TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Keeping fingers crossed for you both @KnitKitty and @YellowDaffodils86 - hopefully you are both testing too early - though it's hard when you're past when AF is due. I have read though that HCG can take several days to get up to even FRER detectable levels if you start from a low base.

I am 9dpo and getting the itch to test. Have had dreadful cramps over the weekend and slight brownish discharge today. Also feeling dreadfully tired - like completely wiped out - so have had to break my no-caffeine run and am currently drinking a nice cup of tea - at least sitting down and drinking it has got rid of the hot dizzy feeling for now. Could just have been a quite full-on weekend though, was quite busy with family which was lovely but not very restful! Currently debating whether to go to Boots before I go home, just feel like it's way too early, it's bound to be bfn if I test tomorrow, and maybe I'd be better off just not having any tests available?

Seem to be lots of people approaching or around ovulation, good luck all!

@KnitKitty I'm so sorry for the BFN. Like the others have said it may still be just too early though if you ovulated later than you thought if it was a late implanter. Is just one of those situations where it's out of your hands for the moment & you'll know soon enough either way whether AF turns up or you get a BFP. I know It's horrible being in this limbo situation though. Is there anything nice you can do to keep yourself pre-occupied over the next couple of days?
I'm keeping ok thank you. No AF and did another FRER this morning just to check it wasn't fading before booking booking in apt with my practice & was a bit darker so going to stop testing now and just try and go with the flow. Feeling less anxious and more just detached this time round with it all so far really. I know from the last 9 months of googling that bar drinking excessive alcohol or caffeine the destiny of this little bean is already set and is nothing I can do but wait! The nausea has been quite strong early on this time though which makes it harder to not think about! That and just found out my best friend is about 8 weeks pregnant today as well which makes me want it to happen even more as we've always done everything together so would be nice if we did with this too. Keeping everything crossed over the next few days for you 🤞🤞

@KnitKitty can someone put us out of our misery!
I bloody hate this limbo!
So still no AF , im convinced she will turn up though.
Im 18dpo i tested yesterday with a bfn.
I dont track ov that preciously so could be possibly on 16dpo at push. Cycle
Day 35 i think today.
Iv had two days of light cramps here and there and yesterday bbs felt sore but not so much today.
Iv had light nausea today, on and off but more on than off, its there too, not imagining it. Im also sure coffee is making me feel icky. In the past week iv caught a whiff of coffee that a colleague had had and its made me grimace. 2 of those times were today.
My bbs seem veiny, a little bit more than usual, possibly.
Its all very vague, plus youd think you would have a bfp by now!
Although last pregnancy i had a faint bfp at 18dpo🤷🏻‍♀️
How are you feeling? Sorry its taking its toll, such a head fuck this ttc business 😠😩🤦🏻‍♀️🤯

Afternoon ladies! Sorry not been on for a few days, been up and down and feel like I take 1 step forward then 2 backwards. Still crying, I'm 2 weeks post-mc today.

So much to catch up on. I see a couple of BFPs so congratulations and fingers crossed for healthy pregnancies!

Sorry to also see some BFNs/AFs turning up - fingers crossed for BFPs next cycle.

I don't feel like I can contribute much at the moment - I'm still spotting from the mc which is driving me crazy. So can't start TTC yet, not that I'm confident we'll gwt pregnant again given it took 5 years to get this one which only ended in misery. Have an appointment now for re-referral back to gynaecologist at fertility clinic but soonest cam be fit in is September! I'm also waiting on specialist counselling through a charity which I hope they call me tomorrow - NHS Healthy Minds referred me to them.

Does anyone have any experience of getting BFP soon after mc even if it took years to get pregnant before?

@knitkitty @yellowdaffodils86 sorry you’re having such a head f**k with all this! I do still think you both are in with a chance though 🤞🤞🤞

I’m due to ovulate today /tomorrow - had a pain in my ovary earlier today so that might have been it but who knows. All I know is soon will be joining the wonderful tww yet again! 😳

@sweetpea0318 think we may be ovulation twins...I've ovulated cd14/15 past two months but today, CD12 I got a line on my opk -not quite positive but getting there. I reckon it'll be positive tomorrow.

Can I ask about discomfort/Tum pain? Since last Friday. Wouldn't call it pain, more discomfort...been a mix of central/low down and to the right. I started taking pregnacare pre conception. vitamins 3 days before that for the first time, first I thought it was just usual belly doing its thing but it's gone on for a while now. It's not enough to stop me doing stuff, nor is it constant but it just feels off. And being me I'm sending myself potty looking up pelvic inflammatory disease etc. Anyone else get this? I don't think it's ov pain as it started too early and is ongoing and also not just on one side. Weird!

Congrats for the BFPs!

We're planning IVF now, likely not going to be able to start until October. I'm just desperate to be pregnant again so the waiting is hard. Still, it'll give us time to earn some cash to fund it!

Anyone else's periods gone really weird after miscarriage. I had a fairly normal, heavy-ish period which finished after a few days then after 2 days of pretty much nothing lots of brown sludge today and some cramps (sorry TMI). What the hell is going on with my body?

@hayleyfx So very very sorry to hear your news

@TinyPaws yes my AF is a bit weird since MC and also changed after my DS was born so I'm not sure whether it will go back to "post-birth normal" or whether this new spotting then stop then start again then heavy (mine I think is the opposite to yours) is the new normal. It's really annoying cos I get my hopes up that it's implantation bleeding but then a day or so later AF turns up.

@Bobzybaby I think you are definitely ok and can relax now knowing you've done all you can.
@Newbie21 I usually try and test once a day leading up to ovulation and then twice a day once the line starts getting darker. I try and do them at the same time each day in the early evening.
@Lovemysparkle how'd the blood tests go?
@Mistymeow maybe we will be cycle twins again. My temp usually plummets right before ovulation too so I'd say you're not far off.
@PurpleFushia all sounds positive. Fingers crossed!! Did you end up buying a test?
@YellowDaffodils86 ahh sounds frustrating but also very promising! Especially if you didn't get a faint line until 18dpo last time. Will you test again tomorrow?
@sweetpea0318 hope it happens soon. I shouldn't be too far behind you so still somewhat twinnish.
@Laney79 ooh we should be close too! Never been cycle buddies with you yet! I imagine yours will be positive tomorrow so maybe ovulation Wednesday. I'm expecting Wed or Thurs. No idea about the discomfort sorry. Hope someone has an answer.
@InDreamland hope the spotting stops soon. No positive story to share from me unfortunately but I think once the body knows it can do something it can do it again easier.
@TinyPaws I hope IVF works for you! I'll be interested to hear more about that as of we still haven't fallen on a few months may need to look at that. I've also had odd periods since MC. They seem to change all the time. This month bleeding stopped by day 5 and then I got weird brown gunk on day 12!
@KnitKitty how are you feeling hun?

Evening everyone hope everyone's ok. Feeling quite down today did a hpt and checked after 10 mins and was a very very faint line- thought just maybe... but today nothing. Still no af and going on 14 weeks since Ollie was born. I miss him and miss being pregnant where he was safe inside me. Just want my rainbow . Sorry pointless post just I am so impatient as a person, it's so unfair!

@Angelbabyollie, not a pointless post in the slightest; this is exactly what we're all here for, to offer hugs and support. I'm sorry you're feeling down today. It does seem unfair, I completely understand that. We're all here for you, sending you a hug x

@Angelbabyollie sending hugs. It is really tough and unfair and it's not surprising that you are having a hard time. Sorry to ask but how far along were you when you delivered? Did the docs give you an idea of when to expect your period again?

@Angelbabyollie it's horrible, and it's absolutely ok to not be ok, as others have said its one of the reasons this thread exists. It's a safe spot to be uber honest-wether it's an up or down day. Sending hugs. Centre of the penguin huddle for you xxx

Evening lovely ladies how are you all today.

I'm sorry I've not been around lately, I confess I've be busy with wedding flower and I've been sulking to be honest. This month has been pure hell its like the tww doubled ( I do not like having the month of trying)

I've got 4 days to wait for AF and I can't believe I'm praying it comes early. This TTC thing is just about driving me nuts

@boboelephant - yes, ended up buying a 2 pack of FRERs - was working in the town centre for once near a big Boots which actually has them so decided I would take advantage of not having to Amazon them (that's my excuse anyway....) Have put them in the cupboard and trying to decide whether to go for it tomorrow morning. Maybe will see how the night goes and how I feel in the morning. Bleeding has stopped for now so tentatively optimistic that it was implantation not early AF spotting, but like others of you my AF has been a bit more spotty and slow starting since MC than before - I'm sure it's normal if it's happening to a few of us.

Hugs @Angelbabyollie - sounds like you definitely need to be at the middle of the huddle today.

Sorry @Lilimum4, don't blame you for sulking! I will be the same next month if this TWW ends in AF as DH is away. Glad you have the wedding flowers for some distraction at least!

Lovemysparkle Hope the blood test was ok. I hate having my blood taken. Euch!

Thanks Mistymeow I generally don't symptom spot but I got my hopes up when I was late and then started analysing everything from the past week. Gargh!
Sorry ovulation is being mysterious! Hope things get clearer soon.

PurpleFushia it's so hard not to POAS early. If the cramping at the weekend and spotting was implantation it might be too early for a test to pick up any HCG tomorrow morning. But if you can't stop yourself, go ahead but don't get disheartened if it's a BFN.

Jessabean I am so happy AF stayed away and you've had another BPF. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you. Sickness sucks, but it must feel good having it too... I hope it's a good sign that it's a strong little bean. :D

YellowDaffodils86 It's certainly annoying not knowing either way.
Wow, BFN on 18DPO? I really hope you've got a late one again, but a sticky one this time!!!
I've still not had a visit from AF yet either.

InDreamland sorry you're still spotting. I did for about 3 weeks if I can remember. I'm glad you're accessing counselling. I hope you hear from them tomorrow. xxx

sweetpea0318 and Laney79 got my fingers crossed for you this month! Laney, sorry about the pains. I get random pains sometimes which can linger for a few days, like you I tend to over-Google them, but I think bodies can just be weird and unpredictable.

TinyPaws Really hoping the wait until October flies by for you and that IVF works well. xxx My AFs have been different since MC too.

Boboelephant thanks, feeling a lot better emotionally. Still no AF, but I think she'll probably arrive soon.

Angelbabyollie so sorry you're having a bad day. Sending you hugs xxx

Lilimum4 Hi again. It's a real lesson in patience this TTC malarkey, isn't it? I find all the waiting really difficult.

@hayleyfx so very sorry to read your update. It's just so so cruel

@jessabean wonderful news, congratulations!!

@robin78 happy birthday, hope you had a wonderful weekend

@yellowdaffodils86 @knitkitty fingers crossed your BFPs are just days away

@indreamland I'm so sorry, 2 weeks is no time at all, it's such a hard time. I hope you hear from the counsellor soon.

@angelbabyollie I wish had words which could make you feel better. I can't even imagine what you've gone through. Sending penguin cuddles (but on android)

@Lilimum4 how anyone ttc without going crazy I will never know. It's so hard. Until I was pregnant and miscarried I had never really appreciated just how strong women are. Like I knew we were but this is a whole new level of inner strength.

@boboelephant please keep us posted. fingers crossed for you

sending baby dust to all xxx

@funkyemzie Huge congratulations on the BFP

sorry for leaving this off my last post. It moves so fast xxx

@KnitKitty is it ever, honest I think I'm nuts all the time and DH is starting to think I'm a little bit to obsessed
@PurpleFushia I hope you do get your bfp because a month off is a really long month
@dreaminofholidays I know what you mean. If we weren't the human race would be very small as we would go crazy trying or chicken out of giving birth at all lol honestly I don't know why we do this to our shelves, we go through hell trying and that's is an emotional head f**k , the losses are even harder all to do the hardest job in the whole world. Its a good job its also the most beautiful job in the whole world.

@purplefuschia keep us posted on what you decide. Fingers crossed for you, so tempting to test early!

@boboelephant @KnitKitty and @Dreaminofholidays thanks. Really hoping counselling can fit me in quick. I need to sort my head out as I'm up and down so much. Like I'm crazy, one minute I think I'm making progress then next minute I'm sobbing. I can't go back to work like this but I feel so bad taking more time - already been off 3 weeks as was off a week before the natural mc after finding out baby had died.

This spotting isn't helping as I feel like my body is mocking me. Sorry if TMI but some of it has been like CM but pinky brown - did anyone else get that?

How soon after mc do you ovulate? Just wondering how long after bleeding/spotting completely finishes my body will start to do what it is supposed to do .........if it even ovulates at all. Keep thinking I'll never ovulate again and that pregnancy was a one off fluke.

@TinyPaws hope you find lots of distractions so that October comes round fast.

@Angelbabyollie sending you lots of hugs! Nothing I can say will help. It's such a shit thing to go through.

@InDreamland are your work understanding? I was off around 7 weeks when I had my MMC (found out mid March and didn't go back till mid May) as it took so long for the physical process to start (had to wait to confirm, tried letting nature then medical mgmt twice). I'd say take off as much time as you need.

Bleeding/spotting wise mine went on for 5 and a half weeks total-although the Last week of that was my first period I think. For about 2.5 weeks I had what I referred to as (sorry TMI) AF snot. Basically gloopy spotting. It didn't stop and it was just enough to put pay to ttc, but only ever appeared when I went to the loo.

As for counselling, it's helping me I think. Just having someone you can be brutally honest with, and letting out all those fears and emotions without worrying that you'll upset them too is good. I feel mostly ok but I've had a bad week last week or so-i think that will always happen, MC changes us, and sadly there is no quick fix. We're grieving. Hugs xxx

Oh and on ovulation @InDreamland I think I might've during that 5 weeks+ - had a strongish line on an opk part way through that 5.5 weeks. Since then I've had two full cycles and ovulated both times I think (positive opks day 14, day 13) and I just got my positive opk this morning. Xxx

InDreamland I don't think I ovulated after mine. I had brown spotting for about 3 weeks, got my first BFN at 4 weeks and period arrived a week later. I honestly felt better emotionally after I got that first period out of the way. It was difficult, but at the same time felt like closure and I found it easier to then start healing emotionally.