my GP .........but she only told me that because I asked how soon I should get my period.

@YellowDaffodils86 @virgo89 Thanks for the reassurance! Just after I posted, my friend then told me that she had a miscarriage last year too. I feel sad that we could have supported each other if we had known but glad we both know now and can have a paper chat.

Just chipping in on the planning and signing up for things. First time round I bought loads of books and even booked a place at the work nursery! The books all went into a cupboard after mc, along with the 'baby on board badge' that arrived in the post a few days after my mc. Contacting the nursery was heartbreaking. For me, doing all of these things was inevitable as I am such a planner. I was kicking myself but so many people do things like that and don't have an mc, we can't blame ourselves for getting excited. Second time, I only got one book out of the cupboard and was a lot more careful.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend.

@Jessabean I bet you could get into central London quicker (fly into any London airport then fast train into central) than some of us who live in the SE of England! A depressing fact

@robin78 I'm also a planner, like to know what I'm doing and I'm a self confessed control freak. That's why I did so much research into things.

I love a geordie accent littleemma1, though don't always understand the slang. You guys do speak weird!

For the record I love your username SunshineSparklesSmiles!

Thanks Jessabean, we are just wonderful here. Were you at one of the hospitals here? I was actually born in Hampshire, but we moved up to Derbyshire when I was 9 months old, and my parents are both northern (from West Yorkshire and the Wirral).

Haha! Russkispy I'm imagining that little boy with an Australian accent now... Shelia! Kids are fun.
P.S. it took 4 weeks after ERPC to get my negative HCG.

crazyhorseylady I'm both pleased and sad for you that you got your BFN. Best of luck trying again. xxx

Lilimum4 I know the feeling. I got really emotional around ovulation too. I don't think the spike in hormone levels helps either. Hugs xxx

Thanks all for the well wishes for today. Setting off soon to go meet our friends. xxx

So after whinging on here about no ovulation progress I got a flashing smiley this morning! Unfortunately husband goes away on Monday but I will be BDing like mad until he does 🙈

@indreamland Yes, I think the only reason to wait is for dating purposes. After both of my mcs I just waited for the BFN and then didn't use contraception - though didn't actively try and hit certain dates until after the first AF.

@doddlebobs Since my last mc, my cycles have been a bit all over the shop. I didn't ovulate for the first two and then last month didn't get my static smiley until day 22 - after nine days of flashing smiley! This month I'm on day 4 of flashing smiley. I think it is worth persevering with them...

@robin78 thanks. I think we'll do the same, we've not used any contraception since we got married. Would be weird to start now.

@Bath072019 enjoy BDing.

@KnitKitty enjoy the day with your friends.

I really need to get out of bed. I thought I made progess yesterday getting up, washing my hair and baking.

Ladies
I have a quick question because I am starting to create dramatic scenarios in my head

How many days can your luteal phase vary?

I have only ever measured mine once- last month - was 12 days dpo

I am now 13dpo and my temps shot up this morning

We last dtd on cd 9 - thinking we were safe because last month I ovulated on cd16
But this month I ovulated on cd13

Would I be over dramatic if I went out to buy a stick to pee on??

I'm only panicking because I don't have any of my drugs with me! Because this was supposed to my month off! And IF by some magical reason I am pregnant I would need DH to express send me my steroids and everything!

I'm pretty sure it's going to be negative- if I didn't need to take these medications I would just wait it out/ but the anxiety has crept it now

I'll update you all in like an hour when I've peed...probably will feel very foolish but had to just post my crazy somewhere !