TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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Awesome news @MrsLCW congratulations!!

@MrsLCW brilliant congratulations xxxx

@doddlebobs thanks. I've heard that reiki is fine to do all through your cycle.
@YellowDaffodils86 ouch!! That hurts just to look at! @Lilimum4 hope your bum has healed!
@zarala ooh thanks hun. Yep let me know the herb, I'll try anything!! 😂 I love what your doula said. What a lovely piece of sunshine in this storm.
@RedRobin7 it's a tough decision whether or not to try again straight away or not so take your time and don't pressure yourself. You still have lots of time and am sure you won't end up alone!
@InDreamland oh that sounds so tough. I'm glad your DH was there and supporting you through. How did the the scan today go?
@Mistymeow sorry your temp dropped hun. That's a crap feeling. Hope it's not the end. You too @Blondcat
@KnitKitty thanks. I totally agree with you. I spent the year after my ectopic trying to forget it, then the past 6 months since MC trying to heal my mind. But I never considered what my body went through. Especially considering apart from losing my babies I almost died myself so my poor body really needs some healing. I spoke to my colleague today who going to give me a proper reiki session in a few weeks. 😊
@MrsLCW so glad all is ok!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!
@Lovemysparkle thanks hun. I appreciate your positive thoughts. I'm so glad to hear that everything is going well for you and you are being well taken care of! Not long to go until second trimester!
@Jessabean glad that you are feeling more positive.
@MisBit1 and @hayleyfx thankyou!
@Robin78 glad the day wasn't too bad. We do build them up. I just had a due date anniversary too and it wasn't as bad on the day as I thought. Hope you're ok.
@sweetpea0318 sending you lots of hugs.

@RedRobin7 it's just like the worst thing ever wasn't out. I never want to experience that again and I agree that I think it was helpful for DH to see the whole ordeal and how painful it was. I really hope you get a BFP as soon as you feel ready and the next one is a healthy baby at the end of 40 weeks.

@hellotoyellow they were kind in EPU thankfully. Answer my questions and more when the doctor phobed me this afternoon to let me know the results of my blood tests (was quick). She signed me off work for 2 weeks, I just hope I will feel ready to face the world in 2 weeks time. I really hope you never have to go through another mc x

@kintan and @blondcat thank you. Not sure I've got closure but I know there is no more "product of pregnancy" left from the scan so yesterday really was it. I'm relieved the physical side of the process seems to so far be on track, just need my system now to reset I guess and get back to normal but I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to deal with this emotionally as I just feel like I've had my life ripped apart.

Thanks @Newbie21, I will rey remember that advice, I can totally understand why women take all pain relief going if labour pains are anything like what I experienced lastnight. I really felt like my insides were being ripped out. Maybe I'm just a wuss. DH did want to dial 999 and I know he found it hard not being able to do anything but seems to be over it today (he's seen stab victims and worse a lot as part of his day job so guess his tolerance threshold is higher than normal people's).

Right now I feel so exhausted, numb and empty, my little bean baby is gone and I can't believe all my hope is gone. I can't stop thinking about what might have been, all the plans I'd started making in my head for our baby, all gone. DH seems to be moving on quicker than me and already thinking about getting pregnant again. Just the thought of it fills me with dread, I can't go through this again, I can't deal with losing another baby but at the same time I desperately want my baby. Hopefully one day soon I'll feel ready to properly join you all in the quest of TTC. I'm scared though it'll be another 5 years of heartache and disappointment - something elae I don't want to deal with again. Hopefully all your exciting BFP news to come soon will help x

@boboelephant the scan confirmed what we already knew - especially after my 4 hour ordeal last night it couldn't be anything else. I still felt so numb when the sonographer said it though. Thanks for asking. It's so nice to have so many supportive lovely people to speak to x

@MrsLCW what fantastic news! CONGRATULATIONS!

Fantastic news @MRSLCW😘😘 rest up & look after yourself! Remember ladies don’t just look after the outside look after the inside mentally & physically ❤️❤️

Wonderful news @MrsLCW -so pleased for you.

Thanks all for the huddle cuddles. I'm guessing it may be a combination of pmt, my birthday in a week, tiredness and still grieving for my bean. Spoke to other half a bit tonight which had helped and my GP has done the Referal to the birth options consultant so I can have the discussion about a c section should I ever be lucky enough to need one. Counselling on Thursday.

Oh for the days when I was relaxed about this. I remember that feeling of "what will be will be, if it's meant to happen it will" -oh the joy of such a relaxed attitude! Xxx

@MrsLCW fantastic news, so pleased for you!

Hello. I was on the thread a while back, possibly under a different username, but then dropped off when my DH wasn’t sure about us trying again but he is definitely onboard now. I lost my baby at the start of the year but have had a couple of consultant appointments to go through the post mortem results and they’ve confirmed a repeat is really unlikely and there is a reassuring plan in place for a subsequent pregnancy.

Congratulations to all of those with BFPs since I we last on here and hopefully it is not much longer to wait for everyone else.

@MrsLCW amazing news!!!!! Sorry you had the panic but what a wonderful relief!
@Lovemysparkle wow 10 weeks has flown by! How wonderful! Are you going to find out the sex? Please keep us updated!!! 
@Jessabean so lovely to hear you're feeling positive and the JKS sounds like it's all going well! Personally I wouldn't stop TTC for a wedding! Anyway hopefully this will be your month and you won't have to make that decision! Fx!
@MisBit1 at UCLH in London they offer reassurance scans after you have had 1 MC! I think this should be standard everywhere!
Thanks for the info on slapped cheek! I'd never heard of it!
@Angelbabyollie yes I fell pregnant before AF after my 2nd MC- unfortunately that ended in MMC as well. but! One of my best friends Mc'd last August and she fell pregnant immediately without a period and she's just given birth to an absolutely gorgeous little boy! So it can definitely happen!
@sweetpea0318 sorry you're feeling that way but your post made me laugh! Analysing pregnant women's faces! Haha I think I do the same! I mean why did i wait so long to make babies? I always chastise myself! But I thought I was having too much fun 🙄 so silly in retrospect isn't it? But it is what it is and we will get there! Don't lose hope!
And yes @Lovemysparkle ! Keep dropping in on us and spreading your sparkley joy! No wrinkles you say?! What's your secret! Haha

@Boboelephant Hey hun
So the homeopathic remedy is called Ignatia
She said it's very powerful- but it's important to cleanse the mind body and soul of the grief of loss.
She told me to take it every day for 5 days and stop and see how I feel and to take heed of my dreams.
I didn't take it because it was very close to my last MC and I was going on holiday and didn't want to be more of an emotional wreck than I already felt. So I have no idea whether it will help-but that's what was recommended to me! Let us know if you give it a try!
Also did you ever try that Mayan massage thing???

@InDreamland I'm so so sorry you're going through this it really is sooo awful. But it's good news that there are no "retained products" take time now to heal mentally and emotionally. Make sure you take some iron & multivitamins - I found floradix helped me a lot. Time is the best healer and you will find yourself again after this difficult time. If you feel up to it, try and go to restorative yoga class - or even find some on YouTube if you don't want to leave the house. For now just focus on you and we will all be here to support you if you ever need to rant. Hugs

Sorry for such a long post! But there's so many of us! It's really sad- but really happy to have found you all- hugs to all 🐧

@Boboelephant @littleemma1 yes it hurt! It have everyone a laugh at the time. I spent that summer with very brown feet! Which included my wedding🤦🏻‍♀️thank god for floor length dress!

@strawberrye my mum had my little brother at 42!! Smooth pregnancy! Dont give up hope.

@MrsLCW such a relief! Was worried this morning after seeing your post, so pleased all is ok. 😊

@Lovemysparkle 👋🏻glad all is going well for you!

Hugs to those who need them, we have all gad a rocky time of it lately.

Im 4dpo, so far not taking to much notice!
Feel out already this month though. Dont feel enough bding was done the end of fw week, there was more the first half!

Jumping back on board post holiday and post AF which showed bang on time on the day of my very pregnant friends wedding, ugh - glad to see some good news and sorry to see some bfps and some new members - it's rubbish that we are all here but this is a lovely supportive huddle.

Glad to have had a break and really got away from it all, feeling much more relaxed now and hopefully that will help this month. Am much more prepared this time and DH is actually in the country for all of FW so that should help! CD10 today and did first OPK today, just a faint line but not expecting anything more until the weekend at least. I'm just doing one a day at 2 pm at the moment, do people do more than one a day near ovulation to catch the surge? It doesn't really say that on the instructions but I'm sure I've read other people saying that before...

Other than that though, just trying to stay calm and not let things get to me. I'm feeling much better for cleaning up my act with coffee consumption (pretty much caffeine-free now, first time in my adult life!) And generally eating more healthily, getting more sleep, etc - it's having a calming influence so I think it's good for me even if it doesn't really make much difference to conception. So hopefully we're in with a good chance this month but only time will tell!

@YellowDaffodils86 I'm 3dpo and this is already draaaaging. You're not out til you're out though - it only takes one!

I've had a terrible day, work was upsetting and I'm feeling trapped as don't want to look for a new job if I'm also hoping to get pregnant. Anyone else feel like that?

Need some outside distractions I think, and maybe a holiday!

Yay @MrsLCW so good to hear a good news story!

That sucks @TedLife. You are legally entitled to look for and get a new job while pregnant but I totally understand not wanting the stress of any of the job hunt, starting a new place or going off after a relatively short time. Can you seek out an opportunity at your current place or speak to your manager about adding things to your current duties?

@PurpleFushia glad you had a good break and that you've got your partner for fertile week this month!

Any one use CB advanced digital monitor with the flashing / still smiley? On my first month of these and finally got a flashing smiley today (cd19!!). What should I do for SMEP? Carry on every other night until I get a static smiley?

According to Flo i should ovulate tomorrow so getting close!!

@PurpleFushia sorry also forgot to add that when I have cheapies in (no delivery this month... and couldn't hold back from using the cb digital sticks!...expensive!!) i was testing once a day until the line gets darker and then twice - 630am with clear blue standard and evening with cheapie

@doddlebobs for SMEP AND CB advanced, you still dtd every second day until you get the static smiley. Flashing smiley just means your levels are increasing but still not your surge yet but it's good to know. For me I got a flashing smiley one day and the static the next. However some women get flashy smileys for a few days.

Flo was out for me by 1 day on predicted ovulation so you just log your tests and she'll readjust based on the data you give her.

@MrsLCW Amazing, we needed some good news. So pleased for you!

@Jessabean I'm starting to feel more normal in terms of no more pain and the bleeding seems to be coming to an end. After my SMM I bled for 3 weeks so I'm grateful that this looks like it'll be just over 10 days. Still feel so anxious and my chest is tight but I know in time I'll start feeling stronger.
The dog is fully grown now, she's already been with another person for her first year. She's now moving to our area for her advanced training. I'll post a picture when she arrives on Monday but won't post her name as anyone who works there can trace back to me!

@MisBit1 I've literally only finished counselling for the first loss. My work encouraged me to do that as it was paid for by them. Can't believe my last session was me saying I was pregnant again and so happy... it really didn't last long! I'm not sure I want any more as I didn't feel it helped. My work have already reminded me I can have more sessions!
I think I've worked out why my brother and sister in law ignored me at the weekend... I told my brother about the miscarriage but told him I wasn't telling my mum or sister until my sister was home from hospital. So they were probably unsure who in the room knew. I'm hoping that's all it was but my SIL hasn't text me this time. She did the first time.
Glad things are going well for you 😊

@robin78 oh don't worry about the name. I've only been tagged wrong once lol! I'm really struggling to believe that two is just bad luck but we have agreed we will try again after one period. So hopefully end of August. I'm not mentally ready for this but I don't think I will be for a long time and I don't want to delay it.
My concern is my job though. I can't keep having two weeks off every few months because I've had another miscarriage. I'm not sure where I stand but my manager is also good at getting rid of people she doesn't like, so she can easily get rid of me. I'm pretty sure she wants to move my job to Germany so that's an easy way out for her!

I'm glad you felt like you've had lots of support from this group when you've need it. It's a tough time but I'm glad it wasn't as difficult as you anticipated.

Thank you all for being so supportive over the last two weeks. I don't know what I'd do without MN ladies! Sorry for putting such a downer on everything when you're all trying to be positive and TTC!

@PurpleFushia opk wise I have Internet cheapies and the basic clear blue digital (just has an empty circle and then when positive a static smilie)

I tend to use the IC's from cd9 usually after work so late afternoon, then start the CB cd12 with fmu and a ic in ther afternoon. This cycle I had a negative cb with fmu on cd13, but the ic that afternoon was very close to positive so I did another before bed and it was positive, CB the following morning was positive too, but by that afternoon the ic was starting to fade so I think my surge prob started around 8.30pm and lasted until maybe early afternoon the following day-so I assumed ovulation happened cd15. Hope that helps X

Hi all,

I believe I have just had my first period after my miscarriage (found out at 9 weeks that I had an empty sac, was very shocked, only went to the EPU to be safe cos I'd had some spotting, so was very upset at the outcome) so I'm happy that my period has arrived, however it's only lasted for 2 days? I had one day where it was fairly heavy and then it got lighter the next day and now seems to have stopped already? Did anyone else experience this?

I'm keen to try again but not sure if that was my first period or whether I should wait another month for a more "normal" period? Don't really want to wait any longer, just want to try again, already feel like I've been waiting forever..

Any advice would be much appreciated!

@Virgo89 after my MMCand D&C my first period was a bit odd - few days fairly light then nothing then it started again quite heavy but only a couple of days. I was advised to wait for two cycles but the consultant did say it would be ok if I did get pregnant in first cycle. Reason to wait given we're 1- dating purposes for successful pregnancy and 2- ensuring the lining in the womb was thick enough. The second reason might be particular to having a surgical procedure which would make sense to me but I'm not sure whether it applies to natural or medical miscarriage management.

@Virgo89 and I am very sorry for your loss. This is a lovely group for advice and support so hope the huddle helps and let's hope a BFP is coming your way real soon.

Good morning AF! I've missed you so! :p Actually, it's bang on time. Horrible hormones but I'm relieved I've had three regular cycles. @boboelephant I'll probably see you again in the 2ww :D

@PurpleFushia you sound a lot like me, love my coffee! I've cut it down massively, feels much better. I don't do the opks more than once a day because I find I start to see a strong line at around 2pm on a certain day. I think it varies from woman to woman but if you feel you're not getting a strong line as expected I would take a second one later in the day.

@RedRobin7 glad your bleeding is easing off. Sorry that you don't feel secure in your job. I would think, but I'm no expert, that there should be a HR policy on taking sick leave after a miscarriage. Surely it's discriminatory to dismiss someone on those grounds. I'm also going to start looking for a new job, I feel like mine don't really care. It makes such a difference having good people around you.

@InDreamland rest up now. Give yourself plenty of time. We have all been there, it will get better for you I promise. If you can, try to get out in the sunshine today and give yourself some quiet time. It really helped me in the days after my miscarriage.

Kintan hope you find your reiki session as cathartic as I did. Let us know how it goes.

Blondcat has AF shown up yet?

MrsLCW I'm so glad that you've had a good scan and everything looks good! Re the bleeding, a nurse told me that often it's unexplained, but there's a theory that sometimes you've made such a good lining to keep bub safe in there's an excess of it and some needs to shed. Congratulations and very best of luck to you! Keep us updated. xxxx

Lovemysparkle Thank you for sharing that inspiring story about your colleague, it really goes to show there's always hope! She must be an incredibly strong lady!
And talking of strong ladies, I'm glad you're doing ok. Wobbles are completely expected. It's nice to know that your DH is being so supportive and good that you're under a consultant. I hope the glucose situation rights itself or gets under control. Best of luck to you and thanks for dropping in!

Hi Jessabean I'm glad you've been feeling more positive again.
When are your exams? (Good luck with them!)
I know what you mean about the sometimes ill-timing of events around you when TTC. My sister is getting married next year and is thinking of doing it either March/April or September/October but leaning more towards spring time. It means if I've managed to get pregnant this month I'll be about to pop or have a newborn (or not be able to go), or if she has it in autumn I may have to be careful with timings... We shall just see what life throws at us and go along with it!

Hugs Angelbabyollie. After MC that aching to be pregnant is so strong, we understand. Try not to put pressure on yourself for it to happen immediately though. Sometimes your body and mind just need some extra time to heal. I know getting pregnant again feels like it will solve that feeling of emptiness, but feeling that grief is good for you, so have a good cry whenever you need to.
Fingers crossed that you will get your rainbow baby soon. We're all here for you in the meantime.

Yes, robin78 I know what you mean about feeling like you've developed an emotional shell. I had a good cry last night, only for 5 minutes or so and then cheered up again, so I'm trying to make more of an effort not to fight the feelings when they bubble up and just go with them. I think I've been afraid that if I let all the sadness, worry and grief come out it'll never stop, but last night proved I can let it out and feel better again after. We can do this!

sweetpea0318 No, I haven't read about it, but I will look into it now! It's all fascinating stuff, isn't it?
I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless at the moment. My telling you not to give up hope probably won't help, but in case you need to hear it; you're not over the hill!!!

Huge hugs InDreamland

Hi LilacIris sounds like some positive things going on. Good luck with TTC again. xxx

Hi PurpleFushia I'm glad you're feeling more relaxed after your holiday! Good luck with this cycle! xxx

TedLife I am in exactly the same boat as you at work. I'm still on the fence about looking elsewhere or not but it's getting worse and worse by the day!!! At least 8 people have left or handed in their notices in the last month. I feel like the last man standing (almost literally). I did apply for a job last week but I'm not sure about starting to look more seriously or not... it's a tricky one.

RedRobin79 Just sending you another hug. Hope you manage to find something that makes you smile today. xxx

Hi Virgo89, sorry I don't really have anything useful to say as I haven't experienced a 2-day period before. Was it like proper period bleeding, or was it lighter than that?
Welcome to our huddle!

So ladies, I had a bit of melt down last night because I tried to get OH in the mood and it wasn't happening.
Basically I have ovulated on CD17 the last two cycles and have been aiming for that again. However on Monday (CD17) I had no ovulation pain, which I usually get. So I thought maybe it hasn't happened yet and so tried to DTD with OH.
I got frustrated and upset that it's just so hard trying, let alone after a MC and all those feelings you'll be familiar with as warriors after MC.
I then checked my CM and it was clumpy and whitish coloured (had EWCM a couple of days ago when I checked), so this means I have already ovulated, right??
I can but cross my fingers that we managed to make a little miracle when we DTD on Sunday. I'm wondering if I actually didn't ovulate at all this month and I'm just not feeling like this was our month and it's made me feel low (and I'm trying to go with the feeling rather than block it as I have been doing). Hugs and reassurance needed please.