When the going gets tough, the tough get Yams

[SoozC]

Thread five!

A safe place for those of you who have been trying to conceive for 6+ months and even yams aren’t helping. Come and have a good ol’ bitch and a moan without judgement.

The Yam Commandments are as follows;

• Thou shalt not arrive one day and post BFP next day

• Thou shalt not give advice to others when TTC for one month only

• Thou shalt not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways

• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month

• Thou shalt not be offended by strong language

• Thou shalt not tell everyone to eat yams

• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

And most importantly...

• Thou shalt not symptom spot during the two week wait and must be prepared for a telling off if you do so.

Thank you. It is cold comfort, sometimes I wonder if bloody everything implants, but they are all rubbish. I think you're probably right, it hopefully will be easier to treat and I need to look at the positive but this is fucking exhausting. Rollercoaster is an understatement. I'm meant to be wedding dress shopping today, I need to get my skates on, it's 7 weeks today but the thought is just meh. We have snow too.

Ah, Bubble, that really sucks about af, I'm sorry. And the baby bomb. Some people don't know how lucky they are. Look after yourself this weekend, maybe buy one small treat? x

I dreamt last night that af had arrived, I remember my feeling of dismay and upset so clearly. I can't even escape it in my dreams, ffs.

Limp, my heart goes out to you, it really does. I think of you a lot, I think you're an incredibly strong person. Everything is crossed for you finding answers and getting the right help. I wish I could actually do something.
Maybe we'll see some dress choices on the FB group later, if you're up for it. x

Sooz that's lovely. Especially with dp still snoring away beside me, mr it'll all come right in the end stop your worrying. He's great, but doesn't quite get how distressing this all is. That's a grand idea. If I can find anything that doesn't make me look like a frocked hippopotamus I will defo post some.

Sorry everyone's having a crap time at the moment- hope you're all taking time to do something soothing this weekend.

Limp can we have a preview here too? Not on the FB for fear of outing myself but bloody love a wedding and would love to see what you find xxx

I appreciate your reasons, Wonky but so you know, there are only 17 of us and we're all lovely, if that helps sway you! We seem pretty spread too, over the country.

Haha @WonkyDonk87 I nearly didn't join the FB group for the same reason, but I'm glad I did join in the end.

@LimpLettice sure you'll find a fantastic dress. You'll have better luck than I did in that department, my credit card chose that day to stop working and I'd left it really late. Ended up with a 50€ dress from a Topshop style shop haha, and we got the wedding pics halfway down a mountain so I'm wearing trainers and fuzzy stripey socks in all the wedding photos (made more obvious as it was a short dress!). I love those pics though haha!

Jaggy, I'm just trying to imagine why you were up a mountain in your wedding dress...!

Limp oh no, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Would love to see some dresses though on FB (I’m still missing my own wedding planning 16 months ago).

Bubble sorry that AF has arrived. And what a shitty baby bomb!

How’s everyone doing today?

ladies it sounds tough for everyone at the moment.

My opks arrived today, but DH is not at all well so not sure if this month will be possible at all. Would happen just as we get this fertility clinic referal. Have looked into what the GP said about our mental health being scrutinised and found that they can refuse us fertility treatment is they think there are any potential future risks to a child either physically, psychologically or emotionally from a physical or mental health problem. And now we can't even say DH has been stable for ages. Bloody he'll I'm now hoping for a long waiting list so he doesn't come across as completely unstable in our first appointment.

@pink I think that’s absolutely abhorrent and almost akin to thought policing. People with mental health issues could have babies left right and centre with no intervention. But those willing to go through IVF are vetted on mental health. Surely that’s some sort of human rights breach?

I worry about DH's mental health and adopting, too, pink. He never lies so he wouldn't even lie a little bit and would be brutally honest about exactly how he is, which wouldn't help one bit.

What, they take mental heath into account for IVF? That’s terrible. Like june said, people with mental health problems have babies all the time but to have help you get scrutinised? That’s awful.

My period is being a dick. After going the loo last night, I had quite a bit of brown blood. A good streak of it rather than a couple of little spots. I put my mooncup in. Took it out this morning and there was a tiny tiny dark red clot and a little streak of brown so put it back in and I’ve had it in from 10am until about 20 minutes ago. I’ve had no cramping at all, took it out and in the bottom was a drop of watery stuff (cm maybe?) with two or three teeny dots of brown. Now I’m panicking that that brown blood last night WAS my period. I’m 90% sure I ovulated on 3rd as I got my positive opk on 2nd, so should be on cd1 today. Obviously I’m not pregnant because I’ve had my usual brown bleeding/spotting on 13dpo like I always get but now there’s nothing and I’m worried it’s a bad sign :( I just want a normal period!

Also sorry for the major tmi but usually a bowel movement will start my bleeding off without fail (that’s what happened last night when I got my brown bleeding, before then I’d had nothing) then whilst my mooncup has been in today, I’ve been to the toilet three times (must have eaten a lot of fibre-rich food yesterday 😂) and none of them has started my bleeding off. Hence my worry.

Bubble, it does sound odd. I can't offer any knowledge, sadly, just sympathies that af is playing you around. It would be weird that the brown was af, though, what about all the red blood? Are you sure you can't be preggers?

I have just attempted to invoke the goddess of karma - freezing here and snowing. Walking to catch my bus home, went past a homeless bloke. Offered to buy a coffee from the (convenient) Caffe Nero next door. Got him a large one and a blueberry muffin (calories but got fruit so not too unhealthy?!). I don't care if he was pretending, it felt good to do something rather than just walking past like usual. I even missed my bus due to queueing (bought myself nothing) and caught a different one so will have a longer walk at the other end now.

That's GOT to count for something in the baby stakes, right?!

@bubble have you spoken to anyone about the lack of periods? It doesn’t sound normal at all. You should be shedding a womb lining. So either you’re pregnant or the lining isn’t moving for other reasons? I took Maca root last cycle and whilst it evidently moved ovulation my period was much heavier than normal as well. Maybe worth a try?

June, how did your ov move? Early, late? By how long?

@sooz it went later by 6 days. CD17 as opposed to CD11 as normal.

Sooz lovely you don't need to do that to have karma on your side. Can't hurt though. Ha.

Bubblegum I'm so sorry af is a bitch.

Soooo. I'm ignoring possible pregnancy / chemical and have spent all day spending for wedding. I don't really wanna put a pic up here as I know a few people who would recognise me. But I'm gonna post to fb. I feel pretty good in what we got, with proper hair and face. No laughing at posey twat pic please 🙄

I do normally get a red bleed on cd1. I get brown spotting the day before af comes then red bleeding cd1 then brown bleeding for a few days. I’ve mentioned it to various doctors and they all said as long as I have some kind of period and it’s regular then there’s nothing to worry about as periods change with age, birth control use, pregnancies etc. And I’m defo not pregnant because my tender boobs have gone and I had that brown bleeding yesterday so I can’t be. I want to forget this cycle and move on

Thanks, June. I hope it didn't move mine 6 days late because we'd stopped dtd by then! I've heard maca can move ov, earlier and later. This was my first cycle taking it so I'm not sure what's happened. But 6 days late would take af to next weekend so looks like I'm waiting another week. No way I'm testing before then. I really, really hate seeing bfns.

@sooz I can just imagine a spate of women doing good deeds to try and earn karma points for ttcing now 😂 Although I’m sure we’re all about due some bloody good karma on this thread.

Well, I've still got my crystals (worn pretty much all day, every day for the last 2 1/2 weeks), next acupuncture session on Tuesday, been taking my maca along with all the vits etc. Giving karma a go can't hurt!

But you're right, we're definitely due positive karma on here.

@pinkdonkey I didn’t know they could look into mental health before an IVF referral! That seems so wrong if that’s the case...I hate that those of us that need help seem to have to jump through so many extra hoops compared to those that don’t... is it definitely the case for you that they would look into that? Just asking as it’s not been mentioned to me at all thus far and isn’t on the list of criteria I have...

Sooz I hate to say this but I always buy food/drinks for the homeless as DH and I have been homeless in the past and even the local big issue seller has had 2 babies in the time we have been ttc! It was still a good thing to do though and I'm sure will be appreciated.

With regards to the mental health it was the GP who referred us to the fertility clinic who told us to expect both our mental health histories to be scrutinised but said that it shouldn't be a problem. There's nothing in the CCG criteria except a little clause about risk assessing in line with child safety guidelines, it's when I've looked into that that it gives guidelines on the rights of the embryo and that is where the stuff about protecting the embryo from potential future harm. There's stuff in their about any convictions against children, any history of drug or alcohol abuse and mental and physical health problems. It even states that in cases of surrogacy these guidelines should also apply to both the surrogate and their partner as well as the prospective parents in case the surrogacy arrangements break down. DHs MH problems are significant but his psychiatrist, CPN and psychologist are all on board with us having kids it's not a decision we have taken lightly. Just because someone doesn't have a mental health problem doesn't automatically make them a better parent than someone who does. There are plenty of shit patents with no mental health problems out there. It frustrates me that we will have other people deciding if we are going to be fit parents before we can even get pregnant. I hope that those people are fair in their assessments I'm scared we may have to fight to get fertility treatment. I'm sure DHs mental health team will support us as they have all said we will be good parents, but I had one GP who had never even met DH tell me it would be morally wrong to have children so it scares me that whoever gets to make the decision will share this view.