TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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@KnitKitty sorry i didnt tag you properly on my reply.
Thanks for the lovely message

Awww you guys ❤🐧❤🐧❤🐧
@Funkyemzie thanks love. Hope that line of yours keeps getting darker.
@Mistymeow great words thankyou. I do believe you and agree we just have longer journeys but it is so hard sometimes. Especially as my road didn't start out like this. But you're right, we must keep going and we will get there. I got positive opk today so we are twins again. 🤞
@SerenaOverjoyed glad to see you back although sorry you've had a tough time. Thankyou. Your words are so kind. I know, I work in MH and see these terrible things all the time but it seems horrendously unfair. Fertility definitely is a jackpot with no rhyme or reason.
@Bobzybaby thanks hun. Yep it's really hard when it's so easy for some who can't care for them. A case today where 9 kids had been removed and she just kept having more. How is it possible that the universe made that woman be able to pop out so many and we are all fighting so hard? Anyway no point focusing on that. Everything happens for a reason. Good luck to you- halfway through tww!
@Cakelaur thanks my lovely. I would love to meet up and eat cake. I won't resent your bump, just wish I had one too! I appreciate all your support- everyone on here!- although I might be the most rooted for as I'm the only old timer still here! 😫 I know my body can do it but I wish it would hurry up! My DS is almost 3 and it makes me sad that he's getting older without a sibling.
@KnitKitty thankyou lovely. Beautiful words as always. I appreciate my MN army so much. I'm so sorry for your bfn. It can all be so cruel. I love the idea of your body creating your super fertile egg though! And your ovary smoking a cigar. 😂 I'm pretty sure I'm going to ovulate on the left again as it's been quite tender for a few days so desperate hoping again!
@strawberrye thanks hun. Yep that's exactly right. I love seeing the bfps nd hearing happy news but seeing everyone else come and go whilst i stay still is tough. Fx it's our turn soon.
@Elderflower78, @vickyr8 and @frankiefumbles welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. This is a lovely supportive group and we're all here for you.

Congratulations @sunshinesparklesmiles! Hope all goes well for you xx

@elderflower78 @frankiefumbles @vickyr8 sorry you find yourselves here. I hope you gain strength and support from this lovely group of ladies.

@boboelephant stay strong! It is so tough when the journey isn’t straight forward but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I completely get where you’re coming from though both about how seeing bfps makes you feel and about your ds getting older without a sibling. I think that’s what I find the hardest is when I think about my dd and how much I want to give her a brother or sister. But as my dh reminds me, she doesn’t know any different & will be happy whatever happens (I hope!)

I’m feeling a bit sad and frustrated today. I had my positive on cheapy opk on Sunday pm and then on cb digital Monday morning. We dtd Saturday morning, Monday morning & Monday evening but didn’t manage last night so I’m stressing that we’ve missed the key time this month. Nothing I can do now I know but it’s frustrating all the same especially as I’ve really been trying hard not to put any pressure at all on dh. In fact, I think the prob now is that he’s putting pressure on himself with it all. He’s said to me that his daily vitamins are just a reminder of failure & He also said to me last night that he doesn’t want to be an old dad and that we would have to think about when to stop trying at some point (he turns 40 next year). This has totally thrown me & I really had to stop myself getting upset but I’m trying not to make a big deal out of it. I can’t see me stopping until we get our bfp- I just pray that it happens soon before my dh is completely done with all this and the window for trying closes completely. Im glad he’s sharing how he’s feeling on one hand but on the other I just wish he hadn’t said anything as now I feel like there’s even more pressure which isn’t going to help I know. Urgh.

Thank you all. Unfortunately I had a little spotting this afternoon (bright red) so I'm not feeling all that positive now. I'll have to sit tight for a few days and see how it goes. I so wish it stays put and that all is well x

It was only a small amount with no clots so I hope it's just everything shifting and getting comfortable. FX.

Thanks for making me feel welcome. It's so awful we are all here but the support is great. It's a lonely world when you have had a miscarriage, even when you have the support of family and friends. I find these forums better for support as you know the people here totally get it and totally understand the grief you are going through.

Hospital appt tomorrow to check hcg levels, soul destroying but I'm looking forward to the bleeding stopping so I can move on. I've cried all day but I have myself together again and I just want to dust off and move forward.

Hi- hope I'm not too late to join?

Age:30
Ttc #1
I got pregnant straight away and had mmc on 2nd July at 10 and a half weeks- baby stopped growing at about 5.
I was bleeding for a month and got an infection but had a natural miscarriage.
We want to ttc again as soon as possible! I've been testing daily but not yet had a positive ovulation test- I only got my first negative pregnancy test a week ago so hopefully will get a positive soon!

xx

Sorry been off line most of today and struggling to keep up. But just wanted to say welcome newbies and sorry you find yourselves here.
@boboelephant sorry you are having a tough day. Hugs if you need them.

@Elderflower78 it's just an horrendous time isnt It! I think I cried at every appointment I went to after. The actual worst time I cried was when my work pals had a massive bouquet delivered at my house and as soon as I shut the door I fell to my knees and just wept for a good hour.

I don't think that feeling will ever leave me but 4 months down the line now and currently 4+3 weeks I'm hoping this bean sticks and we have our rainbow baby. I hope you are being kind to yourself and getting the support you need lovely.

@SunshineSparkleSmiles i really hope it's just an embedding bleed, that little bean might just be getting comfy in there! Fx for you lovely.

I'm just waiting for the midwife to call me back for my booking in appointment. Got alot of period like pains today and going to do another test in the morning to see if that line has gotten any darker from 14dpo. Im literally terrified!

@Boboelephant thank you sweetie. Xxx

Hi @LJS8987 welcome to the group. Sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here but it's a great support.

@SunshineSparklesSmiles everything crossed it's just a wee implantation bleed and you've got a sticky bean!

@sweetpea0318 it sounds to me that you're both under so much pressure just now. I know my husband and I have moments where we're both wanting to jack it all in. But, we always decompress and calm down. Is there a chance your husband is just feeling pressure and speaking without really thinking it through? TTC puts such immense pressure on relationships as if it wasn't tough enough!

@sweetpea0318 I completely understand. It sounds lots like us. My oh really feels pressure easily so I'm trying to be so careful, to not add pressure to him but then putting it all on myself. I had my positive opks mon eve/tues morn. We dtd sat and Sunday afternoon successfully and tried again last night but my partner just couldn't let go. Be very surprised if it happens tonight at all. So I feel like I'm already out this month, again. And it hurts like hell. But I can't say anything because it will just make things worse. My nips feel like they've been on fire for two days solid and all I can think about is getting pregnant again. It's so so hard.

In your case I'd say you have a really good chance with when you dtd -much better than mine! When we caught with bean I wasn't tracking ov but I know we only dtd twice -cd11 and cd14. I'm just hoping for you and me what we've managed is enough xxxx

@frankiefumbles hi there and sorry you find yourself here

I booked private tests after 2 MCs with dr Shehata but (un)fortunately I inadvertently conceived immediately and then ended up losing that one too...so have since seen dr Shehata and I've also been referred to the RMC at st Mary's under prof Reagan with the NHS
With regards to testing after 2- I also convinced my gp to test my hormones but again as I fell immediately didn't manage to get them done.. however I am quite a bit older than you so I used my age to convince her to agree to the tests

Dr Shehata or other private specialists will see you- he tests for blood clotting disorders and immunity issues. Specifically he looks at natural killer cells- he has found over the years that women with multiple recurring miscarriages tend to have very aggressive nk cells that he believes attack the foetus and prevent the pregnancy continuing.
He has diagnosed me with that and I am on his drug protocol for that...

The NHS are a lot more conservative in what they test for but there are now more RMCs that are testing for nk cells using endometrial biopsies (that is testing the uterus lining for nk cells as opposed to dr Shehata method of testing the blood) but the nhs won't look at you unless you've had 3!
With regards to testing hubby- I recommend sperm comet- it goes over and beyond the regular sperm test in that it actually tests the quality of the dna in the sperm- check out their website it's quite informative. I know that antioxidants and co enzyme q10 is recommended to men with sperm dna issues but I'm not entirely sure so best to get tested and see what your consultant recommends

Anyway best of luck and feel free to ask as many questions as you want!

@Boboelephant hey hun I wanna say sorry that you're feeling so frustrated but I can totally understand it. It's just so shit and extremely frustrating that ultimately it's totally out of anyone's control.
But that woman had 9 kids and still popping them Out?! WTH seriously there should be a law, these poor kids and the life ahead of them in care...it's so sad...
But I echo everything everyone has said- and your time will definitely come! And even though I know how much you would love your son to have a sibling - he's also really lucky to have you all to himself at this crucial point of his development without any baby getting in his way of your attention!

@sweetpea0318 first of all 40 is not old to be a dad!!!!! Where did he get that idea?!?!? 😱 secondly if you can do it again tonight I would! Just in Case!

@SunshineSparklesSmiles Fx it was just getting comfortable fx for you babe 🤞🏽

Hi to all the newcomers- sorry you find yourselves here. I think between us all we have had a huge range of experiences and it is quite fascinating and awe inspiring talking to everyone- these strong emotional and lovely women
Welcome to the penguin 🐧 huddle ❤️

@laney79 oh I’m sorry you’re having similar issues - it really is so hard trying to do everything right, stay positive & not pile on the pressure. Every month i end up planning dates with such precision to try & get the best times covered before burn out! I think you might be ok with your dates as it’s better to dtd before ovulation so you’re def till in with a chance even if tonight is a no go. Keeping everything crossed for us this month 🤞🤞🤞 Going to try & distract myself as best I can this 2WW so have loaded up my kindle, joined gym & planning some yoga sessions... last month we were away on hols which was perfect - shame can’t do that each time!

@zarala no idea where he’s dreamt that one up from! I’m hoping it was just burn out talk & he doesn’t really mean it. At any rate I’m choosing to ignore the comment for now!

I am so behind, i would reply to individuals but im not i will manage to get up to date.

Congratulations on any new BFPs
Nice to see some familiar names back😊

Sorry to the newcomers, hope you find some help by being here, it really is a lovely group.

@Boboelephant sorry you are having a bad time, it will happen, and i know over all its been a while, but will this cycle 7 since mc??
If so thats not long at all, although it feels like 7 years not months im sure. Dont give up hope. Takes a year for healthy couple bla bla bla...

The whole people get pregnant on one night stands, without wanting then etc vs us who all trying our hardest pisses me off all the time. Nature is unfair!

@KnitKitty how are you doing.
Was it you that said about asking yourself why that person gets to have 3 children etc , im the same, i always say to dh why do they get 2, iv got none! Its true you dont know the struggles may have endured but still...

I had a shit afternoon. I have had heavy achy, throbbing pains in bbs, they are lumpy, veiny and almost like someone is filling with cement. Im had nausea last fee days, especially when i wake up. Smaller appetite, waking up early at 4/5am everyday, vivid dreams. Iv had lotiony cm for days and days and lots of... after my bbs changed alot today and behaved differently to any other pms time, i was sure id get a bfp finally.
I raced home after work, but no it was stark sodding white.
I sat and cried on the toilet!
Im cycle day 37 potentially 19dpo- loosing my mind!

Frankiefumbles - I've had recently 2 MCs and at EPU, doctor suggested I should ask for testing done, however my GP didn't agree (I feel like she's "blaming" me for starting ttc late - I'm almost 40 and GP has kept mentioning the babies for a few years when I wanted another prescription to pills...) to refer me to clinic. I only had some bloods done (antiphospholid and B2-glycoprotein I antibodies) - however reading now, it says 2 tests needed and I only had 1 test done so who knows.

Congrats on those with BFP!

I have a question- I did ask this on another thread but had no reply!
Ovulation after mc- I'm so confused!
So when people say you ovulate 2 weeks post miscarriage is this from first day of mc? Or from first negative pregnancy test?
I had my first bfn last Thursday following my mc on 2/7- have been using ovulation testing strips since Monday and the line has gradually got more faint- does this mean I've ovulated and missed it?

Sorry for all the questions I just don't want to miss out on a chance to conceive this month- especially now months feel like years!!

Thanks xx

@LJS8987 , I had the same question a couple of weeks ago. Then I came across this site:
www.pregnancyloss.info/waitingforaf.htm in which i read:

The most common recovery goes like this:
Your bleeding will taper off to spotting within a week, and maybe random spotting will continue for another week. Your hCG drops steadily, usually hitting zero during the end of the spotting, or about 10 days after the miscarriage or D&C. When the spotting ends, you will get strange symptoms. If you use a fertility monitor, it may say you are ovulating, but you are not. You may see lots of cervical mucus coming out, sometimes still brown or yellow, but it is not a fertility sign either. In fact, most of the time, you will not ovulate in this cycle. You should not be trying to get pregnant, either. For why, visit the trying again section.
Some women find they have mild pregnancy symptoms, or little ovulation cramps. Many many women think they could be pregnant, because strange things are happening and their period is "late" (although almost every post-miscarriage period is late.) These symptoms are due to the body's attempts to regulate its hormones again. It may kick into gear right away, and you will get a new period in four to five weeks, or it may struggle a bit, and the period will not come for seven weeks. If you chart your temperatures, they will be all over the place. This is all perfectly normal and expected. Eventually your period arrives and can be either light or heavy. There is no "normal" right now. For more on this, or to spot trouble, see the next section on Your First Period.

Another small amount of spotting overnight for me so I guess I'm out this month after all. Horrible as the last two days I genuinely believed I had symptoms. Going to take a bit of time away from the thread now but I wish you all the best in your TTC journeys and lots of sticky little beans. Baby dust to all xx

Really sorry @sunshinesparklessmiles, look after yourself today. Might it be worth testing again?

I’m on holiday and trying to stay off the internet but couldn’t resist checking in with the thread. So delighted to see some BFPs @passtheaftereights @funkyemzie!
Lovely to see you back with such great news @passtheaftereights.

I’m 10 dpo and def feeling the crazy. I’ve felt nauseous all week but trying to remember that could be the heat (I’m in France) and eating too much birthday cake! Still, my hopes are really up and I know I’m
setting myself up for disappointment. I didn’t bring a test with me as I prefer just to wait for af. Still, having a lovely time on my holidays- just fighting getting too distracted...

@bobotheelephant sorry to see you are struggling a bit, lovely. You most definitely are not old cheese but I totally get where you are coming from. Take some time in the middle of the huddle. Xx

Right, will get back to holidaying and will check in again when af arrives next week... love to you all!

@sweetpea0318 thanks hun, you're right. I guess we worry about how they will cope but it's just another way of projecting our own insecurities. We'll get there! 🤞🤞 I'm so sorry your DH is worrying about that and putting more pressure on you because of it. Hopefully you fall soon and you don't have to worry about it. Just shows our fellas get as anxious about it all as us. Also I think your timing is great so don't worry about that!
@SunshineSparklesSmiles hope it's just bubs shifting and settling in. Did you say af isn't due until Sunday?
@Blondcat thanks hun. Today is a new day!
@Elderflower78 thinking of you today. We're all here for you.
@LJS8987 welcome to the group and I'm so sorry for your loss. Your other question has been answered well by @Russkispy. Personally I had an ERPC, negative test 16 days later and positive opk 4 days later. Everyone is very different and some don't ovulate before first af. I'd say if you get EWCM then go for it (jks as we say here) and fingers crossed.
@Laney79 you are also still in with a chance as 2 days before ovulation is supposed to be the best date!
@Funkyemzie have you tested again today? Hope it's gotten darker! 🤞
@zarala yep it seems spectacularly unfair especially considering, as you say the life ahead of them at birth is usually extremely difficult. Thankyou for your words, that's a lovely way of looking at it.
@YellowDaffodils86 I'm so sorry you're having a tough time and this is dragging out for you without a bfp. It must be so hard not knowing what is going on. I hope y your body stops playing tricks on you and gives you a definite answer. Sending hugs! And thankyou. Cycle 8 since MC. I know they say it can take a year and I should think like that, I just honestly didn't expect that after taking a year after the ectopic it would take that long again. It does feel like 8 years! Especially when everyone else seems to fall within 3 months! Ah well, I suppose all our roads are different.
@Coffeist that sounds hard. Can you get a different GP? You never should feel like that!

@SunshineSparklesSmiles sorry just saw your update. Hopefully you're not out yet but understand wanting to take some time.
@Robin78 glad you're having a wonderful holiday. Try and ride the crazy and fx it's a good outcome in a few days!

Will someone please slap me. I'm driving myself crazy. I can't stop obsessing over ttc. It's so all consuming.

Got really upset again last night. Was talking to the oh (which I try not to do as it adds pressure on him) about ttc and ended up in tears. Then was looking forward to just chilling together on the sofa and he said he was going to go into the garden to do some bits. basically I said I was hoping we could chill together as I'd had a hard day at work, but then felt like I was stopping him doing what he wanted to. Cue me being upset all eve and him not being happy either.

Just tried to talk to him again about it, explain how I feel. That I hate feeling like this, that I know I need to relax but I can't. That I feel so under pressure, and that I'm desperate not to put that pressure on him. I need to talk but know if I do I'll add pressure, so I don't and it all builds up. That it feels like the only time we relax is when we're away (basically it's very rare we dtd in the week when at home-so that makes the chances of us catching pretty slim unless my fertile peak is at a weekend) That I just have this feeling it won't happen for us, and that petrifies me. That I'm scared these pains/discomfort I've been having in my Tum is something bad. That I feel like a failure. That I hate feeling like this. I just want it to be like it was before, if it happened it happened.

He's frustrated with me. Doesn't like this obsessive behaviour, but does love me, and says I'm not the only one who feels likes failure in this. Says I need to relax.

No matter what I do I'm making things worse. I'm trying so hard, it's exhausting and feels futile.

Sorry to be so gloomy lovelies. Xxx

@Laney79 sorry you had a rough evening. Have you ever had counselling? Is there someone out with your husband that you can talk to? I share everything with my husband but most of my obsessive and repetitive chat I do with my friends. Like you, I'm conscious of putting pressure on him and I don't want TTC to take over our entire relationship anymore. We've been there and it didn't bode well for us.