TTC after MC April 07 - Return to the Mother Ship

[popsy76]

Hi Ladies, thought I would just grab the bull by the proverbial horns and get this going. Hope the name is okay. MrsMc I am afraid we will all be thinking of you and your DH (and his light saber) everytime we post

Too many individual posts to go back and answer so I thought I'd start with a positive message for all of us from the March thread and for any MC newbies...

Today is my 1 month MN anniversary and I do not know what I would have done without you all. It is the ability to get on here and "let it all out" that keeps me going. I have been blessed to have found you all and whatever lies in my future - your kindness and advice will stay with me forever.

Big Love and Hip hip hooray for a fabulous new positive thread POPSY xxxx

p.s. Gilly get your arse down to london - we can drink the bars dry of Rose (purely medicinal of course )

hI eLLIE, ARE YOU AROUND?OOPS CAPS LOCK I'm not shouting honest!
Back from my weekend in prague - was the most amazing wedding ever - safe to say i got totally plastered twice. Bleeding stopped and now have weird CM (see nh we are like 2 peas in a pod!) I actually don't feel PG at all anymore - cramps gopne, lethary gone so have decided this is just how my body is going to be in the middle of each month otherwise I'm gonna drive myself CRAZY!
Trying not to text everyone from wedding to apologise for being the drunkest person there oh god i hate hangover paranoia. Apparebntly when Dh tried to get me undressed anfd into bed I just slurred "you just don't understand.." hmmm three guesses as to what was on my mind eh?
Dh aay at a conference until Tuesday so gonna do some proper relaxing as he can't sit still.
Hope everyone is well. MrsMc Hope you had a fab time wih your sisters in the smoke. Basil hope you are okay - hello again to gilly, beckle and lissie Ellie sounds like your ex was a right twat - good riddance eh? Nothing like a good goss sesh with your mum over a glass of wine?
Torres Didn't take the thong - would not have done any good anyway as I passed out both nights (oops).
Have you all stopped drinking? I seem to be drinking more than ever - am sure is a coping mech and I loved having a reason not to drink when PG but i kind of feel if I give up the booze and don't get PG will be really p*ssed off?
stupid isn't it - right I m going to have a week off the booze and try to get my mojo back

oops mised all these posts - I think AF and cycles are very weird for some of us after MC - seems ever crueler as all we want to do is get back on the wagon so to speak!
typing rubbish in last post - is the DTs arghh
Was weird reading nh post about being 23 weeks (if no MC). We have the same dates and I hadn't realised 10 weeks had gone by since the MC - feel a bit melancholy but also pleased that time does actually pass and that even though I am not better I am defo less devastated and shocked etc than I was even say 2 weeks ago

Morning ladies - still here, lurking nervously in the background...feel really sick this morning so am thrilled about that
mad weekend packing up boxes as we get the keys to our new place on Fri
hopefully now we won't need to get that lodger my DH was suggesting...
popsy sounds like you had a fab time girl! whilst clearing out our Booze Cupboard I found two bottles of Baileys past their sell-by date which I have been squirrelling away for a special occasion. Moral of the story - Seize the Day girls(and the Irish Liqueur!!!)

Exactly!
Glad you had a nice weekend Popsy - sounds like a blast. You aren't the only one boozing, have cut down a bit this last week but was trolleyed on sat at a bbq. All good though as the sun was shining and booze is imperative then (or so I like to tell myself. My ex WAS a twat, thank you. I think I am only just realising how lucky I am not to be with him anymore. Silver linings eh?

Here are some chilled vibes winkyg...beaming them accross now.....(they are more effective at the weekend though I must warn you)

Where's nh gone? Are you out there? OK?

morning basil - glad to hear you are feeling yucky
good luck with the move!

hmmm my connection is crap at the mo - keep missing peoples messages..
Hi EllieG feeling very postwedding depressed which added to monday blues and hangover paranoia is enough to make me run for a twix and capuccino even though i swore I would be virtuous this week,... sod it!
BBQs are made for booze - am having one for my first wedding anniv and birthday in a couple of weekends so am trying to persuade myself that is actually a good thing that am not PG as all the guests would know immed that I was PG if not drinking!
p.s. have not tested this month but I just "know" IYKWIM?
p.p.s. is my 31st Birthday on Thursday - my new race is to have a baby beforer am 32...i like a challenge!

Hi Popsy! How far are you in your cycle now? Mine is 41 days so far! I am still hoping I am PG, I think it is about 50-60% chance now as we stopped BDing so much after I (mistakenly thought I) OV'd!

Know where you're coming from re. hangover paranoia - I get it all the time! I always feel much better the day after so I am sure you will be fine tomorrow and by this time next week everyone will have forgotten what you were getting up to anyway!

I am still boozing BTW, DH even said on Sat he thought I should stop drinking so much as we might be PG. I said I'll stop if you stop. He shut up then I was drinking a lot the week before last because thought AF was deffo coming, but last week didn't drink anything until Fri and Sat night and will do same this week.

I am also feeling much better than a few weeks ago but I think that is cos I think I am PG. If AF comes it will probably throw me right out.

Fingers crossed. Will try not to test till Fri (need to lock my tests up!)

Don't test! I did that and just made me all miserable.
Good luck for the PG race Popsy - have you shared that one with DH?

Hi girls.

Sorry to just arrive and dump, as per usual, but I'm having a bad day. Last few days I'd almost convinced myself that I was pregnant (in that made way we all know and love) because of sore boobs, sick feelings, twingy womb, etc, so I'd been thinking that I didn't need to worry about IVF, time off work, all that shit. But AF arrived this morning.

AND I had my appointment with the consultant. She basically poo-poohed my ideas about IVF with PGS, saying it was risky, not very good success rate, etc, and that I'd need to speak to someone else about it. I wanted to grab her by the lapels and scream 'I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR MORE NHS SHILLY SHALLYING'. But just nodded. She said I should just get up duff again and hope for the best. More likely than not for it to be Ok this time. But that's what they said last time.

I wish there was an independent expert I could talk to. Even one who'd charge.

Feel all despondent.

Ladies, I am at work and on the edge of tears. We have a ds (3.9) and my dh and I started TTC 15 months ago, I had a suspected mc this time last year. I don't know why, but this month is just harder than ever. I was at my ds friends birthday yesterday and I was holding a 6wk old baby - a friend came across and asked if I faniced haveing anymore, usually I have a witty comeback or just tell them it isn't any of their business. But I found myself bursting into tears !!!! . AF is due this week and I can feel it coming. This is the first time I have really felt down about it and to make matters worse my dh has said that as he is 40 next year, then we only have 6 months left to TTC then we will just have to give up as he doesn't want to be over 40 with a new baby.

I haven't posted on a TTC thread before, but I read them regularly - you have all given me such hope and determination. I feel like crap today, everyone I try to talk to hasn't got or doesn't want kids or fell pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Sorry this is soooo long - I just needed to get of off my chest.

Thanks.

Herby, is there no one you can pay to see? Who cares what the NHS says - go for the IVF with pre-selection (is that what it is?) privately if you can. I hope I am not speaking out of turn here, and I know I am fortunate cos DH earns good money, but is £2000 really that much for a baby, when you consider how much they cost once you have them (£180,000 in the first 18 years)? Hope you find the right solution for you x

Hi nh PMSL at your DH stopping drinking. Mine drank even more when I was PG so no chance of that happening chez popsy. I am on day CD31 but was 42 days last month so not getting hopes up.
Ellie I also think don't test - because it'll cost a bloody fortune if I get thru 6 every month (cheap ones first, then more expensive as you get more desperate). However I say this and secretly know that a test will be out of its wrapper quick sharp as soon as the twinges start again (which they have today arghhh leave me alone!!!!). I could happily get on with things most days if it wasn't for the bloody twinges getting my hopes up.
Hi herby hang in there girl - you need a little mantra (affirmation to give it its posh name) in your head to take your mind off negative stuff and get you through til the next PG. It could be "I am a beautiful and healthy woman and will be a great mum" or soemthing personal to you anyway - it has to be present tense and it has to be positive and something that does actually ring true (a bit at least) - you need to say it every hour or so in your head - and partic when feeling down - you'll be amazed at how much it helps
Hinorthumberlandlass sorry you are having such a shit time - ughhhh am gutted you still feel so shit - makes me nervous I will too - god we'll be divorced by then if that happens

Hi Northumberlandlass - my heart goes out to you. Don't know what to say except everyone on here completely understands. Sorry about your MC, I had one 11 weeks ago and I am hoping to be PG again soon too.

People can be so insensitive asking you about babies. I suppose cos you have one they assume you'd have more if you wanted them. AF can feel really imminent when you are PG so don't give up hope.

Ignore your DH saying you only have 6 mths left (there are always "accidents"!) just keep enjoying your beautiful little one, enjoy sex, try to relax and it will happen for you. Conception is the hardest part and you know you can do that.

Popsy you are so on my wavelength it is freaky. What were your cycles before MC? I was on pill so no idea what mine are when I let my body do its own thing.

I am also considering moving onto more expensive tests as the cheap ones I have are just not working! If I hadn't got BFP with them in Jan I would swear they don't work as I am CD41 and surely that means I am PG. I know it doesn't but I am still secretly hoping.

My mantra is "Must not get hopes up , must not get hopes up"

i know - is like some cosmic cycle thing going on with us
I was also on the pill but stopped taking it in June but didn't ttc until december. Took ages for cycles to regulate and even then they were long and weird to be fair.
Fingers crossed for you!!!

northumberlandlass - sorry you're feeling so crappy. And don't worry about ranting on here, it's what it's here for. I've found it's only people on MN really understand what I feel, and don't treat me as if I'm an idiot when I'm being particularly mad....
Keep thinking about the positives hon - your DH might change his mind - mine is 42 and is perfectly amenable to having one when I explained how important it was to me

nh - it's more like £5,000-8,000, but the trouble is now I'm worried that if I do it, and they get ll my eggs out and fertilise them, and it doesn't work, I won't have anything left for natural concetion and it will be all over. I need to ask someone what are my chances of success with PGS (which, yes, is pre-implation screening), but the IVF clinics are bound to say 'step right this way madam', as they want my money!

northumberland -don't worry about dh. Mine didn't want children (he felt it was too early), but came round when I explained how much it meant to me...

Herby, if only IVF were as easy as just handing over the money and waiting nine months! I wouldn't want to go through it I must admit. Good luck to you, just keep doing the deed while you have a think!

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement - knowing that you are all going through similar stuff is a comfort in itself.

We are off to Center Parcs in a couple of weeks so hopefully a little relaxation and family time together will do wonders !

Northumberland
I know exactly how you feel - trying for similar amount of time and have dd (3.5). Why DO people ask such a sensitive question Even before ttc I realised it was a stupid thing to ask. What is the answer likely to be - "Oh, now you ask I realise I do want another one. Lucky you mentioned it as it had never crossed my mind...". I even got asked by a random woman in the supermarket the other day - nearly hit her.

Hang on in there, it will happen, but the wait is grim as we all know.

Hi northumberland I had the same thing at this wedding - friends brother asked when I would be having kids and I said I did but I miscarried in march - that shut him up, i felt slightly better (poor thing) and hopefully he'll be more careful next time he asks!

Hi all,

Feeling a bit grouchy today- DH and I had food poisoning/ some gastro bug all weekend. I think I ovulated saturday but there was just no way we could face any bd action, we spent the entire weekend arguing over who's turn it was for the toilet! So unless DH's swimmers lasted from last monday, this month is a write off. Still, am going on holiday at the end of next week so at least I can enjoy a few sunset cocktails guilt free.

popsy - the wedding sounds like it was great fun. Do you still have the DTs?! I agree with you, iI think I would put more pressure on myself if I gave up alcohol now and even more of my focus would be on ttc (if thats possible!). Plus DH wouldn't give up so I'd get fed up with his drunken ramblings pretty soon.

Ellie so glad you're feeling chilled, we need you to spread your vibes over this thread

wheely sorry to hear about dd, chickenpox is lousy. Hope she's not driving you insane.

basil- what can I say? thank you so much for the lucky pre-seed package. I was very impressed by the lovely wrapping- you really are a domestic goddess . I have full confidence in falling pg next month now that I've touched it! However, I'm finding it hard to believe you really are a teacher- out of date alcohol in the cupboard?? It would never make it to the cupboard with the teachers I know !

nh blimey girl, fingers crossed for you. How are you keeping patient? I agree with Ellie, stay away from the tests! Really hope you get good news.

herby How awful for you, I was so hopeful when you said you had an appointment with the consultant. Who did he suggest you speak to when he dismissed IVF? Could you get your GP (who sounds as hopeless) to refer you to a different hospital? I saw a doctor at UCH on a non ttc matter who was as wet and as dismissive as can be. Had a moan to my gp and got refered to Homerton where I saw a real gem who sorted it all out. Waiting for appointments took forever but I was glad I didn't have to persevere with the first doctor. Re private advice, I would agree with you that IVF clinics may be biased. Could the GP recommend a gynae specialist to see privately perhaps? hope you're ok.

northumberlandlass- sorry to hear about your mc but glad that you have joined us. People can be so insensitive can't they- sorry iwillbepositive that you had this too. I love popsys approach- will have to try this myself.

beckle so glad to hear from you. How far along are you now?

lissie are you ok hon, I saw on another thread that AF turned up

Not so chilled this afternoon. Stupid client said to me 'Oh you're expecting aren't you?' Had to explain no, was just a bit fat. Damn smock tops and bad posture.

hi, all havent really read thread so apologies.

how are you all?