TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Thanks @Boboelephant and @Knitkitty, sorry you've both been having a rough time too. x

Hey everyone, I'm gonna take a bit of a break from the thread. I'm going on holiday and want to unplug a bit.

Baby dust and positive vibes to you all x

@rdm10 I'm so sorry to see you back here. Sending you strength for tomorrow.
@hayleyfx will be thinking of you too tomorrow hun. Enjoy your cuddles with your little one. I'm so sorry you are having to experience this.
@KnitKitty I'm sorry you are struggling hun and sending you lots of penguin cuddles. I hope you find lots of joy in other things and find some peace and balance.
@Bobzybaby enjoy your break and holiday.

Sorry to everyone I missed. Sending hugs to those who need it. I've had a internet free day and lots to try and remember!

We had a birthday party for my beautiful boy who is about to turn 3 and it was a lovely day. I had cuddles with lots of new babies and whilst it hurt my heart to think of my angels, it was joyous and happy and I feel incredibly lucky to have my DS and my friends. So I'm focusing on that and going to sleep thankful and hopeful that one day soon I'll be so lucky again.

Thank you all for your replies, you really are such a lovely supportive group 💕

@hayleyfx so sorry you’re going through this. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Hope it goes as ok as it can x

@RedRobin7 Glad to hear you might get some tests done. The EPAU have referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic because you qualify after 2 mc once you’re 35 (I’m 35 in 2 weeks). Although it’s not somewhere anyone wants to be, I’d rather know if there’s an actual reason it’s happening. Hope you get some answers x

No line today (maybe if I really really squint but I think I'm imagining it tbh!) so I guess it was a chemical :-( no sign of period yet though :-/
Anyone else feel like it's a never ending crapfest?

@Lostmymind26 Sorry to hear. Is there a chance you could have ovulated later than you thought? Or has the bfp gradually got lighter? I totally agree with you, it's a never ending crapfest. I'm cycle four post miscarriage and my body is still not behaving.

Question: I'm meant to have a day 21 progesterone test which would be tomorrow. But I still haven't ovulated and don't think I will this cycle. Should I still do the test knowing it will come back low? They are testing me out of procedure because we are getting referred for ivf, but they don't foresee any fertility issues with me (the issue is on dh's side). I didn't have dodgy cycles pre miscarriage but at the same time it's really hard having anovulatory cycles when you already have an existing fertility issue. So I would like to get any glitches sorted asap.

@mistymeow personally I would postpone it if you’re sure you haven’t ovulated. I did the same when I had the tests a few months back (although my reason was that I had eaten before the bloods without realising). It’s frustrating to have to wait another month but at least you’ll know the results are right rather than questioning them later on and potentially going down a path that isn’t quite right as a result.

However saying that, it might be worth ringing your doctor if you can today and getting their advice so you know you’re def doing the right thing for you.

Hi @KnitKitty I'm ok thank you for asking. Things are still the same really. Mild symptoms but not really any different to my previous Pgs at this stage so is just a waiting game as this whole journey seems to be!

I'm so sorry you're feeling rubbish at the moment & that AF reared her ugly head in he end. At least you know where you are again physically now. What do you think you are going to do for the next little while with TTC? I get how it can be hard on our OHs with this process. Mine had been saying he just wanted to go back to just not not trying if this one hadn't worked and just see what happens. It is so hard to do though isn't it - it's always on your mind that we're always at some point in a cycle and it's so hard not to think about it esp in 2ww when your body is playing tricks on you with awall post mc hormones! Saying that I did find taking a break for a month and just not trying full stop helpful to building me back up a bit emotionally.
How are you feeling about it all at the moment though?

@rdm10 I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out for you & you find yourself back here. I hope you at least have an easy process with things physically and we're all here for you on the emotional front. My last (2nd) mmc was very similar to yours by the sound of it- had a healthy scan with heartbeat at 6 & 9 weeks only to find out at my 12 weeks scan that heartbeat stopped a few days after my 9 weeks scan. Is so heartbreaking. Decided I'm not having any early scans this time for that reason- just a private one at 12 weeks before nhs one so I don't have to sit in same waiting room as last time I found out about mmc without some reassurance.

@hayleyfx thinking of you today lovely- you are so strong & I hope everything goes as smoothly for you as it can.

@Mistymeow I agree with phoning doc and asking advice. You don't want the results to be skewed but at the same time maybe they can look into what's happening with your ovulation.
@Lostmymind26 sorry you're going through this. It can be a crapfest!
@Jessabean glad things are going ok for you. Fx the time up until your scan goes quickly.
@rdm10 and @hayleyfx thinking of you both today xxx

@hayleyfx thinking of you xx

@Jessabean I can understand you not wanting an early scan. I'm not sure I would want an early scan if/when I get my BFP. I think after going through miscarriage the first 12 weeks is always going to be stressful no matter what. I hope you're ok.

Thanks @boboelephant and @sweetpea0318 for the advice. I did get a positive opk today so I'm wondering if ovulation is delayed for whatever reason. I'm going to sit tight this month then get the test next month when hopefully things are more settled.

@hayleyfx thinking of you today. Sending many hugs.

@rdm10 my heart actually broke for you when I read your post. I am so sorry and so sad for you. Take time to grieve and feel sad, use as as much as you need to vent.
Virtual hug and positive thoughts for the future.

Neither of you deserve what you are going through.

@KnitKitty sorry you are feeling low, at least af turned up, limbo is horrible.
Dont give up hope yet through. Never know what's round the corner. Xx

👋🏻hello everyone. Sorry to anyone else who is having a tough time, i know we have had a few people having a shitty times.
Good luck for any fe and tww - ers!

Im going out my bloody mind!
Where the actual fuck is my period!
Cycle day 374!! In Reality its CD42
I had mild cramps for 3days about 7-10 days ago, thought here she is, nope. Now about 11days late. Had quite strong cramps last night, thought" bingo here she is" some more this am. But stopped and no af!
I dont know if i completely missed ov or i didnt ov at all, its doing my head in.
Iv done a few ic here and there, they are brilliant white bfns.
I do wonder if its just mc, this is cycle 4, maybe they haven't sorted themselves out yet.
Its so frustrating, I'm starting to resent pregnant people and families i see around, which i really don't want to do. But i can feel the whole ttc and mc journey sucking my soul slowly. Need to find a way of relaxing more i think.. if I only i knew how.
The frustration is always there and sometimes made worse by the fact i don't feel anyone else understands or realises it.

Uhh rant over.. but that feels better.. thanks😊

Hey, has anyone had the AMH test to check ovarian reserves? I’m just wondering whether it’s sonething useful to do or if it will just freak me out.

@sweetpea0318 I was wondering the same thing also how do they test this. Is this the same thing that the female fertility tests do ( the ones that you can buy on eBay)

@lilimum I’m not sure if this is one you can do yourself or not. My friend saw a gynaecologist today and mentioned it to me. She said it’s around £35 on nhs and £80 private and is the best way to predict your egg reserve and quality. I did a quick google earlier ad found a clinic in Wimbledon that offers it but I’m not sure if it’s something I want to know! Or how it will help. If I find out that I don’t have many left it might send me into a tailspin...

Another question for the group! Ladies with pcos - I’ve just found out that I’ve most likely got it and have a doctors appt on Friday to discuss options. The dr I spoke to over the phone mentioned metformin - has anyone tried this? Have you been told to try anything else? Thanks in advance!

@rdm10 @hayleyfx woke up thinking of you both today, didn't have a chance to post over the weekend but hope all went as well as can be expected and just sending masses of love really.
@knitkitty hope a bit of distance does you and DH some good, it can be so hard to dig out of that 'place', spent most of this year frustrated with a load of really big life fronts that were just out of our control and it's total shit. Sending love to you too.
@funkyemzie so sorry to read your update and hope you are as OK as can be, hope for a better outcome for you next time
@bobzybaby happy holidays!
@boboelephant sounds so lush, well done for hosting a lovely day for your wee one x screeching into @cakelaur's DM's at 110mph see your inbox in a jiffy!

@Mistymeow I didn't realise you were also possibly looking at IVF. I hope it happens for you before you get to that point though! I'm also on cycle 4 post miscarriage, waiting to ovulate (not temping/using OPKs but I generally can tell when I've ovulated).

@Mistymeow glad it looks like ovulation finally decided to come for tea! Hope you join the tww soon.
@YellowDaffodils86 agghh I am so frustrated for you and just don't know what to say. It's so shit already without our bodies playing these mind games. I really hope it sorts itself out asap. Do you like yoga or Pilates? I find both very relaxing.
@sweetpea0318 and @ Lilimum4 I've had mine tested. It is a blood test and was part of the testing when I saw the specialist gynae. I've been told that I was lucky to get that as my GP referred me as a NHS patient to a private hospital so I think the specialist just did it as standard. My friend who has been trying for two years requested it and was told the NHS don't cover it as it's an expensive test.
@PassTheAfterEights thanks hun. It was a great day. How are you feeling? Are you having any early scans? Woohoo for cheesy catchups!

Thanks Boboelephant. Happy birthday to your DS! Sounds like you had a lovely day, if a little riddled with bitter-sweet moments. Stay strong super woman! xxx

Thanks Jessabean. I'm really not sure what to do for the best to be honest. I still feel an aversion to OPKs, so I think I'm going to listen to that voice. I don't think the added obsession would be good for me and since my periods now seem completely unpredictable I don't think they'd actually help much as I'd feel pressured to DTD as soon as I got signs of positive OPKs and then OH wouldn't want to do it again for a few days so don't think it'd help...
Ideally I'd like to forget about TTC and let it happen naturally, but I know I'm going to be keeping an eye on my cycle and signs that I should be trying. I wish I could just get pregnant by accident and have all this worry taken away from me!!!
Thinking of you and sending sticky-bean vibes your way! xxx

YellowDaffodils86 I wonder if you didn't ovulate this month and the on and off cramping is because your body feels it needs to shed but isn't getting the right messages through. I suspect I didn't ovulate but my body is shedding anyway. My last three periods post MC have all been the same: small amount of red spotting for a couple of days, then two heavy days of bright red and then petering off. This time I had a bit of red after DTD (so thought it was just cervix bleeding), the brown clotty goop mixed with CM followed by two days of quite heavy dark red/brown. It seems to be stopping again now. (If you haven't tried it, have a good JKS, it might make AF come knocking!!)
I am also cycle 4 post MC, like you. I almost feel like my body has just realised it can do its own thing again and is trying to work out the game-plan. I'm hoping for us both that its our body clocks resetting properly and means we'll get out sticky beans soon. Hang in there. xxx

Thank you PassTheAfterEights. Lovely words, and very touching. xxx

Hi ladies, just home after being up at hospital since 10. I passed baby and placenta about three hours after taking the tablets. It was incredibly sore, felt like I was in labour, I couldn’t stop vomiting and I had to really push to get baby out (still shocked at how similar it was to birth - as I then had to deliver placenta etc) I think I’ve been poked and prodded in every place possible but it went as well it could have done. Which is a relief. Baby looked so perfect (we think it’s a boy just can’t be sure) he was beautiful. His face, legs, arms, little bloated belly. We knew we had made the right decision though and we could clearly see that the skull hadn’t formed properly. We stared at him for half an hour and felt much better, we also took some pictures of him. We’ve decided to call him Charlie 😊 Feeling exhausted now, mentally and physically so a duvet and dvd day is on the cards for tomorrow. Thank you all so much for the continuing support, you’re all so wonderful ❤️

@hayleyfx big hugs that it went well hunni. It's beautiful that you got to see him and a really cute name. I'm glad you found some peace in the fact that you did make the right decision.

You are a strong woman and you definately deserve a duvet day tomorrow. I hope you make a fast recovery physically!! ❤

Huddle please. Brownish streaks have turned thick and red tonight. Guess it was a chemical. I didn't think it would hurt (mentally) quite this much after just a few days of 'pregnancy'. I need some sleep.

Oh dear @hayleyfx sorry to have such a selfish moan after the day you've had. Strong woman you are - hold your head up high and be proud of Charlie xx

@hayleyfx you are an amazingly strong lady. Such a hard and painful thing to have experienced but I'm glad it went as well for you as it possibly could in the circumstances. A beautiful name indeed. Take some time out for you now xxxx

So sorry @doddlebobs. This journey can be so cruel. I hope it isn't what you think but we are here for you come what may. Xx

@hayleyfx I’m so glad today went as well as could be. I’m glad you got to spend time with your boy and that doing so brought you some comfort.

Today was horrible but it went as well as I suppose it could do. I forgot how intense the pain was. Took about 7 hours from taking the first tablet to passing everything but was only really painful for the last couple of hours. The staff were so lovely which really did make a difference. Dvd and duvet day tomorrow here too, I’m shattered. Once I’d passed the baby and the pain subsided massively I pretty much deflated, I was so drained.

Thank you so much for all your support, it really does mean a lot x