TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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Hi everyone, not joining properly just yet as I only had my ERPC yesterday (first pregnancy after years of trying, MMC at 10 weeks) and it’ll be a while before my head and body are in the right place, but thought I’d post as this looks like such a supportive group. (Also it’s my birthday today and I am acutely aware of time ticking by so hoping to try again as soon as we can.)

Congrats to the BFPs and fingers crossed for everyone trying.

@Virgo89 I'm so sorry. I also miscarried at 9 weeks with an empty sac, it was a terrible shock. My first af was also two days of heavy bleeding then nothing (although I did have an ERPC so there wasn't much lining). I believe this is completely normal and I would count the first day of your heavy bleeding as cd1. I would go with what your doctor advises about trying again. Mainly it seems people are recommended to wait for one period, for dating purposes. I was told that I could try straight away once the bleeding had stopped and I had a negative pregnancy test- I imagine you are fine to try again if you feel ready.

@KnitKitty oh sorry to hear you had a wobbler last night. Remember you can sometimes get multiple patches of fertile CM in one cycle so the big O may not have happened yet. And if it has then those spermies from Sunday will be well positioned waiting for the egg to appear! TTC especially after MC is really tough, I think you're right to allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them rather than block the negative ones out. I'm sure you'll feel more positive soon Hopefully this will make you smile - a picture of my progress to date on my rainbow baby blanket haha!

@Virgo89 so sorry to hear about your loss, welcome to the group. Periods and cycles can generally be a bit odd after miscarriage, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. They only say to wait because it makes it easier for dating purposes so if you're desperate to get back on the TTC jump on! (as long as bleeding stopped and you feel emotionally & physically ready of course)

@Mistymeow sorry for AF, but good to hear your cycles are nice and regular now. Crack open the this evening?

@ronniemipperton welcome to the group and so sorry to hear about your loss, especially so close to your birthday. Feel free to lurk/post when you feel ready

@KnitKitty I also had a wobbly moment last month about this myself. I usually track with CM and ovulation pain too but started using opks and temping. I have found the temping useful because the temp shift confirms ovulation has occurred and it means I can time dtd (helpful for us as DH has a low sperm count). I think it's unlikely that you didn't ovulate, I don't ovulate exactly the same time each month and I have ewcm at different times. If you dtd whilst you had ewcm then I'm sure you have a good chance as your body is telling you its fertile time! I use fertility friend to track my temp, then I'll casually tell DH "oh next wednesday to sunday look good, how interesting" and DH says "oh how interesting indeed" and strokes his chin. We keep it light ;) but I definitely recommend fertility friend and tracking temps, very reassuring.

@ronniemipperton sorry to hear of your loss, I also had been trying for years when I suffered a miscarriage at 9 weeks, then had an erpc. It does get better, I promise. Please return when you are ready. Rest up x

@strawberrye definitely having beer tonight! Your wool is beautiful. It's a lovely idea. I think I will do the same when I'm pregnant with my rainbow (hopefully, one day) x

@ronniemipperton oh I am sorry to see you here - I was on the same Feb 2018 thread as you. Hope you are coping ok, it really sucks to be here but the support here is amazing xx
@KnitKitty keeping my fingers crossed you’ve caught the egg this month. Sorry you are feeling rubbish though - sending you hugs xx

Thanks so much @Mistymeow and I’m so sorry for your loss. MN has been such a comfort over the last week - with the practical side as well as with the reminder that we aren’t going through this alone, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks @Kintan, hope you’re doing OK after your sad news. I loved being part of that group but this one seems pretty great too.

@redrobin7 I totally get where you are coming from re: thinking about possible future mcs while also trying again. Last time when it wasn't my month I did think 'oh well, at least I won't have a mc for my 40th' which is a bit grim. I am still hopeful enough to want to try again, although sometimes I feel like I just have to try again so that I know I've tried rather than thinking it will work out for me. Is there someone you can talk to at work about your concerns (HR, or if you are in a union you could speak to them - I know both these things apply to some workplaces and not others so sorry if that is pie in the sky advice for you)? Don't apologise for being a downer, we all have bad days and good days, that's what this place is for.

@knitknitty Sending hugs! It sounds to me like you already ov-ed. Try not to worry about that last potential opportunity. For all we want to optimise our chances it just isn't always possible to have every base covered. Often once is all it takes and sounds like your 'once' was well-timed! Time to relax (ho ho) into the tww, I think. Can you plan something relaxing (mediation, yoga, a nice walk?) as a way of telling yourself you are moving into a new phase of your cycle?

@virgo89 so sorry you are going through this. The early days are so hard. But welcome to the group. Have you had a negative pregnancy test yet? I would advise to make sure you have one before you start trying as that can get confusing otherwise.

I'm currently on cd11 and trying the old SMEP plan again. Last time we tried it it we were really scraping around towards the end, missed at least the last 2 and I decided it wasn't for us - but then it resulted in a BFP (even though that story did not have a happy end ...). This time my attitude is to use it as more of a guide.

@Mistymeow @robin78 My HR are amazing and told me not to worry about having time off again. My manager is the worry though as she's not based in the U.K. When I returned to work after the first MC she made a generic comment to the team about how when something bad happens we shouldn't cry about it, we should get on with it. I felt like she was directing that at me. She doesn't like weak people and I've witnessed her make someone's life hell so that they would leave. I really don't want that to happen to me. I will ask the HR person when I return next week what happens if we try again and I need more time off because it's gone wrong again.

@TedLife I'm in a similar situation with my job. My husband told me I needed to leave my previous job and find somewhere closer if we wanted to start a family. So when I joined this place almost 3 years ago I never planned to be here now! I'm not happy because of my manager is horrible (see above!) and there's a lot of European travel which I don't like doing. At the same time I'm staying because I want to have a baby and not have to worry about the stress of changing my job. I think if we keep having miscarriages then there's going to have to be a point where we say that's enough and we will then think about moving and changing our jobs. My husband and I are both unhappy with where we live and our jobs but everything is on hold! It sucks.

@KnitKitty So sorry your cycle is being confusing this month. Sometimes when I don't feel the pain I wonder if it happened overnight when I was asleep. Maybe you should try the sticks as they do give more of an idea when to expect it. Perhaps hide the tests from your OH so he doesn't feel the pressure. Fingers crossed you've DTD at the right time 🤞

Hi all, I have about one minute so can't read through all the messages or do it myself Will catch up later. Just saw though that the thread is almost full- only 13 more posts allowed. Can someone start a thread 24 please and post a link in here so we don't lose people? Thanks!!! xx

@Boboelephant Okay I'll do it and just copy your template from last time! Will post link in a mo.

Link to the new thread:

TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3310070-ttc-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-24

Hi @KnitKitty I think you have such a healthy attitude to this all- and you're right, it is important for us to feel grief and deal with our emotions head on. A good cry is always a good thing
With regards the clumpy white Cm- I have no idea! But I thought ewcm disappears as soon as ovulation happens- so maybe you're right and it has already happened. Do you temp or use opks?
Anyway Fx that you guys dtd in the right moment ! And I think @Mistymeow's analysis sounds about right!

@RedRobin7 eugh your boss sounds like a heartless bitch! Sorry! It's a tough situation- even letting work know we're TTC is risky- even though there's laws against it! When I was pregnant with my dd, suddenly all my projects were handed over to other guys on my team! It was so frustrating!

Ooh new thread! I'll hop over

Hey, I've clicked the link to the new thread and added my details. Will I automatically 'watch' the new thread? If not, anyone know how I add it? Thanks

@Bobzybaby Are you on the mobile app? If so, when you're in the thread you can slide the title across and click on "watch" 😊... not sure about web version but I thought it was automatic!

Lol, after I posted my last message the new thread popped up on my page! Thanks @RedRobin7

Thanks for new thread can keep up with other!

Age 42
Mmc 2016
Angel baby boy died at 12 days
And her I am 12 weeks later ttc as age is against me 😞

Positive thoughts for everyone xx

Hey @Angelbabyollie Just letting you know you've posted in the old thread! I dunno how to share the link to the new one!

TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3310070-ttc-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-24