TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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@hayleyfx I'm so sorry this happened to you and your partner. I'm so glad you got to spend time with Charlie. What a beautiful name. He will know how much you both loved him xx

@rdm10 I'm so sorry you had to go through that again. Sending you hugs and please be kind to your self xx

@doddlebobs I'm sorry this happed to you. I'm sending you hugs. Please take care of you x

Thank you @rdm10 and @fnej01

I was actually on annual leave when the miscarriage happened, i was on a camping holiday when it happened. I was angry that my holiday was ruined, I was sooooo excited to be pregnant and on holiday and looking forward to telling work on my return.
My boss doesn't know but he gave me a ridiculously hard time when I was off for a week with severe tonsilitis. I was very sick and he was a total dick. I had to get my union involved so I'm reluctant to tell him anything about myself.

@fnej01 good luck with your 2ww. It must be a very anxious and exciting time for you. I really hope it happens for you this time.

Must have been awful for you in Mothercare.. that would hit me straight in the chest as well. Poor you.
One thing I've realised is how flaunting your good news can impact on people ttc or who have had a loss. When it happens for me I'm not going to post anything on Facebook etc. It's Facebook posts that can hit you hard. My friend just told me she's 11 weeks pregnant right after I told her I had mc.

For the first time in ages I'm happy to say AF showed up, I'm cd2 roll on fw

Hugs all of you who are in need of one
Fx for the fw and Tww ladies
And baby dust to everyone xx

@Elderflower78 i still feel lonely sometimes.
I did very much so after mc (which was march) now its mc and ttc rolled into one that can causes loneliness. Sometimes it just seems nobody else gets it.

@Boboelephant yes i like both and they are on my to do list, been thinking about starting a class for a while.

@KnitKitty im not sure what our cycles have been up to this month!

Af arrived this evening. Cycle day 42, looks as though i ovulated about cycle day 28!
Iv got the worst pmt iv ever had. Started Saturday, which made me wonder if af was imminent.
Im ethier so angry and pissed off and everything makes me fly of the handle. The rage makes me want to actually bludgeon someone to death. Or im so miserable i feel absolutely wretched. Bbs are feeling odd too.

What fun!

@Lilimum4 me too, silly cow, took her time!

Big hugs to @hayleyfx and @rdm10 😘 xx

@doddlebobs i can see what you mean. I liked the second page
We will escape...

@SerenaOverjoyed
Fingers crossed for no serious problems. Sorry for the tough time, many penguin cuddles.

@hayleyfx im glad it went as well as could.
So sorry for you still. You have been so brave. X

@YellowDaffodils86 I'm feeling the same way hun and the cramps have me doubled over and tmi the flow is rediculous. But the rage is to much I have had to hid in the bedroom to stop myself shouting at DH xx

@Lilimum4
😂sorry i have to laugh, i just know what you mean. My dh has bore the brunt of it, tbh some he deserves😆
But i have been awful, i can hear myself being a moody bitch and i just cant help it.
Considering she arrived today, cramps have not been bad at all, tomorrow im sure will be different.
Maybe there should be a dh refuge..

@YellowDaffodils86 I know poor DH's they do feel the pressure don't they. I hope you start to feel better tomorrow and you don't get the cramps x

@Elderflower78 that sounds really hard and your boss sounds bang out of order. He cannot guilt you for being sick. I would defi take some sick leave. After my ectopic i had 3 weeks off as ordered by the surgeon but GP just wrote gynaecological procedure on my sick note. My boss didn't ask too many questions- men don't when it's anything to do with that area!
@fnej01 oh that sounds tough. Take care of yourself.
@YellowDaffodils86 sorry its been such a long crap cycle but at least she's here now and you can move on to the next one. Hope the pms goes away soon!
@Lilimum4 glad she showed up for you too so your month off is over!

@Boboelephant me too it has been difficult. How r you?

@Boboelephant thank you. Im glad a new cycle had begun. Iv learnt that i need to keep any eye on my ovulation more and now im able to start temping from the start. Last cycle my thermometer arrived too late. Iv also got a stack of opks. So im hoping this month i can be more aware of whats happening. I also think some jks is needed.

@Boboelephant ah i hit post to soon!
How are you? Where in your cycle are you?

@Limum4 and @YellowDaffodils86 fx for next month for you both. Getting to know your cycles and body and JKS sounds like a good plan!! I'm ok thanks. 7dpo here so just trying to keep calm and not obsess. Not testing this month unless af doesn't arrive next Tuesday so at least one more week of waiting.

@bobo cycle buddies 😂

@Eastend2015 ah love it! Of course we are. 😀 I'll always think of you as my thread buddy as we joined on the exact same day and you were the first person to talk to me! I really hope it's our turn 🤞🤞

Was back to work today after mc last week. I'm a postwoman so do a lot of walking and stairs. Came home and I'm so sore. I feel like my uterus is bruised and I have pelvic pain especially my pubic bone.

There is still light black bleeding. Will see how I go. Took some strong pain killers.

Good luck everyone in their 2ww and everyone recently starting trying again after mc. Xx

Hey how is everyone doing?

I think I might be 1dpo, so that's 7 days later than usual! What a weird cycle, had ovulation cramps cd10 and still getting them cd22.

I recently bought a small pin badge for baby loss awareness week in October from the Miscarriage Association. I didn't mark my loss, I guess a part of me felt foolish because the little one didn't progress past 5 or 6 weeks (although my body didn't recognise the loss until around 10 weeks). So the badge is a small, yet colourful, reminder to remember my little one by, and looks very nice on my jacket. Just a thought if anyone was considering similar.

@Mistymeow the badge is a very sweet idea. I plan to get a poppy badge with the year on it (if they do them for remembrance day this year) my little one was due on 11/11.

So I am thoroughly frustrated. I gave myself two goals this month - (1) to get pregnant and (2) to understand my body and cycle more. #2 was by opk-Ing as never done it before so was all guess work. I thought (naively) that at least I could achieve 1 goal this month. So now I am cd 17, had flashing smileys since cd13 (started testing cd 9) and yesterday cd16 I started spotting pink and then bit red then brown, today a very light brown when I wipe so I am more confused about my cycle and my body than I ever was before! I flippin' hate this TTC journey! Sorry for rant. I have googled all the possibilities of what this could be - ovulation bleeding, a ruptured cyst, hormonal imbalance, cancer, implantation bleeding, premenopausal (I'm 37) etc - who knows!? Urggghh!

Thank you all so much for your lovely words, really put a smile on my face 😊 & you’re all right, I’m finding comfort in knowing that we did what was best for Charlie ❤️ Had a very relaxed couple days, woke up today to incredibly sore breasts that won’t stop leaking milk, ouch 😣 but other than that feeling a bit better in general. Just wondering, how long does everyone think is a ‘safe’ amount of time to wait between 3 losses (1 CP) and TTC again? Obviously I’m not considering it anytime soon, my body needs to recover and so do I but hoping that a few months is enough as with both previous losses we started ttc again immediately, obviously this loss being at 14 weeks we know that emotionally and physically I need a break. But still already desperate to get back to it (feel so guilty saying that, as if I’m trying to replace Charlie which I’m not 😔) sorry for going on!

Hugs to anyone who has had af arrive or is having a tough time too & fingers crossed for everyone in the TWW!

@hayleyfx hello lovely
I think as long as you a mentally and physically well it's completely your choice. Maybe have a chat with your doctor about it.
Please don't feel bad about wanting to get back to ttc, we all understand the need you are feeling.
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts

@hayleyfx hi hun I just want to say what an incredibly strong and wonderful woman you are. I haven't been on here for a while but came back to check in on you. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been but your words and story are really inspirational and I echo what a lot of the other women here have said. Sending lots of hugs and love to you and your DH
With regards to TTC again I think @Lilimum4 is right, it is up to you and how you feel.
After my 3rd loss I decided I couldn't continue without some answers as I don't want to face it again- has your hospital offered referral to the RMC?
I also did some arvigo massage to help my womb heal - loved it very relaxing, and I went to a traditional Chinese doctor who made me drink disgusting herbs and gave me acupuncture. After 2.5 months she told me my body was strong enough to try again, but recommended I waited at least 3 cycles.

I'm sure there are lots of other options for you to explore, if you are so inclined. The most important thing now is for you to take care of yourself and heal and process everything.

One of my good friends had a very similar experience at 25 weeks (she didn't do all the recommended scans so they missed it)/ she told me: the universe only gives us what we can handle. And she found a deep well of strength and love inside her that she never knew existed...your story really reminded me of that. She gave herself a few months and now has a gorgeous little boy.

Sending you lots of hugs, take your time, take care of yourself and remember time is the greatest healer

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