TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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hayleyfx I'm so proud of you. I'm glad you got some peace of mind knowing you did the right thing for Charlie. He's so lucky to have such wonderful parents who took the care to love him and cherish him and let him go peacefully and safely at the right time. I hope you recover physically quickly and that your mental healing is gentle on you. Huge penguin huddle cuddles. xxx You are amazing. xxx

doddlebobs I'm so sorry my love. Seeing a positive test is all it takes for that baby to be part of your life forever, of course it's going to hurt. Huge huddle cuddles for you too. xxx

rdm10 So sorry for your loss too, lovely. Huge hugs all round. Well done for getting through today. xxxx

You have been on my mind today @rdm10 and @hayleyfx.

@rdm10 I am so sorry you are having to go through this again, and I hope you have plenty of support in real life

@hayleyfx I hope you your physical recovery is as quick and smooth as possible, obviously your emotional and psychological recovery take longer but you have already been so strong. I'm happy you got to spend time with Charlie, sleep tight little chap

Hi all tentatively and very anxiously back TTC post starting new job and dealing with some major sources of stress. I’m so sorry for all of your losses, especially @hayleyfx, Charlie is a lovely name. Wishing baby dust to you all and a special sad wave to @boboelephant. @cakelaur I hope things are going well with you and bump- keen for a London meetup x

Had a call this evening to confirm my hcg levels are now back to

@KnitKitty thankyou my lovely and the exact same message to you! I meant to say (in more detail) I'm so sorry af turned up but I'm also glad you're out of horrible limbo. I have everything crossed that it happens soon for you, you deserve wonderful things.
@hayleyfx oh my love what a strong warrior you are. Rest and recover now and know that you acted selflessly for the good of your darling Charlie. Thanks to you he will never know pain and only love. You have experienced awful pain and loss so he will never have to. You are both truly wonderful parents. Im so sorry It had to be this way but I'm glad you both got to say goodbye and sending hugs to you and OH. xx
@doddlebobs oh hun I'm so sorry. Once you see that test your baby is real and your loss will be very real too. Sending hugs, take care of yourself. Xx
@rdm10 huge hugs for you too my love. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this again and hope you feel some peace soon. Definitely rest and recuperate now. xx
@Eastend2015 sorry to see you here again. I have thought of you often and wondered whether to PM you but was secretly hopeful you had gone on to get pregnant. Sorry I'm still here too really! I hope the time off has been what you needed and you are feeling stronger. Glad you changed jobs too!
@Funkyemzie no advice sorry but I think lots of women haven't waited after a chemical. Bittersweet but glad your body is resetting.

Hugs all around today I think 🐧🐧🐧🐧

@hayleyfx I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You’ve been incredibly strong though and it sounds like you had a lovely opportunity to say goodbye to Charlie xxxx

@rdm10 I’m really sorry that you’ve had to go through this horrible experience. Look after yourself over the next few days /weeks xxxxx

@doddlebobs very sorry you’ve had to go through this. A loss is a loss so be kind to yourself and take the time you need xxxxx

This is another question from the opk-virgin... so flashing smiley started on CD 13 and have had a flashing smiley each day including this morning (CD 16) and I have just gone for a wee and there was blood when I wipe... not anywhere near as much as AF blood but fresh blood - pink coloured??? could it be ovulation bleeding? But then why didn't I get a solid smiley?? Should I be worried?? I googled it and it said that it is a sign estrogen has dropped but that means I've ovulated, right? Assuming it is ovulation bleeding.

@Funkyemzie hi I had one last cycle and the cycle before and fell preg again two weeks after each one! I'm now on third pregnancy in as many months . Long time since I had a proper period lol. The lines are much darker this time so hopefully this one sticks . Blood tests and pelvic scan etc say that everything is fine so she said if it happens again we'll do a sperm analysis . I would just keep shagging and fingers crossed so sorry ur last little bean didn't stick it's awful big hugs xoxoxox

Thanks everyone. Flow has started now so definitely game over. Period not even late going by ovulation dates. I'm not feeling quite so desperate about it now it's actually happening. I think it's the waiting that really messes with us. I was reading 'the places you'll go' to my little girl last night and totally broke down at the bit about the 'waiting place'.... everyone is just waiting. I think I cried harder still at the next page of the book (don't worry, thankfully toddler was totally unphased!!) - pictures attached for inspiration!

@Funkyemzie can't believe how similar our sad stories are. I lost my previous one at 10 weeks in April and now this chemical. I need to ring the EPU and cancel my reassurance scan later so I will ask for advice on trying again. I don't plan to.

Fertile week starts on my birthday and after a week off work!! Stay at home holiday time! Trying to be grateful I can have oyster, champagne, rare steak and red wine (wouldn't normally deal in to it all but hell a girl deserves it!!) to celebrate! You all know as well as I do id rather be curled up in a morning sicky ball if meant a healthy pregnancy but it's not meant to be this time.

Oops forgot the clips!!

@funkyemzie I was told we could try straight away and could have sex again once bleeding had stopped.
My plan is to ttc straight away although I am nervous incase it happens again.
I bought some opks to try and gauge when I'm ovulating again. No idea if my body will go back to normal.
That's great your hcg levels have returned to normal now.
Just go with what your feeling. If you prefer to wait then go with that.

@hayleyfx and @rdm10 sorry you have both had a tough day sending you hugs and hope you both have a restful day today you deserve it.

@doddlebobs sorry for the chemical as pp have said it is still a loss as you had already planned for that baby hugs.

@eastend2015 sorry you find yourself here again.

haleyfx You are astonishingly brave. You have so much to be proud of, and you did your absolute best for your little boy. I hope you have a day full of comfort with your dh.

rdm10 I'm so sorry for your loss. Yesterday sounded like such an ordeal, I really can't even imagine. Take really good care of yourself today x

I had my recurrent miscarriage apt yesterday. It is not a good combination with visiting an adorable baby the day before! It's been really horrible thinking there may be a problem. I have never wanted a baby so much and yet I'm no closer than I was a year ago.

@hayleyfx and @rdm10 you both continue to be in my thoughts. Definitely a duvet (or thin sheet in this weather!!) day.

@SerenaOverjoyed I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you get some answers. I think sometimes taking some form of action - whether it be speaking to professionals, doing something to help yourself like a pamper session, anything - can just help - makes us feel less helpless and I think that makes a huge difference and really will help. Other days we just need a break from it all. It's a difficult journey but I hope you are nearing your destination. Xx

Gosh there seems to be a lot of people going through a really tough time right now.

@doddlebobs very sorry to hear of your chemical. Glad that you are picking yourself up and aiming for your next fw. Lots of love xx

@hayleyfx thank you for sharing your experience. So glad you got to spend some time with Charlie. It's a lovely name, it's one we were considering for our little one that didn't make it. I hope you are recovering well at home.

@boboelephant I'm not holding my breath for Mrs. O but it's looking fairly positive.

@tinypaws I don't think our GP wants to put us through IVF just yet in the hope we will fall pregnant naturally again. DH's condition (hormone related) makes his sperm count unpredictable- he is a rarity in an already rare condition. So we don't know. At the same time, although I'm 34 and have time, it could be a long journey and time is ticking. Are you doing IVF, or IUI?

@KnitKitty and @YellowDaffodils86 this is cycle 4 post miscarriage and I wonder if we are in a similar boat. I'm ovulating (I think!) really late (cd21, I usually o cd13) and I expect to have a late period. I've been temping and know I haven't ovulated yet. I find this reassuring because by the time af comes around I will expect it to be late, and won't get my hopes up. We dtd every other day so there isn't much pressure. I'm wondering if this will help you going forwards?

Thanks everyone, I feel a bit better today. I'll just see how this month goes.

@Hayleyfx how are you feeling today babe, hope you have had a nice lie in and relaxing!

@doddlebobs it's weird isnt it. Can I ask the reason for you not planning to ttc straight away, do you want your body to recover or just personal preference? Big hugs lovely, I need to ring the EPU today to cancel my appointment too, forgot about that! Xxx

@hayleyfx Charlie is a lovely name. I'm so glad you were able to spend some time with him.
@rdm10 I hope you are managing to take some time for yourself today to start recovering

For some reason I convinced myself I was pregnant this month despite not having had an AF since my MC. Needless to say I'm not. AF came nearly a week early. Urgh. No idea what my cycle is up to and wondering whether to do OPKs to find out, but don't want to end up obsessed with them...

@Funkyemzie haha sorry I meant to write I don't plan to wait!! I spoke to the EPU who were lovely. They didn't cancel my scan as holding on to hope that I've burst a haematoma or something (clutching at straws!) and am to retest in a few days. She said to go right ahead and try again as soon as I want. So I will be trying again next cycle! SMEP but not starting until there's a wee line on a opk as were so knackered last time with my late ovulation!!

Anyone else feel really lonely after a mc? I've got a loving, supportive dd and a couple of close friends who are amazing but I still feel lonely and emotional.
Something minor happened today which made me realise how fragile and emotional I still am. I am back to work tomorrow after a weeks annual leave when the mc happened and I'm not sure if it will make or break me. I don't want signed off as I don't want anybody to know and my boss isn't very understanding about illness as it is.

I just want to doss in bed and do nothing...im easily stressed right now and not myself.
This thread is a godsend though, I feel like you ladies are the only ones that know what I'm going through.

When did you still ovulating after a mc? I need some sort of milestone to look forward to.

Loving supportive dp that should have said.
I promise I don't offload all this stuff on to my 8 year old

@Elderflower78 I had 2 weeks off after my last mc. When I rang the Drs for a sick note they asked me if I wanted miscarriage on the note. I said yes as I’d told work (only to stop the constant “when are you having another baby?” questions) but they were happy not to put the reason on, they they would have just put ‘personal’. So maybe consider that if you’re not ready to go back yet.

Hi @elderflower sounds like you need a hug today. I am a few weeks ahead of and still have very emotional moments about it all. I think that the advice of be kind to yourself is really important. Does your boss know about the miscarriage - it doesn't seem right that you used annual leave rather than be off sick? I had a week off sick, but even now (6 weeks later) my resilience to stress is still lower than normal. I think if you aren't feeling up to being at work then maybe a few days sick is what you need. Alternatively, could you tell your boss/work colleagues so you have some support? Very few of my work colleagues know but the ones I have told have been a real godsend of support, and have rescued me, when I've looked wobbly.

I totally understand the milestones. I had AF 30 days from miscarriage starting, and then ovulation 15days after that. Currently on my first TWW since MC. I don't think I ovulated before AF.

I had an epic fail tonight. Popped to mothercare looking for a gift for my new premature baby cousin. Walked straight into an expectant parents event. Had to get out of there straight away - I should've been there 20 weeks pregnant. Big breath - onwards and upward.

@hayleyfx You sound like a lovely very strong person :-) Sending you lots of love and best wishes :-)

I'm still stuck :-( been spotting brown discharge since yesterday (sorry tmi!) so no proper AF yet :-/ and testing negative so definitely not pregnant. Just want my cycle to start again so we can get back to trying :-/

Crossing my fingers for you all :-)