TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Thanks @Bobzybaby I go to counselling-next session is next week as my counsellor is away. To be honest I'm trying to stop leaning on friends so much. My one mate who had a late miscarriage last year has been awesome, but she's now 17 weeks and has a 5 and 2 year old so had enough on her own plate. The other mate who I can be brutally honest with is 4 hours away, is Ttc herself and struggling and has just started a new job.

Basically I just need to pack it in. I just don't know how.

I think I better step away for now. Baby dust to all. I really hope everyone's journey had a rainbow st the end xxxx

@Laney79 sounds like you've got a carbon copy of my DH right there with you. Could have been our house. You can't lock it all inside and you have to talk to someone about it, ideally someone who's been through it been. From what I've seen, men simply can't understand the issue and they don't have the same hormones floated around. I believe it's the hormones that make it so difficult to deal with and find context. I'd suggest just spamming the forums here for support. I know I'm new on this thread, but the support I got on the pregnancy thread was just wonderful. We are all in similar boats and sometimes even just writing it all down helps. I think DH thinks I'm manic. Whoops.
@zarala interesting so far all the MALE doctors have rallied around DH and said because he has had a son he's probably okay. Seemingly they aren't bothered that he only has one ball (testicular cancer...whole other conversation to be had about that) and he's "not old" at 51. Bit irritating because I honestly think the issue is more in his domain than mine. Sperm comet is interesting but I don't think he'd been keen to get tested.
Those NK cells are the ones I am currently(!) worrying about! At the moment I have to say I feel totally resigned that the 3rd will also fail and I will have to go for further testing. I somehow feel that by assuming and expecting the third to mc then I'm emotionally protecting myself. I'm sure that'll all change with a BFP.
@Coffeist it does sometimes make you want to kick the Dr. My DH is a surgeon and thinks he knows everything about MC/TTC but he absolutely doesn't. Unless you're talking to a specialist they don't really get it.
@sweetpea0318 my other half was about 43 when he had his son. Son now just 8ish. DH doesn't ever get called up by son as being old. We are very irresponsibly going for a baby together but mentally I've got a cut off that if it hasn't happened by the time he's 55 I'm really doing something that's ethically poor (65yo dad at 10 is just about acceptable but a 70yo dad at 10 is something I don't think I could put a kid through. 80yo at 20... course we could all be run over by a bus tomorrow...)

Well it wasn't meant to be everyone. Started bleeding this morning quite heavy.

I knew something wasn't quite right because my 14dpo test was darker than my 16dpo test. Only 4+5 so it's actually just the same as having my period. Absolutely gutted though. Got to go have my bloods done to see if the hcg is coming down.

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@SunshineSparklesSmiles sorry to hear about the spotting. It could still be a little breakthrough bleed, I really hope it is. Take your time x

@Funkyemzie so sorry to hear, that's really tough on you. It's good you are getting your bloods checked. I hope you have someone with you to take care of you? Sending hugs x

@Laney79 the pressure is completely understandable. I feel a little obsessed too. I think if I were you I would stop taking the opks and any other tracking devices (like bbt) and dtd every other day throughout your fertile window (or every two to three days throughout your cycle). You will still cover all bases but you won't have the "green light" regimented routine that tracking gives you. It's clearly upsetting your partner, and therefore yourself. It's not necessary. Great you have counselling, I would see if you can convince your partner to do the same so he can open up to someone. Having a break from mumsnet is also a good idea as it's obviously ttc central around here, but we are here if you need to vent or have a bit of additional support. Take care of yourself x

@Mistymeow thank you. I,'ve just been docs and had My bloods done, got to go back in a week. My other half has taken my daughter for breakfast while I'm here then we're going to go for a nice walk at Tatton Park.

He told me I shouldn't go out today and rest but I just don't want to be on my own and the fresh air will do me good.

@Funkyemzie glad you have some time with your family today. It's a lovely day today and it will be relaxing having a walk in the sun. Take care. I'm very sorry x

Hi ladies, I took a couple days break from the Internet and my phone in general! Went out for a meal with my OH and now looking after my niece who never fails to put a smile on my face 😊 definitely feeling a bit better!

@KnitKitty they haven’t offered me anything yet. I’ll definitely ask them as I really do need it, I haven’t actually been told much at all about my baby’s condition or the delivery/process of the termination so it’s quite frustrating but hopefully I hear something soon! Thanks for your support lovely 💕

@Boboelephant thank you so much for your support, you’ve helped me so much since I started on this thread! I hope you’re doing okay now too hun, I totally understand all those feelings but your BFP is coming. I hope it happens very soon for you ❤️

@zarala thank you so much for those lovely words ❤️ I’m so sorry you went through something similar, any loss is tragic. I totally relate, I’m scared that I’ll get to the hospital and refuse to take the tablets - I’d rather it happen naturally. It’s hard though as I know it’s the right thing to do. All this support helps so much 😊

@Angelbabyollie I’m so sorry 😔 just want to say your post really touched me - as I know I’m going to feel exactly the same way in a few weeks. Just want to keep my baby safe inside my tummy, the thought of letting go is too much. Don’t want this pregnancy to end 😥 hope everything gets back to normal for you soon so you can TTC again. Sending hugs

@PassTheAfterEights massive congrats hun! I hope you have a very healthy and happy pregnancy x

@SunshineSparklesSmiles I’m so sorry but everything could still be okay. I hope you’re alright today ❤️

@FunkyEmzie oh I’m so sorry hun. Please take care of yourself. Sending hugs & strength 💕

Sorry for the really long post everyone! I’m 13+2 right now and still waiting to hear news. Keep phoning hospital but my paperwork keeps getting messed up so they can’t book me in. Surprisingly coping okay atm as I’m enjoying my last few days/weeks with bub and proudly showing off my little bump. Thank you all for the ongoing support ❤️

@Funkyemzie I'm so sorry :( I hope you enjoy your walk. Years since I've been to Tatton but it's a beautiful place.

@hayleyfx your story really touched me, im so so sorry for what is happening to you. I understand how you feel about keeping the baby safe. Be comforted in that all your baby had ever known is love and safety.

So so sorry what you're going through @hayleyfx I felt similar at 13+5 even though the baby had died inside me around 9 weeks I cherished the days I still had it inside me and talked to it and held my tummy a lot. You need to do what is right for you I opted for surgical as I wanted it done asap and didn't want to see or deal with anything however the hospital treated me badly and I ended up having medical not by choice. My waters broke which NOBODY told me could happen and made it very real and contraction type pains. I know your circumstances is different so much love to you, so sorry xxx

Wanted to post in a separate post to below but, and I never thought I would be seeking line eyes.... 10dpo and I think there's a squinter on my one step! DH banned me from cracking out the FRER until tomorrow. These are meant to be the same sensitivity (10ml) so he's probably right not to waste one. I was planning on holding out this month until AF was due but this may already not be the first test I've done...

I've never had anything even questionably squint worthy before.

@doddlebobs there is definitely something on that test!!! Id be cracking the frer open now 🙈

@doddlebobs I can definitely see a faint line! Fingers crossed for a more visible one in the next couple of days!

@doddlebobs I can see something too. Fx for a darker line in next few days x

Hi everyone

Sorry for late replies has been a manic last day or so.

@PassTheAfterEights no don't worry didn't offend at all. Would love to jump on the antenatal boards but just a bit soon for me I think emotionally! Hoping I can join you on there soon though!
Lovely idea of setting up a separate one for first trimester post pregnancy loss though. Might just do that when I have a moment!
How are you getting on?

@Funkyemzie I'm so sorry lovely. Wish there was something to say to make you feel better but I know that there is just nothing. This journey is just so cruel at times.

@doddlebobs tentative congratulations- I can definitely see a line there so is looking promising! 🤞 good luck for the FRER tomorrow morning!

@KnitKitty & @YellowDaffodils86 Sorry for the further BFN's as you say though hopefully this just means your body needed a break for a bit & your ovaries are putting lots of effort into a lovely healthy egg for your next cycle. Either way though I hope your bodies find their rhythm for you to get your so deserved BFPs soon.

@Boboelephant sorry you've been feeling down recently. How are you feeling today? As others say you really do have plenty of time and will get there again. Good that your ovulation type pains are left sided this month 🤞 for you.

I'm just tying not to think too much about things at the mo. Have some symptoms but not many and they come and go. Had been like this with my last 2 pregnancies neither of which were successful so is hard to know if this is just my normal in early pregnancy generally or my normal abnormal and will go the same way again. 🤷‍♀️

@sunshinesparklesmiles fx it’s implantation bleed 🤞

@funkyemzie so sorry. That’s really awful particularly after you’ve got your hopes up. Be kind to yourself over the next few days

@laney79 really sorry to hear you’re struggling so much. I agree with @mistymeow that you need to try and not put yourselves under so much pressure. Easier said than done I know but you don’t want this to cause a wedge between you and your oh. Is there something you can do to get you both back on track a bit? Evening out together or cooking a special meal at home where you can try and connect again without focusing on ttc?

@hayleyfx glad you’re feeling ok today. You are such a strong person. I really wish you all the best x

@doddlebobs fx for you for the next few days!

@laney79 I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I agree with @mistymeow it is incredibly hard not to obsess.

I think the thing our DH's may not fully appreciate is ttc impacts us in all these additional ways.
We are POAS soo regularly it's almost a relief to not have to crack open a FRER or OPK of a morning. Then there's food and drink, right now I am in the 2ww and I am normally a 2 lattes a day girl but should I be having them?! Possibly not but then am I depriving myself for no reason. I don't know cos it is just a waiting game.
Don't even get me started on symptom spotting... Does that mean ovulation is coming, I just had a twinge does that mean anything? are my boobs feeling different today?!

And of course the heatwave doesn't help, who really wants to DTD in a bloody oven. 😂

I think anyone who can keep their mind through this is quite frankly incredible.

Baby dust to all xxx

Thank you everyone, you are all so lovely! I'm glad I did go out today for the fresh air but it was really really painful and absolutely exhausted. Obviously the only nasty but was that I have been loosing all day so had to make quite a few toilet stops which was quite unpleasant. Back home now, OH has gone to help his friend out tonight so mum has invited me and DD round for tea.

Not entirely sure if I've taken it in yet though, 4+5 is very early, only a week late infact and dont know what to do about work tomorrow. OH says to take the day off and then see how i feel over the weekend. What do you guys think? Xx

@doddlebobs that looks promising hun, huge fx you get a good line in the morning!

@Dreaminofholidays those words are so true!!! 👍🏼

@doddlebobs I definitely see something!!... I have my fx for you xx

@Jessabean I’m feeling exactly the same, don’t want to get too excited as have also been here twice before! My symptoms seem to be completely different to what i’ve had before which is strange. Did another test today just to check I wasn’t imagining it all 🤦🏼‍♀️. I’m going on holiday next Thursday so going to try not to think about it too much until I’m back but would definitely be up for joining you, @PassTheAfterEights and any new Bfps on a thread then.

Also, lots Penguin love to anyone having a rubbish time, this really can be a cruel journey and you never know what’s round the corner, good or bad xx

@hayleyfx are you taking loads of pics and things, maybe make a little memory box, I think someone may have suggested that before!

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today but also sending lots of love too. Xxx

Not sure what is going on. My apps both said that I should have ovulated yesterday but look at the tests (see photo) I’m not sure what’s happened

@Funkyemzie so sorry to hear your news. I think you should take whatever time you need from work, a loss is a loss. Be kind to yourself xx

Hello everyone, so sorry to everyone who is having a hard time 💐💐💐 Wanted to come back and update from my dithering earlier in the week over whether to test (sorry if this upsets anyone) - got a definite bfp this morning, couldn't put off testing any longer as was starting to feel like I was really sick yesterday. Seems better today so don't know if it will stick but I'm trying to take the attitude of at least today I am pregnant, and what will be will be. So fingers crossed!

@Martydog the apps just use an algorithm to calculate what's probable in terms of ovulation according to the data you've previously entered and the 'standard'. Especially after mc our bodies line to throw us an irregular cycle every so often. It looks to me like you've had a little rise from sun-weds but that you've not caught the surge (yet). Did you test at the same time every day? If I were you I'd carry on testing this month with some baby dancing tonight just in case you got the peak last night and are ovulating today. Can't hurt to do an extra baby dance if you haven't ovulated!

@PurpleFushia I agree with you, am feeling very similar having had a very faint line this morning. The 'at least I celebrated being pregnant' was what for me through the miscarriage. Can you share your test pic? Love to see positive tests! How many dpo are you?

Speaking of dpo, here's a question. By LMP (if this sticks) i'm almost 5 weeks already (af started 30 June) . But I only ovulated on 23 July (cd 24) so 'late' period only due on 7 August (Flo predicts 38 day cycle). Given my previous baby died at 10weeks and my body missed it, the EPU have offered me a scan at 9 weeks for future pregnancies. Thing is, if I go in at 9 weeks LMP, id be c 10 days behind where ovulation would have been expected, which might make for a very scary scan. If it comes to it and my lines darken and I am pregnant and I'm still pregnant by then, would I just tell the unit and the sonographer that I know I ovulated late?

@Jessabean @PassTheAfterEights @Maydot - love the idea of a first trimester after mc, or even a BFP after miscarriage thread. It would be nice to have somewhere with 'familiar faces' to sound out early preg worries without hurting the feelings of others not having caught yet.