TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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@Russkispy I live in Reading which is less than an hour from London but I would be up for joining a meet up. I was thinking that recently actually. People on MN meet up because they have similar due dates so why can't we meet up because we are going through similar experiences.

@littleemma1 A blog sounds like a great idea. My counsellor suggested writing things down even if I'm the only one who reads it. I hope you find it helpful.

@Newbie21 she's a full size dog now. She's been with a puppy walker for a year and done training in London, now she will be living with us whilst she does her advanced training. We have been told she's not allowed upstairs as that's one of the rules so I've moved all the stuff we don't want her to touch to the spare room. When the trainer came over he said my house is immaculate... he hasn't seen upstairs 😂 Yes she's arriving Monday afternoon so I'll post a pic. I can't wait! She's coming at just the right time to provide some comfort.

Good luck if you're testing tomorrow. I had cramps before with my second pregnancy so it could be a positive sign.

@KnitKitty My work have told me I can get a different counsellor but I'm not sure I want to go through it all again. I've now had 4 counsellors in my lifetime due to losing my friend as a teenager and various other reasons. I didn't think it helped back then but thought I'd give it a try now I'm older and can appreciate people are trying to help.

I hope tomorrow goes okay for you. I'm also seeing a pregnant friend tomorrow. She's not showing yet so I think I'll be okay. I don't think we will talk about her pregnancy because she knows what I'm going through.

@YellowDaffodils86 Yes I am pleased things have reset now but still feeling very confused about whether or not I should try again so soon or if we just need a break. I need to know so badly what our future holds but at the same time I don't think I can mentally cope with 3 losses in one year.
Keeping everything crossed for you that this is your month. It is frustrating and so hard to go through every month and even harder when you get those reminders come through (I've had similar) but your time is coming 🤞🤞

@zarala You're right, she shouldn't have told me that and it was so awkward. I think she felt she had to because she kept postponing our sessions but I would never have expected her to give me a reason!

@InDreamland I also had to unsubscribe from everything and I'm annoyed I signed up having already had one MC i should have known. I agree with @TedLife though, I don't think we jinxed it. It was never going to work out - even though that's so hard to accept.

@TedLife @Dyra and @RedRobin7 thanks I know what you're saying makes sense bit I am just so angry at myself for being silly enough to think I could plan so much so soon before even a 12 week scan. Being a my first pregnancy I had no idea about anything so researched loads - made lists of essentials I'd need to buy for baby but agreed with DH we wouldn't get anything until we were over 30 weeks, researched types of car seats and prams/buggies/travel systems (they have so many different names), even looked at local schools (yes premature I know but I was curious and don't know the local schools as didn't grow up in the area), I was even wearing the baby on board badge because I was struggling so much with exhaustion, dizziness and the heat on the tube and wanted to avoid being pushed and shoved as much as possible. I feel like such a fool.

@russkispy when I'm ready to face the world again (I'm gonna have to return to work at some point) I'm up for meeting for a coffee (or non caffeinated beverage if anyone is avoiding to help with TTC).

I would travel to London if needs be xxx

Great responses about potential meet up. I'm back at work now after 14 months of maternity leave and only work part time locally. If it's difficult for some or majority to meet, perhaps initially we could meet in a small group. PM me direct if you're interested as don't want to clog up the thread on here

@InDreamland You weren't a fool. My first pregnancy I was so excited and we told so many people and thought about names. We thought we had made it to 12 weeks - it was only when we got to the scan that we realised it has all gone wrong. I didn't feel foolish, just sad that I had made so many plans for the future and it was all taken away from us. Second pregnancy we didn't talk about anything until the morning I started bleeding - we'd only just begun to acknowledge the pregnancy. So either way, it went wrong. Now I think next time I'm pregnant, I shouldn't avoid talking about it as it didn't prevent anything from going wrong. We should celebrate every positive test and every baby, regardless of how long we carry them for.

So many women make plans, buy stuff during the early days and it goes well for them. We are just unfortunately part of the 1 in 4 stats. It majorly sucks and I'm so angry that we have to be in this club. We are all amazing women and we deserve the same as everyone else.

I'm embarrassed that I'm signed off for the second time in 4 months because I've had my second miscarriage. I go back to work on Wednesday and I'm already anxious about stepping back in the office. I literally have to walk by every desk before I get to mine. I'm not sure who knows and what they'll be thinking. I'm also dreading seeing the woman who stands in my view every day rubbing her bump 😢

I think we can all relate @InDreamland.

For my part I told practically everyone I knew that I was pregnant. Then for some, less than a week later I had to tell them that it had all gone wrong. I knew the risks and possibility of MC, I just never truly thought it would happen to me.

@RedRobin7 perfect timing for a distraction and comfort. Good that you've missed out on the toilet training etc. I can't wait to see a photo. Such a great thing you are doing.

So I had a mc two months ago, ive had a period since and a lot of confusion as I had a bfp for a long time (hospital thinks maybe caught with a chemical pregnancy after mc but who knows!). I'm now cd19 and still on clear blue low ovulation :-/ id usually be at least high by now and getting a peak Saturday :-/ anyone got any advice?

It's lovely to see so many caring people on this thread btw, it's a really crap time for a lot of women and a terrible 'club' to be a member of but it's also a fabulous sense of never being alone :-) thanks ladies xxxx

@RedRobin7 feel you completely, since my mc I swear every woman in my office has decided to try for a baby. I currently have 4 members of my team pregnant 😕 and I have to talk to them all frequently about their pregnancy as I am their line manager. It's weird because I just pretend like I'm okay as I really worry what they think of me :-/ so I totally understand you :-) one thing I have learnt though is that a lot of women have had miscarriage and not discussed it. So you're not the only one in that office I put money on it :-) xxx

@InDreamland just to echo what the others have said, you can't have jinxed it!

I think I would tell my best friends again before the 12 week scan.We didn't tell anyone about our daughter untiI after the 12 week scan. The one I lost, I had told a lot of friends about my last pregnancy after we saw the heartbeat at 9 weeks. it was soul destroying to have to unbreak the news after I found out id lost the baby at 12 weeks scan. However, I also realised that in sharing the news about my baby I got to celebrate it and let it be loved as a living thing by my friends and family. That happiness, for me, outweighed the added misery of having to say outloud that I'd miscarried the baby. Plus, I had a support circle ready to go.

@TedLife @Bobzybaby @zarala , thanks for the ovulation tracking advice. I'm hoping I'm still to ovulate and it's just late but wondering if my estrogen can rise without the ovulation following? It's bonkers isn't it, so many variables! I don't think I could have missed it as I have been doing cb with FMU every morning since cd8 as had 2 28 day and 1 35 day cycle since mc but used to be mostly 32/33. Maybe I started too early and levels were so low I've confused it?! Anyways, the cheapies are still pale as pale things, has faint lines from fmu and just did one now which was a total squinter...

Anyways, I'm taking that as a sign to enjoy a big fat glass of wine with dinner (and another for dessert!)

Happy Friday lovely ladies, so glad I found you x

As I don't have FB , Thought I'd start a WhatsApp group for meet ups in London. If you're happy to share your number and would like to be a part of it, then please PM me direct. Hope we can organise something soon!

Uh dhs, dont get it do they!!

@YellowDaffodils86 No they really don't! Hope you're okay? Mine is away this weekend and I'm quite pleased I can listen to depressing music without him moaning at me. It's just me and Jack (Daniels) tonight 😂

There's a song I love at the moment - it's a breakup song but I love the lyrics as some of them I can relate to after losing two babies. I'm sure my neighbours know the lyrics now too!

www.songlyrics.com/freya-ridings/lost-without-you-live-lyrics/

@Bath072019 so sorry you're going through all this. Sometimes our cycles can play up and it takes a couple of months to get back to a more regular cycle.

I feel the same - very lucky to have found this group of ladies. I often feel alone in the real world so being able to come on here and speak to people who understand makes it so much easier to deal with.

Also having 4 pregnant members in your team is pretty tough. Sorry you have to face that and try to be strong. It's hard having to pretend. There were 4 pregnant people in my company... me being one of them, turns out I was the 1 in 4... ☹️

@RedRobin7 I too am spending my evening with Jack. One consolation of AF arriving I can safely enjoy me Daniels!

I'm shropshire by the way (otherwise known as halfway up on the left...next to Wales!)

Enjoying a glass of wine again consolation of af's arrival. Also reward for zumba class

@Laney79 I'm in the West Midlands so not super far away!

Hi ladies just marking my spot. So many newbies on here this time and sorry you've had to join but it goes to show how many women this happens too and talking about it is good and shouldn't be taboo.

Age 39
Ttc#1
Mc sept, Dec,may
Waiting test results from consultant
Af back to normal

Currently en route to France for a week of ttc on holiday!

Wishing everyone strength and luck. Just remember how much love you have left to give - but love yourself first ❤️

YellowDaffodils86 I'm 4DPO today. Going to really, really try not to symptom spot... I know I will though.

Have fun in France Yukka! Fingers crossed. xxx

RedRobin7 I listened to Céline Dion's Ashes on repeat for about a week when I needed a good wallow. Then it was 90s club music to pep me up again! I like a good living-room or kitchen disco!
Could you ask for a message to be sent round at work before you're back so people interact with you the way you'd like them to?

I'm in Derbyshire by the way. waves

@KnitKitty That song is on my sad songs playlist too! My DH kept playing it because he liked the Deadpool 2 film it's from and I kept playing it because of the words. I also love Celine and was gutted she wasn't performing in Vegas when I went! I also really like Pink's Beam Me Up and also Everybody Hurts by Jasmine Thompson.

Last time I asked for the people I sit with to be told but it was really awkward and hardly anyone spoke to me on my first day back. So I think this time it's better to say nothing and it should be less awkward.

Do you have a funny accent? 😂

Funny accent??? NORMAL accent!

P.S. I am also a Deadpool fan, but was highly disappointed we didn't get to see Ryan Reynolds bum in the second film!!!

@KnitKitty Haha debatable!

Me too! I think even my DH has a secret man crush on Ryan Reynolds. Can't blame him really!

@Lilimum4 i know, its a bit of a slap
In the face.

@Blondcat sorry for af, but does end the limbo

@Russkispy good on you for standing up for yourself!
Where in kent out of interest?

@InDreamland I hope it does too☺️
Sorry things are still hard for you, i hope it gets easier for you soon. What did you bake?
I thought that today, why did i stupidly sign up so early! Emmas diary is i nightmare to in subscribe from. I hate emma, shes a bitch lol!
You didnt jinx it. I bought 2 pregnancy books and a little outfit(the only one until 12weeks)
That was a Friday, i started mc on sunday.. talk about jinxing it.
TRIGGER- i always think, god i was so stupid, buying stuff and it had gone already!
Talk about life sticking its middle finger right up to your face!

@TedLife I agree, through all the negative i do feel i gained some positives. Different perspective on things.

@robin78 ah sorry, thats gotta be tough, one thing i dread tbh. You shouldnt feel bad, pretty natural reaction.

@RedRobin7 i can see why you are not sure how to proceed, its hard, and i can understand not wanting to go through it all again of course. I guess only you know what will be best for you.
Dont feel embarrassed, its perfectly acceptable to have time off, you cant help the way things have gone. Im sure nobody will be paying as much attention as you think, but i know what you mean, id be the same. Shame about the pregnant colleague, thats a little unfair for you.

@RedRobin7 @KnitKitty
Definitely couldn't blame him regarding Ryan Reynolds!
Knitkitty, i say i wont ss every time, i always do!
Redrobin im with you on the funny accent lol. Those northerners dont half sound funny!! 😂 for the record, i love an accent!!

@RedRobin7 yeah im fine, i told dh about the email and he just doesn't say the right thing and pisses me off, its not really his fault, he does try.