TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Thanks @Cakelaur -appreciate the advice. Bit awkward as OH has to be in the right mood (which he deffo was sat/sun but despite trying wasn't last night) so I'm trying to pick my timing carefully.

And congrats on your wee man! It's so lovely seeing your progress. Think yours was the first BFP after I joined when I was going through my MMC. You give me hope xxx

Ooh @SunshineSparklesSmiles I think I see it! Everything crossed xxx

@SunshineSparklesSmiles I can see a very faint line but it's there! Fingers crossed!

@dreaminofholidays 11dpo, I'm feeling a little nauseous. I so hope it sticks! Thank you xx

@sunshinesparklessmiles I see something too fx and tentative congratulations xx

@Sunshinesparklesmiles that exactly what mine looked like at 11dpo! Tentative congratulations lovely, hope it gets darker in the next few days and a sticky bean for you! Xxx

Huge congrats on the bfp’s❤️❤️ So exciting when this fantastic thread gets a flurry of pink lines!! @cakular fab news on your little prince 👑 look after yourself hunny❤️ I’ve called in sick today work is so manic I’m a dental nurse in a very busy nhs practice & as it’s summer holidays the anti is upped!! The only people who know I’m pregnant is my 2 bosses who are friends first (boss after) I’ve worked with them for nearly 23 years & they are great but I’ve struggled a bit the last few days especially with this heat 😩 so am just putting feet up today watching daytime tv & feeling very 12 weeks preggo!!
Sending hugs & support to all in limbo & on start of a new journey ❤️ We never forget “last time” but new chapters are upon us all🌈🌈🌈

@SunshineSparklesSmiles don't want to up the ante with false hope but ran it past the FF line reader & seems to agree there's something there

@SunshineSparklesSmiles I can definitely see a faint line fingers crossed it gets darker in the next few days!

@Maydot congratulations!!
@Cakelaur ooh a boy!!! Boys are awesome!!! That's amazing. Sorry about the extra worry but great to have the extra scans and consultant support.
@Angelbabyollie oh that's so awful hun. I'm so sorry. I just wondered maybe because you were full term that might be why it is taking so long for af to arrive. I hope your body regulates soon so you can start ttc again. Sending hugs x
@PassTheAfterEights definitely keeping that rose date on the horizon!! 🥂 I'm ok although feeling a bit like old cheese again.
@Laney79 I agree with @cake. Ovulation probably today so try and get one more in tonight if you can. 🤞
@SunshineSparklesSmiles tentative congratulations!!!
@KnitKitty and @YellowDaffodils86 how are you? Have you tested again?

I'm feeling a bit crap really. Decided to share with the whole 'it's ok to not be ok' mentality and hoping I can then park it and move on. So happy for everyone with their bfps but finding it harder the longer I stay here. Feeling a bit of a downer but starting to really worry it is never going to happen. I know the next two weeks I'll symptom spot against my will, get excited when my cruel body tricks me with phantom pregnancy symptoms, truly believe it might happen and then feel like stupid af will start again. I heard a case at work yesterday which was so horrendous and I can't get out of my head. Just basically how badly people can treat unborn children and babies and I'm doing everything and not getting pregnant. That combined with two people at work with now noticeable bumps and everyone going gaga over it. It all just feels a bit much. Into the middle I go.

@Boboelephant aww sweet, life just seems to find a shitty way to kick you when you're down and taunt the ones that teally don't deserve it. Big virtual hugs to you and hope you start to pick up really soon. Xxx

Congratulations to the recent BFPs. Sorry that others have had BFNs and absent af. This ttc business is very frustrating.

@Angelbabyollie very sad story, I'm sorry. I hope you have news soon. Take care of yourself x

@Cakelaur eee a boy, how lovely! Very exciting. I'm glad you are getting great care, hope everything goes smoothly.

@sunshinesparklesmiles I definitely see a flash of colour there, fx it gets stronger!

@Boboelephant I totally hear you. Hugs. I'm with you on this. I've got a long journey ahead of me too. I also saw that a good friend of mine is pregnant with her second which is lovely, but I can't help but think "why is it so hard for us? Why did we have such heartache?" I see the happy pregnancy announcements and almost resent their ease and joy, and to my jealous eyes- oblivious to the pain of losing a baby. You feel so alone, silently grieving with your partner, or anonymously on a forum. It's a tough, tough thing and you are allowed to feel like you do. I saw my gp yesterday for fertility testing and told him I was worried I didn't ovulate some months and he told me my test results were normal (still have to have progesterone test). He thinks I'm getting a bit obsessed with ttc and putting stress on myself, which is detrimental, and said I need to focus on the fact that I can get pregnant. Even with my husband's fluctuating sperm count. You can too, even with the loss of your tube. It will happen. They can do so much. It's just a longer journey. Here with you! I've got an almost positive opk so I'll be seeing you in the 2ww no doubt :)

Hi all, I took a long break after my chemical preg in May. It's not been so relaxing, I had a 53 day cycle last month and was convinced I was pregnant with another failing pregnancy before AF strolled in 2-3 weeks late. I was totally hysterical (I hate that word but it defnitely applies!) and peeing-oas daily. I'm still on a break from ttc, but starting temping and opks to avoid another end of cycle panic.

It's bloody marvelous to see so many BFPs. Less lovely to see how many new names are in this forum. So sorry for losses all 🐧 This is a lovely group.

Boboelephant I'm sorry you're feeling like old cheese. I would say that you're the backbone of this thread and lots of women here rely on you for support and guidance. We're lucky to have you still here ❤ waiting is shit though. It's so unfair you've had to wait so long despite doing everything right.

I empathise with the work experience of unborn babies being treated badly. I work in healthcare and I've recently witnessed a few eye watering cases where pregnancy has been involved. It does make me think: and my body can't hold on to a pregnancy?! But I suppose I take comfort that it shows how little control we actually have, and how random fertility is.

@PassTheAfterEights what is a line reader?!

@Boboelephant I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sure post holiday blues are not helping either. I have worked with abused and neglected kids and totally get the resentful feeling. Particularly when their parents go on to have more babies 😡

I also get that 'really happy for you but sad for myself' feeling with every preggo announcement.

We can be TWW buddies. I hurt my back on Monday (which is fortunately easing off) but keep getting an almost crampy feeling down below (7dpo). I dunno if it's connected to my back pain or something else. So, I'm with you on your symptom spotting as well.

Not really helpful words of advice but just a wee reminder that you are most definitely not alone. Take each day as it comes as this too shall pass xx

@Boboelephant sending hugs babe. I'm so sorry you feel shit. I have no doubt you'll get your bfp. And sometimes it helps to just totally give up and cry and hate the concept. You are such an amazing support. I know I'm probably not the person you'd wanna meet up with, the one with the growing bump, but from memory you're in London too. If you ever wanna meet and cry at someone in person I'd be more than happy to be that shoulder for you. That day you get your bfp is gonna be a crazy exciting day (for you mostly) but for all of us, because I'd say you're the most routed for one on this thread!! And it will happen. I wish one of us could tell you when but it will. Your body can do it. You've got your gorgeous bub as proof!! And you two other pregnancies. So it is 100% possible. Sending massive hugs. And the offer is open if you ever want to take it. Xx

SunshineSparklesSmiles I hope that faint line gets darker! Fingers crossed for you!

Lovemysparkle glad you're looking after you and your growing bean well. The heat must be exhausting!

Boboelephant I'm so sorry you're feeling down right now. Just ride the wave until you feel better again and have some big penguin huddle cuddles.

I was at the supermarket this morning and saw a woman with three kids (baby and two older ones) and I heard a voice in my head having a rant "how come she gets three of them? Wonder if she assumed everything would go fine when she got her positive tests? What's she done to deserve what I don't have..." Of course I have no idea if shes suffered any losses herself or struggled with difficult pregnancies or births and I was quite shocked a the venom which was lurking in me!! What I wanted to say to you is, feeling negatively is just not a nice feeling, but it's totally understandable. Sometimes you just have to let that negative voice have a little complain and when you're ready find away to get back to being positive and hopeful again.
I know it must be so hard for you seeing BFPs every month and it not happening for you, but every month you're closer to your own positive, and it WILL happen, I'm sure!!! I totally agree with Mistymeow you might be on a longer journey, but it's still one with a happy ending.
And as Cakelaur said, we're all routing for you. If you don't believe it will happen for you, don't worry, there's an army of women routing for you and believing on your behalf!

Hi again SerenaOverjoyed sorry you've been through the mill a bit. Let me know how temping and OPKs go for you. I'm still really resistant to the idea but I've recently discovered I'm not regular so I might have to consider charting properly.

Well I tested again this morning and another BFN so I'm just giving up on the testing now and waiting for my body to sort itself out. Maybe it's preparing something special, like a super fertile egg that needs all its attention for more than the usual time? or maybe it just needed a good break. Weird image of my ovary standing outside having a cigar and a glass of wine
Will take an unplanned step back from TTC and I'll just have to have faith that the timing of everything is going to work out for the best.

@Boboelephant sorry to hear you're feeling crap. I understand how you feel, it's lovely to see all these BFPs but some days it's hard to see all these names come post MC and then go with their BFP, yet we are here month after month after month with no joy. Be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel like this, don't put pressure on yourself to feel any particular way xx

Age 28
Ttc 2nd baby 8 year gap!

Just suffered a miscarriage last night at 4 weeks. I am devastated and can't stop crying. We are planning on trying straight away.
I have a feeling my short cycles play a part. I ovulate after my period and I just don't think it's enough to hold on to a pregnancy.

I'm going to the early pregnancy unit tomorrow to make sure my hct levels are dropping. How depressing.
So I'm jumping on this ship.
I love the penguin huddle thing, only thing that has made me smile today.

Congratulations to all the bfp. Sorry for the bfn and afs. I am waiting for my ovulation positive but not sure if I missed it on Monday when I was too busy bding to test as I was negative Sunday and Tuesday.

Ladies I have a question: i'm currently CD6 and my AF finished on Sunday (CD3). Yesterday and this morning i had some strange brown spotting again which i was guessing was just the end of my AF but a bit delayed. I also started to have quite a bit of twinging and discomfort in my left lower abdomen which feels like ovary pain to me. I did a quick OPK just now to see and there's a light line on it, not a squinter, it's like i'd usually get around CD12 or something. This feels very early for ovulation to be picking up... has this ever happened to anyone else?

This is cycle 3 post MC and i'm quickly learning that my normally clockwork-like cycle is anything but normal ever since.

Hi. Newbie hear
Since scrolling forums i thought its time i actually joined.

TTC#2
MC 5 week
MC 9 week and just had ERPC.
hopefully 3rd time lucky

TedLife Not sure if this helps but I always get twinging either the last day or the day after AF finishes. I see it as my ovary waking up for ovulation again in a new cycle. Or maybe it's my womb putting an end to the shedding? I usually don't ovulate until CD17 or after but I get these twinges between CD6-8.

Hi Elderflower78 I'm so sorry you're going through this. At this point in time you just have to let yourself feel the sadness and grieve properly. You can dust yourself off when the time is right, but just give yourself some time to wallow for now. Huge hugs xxx

Vickyr8 hi to you too. Hope your ERPC was ok. I'm so sorry you're lost your bean too. As I said with Elderflower just feel the sadness. We're all here for you.
They say losing two is often just "bad luck", so I really hope your next one is a sticky one. xxx

Hi all

I'm ex-"Marchers" and somewhat sadly recognise a few names from over there. Hard to catch up on the thread with so many new names, but special hello to @RedRobin7. Had massive support from you. I had my mc very early, a couple of days after Red had hers.

Second early mc, both have been at about 6/7 weeks. First one was quite easy to deal with physically but emotionally challenging. Didn't push it too much with the OPK but periods finally settled down after 6 months and caught again but it wasn't to be. This mc was much worse with breath taking cramps. Physically I feel like I'm still under the weather and hugely hormonal/emotional but I've used the CB fertility monitor to track things and my cycle has come back pretty neatly this time.

M/C around 10/11th July (about 14 days since end of bleeding), LH surge came 29-31 July and thinking I ovulated on 30. I suppose we are actively TTC because I just want to get on with it ASAP to try and reduce the amount of time spent in emotional limbo. I don't feel like I'm in the TWW (yet!) because I can't imagine it's caught so soon. I won't be saying that when AF due!

Honestly, I'm petrified of getting another BFP because I don't know how I will emotionally handle even getting to 12 weeks never mind full term. Even though we are TTC I'm almost hoping for a BFN this month because I'm emotionally screwed. But I don't want to miss a month trying because DH isn't getting any younger.

Couple of questions as you guys are in similar boats. Obviously NHS does nothing until you hit three MC but I want to be mentally prepared for if the worst happens and also to know I'm doing the best I can.

• has anyone had any testing done after 2 m/c, if so, what.
• my DH is 51 and I am 27 so I'm conscious that he could be firing slightly dodgy ones. We seem to be "okay" at conceiving over a period of about 6/12 months each time but not getting over the next hurdle. Has anyone had any testing done for dodgy swimmers, if so what?

sending thoughts to all of you on the thread. It's super tough, particularly @Elderflower78. Time eases things a little but I've found it's super important to have people to talk to - and ignore any of the tosh about "early" mc s not being as bad because we all got our hopes up.

Apologies. Essay...!

Thank you Knitkitty i apprecuate that.
I know peole go through alot worst so i wont give up just yet xxx