TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Update from my live hospital posting earlier - as hoped all looks fine . The doctor was lovely and explained more to me about fibroids and how big they need to be to cause issues - and he said I should be considered low risk next time round now they've checked me out! So all positive, and I'm glad I asked about it - I was a bit worried he'd say I'd wasted time but he actually said the complete opposite and that I was right to check it out. So just need to get pregnant now, fingers crossed!

Thanks @zarala and have fun in FW - all sounds very exciting! We have just melted our way through FW so hope it cools down a bit for yours!

@Bobzybaby I think that's really lovely that you are worried for her, and also quite natural - I think back to how I used to be about pregnancy, so naive assuming all would be fine (though scans always freaked me out, too many possible bad outcomes, even if all are fairly unlikely). I would try to put it to the back of your mind, but if the worst does happen (or even anything worrying, not necessarily MC) be there to support and hold her hand. I haven't had this happen yet, but I had similar worries when one of my closest friends was pregnant, DS struggled to feed after birth and we ended up back in hospital when he was 5 days old - I worried that the same would happen to her, and sadly it did - but I could be a good support to her because of my own experiences and I think that helped her, and it kind of helped me in an odd way. She's promised to pass on the support if necessary to another close friend who's due in September!

@Mistymeow @PurpleFushia thanks for your responses. It never occurred to me that I'd maybe feel anxious for other people in all this. Was a bit of a surprise. I spoke to my husband and he was really understanding.

Since I posted I've been thinking about what's behind it all. And I think it's just that we're all in this 'club' that no one would willingly join. We have this part of our lives that is tainted and has changed us in different ways. I think I just actually feel sad that pregnancy news will always come with a tinge of worry. Like you said @PurpleFushia so many people are naive to all this and I'm sad that we can't be. I hadn't really thought about it before. Hope that makes sense!

@Mistymeow I reckon this whole journey is a rollercoaster. I have really positive and optimistic days and others where I just feel panic. It's a weird kind of grief that seems to have a mind of its own. I've discovered that it works best for me to just go with my feelings and not try to work against them. I talk A LOT as well (my poor colleagues are so supportive!). And to be honest, other times I just need to 'fake it til I make it'. Just take it easy on yourself. There's no manual for how to cope with this.

Sorry meant to add @PurpleFushia - great news! You must be so relieved!

Evening All, Conversation is moving fast, just catching up with everybody. I'm into the 2ww wait now, 3DPO. I don't know why but I'm not feeling optimistic that I would have conceived this month but that may be due to all the ups and downs with my left over hcg last month. I think I'm subconsciously trying to protect myself a little from getting my hopes up. I'm expecting AF Sunday 5th, feels like a long wait already. Sending baby dust to all

Sorry as per usual I'm struggling to keep up with this thread!

Period arrived pretty much bang on time and is in full flow. Gutted as I really thought this cycle was it for a good couple of days. Looking at IVF options now.

Aw @Tinypaws so sorry to hear. How disappointing for you. Sending hugs.

@Laney79 Happy birthday! I hope you manage to enjoy some of your day and that the last year of your thirties is memorable for all of the right reasons!!

@bobzybaby I think it is really sweet that you are worried about your friend. she is lucky to have you! It is natural to worry but everything is likely to be ok for her.

@purplefuschia that is great news. I'm really sorry you had to experience the hospital waiting room again that is so hard.

@zarala Enjoy 'sexy week'! Glad to hear your man is getting into the spirit... I'm just coming to the end of ours and it has been fun.

@laney79 happy birthday. Sorry you’re feeling down - I totally get it though as I’m not far behind you, edging closer to 39 & know what it’s like to feel that clock ticking. I really hope you get a bfp soon. Try & enjoy your day though & push back the ttc worries - we still have time!!! xxx

@mistymeow we’re almost cycle twins as I’m cd10 today. Also feeling pretty pessimistic and have been since af showing last cycle.. Trying to shake myself out of it by repeating positive affirmations but it’s not really working tbh. Fingers crossed our optimism (& luck) comes back soon.

@boboelephant your holiday looks lovely - enjoy!

@purplefushia glad you’ve had the ok from the docs and that he was positive about you going for the check up. It makes such a difference once you don’t have health worries hanging over you.

@tinypaws really sorry af showed. Hugs xx

@zarala you def have the right positive attitude for sexy week - good luck!

I’m away without dh for part of fw this time so keeping fingers crossed that don’t ovulate early and can squeeze in some jks at the right time. Just need to try and get some of your positivity @zarala!

Ugh! So much for the positivity! Ended up covering a story about IVF of all things at work which was really hard on top of already feeling a bit glum then got home, hoping to relax and enjoy a birthday BD (other half was being so lovely and romantic) to find for some random reason I've started bleeding again. AF came Thursday, and I've had no bleeding since Sunday morning-and now it's started again. It's not fair.

@KnitKitty haha! If it makes you feel better, whilst I had a gorgeous day swimming in what was the best water I've ever seen... I got stung by a jelly fish! And it hurts like a mofo! So swings and roundabouts 🤣
@YellowDaffodils86 I can share an old chart but not sure you want my teasing charts that always end in bfns! What is yours doing?
@Laney79 it was lovely and warm 🌞 Happy birthday!! Hope you managed to enjoy it rather than it being just a sad reminder. Oh just saw update. So sorry! Have a nice glass of something!
@zarala sorry af got you hun. Stupid cow! Fx for August! Woop woop for sexy week!!
@InDreamland, @Mistymeow, @sweetpea0318 thanks! We're having a ball.
@PurpleFushia great news!
@TinyPaws so sorry hun.
Sorry for anyone I've missed. My phone is about to die so speed typing!

@ronniemipperton I prefer to use Clear Blue digital tests so that I can see the words "not pregnant" and not have to worry about squinters. With my first miscarriage, because I still had a positive test I had a scan to check if anything was left behind - they said they could see ovulation was about to occur. My period came 16 days after that scan.

@YellowDaffodils86 She was great! We are so pleased with her. She barked twice about 30 mins after we put her to bed and then she settled herself. We are currently chilling listening to calming dog music on Spotify 😂

@Laney79 Happy birthday, lovely! Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I'm also dreading my birthday so I know how you're feeling. Thinking of you xx

@TedLife Fingers crossed for you. This waiting game is horrible.

@Bobzybaby Yes, I know that feeling. My friend has her 8 week scan on Friday and I'm so scared for her.

Good luck to those of you about to enter FW and TWW! 🤞🤞🤞🤞

As for me, I'm feeling so anxious about returning to work tomorrow. Worried I might cry and I've heard lots of people are going to be in the office due to a meeting. Then I have a team meeting Thursday and Friday including a team dinner on Thursday. Roll on the weekend! So glad I'm starting off with a 3 day week!

@redrobin7 goodluck tomorrow. You are a brave and strong woman and you know where we are if you need a penguin hug.

@tinypaws sorry for af.

@purplefushia glad you got some good news.

@Blondcat Thank you, that's a lovely message!

@RedRobin7 Good luck for tomorrow! I hope it's not as difficult as you're expecting it to be 💐

@KnitKitty hi hun mine are normally 25 - 28 days and I usually ovulate around cd10 - cd12

@TinyPaws sorry for AF. Hugs
@RedRobin7 ah that's good, what A good girl.
Ah I really feel for you, i hope tomorrow goes ok. Wish i had something helpful to say. It might not be as bad as you think, and its only 3days yey!

@Boboelephant yes please, its just to compare. Iv only temped since after ov, so its hard to read.

I cracked today and did a FRER this evening, big white negative! Of course! 11dpo. Had a alot of ewcm this morning, strange, and then seemed to back to lotiony again.
Bbs are quite sore, just waiting for AF now.

@Tinypaws, sorry about AF. Would you look at IVF in the UK or abroad? Funny enough one lady was talking about a clinic in Wales which was the cheapest around and with great care.
My fertility doctor suggested IVF after MC but I’m still reluctant to go down that route. Want to try naturally, then IUI and maybe then IVF

@Laney79 sorry for a rubbish day, happy birthday though.

@sweetpea0318 good luck for fw, jks!!

@PurpleFushia great news, yey!

@YellowDaffodils86 this is my temp chart from the month I conceived. My general pattern is 35.9 at the beginning of my cycle, temp dip before ovulation (usually only to 35.7 or 35.8) then up to around 36.1 or 36.2 until the day before AF when it drops back down to 35.9. I reckon I conceived on CD17. I’m not sure what happened on CD26, I assumed AF was on her way at the time...

It took me a bloody long time (years) to get my body into a vaguely predictable rhythm so I really hope the MC doesn’t mess things up too much :/

@RedRobin7 thanks so much, that’s really helpful and I will get some digital tests (I’ve been slightly resentful about having to shell out for expensive tests for something I don’t really want to see but my impatience to get back to ttc has outweighed that!). I hadn’t even thought about the fact that a scan can show you’re about to ovulate! Wouldn’t it be handy if we could just all scan ourselves at home. (OK maybe a bit weird but still handy!)

Hi ladies, could do with some hand holding. Had my 12 week scan today, at first everything looked fine (heartbeat, two arms, two legs, fingers, toes, baby even had the hiccups at one point) but then we were told that our baby’s head looks abnormal. It’s too large and suggests there could be something seriously wrong, perhaps spina bifida. I asked if they thought my baby will survive and they said they really aren’t sure. I feel so broken again. After the MMC last year I can’t believe we’re back to this again. Having further tests this week or next and will be told what is wrong with bub, then have to decide whether to terminate or not 😔 I keep asking why. I’ve done everything right and been so cautious during this pregnancy. My scan at 9 weeks was perfect and I’ve been so ill and full of symptoms, I don’t understand how it’s gone so wrong 😭 sorry for the long post I’m just so lost and reckon I’ll be back on this thread in the near future. My OH has been amazing, he’s my rock. Times like this I realise how much I really love him. Just wish I could have a healthy bub as he would be the best father ever. He loves this baby so much 😥

I hope everyone is doing alright. Will catch up properly on the thread soon ❤️

Oh no, I’m so sorry @hayleyfx. Keeping everything crossed for you.

@hayleyfx oh lovely sending you hugs and I'm keeping hope for the best outcome from the test.

@hayleyfx sending you a big hug and a hand hold x

Oh @hayleyfx I'm so sorry. Is there any chance things could right themselves or the scan interpretation be wrong? It's just awful. I'm hoping with all I can that you get better news at your next appointment. Just heartbreaking. Into the very centre of the huddle for you xxx

@hayleyfx I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you have the answers sooner rather than later so you know exactly what is going on. The waiting / not knowing is just awful. Sending you a massive hug my love x

Keeping all my fingers crossed for you @hayleyfx that everything turns out all ok and baby is healthy x