Over 40 ttc - summer baby dust for me!

[Orchid222]

Ladies here's our new thread!

Hobbes, that does make sense. Just so depressing that there is no simple answer or fix. As time ticks by chances become less, month by month

How much ubiquinol do you take daily? I am on 200 but wonder if that is enough? Did you get any advice on thid during your IVF time? I'm so sorry all those chances did not work for you, that must be heartbreaking (and wallet breaking on top)

Boosey, yes this thread is a true rollercoaster!

Weasle, good luck testing tomorrow - we are counting on you!

It sure is Cleo! I think we're currently on msg 652 if you look at our thread title on the conception topic! That's got to be one of the longest lasting threads!

Right - day 1, cycle 1 on this road again, my bad mood of the last couple of days explained away! I am giving us til Christmas for this last blast attempt at #3, although gp wants me back in 3 months if the erratic heavy spotting continues so I need to really start paying attention to my body's signs now we're without any contraception at all. Are there any good apps for this?
Hobbes and Cleo - interesting / sobering stats about the egg decline after 40. I've been having regular periods for about 32/3 years in all so I can't really have that many left!
Sending you all positive good egg vibes!

Thanks Monday..coming your way too! The only app i ever look at is the ovulation calculator. According to the one on here i should be dtd any day now! I really long for a spring baby.. Always have ...so has got to be now! Good luck & baby dust blowing your way xx

Well just as I thought things couldn’t get any lower this week, just had cycle review appointment at my clinic. My regular consultant (female) is on hols so saw a new one (male) and it was basically the private doctor’s slightly politer version of the NHS “you’re 40, your eggs are shit quality, you have no business having any hope, now fuck off and deal with it”. Oh, and he’s going to make me wait three months for another try.

Kinda feel like the whole thing is pointless and hopeless now, DH hates me because I’m so fucking miserable and thinks it’s all my fault for being negative, honestly I feel like if it wasnt for my three dogs needing me I would just go jump in front of a train and get it all over with. The thought of 40 more childless years or so of regret and bitterness is pretty shit to be honest.

Sorry for the negativity - guess DH is right and i need some serious help 😢

Oh god critter im so sorry! I know how u feel regarding the negative attitude towards us ladies on the wrong side of 40.....
I can't offer any miracle words of hope, just that the medical professionals don't know everything all of the time...
x

Oh Critter so sorry you got that shit consultant but I say f* him! Don't let his stupid attitude get you down more, women over 40 have been getting pregnant for centuries so you have to believe it will happen. Have a look:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3217587-who-is-the-oldest-person-you-know-that-got-pregnant
Plenty of examples here that it's possible.
It might take a few goes but there's this 20% chance it will happen each time otherwise no one above 40 would be going for IVF and there are plenty of women who do and succeed. I know it's hard and doesn't help when you get an asshole with an attitude but you are just 40, you were in your 30's just a few months ago, it's not all over! DH is probably just as frustrated as you that it didn't work this time and the stress got to him too. Sending you a big hug and plenty of positivity, please don't lose hope, we're all here for you xx

@CritterTamer oh my f...ing god!!!! As someone who has worked in the medical profession for the best part of 25 years I am disgusted... I'm sorry but if you feel you have the strength write a complaint about him... what bloody right does he have to speak to you this way!!!! And you are going private..., vile vile man 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
He is bloody bloody wrong.. please try to ignore the crap spewed out of his mouth 💩
Big big big big hugs... get absolutely wasted tonight and dtd with the other half.. Might keep him quiet for a bit 💕💕💕💕💕😘😘😘😘

So sorry to hear this Critter. What a low blow. If your DH is anything like mine he gets pissed off and negative when I am and vice versa. He probably wants to solve/fix it for you and is upset that he can't.

Please be kind to each other.

As someone else said, women over 40 have been getting pregnant for centuries. Things don't just stop working because you had a birthday. Having said that, and I mean this with much kindness and gentleness, taking a few months off from the pressure of trying to conceive might help.

The amount of stories I hear of women who did just that and the miracle happened is quite substantial. Maybe take a month or two to concentrate on you and what makes you happy and go back to it with a fresh head. Again, only a suggestion and one coming from a place of positive energy xx

I'm so sorry you had an asshole consultant critter, he really sounds awful. And you are supposed to be paying him for this?? He can go jump.
It's not over, at all. Prove him wrong!
And maybe use the 3 months that you are waiting, to try naturally, as another option if you feel like you want to be doing something. Maybe if that works, you can take the positive pregnancy test, and ram it really hard up his massive bogey infested nose.

Haha Cleo brilliant, I can just picture that! Imagine his reaction lol.

Ladies you are all so amazing and supportive - I love you all ❤️ Cleo you just made me laugh for the first time since Monday 😊
Yeah he was an asshole, even the two GPS I’ve seen this year (both male) haven’t made me feel shit about myself the way this guy did - no5 sure I’ll have the courage to complain about him though as I think he is one of the owners of the clinic and I have to do 2 more cycles there!

Took out some of my stress on the treadmill (at least I can start running again now) so feeling a tad better and your lovely messages help too. I suppose we will try naturally again this month (no more lost condoms yay!) If DH ever speaks to me again. After yelling at me in the clinic waiting room about my negative emotions and attitude causing the failures I have my doubts. What he calls negativity I just call realism and self preservation but he doesn’t get it - because I didn’t spend the TWW talking to my stomach and picking baby names like him apparently it’s my fault it didn’t work.....

Anyway I guess it’s just raw at the moment and we’ll be fine in a few days AF only arrived finally last night and it’s the worst one of my life (the things about IVF they don’t warn you about!) so hopefully I’ll feel better once thats over. My main concern about ttc naturally now is that i know my lining was too thin - does anyone know any ways to improve lining thickness?

Critter. . i don't think i can say it with any more feeling than the msg's from ladies on here! But i can say from experience he's so completely wrong it's a wonder he can work in the medical profession. I had DS at 3 months shy of 41 so what does that say dear opinionated doctor?! Maybe get your facts right before you give rubbish advice! ! What Mellon says is true and it happened to us..we had resigned ourselves to it never happening and had given up ttc when it happened! So yes, kick back and try to forget it for a few months. .that's the best advice i can give xx

Yeah being a consultant in an IVF clinic you’d think he’d have a little more empathy and compassion. I get that they have to be realistic and manage your expectations honestly but there are ways of doing that without steam rollering someone into the ground - all the other staff there have been amazing - this is the first man I’ve seen there so I wonder if that’s where the lack of compassion comes from?

My day just got even worse - went into my front garden to water the trees and stepped on a manhole cover that’s in the lawn - felt it move a little and the next thing a swarm of bees came up from a big hole that they’ve somehow dug under it - got stung to pieces 😢now sitting here feeling very sorry for myself holding ice packs on all my stung places......things can only get better right? 🤞

Oh my!! You poor thing. Okay, Universe, time to give Critter a break!! Enough is enough.

My DH is coming home every flipping day really negative because his business isn't making any money. So baby making is my priority but certainly not his. He's still going for it but I'm sure he's secretly relieved every time af turns up! I want to be positive but quite wearing after so long. I'm trying to be upbeat and positive but he's not in the mood. Ugh 😑

We really need some good luck, ladies. Our time will come.

Critter, I'd go to bed now, and try again tomorrow!!!! Quick before anything else goes wrong!

Although to be honest, I always wonder, with really shit days like that, if it's a pre-payment for something good thats about to happen. Lets hope so, I think you've earnt it!

@Cleozeta - god I hope so! I think all of us here have earned a bit of good luck and it’s about time some nice things happened to us all 😊

Just catching up. This thread is hard to keep up with right now - have never known it busier. First off - Critter major hugs for the pants day; what a knob that consultant was, pisses me off that these clinics make so much money out of ‘hope’ yet some of the twerps that work there can’t seem to remember that part of the mission statement. Could only have come from a bloke. Men in general will never ever understand any of this, even the ones that try - it’s just not in their DNA, which of why we are the chosen ones, like or not, someone somewhere decided we got this - and you know what - we have. Plenty of women been doing this since the dawn of time, I am going with the mantra of Christmas right now “I believe” and not just for me - for all of us. XxxX

I'm with Cleozeta on this one CritterTamer... quick glass of vino ( medicinal of course 😉) and bed.. tomorrow is a new day, sunny weekend..
I love prof Winston, he's very vocal about clinics making money where it may not be necessary..
men are funny things.... stress effects their swimmers too, mine runs his own business too mellongoose and yes you have to pick your time well... my other half can be quite insensitive about this journey... I've had harsh comments that I sometimes I wonder if I will ever let him near me again! But they are crap with emotions and tact..
and biology, still need to remind him you can't conceive just before your af, egg has already left the building.. 🤦‍♀️
Sending big hugs to all 💕💕

Critter! This is the worse day ever!!! As others have said, go to bed, tomorrow is another day...

And no testing for me as my frers were a no show today, I was tempted to buy more but it's not going to change the outcome.... hopefully they will arrive tomorrow!

@Critter, I am so so so angry on your behalf, please don't let any of what that t#@t said affect you, we cannot give up hope, it happens and I really want to think it still could. Please if you feel strong enough at some point after you're through the other end with this clinic and your remaining cycles (with a huge fingers crossed BFP!) complain about this man! as for the bee's nest bloody hell!! hope you're okay?

I went for my beta HCg blood test at the GP today, wont get results until Monday as was late in the afternoon, however only a matter of two hours later I went to the loo and noticed blood on the tissue when flushing, wiped again and (sorry TMI) but it's like brown jam.

Why does mother nature like @booseysmom said messing with us like this, I've waited 17 long days on AF arriving and now I have no idea what this is, is it AF coming out all brown because she's been hiding in there and has gone past her best! Got upset for a minute, had a quick cry and now just waiting until results on Monday, but does anyone know what this could be? is it spotting? is it delayed AF...WTF!!!!!

@cleozeta, I'm with you, something good has to come out of all this I have fingers crossed for everyone we NEED some BFP's on this thread, i know it would certainly raise my spirits!

@mellongoose, i know what you mean about DH works hard and is always tired whilst I'm always thinking about ovulation and CM!!

I had exactly the same sort of strange "bleed" when i didn't know i was preg with ds. I'm so reluctant to give hope at this stage, Lets, but brown jam is a good description of what i had! It wasn't enough to have to wear a tampon. Sorry tmi here! I was about 10 days late each cycle too. Fingers crossed for you xx

Evening lovely ladies.
Critter I’m so sorry you had to endure ridiculous insensitive comments from that man. I’m astounded at his behaviour. I can’t wrap my head around the ‘40’ thing either. How can every woman’s fertility suddenly drop off a cliff on one particular birthday?! It’s too convenient a number. Please don’t take his comments to heart. I honestly don’t believe that these people really know. They like their statistics but really how reliable are they?? I’m reading ‘Inconceivable ‘ by Julia Indichova right now. She was 42 and ttc her second child. Her FSH was 42 and despite everything else being totally normal her doctors wrote her off and the IVF clinics would only treat her if she used donor eggs. She was devastated. The book tells of how she went on to conceive naturally and how she had to learn to trust her own body and ignore the doctors and their statistics. We should pass it round between us all. Anyone want it after me?! Message me if so.

Please DON'T loose faith and hope ladies... 2 dear friends have had 2 babies each since turning 40 and my sis had her first at 41... all naturally..

Mimosa I'd like to read it after you please.
Lets- it'd be brilliant if the brown jam turned out to be a positive thing!