TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

I didn't keepinghopeful, not standard at my clinic.

Sorry you've been having a shit time. getting baby bombed when you're already a bit fragile is like a bunch in the gut.

How are you doing now? Sorry about AF as well.

Miami, I totally hear you and I'm so so pleased you've found someone who's keen to help and is communicating like a human! What would a septum mean? Sorry, you know I'm medically clueless.

I've left a message with the clinic. You're so right that I need to just back in contact with them and they'll either have some advice or they'll refer me back to my GP. When I spoke to the GP in December she said to try the RMC then go back to them. I've found all other medical people incredibly deferential to the clinic! Not sure why. They've been really good at comms in the past, though it has been a year, so hopefully I'll get a call. The clinic happens every other Wednesday so I might hear tomorrow.

I've been putting it off as I really hate the idea of more tests.

My mood is a lot better, thanks all for listening to me rant Better out than in I guess and my rage subsided quickly. If anything I feel slightly detached. Been back temping this month so know I'm 11DPO. Nothing going on apart from my usual mega boobs. Can't be bothered to test and AF due Friday so going to see how the next few days go. I'm bored, bored, bored of the rollercoaster and of ttc, but today that's my strongest emotion, bored feels healthier than desperate or livid

@AnneLovesGilbert good to hear from you. Glad you are not in too bad a form & possibly moving forward with getting seen again.

Im in not too bad a form either, on the bandwagon with diet & exercise again to lose what i have gained over the past year in this rollercoaster. Have also told myself to stop comparing myself to others & just avoiding preg friends as much as i can for the minute to keep my head in the right place. Selfish prob but putting myself first.

@AnneLovesGilbert thank you very much, it has been a pretty rubbish few weeks. I’m feeling ok, still a bit sore and bloated but that’s more down to infection than erpc I think. Have another 10 days of antibiotics to go. They took tissue but had already passed sac and what was left was quite infected looking so not hopeful they’ll get much useful for analysis.

No appointment yet, no idea when it will be but not blown away by efficiency so far so not expecting it to be any time soon. I’m glad your clinic are efficient

I have agreed to be bridesmaid, it’s a very good friend so I’ll get on with it- it’s months away so I’ll probably be fine by then anyway.

Still testing positive (but lines faint, and hcg was very high pre erpc) so not expecting to ovulate too soon. Part of me wants to just go for it but I think I’ll give it one cycle at least- I’m very anaemic now having lost a lot of blood so could do with getting iron up first anyway.

I’m actually feeling a lot better already compared with last week. Was really knocked by infection so just physically feeling stronger is helping.

@keepinghopeful I’m working on diet an exercise now too. I realise I’ve spent most of the last 6 months pregnant and have nothing to show for it but an extra stone and anaemia! Not up to much strenuous exercise but went to lunchtime yoga today so at least I feel like I’m working on it!

@Paranormalbouquet just take care of yourself, sorry realised i missed your post. Really sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us. Im currently getting bloods etc done & have come back normal, on waiting list for hysteroscopy however consultant told me in meantime if anything happened & i got positive test again to take prog supplements & baby aspirin. For me i dont think i could wait & need to feel like im trying, ill be 36 next month and feel time is ticking on.

I’m 35 too @keepinghopeful which is why I don’t really want to wait too long. I think one cycle and I’ll keep getting in touch with clinic to see re cancellation.

I also have a short cervix so at high risk of second trimester loss if I ever get past the first. I think the universe is telling me to be grateful for the one I have!

Had a call back and told to get my GP to refer me to the RMC consultant's gynae clinic, so arranged a phone call with GP for Monday and have an email address for her to send it to. We shall see what happens.

What were your bloods for keeping? Good they're normal.

An infection on top of everything else is a kick in the ovaries too far paranormal, I feel for you so much. I had an infection and was in a&e on the Sunday night after my surgery on the Wednesday, they couldn't find out where it was as the pain was high upon my right side and everything they could see downstairs was fine. I also had an internal ultrasound in theatre after they were done to check they'd removed everything so not sure what happened. I had 7 days of ABs and felt better quite quickly. Got a BFN within a week, though I left it that long to test. Such a weird feeling hoping it's negative.

Anaemia at this point sucks but isn't that surprising. Have you tried floradix iron liquid? DH picked a bottle up from amazon and it's vile but I felt like I was trying to help myself and I was fucking exhausted so worth a go. It's gentler on your tummy then iron tablets.

You never know about the tests, I'd lost a lot of blood and tissue but a chunk had got stuck which was incredibly painful and they weren't sure how it was going to pass as it hadn't after two lots of medical management, hence the surgical option, so there was still enough left to test and we got the results at the RMC. It was a baby girl and she didn't have any problems at all so in a way that's reassuring, but the flip side is if there was nothing wrong with her there must have been something wrong with me.

There aren't many "good" answers when you're going through this. But I took away from it the fact that between us we'd made a tiny perfect baby whose heart had started to beat before for some reason it stopped, and there's currently no reason why we can't do it again and have it grow healthily and to term and then come home with us.

Are you feeling any better today? I react really badly to ABs so I always take probiotics to try and counteract them, picked some of those up on amazon as well! The whole medical management and tests and anaesthetics and being poked and prodded feels so unnatural and toxic, even though it's obviously necessary. I did everything I could to get back to looking after myself, inside and out so I felt a bit more in control and tried to appreciate everything my body could do, even though I felt like it had let me down so much. It's got easier with time.

@AnneLovesGilbert I actually feel a lot better this week, antibiotics are working. This is the second lot, first ones were started a few days pre ERPC but changed based on swabs and ongoing fever. So will have 3 weeks in total. Gynae surgeon didn’t think there would be much to test embryo wise, it had passed so just other products remaining which had the “characteristic appearance and offensive odour associated with septic abortion”. Sounds lovely!

Think most of it will be to check antibiotics are right but they said they’d try check genetics for me. I have intrauterine adhesions though which is the most likely issue. Due to the location they’ll be difficult to remove without doing more damage so might just have to keep trying and hoping embryos implant away from them in future.

I think focusing on being well will help now. Taking iron but I know from experience the levels will bounce up nice and fast once infection settles and bleeding stops entirely. Did a pregnancy test this morning and there’s the faintest ever line so fingers crossed will be gone in a few days.

Also to be proactive made an appointment with a private gynae to discuss my options re adhesions and cervix (he’s highly recommended). There’s a possibility that a procedure pre conception will help me maintain a pregnancy once I get past 12 weeks- but it makes early miscarriages more complicated and at the moment I’m having lots of them so think I just need to speak with someone who will look at my notes with a fresh eye and give me an honest opinion.

He can see me Friday so will prepare for yet another transvaginal scan! Amazing how we get used to them isn’t it- have had 12 since September 2017!

I can’t believe it.

Omg @AnneLovesGilbert massive congrats!!! How many dpo are you? Ah im so happy for you!! Did you feel any different?

@ @AnneLovesGilbert congratulations!!! Fingers all crossed that it goes well!

Thank you. I took my temp this morning, realised I was 13dpo, not 12dpo and thought fuck it I'll POAS then when it's negative settle in for AF, which is due tomorrow.

Did an IC, then a FRER, then another IC. All bloody well positive.

I left a message with the RMC, last time it was a blood test on the day of BFP then another 48 hours later - which is a logistical nightmare this week but not complaining! - and start the jabs today. They gave me the option of progesterone as well but he said I can leave it and start only if I have any spotting.

We've agreed that it won't be real till we have the results of the second bloods as it all went wrong within 3 days a year ago and the peaks and troughs, though short-lived, were exhausting. But for now I am massively happy all the same, can't help it, I honestly couldn't imagine ever having a BFP again and it's a huge relief if nothing else!

Because last time I got the BFP on the day of our scheduled clinic apt it all went into overdrive straight away as we were there - bloods, scan booked in for 6 weeks etc, loads of fuss and paperwork, and then when the second result was rubbish there were things to cancel and I felt like I was giving up on more than I'd ever actually had. Does that make sense?

One day at a time. Cautiously optimistic. Scared it'll all go wrong. Relieved the drought is over. DH looks well chuffed with himself which is nice.

Oh i really really hope this is your time @AnneLovesGilbert!! & then the rest of us follow 😉.

Enjoy it for the moment even though it is terrifying. Xx

Oh this is amazing news. Had a wee cry for you anne. I hope all goes smoothly in the next wee while for you.

Turns out the open apt at the RMC only lasts for 6 months! So I have to get the GP to refer me, I'm there later on for something else so hope they can sort it, then bloods saturday and monday and clinic on wednesday, assuming bloods are okay.

Miami xxxx

The number of times I've cried over people's news on here, good and bad

Thanks keeping, that's what I've always told everyone, and now I'm shitting it. That didn't take long did it.....

Breathing and drinking decaff and sorry for taking over this morning but thank you for listening.

Glad you're feeling generally better paranormal and fx for your BFN soon, the infection to completely go, bouncing back iron levels and a quick referral. Nothing quite like the dildo cam, hope it goes quickly and well tomorrow.

Great news Anne!

Brilliant news anne! Fingers crossed for you and the bean.

@AnneLovesGilbert aw totally normal to be bricking it, if i ever get bfp again i will be too!! Did you do anything diff this month that the little egg caught?

That's amazing news Anne

Thank you all so much. It's DH, you lot, the RMC lady and me in the loop!

I went to the hospital to try and get a test at lunchtime but there was a two hour wait so going Saturday morning and Monday before work. Should get second result Monday afternoon.

Psyching myself to jab myself in the belly later. I only ever did it twice because the second HCG result came through before I'd done it on the third day. If you have to do it around the same time every day, when's the best time?

Thanks Fox, I'll have a chat with the nurse tonight who I'm seeing for my usual B12 jab and see if someone at the practise can sort the referral. The clinic woman said we have to go in on Weds. No idea why, I'll have had the HCG checked and be on the meds, so what's to discuss?

DTD in the morning keeping, which never ever happens unless we're on holiday!

I thought I'd already ovulated and was waiting for my temps to confirm it and we were shattered so didn't DTD for two days, then had a quickie before work - very unusual - got dressed and legged it out of the house. Not the most romantic.

Bertie who was on here before said her BFP came after using a cock ring!

Anne
Is that heparin you have to jab yourself with? I vaguely remember reading somewhere that if taking aspirin in pregnancy due to clotting stuff that it should be in the evening.
I am sure whenever you can face it will be fine though.
I had to do them for 10 days after delivering my dd and they hurt but will be totally worth it I am sure for you.
I am sending you all the positive vibes I can.

Yep, clexane/fragmin, same thing I think Miami. From now to 36 weeks, always assuming.

I'd never heard that about aspirin in the evening, I haven't taken it this month or last, @MigScratch gave me food for thought about taking a break and seeing what happened.

Did you find anything made it less painful? I did it super slow the first day and it hurt like a bastard so I jabbed it in pretty violently the second time which was better. DH offered to do it for me but that seemed much worse and as it's belly rather than arse I could do it okay.

I haven't checked my stash of drugs is still in date, it's been 13 months, but hopefully.

When are you hoping to have the new doctor look through your scans Miami. Can't tell you how pleased I am to think someone's fighting your corner.

Anne massive massive congratulations to you and your husband. I am sorry to barge into your thread. I have been lurking for a while and have been hoping and waiting for your good news. You are such a lovely person because you always have time for others and always ask after others. You never fail to ask about others regardless of what you have been going through. Like miami I also shed a tear for you because you are truly a gem of a person with a big heart. Wishing you a very smooth pregnancy. All the best

I was jabbing myself in the thigh. Wasn't too bad, some people said ice helps.
I am seeing the private doctor at 7pm this evening. Not trying to get too excited but really hoping that he has a plan of how we find out for definite what shape uterus is.
If it's a septum I should be able to follow in @keeponrunning85 footsteps and get that removed/ resected asap. If it is septate that could explain my previous early losses, so it being fixed would help me feel more positive going forward. If it's bicornuate as least I will know for sure.
I also have the private rheumatologist next Wednesday.
We are also asking for the placenta clinic in Manchester to review dd's post mortem results, just in case there is any extra information they can give us or help us with a plan for the future. So it really feels all quite active at the minute. Which helps in some ways. Feel so guilty, but feels like we have to plough on and keep going as she's not coming back and I ache for a baby.

Anne, when we prescribe them for people in hospital we always prescribe them for 6pm. And would prescribe Aspirin for in the morning.

Miami I hope your appointment goes well this evening. Feel free to PM me again if you have any further questions.