(Still) Waiting to TTC... Part 2!

[cupcakesandglitter]

@randomuntrainedcuntowner @rapunzel91 @summerbab @AssumeItWasSomethingClever @dottydally @NoseringGirl @Jelliestogether

Hello again! Hopefully I've remembered everyone - apologies if I haven't, get tagging!

Morning @dottydally and thanks. I'm sure it will be fine just know it will be busy. I realised last night that for the past fortnight the only people I have spoken to are my parents (who I currently live with) my other half and two colleagues who called in to see me.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day.

@dottydally strange how it affects people differently. For me it made me nauseous and vomit regularly plus made me dizzy/headaches, but strangely emotionally was no different! they're not too bad in the grand scheme of things, between 30-50odd days. So not great either! Although I'm more chilled about it now I know there is nothing physically going on. So hopefully that'll help regulate plus starting to take a multivitamin too.

@DoveGreylove yeah I'll be waiting 8 weeks ish. But maybe a bit before as the risk is low! Haha yeah I'm just lucky he didn't want to come on this holiday! 8 weeks feels long enough let along 6 months!

@NeverHadANickname good luck today!! I'm sure it'll be fine once your back! Sorry to hear you haven't spoken to many people, we are always here to listen and chat, not quite the same I know but still

@dottydaily thank you😊 literally counting down the days now! I don’t think work have any suspicions, at least I hope not! I’m in the younger group where I work (I’m 26) and none of the people around my age seem interested/ready for babies so I get grouped in with them, which I’m happy about!
How long left to wait for you now @dotty?

Has anyone thought about how long they will take maternity leave yet? I feel overly prepared 🙈 or is anyone thinking of becoming a SAHM? I’m thinking of doing 9 months maternity leave and 1 month annual leave so 10 months off in total. SAHP is virtually non-existent in my culture (I’m not from the UK) so it hasn’t been something I’ve considered but I’m still shocked over the cost of childcare in the UK compared to where I’m from so I’m not surprised people chose SAH. This is not meant to offend any, it’s a very personal choice and both have pros and cons, I’m just nosy as to what other people are planning 🙈😁

Thanks @Jelliestogether I probably will start to post more.

@Rapunzel91I always used to say I'd have about 6 months off. I generally love my job (even if it is hard sometimes) and I'd have family support for some childcare and get SMP. Now though it's all up in the air and the thought of no SMP scares me and I'll have no family near by but will probably have to go back to work for financial reasons even though my other half has a good job. I hate the US way of maternity leave and pay (or lack thereof) which is annoying because for whatever reason I'd now like to have longer than 6 months off. I'm not quite sure what has changed, maybe feel more settled with new partner or something.

I'm sorry about my lack of paragraphs. I am putting them in but the app doesn't seem to like including them.

@Dottydally How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm 26 which I think is about average but I constantly get told how good it is that people are waiting until their 30's to have kids and I sit there with a bit of a face on! I understand what you mean. There was a girl I went to school with who was married at 17 and had 3 kids by the time she was 20. She's now jetting off on lovely holidays with her middleschool age children whilst others are "stuck at home with the baby". It's swings and roundabouts IMO.

@Rapunzel, I'm planning on working very Part Time ( a couple of hours a day or a day a week) but mostly being a SAHM. Childcare is so expensive here so I'd only be taking home about £400 a month (if that!) after nursery fees. I's rather lose out on £400 that pay someone else to raise my kids. That being said, if I had a career where I couldn't just do part time and was better paid, I'd have them in nursery full time after a year.

@Jelliestogether oh that sounds awful! I think I'd definitely struggle more with headaches and nausea. I'm pleased you can relax a bit knowing there's nothing dodgy going on - cycles may well settle down in time!

@NeverHadANickname how has your day been?

@Rapunzel91 without boring you with the whole story, initially I was waiting until June 2019 but this has been brought forward to January 2019. I probably won't actively try between January and June but we will stop being careful! I am 23, soon to be 24, so I'll be 25 by the time any hypothetical baby is born!

In terms of mat leave my current plan is to take 12 months, plus holiday so probably 13 months all in. I then plan to go back to work part time. We are fortunate in that we can run our house on 1 income (although it would mean no luxuries, holidays etc) but it does make me feel better.

Where are you from? I don't personally think I could be a SAHP (although plan to cut down) as I want to maintain a professional identity as well. Absolutely nothing against those that do it, it's just not for me!

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever 23, nearly 24. So I do appreciate I'm in the young ish camp, but not 17! My OH is nearly 3 years older than me. There are a number of reasons why we want to be younger parents, but I'm sure you don't want me to bore you with them all!

@Neverhad I have to say I’ve never understood the American system in relation to maternity/paternity leave! I could be wrong but sure I’ve read of women who’ve been forced to go back to work after only a few short weeks, which must be so hard. Different situation if it’s your choice of course, but it must be so devastating to have to go back to work shortly after a huge bodily trauma (birth)! I hope when you’re time comes that you really get to enjoy those 6 months and it’s not so daunting going back to work. Liking your job definitely helps I think! I’m in a job I don’t really like, I find it very mundane which is sad, but is unfortunately the situation at the moment.

I’m going back to work after 10 months for financial reasons too. My maternity pay is good, but stops after 9 months and my DP earns well, but I absolutely hate the idea of not earning my own money and it’s effect on pension payments and how employable I am.

@dotty I hope time will move quickly for you! 13 months seems really good. I’m from Norway where parental leave/pay is top in the world so I’m a bit sad that I miss out on that. Because the whole society/jobs are built up around family life absolutely every woman/mum I know works after having children, childcare is cheap and working ours are flixible/less to make the most out of spending time with your family. Also means that women get to realise their potential in their career/not have to chose between family and work. Wish it was like that here too!

@assumeitwas I don’t blame you, it’s so expensive! Would you go back to your current job part time or something different?

@Dotty, I don't think that's too young at all! My OH will be 25 when hypothetical baby is born as well. I think the problem is, people think if you're in yout early to mid twenties you still like to stumble out of nightclubs and bars every weekend which couldn't be further from the truth for me and my OH. I think no matter what age you start a family, there's always someone who judges.

@Rapunzel91, I'm the accounts manager for a local business. I'm quite lucky in the fact that they've already said that if I ever need to go part time I can, which to be honest is the only reason I'm still there.

@dottydally day isn't going too bad, thank you for asking.

@Rapunzel91 basically in the US you do not get any paid maternity leave and have to ask for the time off, like holiday but you don't get paid, and they can ask you to go back really early, like weeks after birth. I'm sure some companies offer packages but none I have been looking at. I was also very shocked at the amount of holiday entitlement, 5 days a year is pretty standard as a starting point and some would say generous. Really not looking forward to the work side.

Has anyone read the embarrassed by my boyfriend thread? Honestly, I have been laughing so hard at the typo and the responses, been making my day a bit better.

@Rapunzel91 I would love to be a SAHM but not sure about making the jump. Would have to reassess after childcare costs etc. In my job most people take 13-14 months off work so I would hope to be able to do the same and then to go back part time at 2 days a week! That would be the plan anyway...need to actually have a baby first!

@NeverHadANickname glad your day hasn't been too bad. Often the thought of things is worse than the reality. I agree with you on the US system sucking for working parents! Most mum's I know in the states never went back to work until their children were much older and all in school.

@dottydally I think realistically it would be at least another 6-8 Months- then a year on from that again till I would get maternity pay I guess. As I have come off the pill and under the hospital now we are 'trying' but still considering a new job too. Once we have children I won't go back to work- will probably start my own business up once there a few months old so don't want to change jobs then leave straight away really but at the same time I could get more money-
Sorry for the rambling on!

Many different situations for us all then regarding maternity leave! I actually haven't fully decided what to do, at least 6 months I think as I get 6 months enhanced package (full pay) and I'm sure I'll have annual leave to take too so at least 7 months? I would love to take more but I can't really afford the huge drop between my full pay and SMP. I'd still be going back to work part time though as I'm part time now anyway, and even though I've thought about being a SAHM it's not really an option as I'm the higher earner by quite a large margin between me and DH so even though we could live on one salary it'd be mine and DH would be staying home!

It's also nice to hear other people (roughly!) my age who aren't into partying it up and would rather have a family. Nothing wrong with either of course but people still think I'm relatively young to have children and me TTC wouldn't even cross their minds even though I'm 27!

@NeverHadANickname glad your day went okay!

@rollerskaterdata I'm in the same boat as you re mat pay - I get full for six months, think I'll take annual leave as well after so seven altogether - the difference between SMP and my full pay isn't enough for me to survive on, I'd have to save for years.

Sorry there's so much to catch up on so I'm not too sure who mentioned it, but it's ridiculous that 23 is too young to have children!! I think it's different for 16/17 year olds who leave school and are pregnant, but I don't see myself as young anymore, and I KNOW that I am ready to have children.

I was speaking to my DH about this, and I don't see why we're too young at all - people seem to say to 'live your life' / travel etc etc... except these people seem to think we're sat on an endless pot of money 😂 we're soooo ready to have a baby!

I've decided I'm going to apply for the job and see what happens - if I get it Then I'll have to look at mat pay and reevaluate half hoping I don't get it so it doesn't ruin my plans

I was going to go back to work full time after 9 months mat leave when I was pregnant with DS1. I was very career focused. Having him changed that completely. I couldn't face the idea of leaving him so pushed it to a full year and then eventually didn't go back at all. I worked part time in a different job for a while but found it very hard and felt like he was more attached to (and influenced by) my parents (who looked after him) than me. So I eventually stopped working and became a SAHM. I do some work in breastfeeding support now but it's very part time and DS2 comes with me.
On the other hand, I have friends who were desperate to go back to work after a few weeks of mat leave. They love the time they have with their kids but would really resent being with them all the time.
It's such an individual thing but I really didn't expect to feel the way I did once DS1 was born. I think I'm still a bit shocked by it!

@NoseringGirl I do envy you a little - I'd love to go part time or be a SAHM at least until they're in nursery, but I'm the 'breadwinner' and we just couldn't afford to live off DH's salary alone 😩

I really worry about my kids being influenced more by my parents than me, especially because of how much I want them in the first place

In the ideal world I'd like to take a year and go back part time. However we have no family close by (my parents are a good four hour drive and MIL isn't well so FIL is a full time carer for her) so would have to pay out for childcare which is just ridiculous anywhere let alone London. I'm not sure whether I could be a SAHM but I wouldn't rule it out completely because like you say, you never know how you feel when the time comes! DH is trying to get a new job that would mean we wouldn't be as reliant on my salary. I'm currently the main earner and we would take a substantial hit if I currently took a full year. I might not when the time comes but I think we both want that option to be available should we want it.

We had to move so we could afford it. I was the higher earner 😬
We've been very fortunate that we were in a position to change our lifestyle so much. It's worked out really well for us though and DH has a really good job now.
I do worry about what I'll do work wise when the kids are older, there are definitely downsides!

@NoseringGirl I'm glad it's worked out for now though, as long as you're happy xx

I'm hoping to take 7-8 months off, and then DH will take the rest of the year. I'd like to go back part time, but mainly because 37.5 hours (plus all the unpaid overtime...) is just exhausting! But DH's work has very child friendly hours, so it's more likely I'll keep doing full time or 0.8, and childcare/DH will take over the rest.

By the way, have you guys seen this? It's from Tommy's and tells you what you have left to prepare when thinking about TTC. Mine was quite useful!

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/planning-pregnancy/planning-for-pregnancy-tool

Hi All,

I'm probably going to be a SAHM when we (hopefully) have our baby. I am currently between jobs and if I get pregnant before I find another I think I will stay unemployed throughout the pregnancy and once baby is born.

Re. "young" mums - I have lots of friends who started their families around their mid-twenties, so a long time before me :-) Everyone is different and ready at their own pace. I think people's opinions on "young" can also depend on where you live. Such as SW London, where you'd find a lot of "older" mums around my age into their late thirties and fourties. They'd obviously think 23/24/25 as quite young!

I wish I was ready for a family when I was in my twenties but I just wasn't in the right place in my relationship and mentally I was nowhere near ready!! Now I have to deal with the stress of worrying if I ever WILL get pregnant thanks to my age. The waiting kills me when I have this hanging over me. xx

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I'm pleased you agree! It just isn't the norm in my industry to have children at this age which makes me feel young. Plenty of those I was at school with now have children but none of my friendship group. I am familiar with the face I suspect you have on! I don't think 26 is young, my grandma wasn't even 50 when I was born!

For us it comes down to the fact we are in a stable relationship, financially secure and ready to give a baby what it needs. I have done all the going out/getting drunk I feel I need to do (drinking just results in a 2 day hangover now) and have no burning desire to go backpacking across the world to 'find myself'.

@Rapunzel91 That sounds so good! I know the Scandinavian countries are miles ahead of us in terms of all things like that, including work/life balance. Do you have any family over there still?

@NeverHadANickname I knew the US didn't have a good maternity leave system, but I am surprised by the AL entitlements! I get 8 weeks a year here, which i am aware is generous but the minimum is 4/5 (can't remember). 5 days is not much! Will you have to pay for healthcare over there too? And hospital stays when the baby is born?

Hope today at work goes okay.

@Pinkroseuk ooh it's tricky if you don't want to go back after having a baby. I think I would be reluctant to get another job if I knew I wasn't going to go back to it, but it depends what the salary increase is like!

@rollerskaterdata would your DH fancy the SAHP life?!

@cupcakesandglitter good luck with the job application!

@NoseringGirl you sound like me so who knows! Maybe I'll have a massive change of heart. I'm pleased it all worked out for you though. Breastfeeding support sounds very rewarding. As you know a lot more about it than me, can I ask you a stupid question about it?!

@dottydally For us it comes down to the fact we are in a stable relationship, financially secure and ready to give a baby what it needs. I have done all the going out/getting drunk I feel I need to do (drinking just results in a 2 day hangover now) and have no burning desire to go backpacking across the world to 'find myself'.

This!! It's exactly why I think it's so unfair for people to judge 'young moms'

@dottydally yes I'll need insurance for health care. My other half has a good one through work so I'll be added to his when we are married. We won't have to pay for any of the medical costs around pregnancy and giving birth through his plan so that's a relief.