TTC after MC April 07 - Return to the Mother Ship

[popsy76]

Hi Ladies, thought I would just grab the bull by the proverbial horns and get this going. Hope the name is okay. MrsMc I am afraid we will all be thinking of you and your DH (and his light saber) everytime we post

Too many individual posts to go back and answer so I thought I'd start with a positive message for all of us from the March thread and for any MC newbies...

Today is my 1 month MN anniversary and I do not know what I would have done without you all. It is the ability to get on here and "let it all out" that keeps me going. I have been blessed to have found you all and whatever lies in my future - your kindness and advice will stay with me forever.

Big Love and Hip hip hooray for a fabulous new positive thread POPSY xxxx

p.s. Gilly get your arse down to london - we can drink the bars dry of Rose (purely medicinal of course )

Oh no! Has my horridness put everyone off posting? Sorry... I had just built up a head of steam over the weekend, and combining that with Monday morning gloom was a heady combination.

Lol at all the wiles you gals are using on your menfolk. DP has been going through a frisky phase, so I have yet to break out the frilly smalls. Not that I in fact necessarily want to get up the duff again, as it will more likely than not end in another m.c

Herby, I definitely agree with my1stbaby that you should tell your friend that you don't want to talk about it. Everyone reacts differently and I am sure she will understand. I sometimes think I say too much as I am always discussing menstrual cycles/getting PG etc and I am sure people don't want to know. No other woman has ever discussed that with me - I used to think women must just get PG without really analysing it. How wrong I was. I just say whatever comes into my head.

Hi Girls, sorry trying to ween myself off a bit as was on here every hour checking the postings and not getting work done
Hi herby my lovely - just wallow for a bit, tell us about it and have a few gins if needed . My friend had 7 miscarriages and now has a beautiful baby girl - she said she was constantly PG for over 2 years but had just decided " if this is what it takes". I know you are are older so your chances are reduced but have you been told a resounding NO by the doctors or is it your own choice to not try again?
Sorry to pry if you don't want to discuss it - I just hate to hear you so down and want to help (arghh am being nosey aren't I?). Anyway - was wondering if it would help to have a good purge on here and we can all have a chat with you? Whatever you decide Hige hugs winging their way to you as everGilly hooray you are back - and with a new LOndon job - clever you - is it NHM??? If so - YAY- as I have to take my students there so we can wing a work-related goss session ha ha

oops don't know what HIGE hugs are but I'd like to think they are the next size up from HUGE ha ha

Thanks girls. DP has in fact told this friend that we don't want to talk about it, but she does insist on doing it. I think she's a bit obsessed - her dad even talked about it, at great length, in his father-of-the-bride speech at her wedding!

Popsy - I'm desperate to try again, but as the last two, at least, pregnancies turned out to have chromosone probs, I can't help thinking the next one would too. Thus, am wondering if IVF with pre-implantatio genetic screening (where they inspect the fertilised eggs, chuck out the duds, and stick in any that are any good) is the answer. But I can't get anyone at the NHS to talk to me about it, and what I should do. And it's v v expensive.

If most of my eggs are buggered, trying again for another on my own would be another six months trying, three months pregnant, and probable two months getting over a m/c. Making me another year older, and even less likely to succeed with IVF and even less eligible for adopting a child under about 25.

Doesn't stop me wanting to shag away when the time is right, though! Madness...

Oh god yes now I remember - bloody hell - I totally know what you mean abot the wait - it actually takes up 6 months having an MC doesn't it?

Do you have the cash to get an opinion privately? I keep seeing stuff on the TV about TTC and everything looks really posh and cutting edge but the reality seems to be it depends on your GP and your local hozzy which is a lottery ughh

You could also just turn up at your GPs and refuse to leave until they have gotten you an appointment (this century). They are usually quite good if you break down in front of them.

nh I too am worried DH looking at this but hey nothing here he doesn't know already (well mostly - )

Torres - sorry had to laugh that your DH had most of the pregnancy symptoms too. Did he take a pregnancy test? Sorry - please dont take offence but it reminded me so much of my DH who suffered far more than me during pregancy/birth and pregnancy/miscarriage!! The only difference is that DH has lost his baby weight whereas I haven't.

nh101and Herby I find I want to talk about my mc but some people look uncomfortable eg FIL who only spoke about it once and referred to it as the "unfortunate occurance."

EllieG very sorry to hear about your friend's wife. Awful. Sending hugs....

Well, I am CD10 and have not had any joy yet on the ovulation front according to Clearblue. It was so easy getting pregnant the last two times and frankly patience is not something I am blessed with. And then even when I do get my BFP I will be terrified about mc. Sorry - too gloomy.

Sorry, it took me so long to write that post that I missed the last few posts!

Herby would definitely agree with Popsy re breaking down. I have found that to be a useful weapon! Or making "a scene."
My old GP was rubbish at writing referrals, she said she would do it and weeks later still hadnt written the letter. In the end I got her Receptionist on the case and the letter finally materialised.

herby i know someone who is going for ivf with genetic screening. her dh carries the gene for a type of kidney disease which is fatal apparently. i don't know much about the details i'm afraid (a bit embarressed to ask as she's a relative of a friend) but i do know that it's being done at guys and st thomas's. could you talk to your gp about it?

Thanks girls. And sorry for whingeing on. For some reason I keep putting off going to my GP, and am trying to go direct to the consultant at the hospital where I had my last two mcs. Partly because it takes two weeks to get an appointment, and he may well just refer me to said consultant anyway, and partly as he's a staunch catholic and apparently won't even give out the pill, let alone condone PGD. And partly because all the details about my miscarriage history are never in my notes and I have to go through it every time. Perhaps I'll just take a print-out and hand it to him!

As for friend talking about mc, it's strange. Sometimes I want to talk about it, but generally with people who don't know what it's like. With people who've been through the same thing it's somehow harder - it makes it much more real. Though that's not true for mumsnet, natch!

Hi
just had email with PG friend have been avoiding for last month or so. We are meeting on bank holiday arghhh I know I must do this for my own sanity!
Am trying to distance myself from her PG and see it as nothing to do with my struggles (will let you know how I get on when have stopped stabbing pins into this effigy ;-})
New Mantra: I WILL NOT OBSESS ABOUT PG FRIENDS. THEY ARE NOT RELATED TO ME OR MY EMOTIONS IN ANYWAY. I WILL BE PLEASED FOR HER COS ONE DAY WE'LL BOTH HAVE BABIES!

Good attitude Popsy! I saw my PG SIL on Saturday and felt much better about it than I did when I first found out (she is 11 weeks now). MIL was even talking about her pregnancy and it didn't make me want to stab her

I think I may be cured!

well she has just 11 weeks to go so either way - she'll have a baby soon and will hopefully drop off my PG lady radar

I am off home to de-stress and work through the evening for first time in AGES

popsy you are so brave, well done. I haven't seen my pg friend for 2 months now and I haven't been able to even email or call her. I know that I'm just sticking my head in the sand and the longer I'll leave it the bigger she'll be and the more upset I'll be. I had hoped I'd fall pg straight away and then I could see her but I think I'm just going to have to face facts and see her soon and it is her birthday in 2 weeks so I'll have to see her then. Hope DH is over his jetlag and can cheer you up!

nh101 hello! Looking at another thread I think we are on the same cd. I think AF is due tomorrow/weds going on past experience but my last cycle was 36 days so could be in for a long run! My DH is the same if I'm on MN at home, I think he finds it amusing and is always trying to look over my shoulder.

herby sorry to hear you're struggling with DP's sister's situation, difficult times eh? ans as for your friend- I can't believe her dad brought it up in his speech at the wedding. I would be mortified! I agree with winky about making a scene at the doctors. We only have one decent gp so incase I get a useless one, I write a list down of what I want them to do and hand it over, so I would take a print out to save you going over your situation. Why not try a 2 pronged attack? make a gp's appointment and then try and contact the consulatant direct in the mean time.

winky sorry you don't think you've ov'd yet- more bd to go! No offence taken regarding DH's pg symptoms . I don't think he's taken a test, but he is suffering fatigue, weeing lots, feeling thirsty and hot. Apparently he hasn't got sore boobs, but he has got a very bad ulcer apparently! I half expect him to wrestle me for the thermometer in the morning!

mrsmc- how did the scan go? hope all is well hon.

still jet-lagged
no BD action since Saturday
I resent being so fucking fucked up about sex and babies - I want to be innocent and relaxed about it all
I am full of grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
going to get head down and get some work done
Have a good day ladies ( at least the sun is shining eh?)

poor popsy with a jet lagged dh
Gilly - congrats on the job.
herby big hugs.
torres lol at your dh!!

I'm on cd 15. I have a 30 ish day cycle (assuming it gets back to normal this time) so ov due in the next few days!!!!!!!

I'm feeling a lot better about one of my pg friends (many, many of my friends appear to be pg and each time i get told someone else's news i feel a stab of pain, but i mean the one in particular who told me she was pg a week after my m/c). She is 300 ish miles away so I'm not likely to see her until just before she has the baby but I am quite enjoying hearing all her news (she has her scan today!).

My dd was 4 last week. the gap is getting bigger between her and her future sibling. The baby i m/c had been the absolutely dream age gap for me - i had always hoped for 4.5 years (not literally always, rather since we started talking about ttc) so I was overjoyed when it looked like it was going to happen. At the rate we're going she'll be 5 by the time i have a baby. I know that isn't bad. And i know I could not have dealt with a small age gap so now is only when we were ready for another one, plus i have seen many successful larger gaps. But beacuse I wanted it THEN, i feel stressed about the fact that it is still in the future. Does that make sense?

Course it makes sense. There's no rhyme or reason to how you're feeling at the moment, I am generally completely irrational so is even worse with something as contentious as babies!
Had long conversation with DP at weekend told him he needed to let me know when he was ready to start ttc again (as opposed to me sneakily trying it on) as was doing my head in not knowing when I could start thinking about it and I felt like I was in limbo. Also said that if this was a delaying tactic cos he didn't really want another one (he has a daughter already) he needed to just tell me straight out so I could come to terms with it. Somewhat spoiled my gorwn-up thing though by telling him that I might resent him forever if he did that though and that seemed a bit unfair to expect me to bring up his child and not consider having one that was mine too.
Poor man, he can't win at the moment.

Ellie I think you are being very fair to your DP by telling him honestly how you feel. I think you would be right to resent him for expecting you to bring up his child and not give you one of your own. He just doesn't understand your emotions right now. I think a few more calm, rational chats will bring him round. He already has a DD so it's not like he thinks a kid would end his world. Good luck!

I had the maddest dreams last night, I kept dreaming I was testing and got a BFP. Unfortunately in one of the dreams I started bleeding straight after the BFP (just my inate fear raising its head there). Anyway when I woke up I thought I have to test now so I did... BFN - of course. I knew it would be (7/8dpo) and it didn't upset me. It was kind of exciting to be testing again (it is the first time I have tested since MC) and now I am looking forward to Friday when I will test again and might have more chance of getting BFP.

Torres - hi! I noticed on an earlier post of yours here that you MC'd around same time as me (March 21) at about 10 weeks too if my memory serves... and yes I think we are at similar stages in cycle. It is my first baby.. what about you?

Don't get too down if BFN nh - it will happen for you sooner or later if not this cycle.

Yeah I am trying to remember that - it's not easy

No it's not. I have all my limbs crossed for you honey x

I'm feeling shit today actually - not cos of the BFN, it's just work getting on top. It is really winding me up that my new boss was promoted over my head. I know I can do the job better than her (I did it for nine months last year to great praise) and it is annoying me that I wasn't offered it. The company say they will compensate me but it is not the same. I don't even want the job, I just don't want her to be my boss. She is very annoying. I just feel like crying and going home.

I am being pathetic - I just keep trying to remember there are a lot of people a lot worse off than me, I have lots of things to be happy about (I am just struggling to appreciate them right now)

nh - that is horrble for you I hope it gets easier!
EllieG sorry to read on your other thread about your friend's wife Also, osrry that your dh is not playing ball (as it were lol) in terms of letting you know where things stand. We were in a strange place recently where dh was muttering about not starting ttc just yet but to get your sex life back on a normal track (it's never been great). I think I won though!!!!!!!!!!!!
ellieg (again). remind me how old your dp's daughter is?! I'm just nosy and like to have pictures of people's lives in my head.

SInce the m/c i've been eating so bloody much. I've just eaten 2/3 of a pack of choccie hob nobs. I should have just had lunch early. Grr. My clothes are getting tighter

Maybe it's a post mc thing. I have gone from obsessing over my job to the point that I'd wake up in the night sweating, to just not giving a toss. If I'm going to have to to IVF it's going to be tricky to squeeze in with work, so I'm wondering about chucking it in and going freelance/contractor to give myself more flexibility. But then there's the danger of becoming totally obsessed without work to think about... hmmm.

LBS - DP's daughter is 8, 9 in Nov. She's a sweetie so am lucky as step-parenting could be much harder. Thanks for sympathy about friend's wife - I felt so sorry for him yesterday. I was at the hospital with him when she died and I've never seen anyone so broken.
nh - sorry you are having a sad day hon - work sounds rubbish and is hard to cope with it when you're not feeling brill anyway x