TTC after MC April 07 - Return to the Mother Ship

[popsy76]

Hi Ladies, thought I would just grab the bull by the proverbial horns and get this going. Hope the name is okay. MrsMc I am afraid we will all be thinking of you and your DH (and his light saber) everytime we post

Too many individual posts to go back and answer so I thought I'd start with a positive message for all of us from the March thread and for any MC newbies...

Today is my 1 month MN anniversary and I do not know what I would have done without you all. It is the ability to get on here and "let it all out" that keeps me going. I have been blessed to have found you all and whatever lies in my future - your kindness and advice will stay with me forever.

Big Love and Hip hip hooray for a fabulous new positive thread POPSY xxxx

p.s. Gilly get your arse down to london - we can drink the bars dry of Rose (purely medicinal of course )

Sorry - calamine was just forst thing that came to my head when trying to come up with a remedy for red sore bits

I get sore really easily so often seen doing the John Wayne walk

Hope everyone is having a good Friday - I am having a MUST BE POSITIVE day - I realised had worried my mum as she called to check on me this morning (I emailed her admitting will not feel better til PG again - she was worried enough to call but wanted to watch House so I was left wallowing alone - mothers eh?)(i feel bad writing that - she is actually fab and I was glad of oppo to have a 5 min convo instead of a HOW ARE YOU LOVEY lets plant saplings together marathon arghhhh)

My Mum has moved on from MC, thank goodness, and now is only interested in the new hat she's bought for going to the horse races next month. That is dull, but better than well-meaning comments. Bless her, she means well though.
know what you mean about sore bits though - I seem to get cystitus from just thinking about having sex sometimes. Is very unfair.

hello ladies, wow! missed so many posts since wed....was kept very busy yesterday helping dh with presentation for his job interview this morning so didn't get a chance to log on. hmmm not sure interview went very well though...a bit of a bummer really was so hoping he would get it so that he can spend a bit more time at home. i think he's terribly disappointed too (he's having a kip now) and i don't want to upset him more by crying in front of him. so having a secret cry now as writing this. maybe its just not meant to be...

glad you are feeling positive popsy send some good vibes southampton direction

mrsmc thanks you for your lovely thoughts on getting preg again. i've always wondered how i would feel if i'm preg again. i know i'll be terrified/anxious but i'm determined this time i will enjoy the pregnancy. i didn't last time because i was so freaked out about what might go wrong.

nh i know for a fact that extra calcium can't hurt your baby as i was ordered by consultant to take 2.5g everyday when i was pregnant. i don't know about the other meds though.

Hey My1stbaby I'm just up the road in Winchester! Hope you hear good news about DH's job....

Popsy yes positivity!! My DH is doing stroganoff for dinner which is my favourite meal. I bl**dy deserve though. DD has been puking for the last 36 hours (largely all over me!) Poor thing.

I am just finishing Auntie Flo so will start testing for ovulation soon. Think I missed it last month owing to short 21 day cycle.

Hi Ladies, just read an interesting article about coping
The advice is as follows

1. keep a daily dairy making sure you put in at least 3 positive things that have happened that day
2. Concentrate on what you can do in the current - too much looking ahead makes you feel out of control
3. focus on what you can control and information that you do have rather than imagining/anaysing things you don't have a clue about (e.g. me and my stress over what day baby died is useless waste of energy)
4. talk through the events in a factual way - this will make you feel calm
5. Do some positive things that will brighten your future (cut down on booze, get rid of post MC weight/join a club/get rid of work/people stress)

Anyway - thought I would share them with you all. Read another article where a bloke was saying he was proud of his wife for being on an internet support group and I realised that is what we are - support to each other (big pat on back to us all emoticon)

hi winky {waves} been living here about a year now but don't know areas around very well. been to winchester though...a bit posh isn't? quite like the shops though dh working in london, commuting everyday and hating it. gets very tired and grumpy in the pm. been a bit difficult in the bd'ing front. running out of lacy undies and romantic/sexy scenarios to entice him!! the frustrating thing is he's very keen whenever i'm on the 2ww wait. that's when i'm on my most early preg symptoms obbsessive phase and last thing on my mind is bd'ing. have a sneaky suspicion that he takes a peek at my chart as he seems to know exactly when to push his luck! would be good if he gets the job though. guess it's out of our hands now que sera sera....

Have good weekends all! Am off now x

popsy-sounds like very good sensible advice to me. i totally agree with points 2 and 3. whenever i feel myself slipping and losing my sanity, i keep telling myself to focus on the now; not the past or the future. i find that i worry too much about what went wrong in the past that i totally neglected to appreciate what i have now; the best of all is of course my dh! bless him wouldn't have been able to get through the m/c without him by my side. i do love jim to bits and gush

Not sure about point 5: far too many positive things that i should be doing.. ok, must not get stress thinking of that...

Hey My1st, best of luck! I really hope your dh gets the job. You'll need him around to help you look after the little one that I am sure you will have very very soon

Thanks for that list too Popsy. I am going to start using it this very day.

Had the hospital appointment this morning and they confirmed the baby was a girl so we have called her Lily. Fortunately they didn't find anything else wrong so I'm hoping it was a one-off. Got a bit upset when he kept referring to my 'daughter' - brought it all home to me On a positive note though, they confirmed the pregnancy and have booked me in for an early scan at 10 weeks - that's 5 weeks away aaaahhhhhhhh! not sure I can wait that long. Feels like I've spent the last year or so wishing my life away.

Off through to my mum and dad's this weekend so I hope you all have fun and fertile weekends and I shall catch up on Monday.

xx

Hello ladies tried the dress on that I bought for the wedding ? looked a bit like one of those trashy celebs in Heat who have a big cross next to them for wearing something tarty cannot decide if it is an exciting amount of boob or an exuberance so bought a stand it from Debenhams at lunchtime just in case I can?t bring myself to wear the original one would be such a shame though as love it, it?s much more special than the Debs number

EllieG you are probably right about BF but it?s not her I?m going to peer at The pre-seed isn?t messy at all; very discreet and easy to use, and in my opinion, if it gives you more chances then it?s worth a squirt! New place to rent sounds good

Popsy hello! I was chucking about your posts yesterday long after I?d left Mumsnet thank you for being so receptive to my comment, I thought afterwards that maybe it was unfair of me to share it; I?ve certainly only felt that way since I got in this state! Glad OV falls before DH?s trip I STILL don?t know what you photographed and texted? If it were me, I guess it would be my boobs (DH likes them ? which is just as well, so much more of me to love these days) PMSL at you on Skype. I know what you mean about erasing things, we watched our wedding DVD last weekend with friends. I had tears rolling down my face as I wanted to go back and be that girl, the happiest one that ever lived but you can?t go back and the day we hold our baby in our arms will eclipse our wedding day I?m sure (keep waking up in the night panicking because we don?t have a video camera to record the baby?s first precious moments with!! ) Thanks for sharing that article, it made a lot of sense.

NH101 thanks. I didn?t mean to wait at all, DH and I started TTC again immediately after MC ended as we felt so desperate to be pg again but we weren?t successful that first cycle (which was 40 days long as opposed to my usual 28) got pg 2nd cycle though and got my BFP exactly 10 weeks to the day after my MC. The whole process of TTC and being pg after a MC is not to be underestimated I don?t think! Totally see why the meeting didn?t leave you feeling good yesterday, it really sucks to be told that there was no reason your baby died and that you were just unlucky but really, that is the best outcome you could have got, you just have to believe that lightening won?t strike twice, I lost my baby at 10 weeks but I have to face facts that she might have been lost a while before that; it?s hard to know because she was small for my dates, then grew and then we lost her but I never saw a heartbeat I have heard that your chances are much higher once you?ve seen the heartbeat. Hope you had your wine and felt much better That?s really crap about your job, I am glad you are taking it further!

Basilbrush have to say, I have had the same thought as you about life before tests and scans! Hadn?t quite got as far as the mangle though Please don?t think the MC was a punishment, that will just add to your agony that job sounded fabulous though, what a bummer! See the blue line at the top of the page below the Mumsnet banner? Click on ?Contact A Mumsnetter? and put my name in to send me an email!

Winkygirl ? sorry about colleague glad things are good at work; hopefully you won?t be back for long!

KatyH ? thinking of you getting your results! I know what you mean about the JL set those Bugaboos are EVERYWHERE too, can?t help noticing, don?t they cost a fortune?! Congratulations on your new job !

My1stbaby take care you ? sorry about DH?s job interview.

hello all, just heard dh got the job!!! yay!!! we are so pleased! southampton will be rocking come july!!!

Well done myfirstbaby - that is great news.

MrsMc I am hoping for a BFP on May 30 which will be exactly 10 weeks since my MC was confirmed. Spooky.

KatyH - how far gone were you when you MCd? I wondered when they can tell the sex.

My1stbaby Yea!! Well done to your DH.
Winchester is seen as posh but we aren't all toffs - honest!

MrsMc wear the gorgeous dress. For future occasions you will have to worry about whether you can breastfeed in the outfit or even if you can afford it! We are off to a wedding next week and I think I spent more on DD's outfit than mine!

Popsy not sure about 5 - I was going with "drink as much as you can because you might be pregnant again soon."

Popsy, just saw your post from Friday re. staying positive. Was interested to see that you have been obsessed about when the baby died exactly. I wonder about that alot too. Does everyone? I am a little "obsessed" that mine stopped living on the year anniversary of the death of a beloved grandparent, and that it must have been some sort of sign! A sign for what, I just don't know!

Hello all,

A bit of an odd weekend in the head of Torres- convincing myself AF is about to appear and then having a minor fit of symptom spotting (even though I don't actually feel pg this time round and DH had most of the symptoms too ). This didn't stop me testing - BFN of course and being generally tearful and grumpy! Hormones eh?

feedmenow I agree with you about thinking when the baby died. I've often wondered if it was when I went to my folks and had a horrendous journey, had to lean out of the train door almost doubled over to get it to open and then lug my case up several flights of stairs. I remember feeling unwell just after and so of course have given myself a prime dose of guilt. Popsy's advice on focusing on what we can control and not imaginery stuff are wise words. I've spent far too much energy on going over imaginery scenarios in my head.

popsy hello hon! did DH like your pearls? . Thanks for posting the coping list. Very helpful, I like the idea of recording positive things that happen. I have a very selective memory and when i look back I tend mainly to remember the crap stuff.

katyh Glad you've got an early scan booked but it's still such a wait isn't it. Lily is a beautiful name for your dd.

mrsmc have you decided on which dress to wear? I think you should go with your original choice. If you are lucky to have an 'exciting amount' of boobs I reckon you should display them!

my1stbaby Great news about DH's job, and no commute too- now he won't have an excuse not to bd on command! My DH got a new job last week too and it was so nice to have good news for a change. Let's hope it's the start of alot more good news for us all.

Gillydaffs good to hear from you and well done you on the new job. amazing! Look forward to talking again when you feel ready to come back.

winkygirl- I agree with you about the drinking. Nine months plus is long enough to be teetotal. I'm not sure my nerves could take cold turkey in the ttc stage!

basil- you made me laugh so much with your cabaret singing. I had a brief peek on this thread before going into a meeting on Friday and couldn't get those lyrics out of my head. I had to try not to giggle especially as the meeting was with 2 ladies and one man!

wheely, patkica, lissie hope you're all ok.

and hello to anyone I've missed, there was alot to catch up on!

Hi Ladies, just checking in on everyone. Good news my1st - you see good things do happen to us even when we feel like luck is never on our side

MrsMc sounds like the fab dress is the only way forwards - I forbid you to wear the boring one - make the most of your assets before they become feeding factories! (yes text was boobs - apparently the text only came through when he landed back in UK so DH came through customs with a big grin on his face - job done . Just shows you how he doesn't listen to me on the phone though cos I asked if he'd gotten my text and he said yes...)

Anyway - safe to say there's been a whole lotta action chez popsy this weekend yipee , ,

Had friend over friday and saturday before DH came back - we had a fab time spending money and eating food - feel like have been to a spa!Also hotel choc box arrived so have been tucking in and pretending to be a connosieur (spelling?).

Sorry if the number 5 on the list is depressing - should be something you want to do not something you feel you should do (so no diesting/cutting out booze if only doing it cos feel should - life's too short) - my examples were rubbish weren't they?

Okay new number 5's: take up a new hobby, book a holiday, have a pedi, cut your hair short, learn a language, talk to your weird neighbours, volunteer at your local oxfam, grow veg, have a party, ...just do something that makes you smile

Morning gorgeous and fab laydees -

I'm putting my money on having ovulated yesterday (CD18) as finally got real EWCM and temp has gone up this morning

Am going to go MN cold turkey for a week so I don't drive myself even more crackers than I am already thinking about whether tiny zygotes fusing together...

also DH has been making sarky comments about my new found MN addiction... personally I think it's cause I let slip we giggled at his Womack and Womack CD!

So see you all in a week, for some 7DPO imaginary symptom spotting

BIG hugs all round BBxx

Oh God have just seen a dear friend of mine his wife had a brain hemmorage last night and she's going to die. He's in pieces of course. Put's it all in perpsective doesn't it? I feel so silly worrying about whether my AF will come today thank god I've got my DP and my family I feel so lucky

Hi Ellie, am so sorry to hear about your friend's wife. You're right, we are so lucky to have Dhs/DPs to cherish. Hope you're ok

Oh god - that is awful - a goiod reminder to us all that there are worse things in life than MC and TTC! I spent Friday night with a friend who is in remission from a lymphoma - but they come back very regularly - she has been told to get PG asap incase it does but has no DP/DH as has just finished another relationship as he wasn't ready for the kind of commitment he needed - life is very unfair! Was good for me to think about someone else for a change!
Basil - I also was thinking of taking an MN break - I am totally addicted to being on here and can't focus without having a quick peak every now and again. Don't know if am ready for cold turkey yet though - am gonna go MN-lite and see how I manage

Am totally p*ssed off this morniong anyway as DH too jetlagged to get down to business this morning Had to stop myself from shouting I NEED YOUR SPERM - oops - then realised am totally insane so let him go off to work without it boooooo hiss!

Going to go home early and accidently forget to wear any clothers while cooking tea

have a good day ladies
xxxx

PMSL Popsy at you cooking nude. I was thinking up similar ways to seduce DH last week cos after wanting it every day for over a week I could see in his eyes 'What? Again? I feel so used!'

I am 7dpo now anyway (I think) so he has been able to have a little rest for the last week or so!

He has also been sarky about MN - we don't have a desktop computer at home, only his laptop and when I get it out he knows it is to go on MN and he says 'are you talking to all your buddies on mumsnet?' in a voice you might use to talk to a five year old . I am dead secretive about it though - I don't want him know my nickname and be able to read what I write, not that I write anything I wouldn't tell him anyway. I just think some things should be private if you want them to be.

I resisted the temptation to test yesterday (and this morning!) because I know I won't get a positive result yet (CD27 of 34-ish day cycle) so i am trying to hold off until Friday. DH is off to Champions League final at 5am on Wed so won't test then cos he won't be there and then I am at sister's Wed night so my tests will be safely out of my reach back at home. So I should be able to wait till Friday!

Wotcha girls.

Good to see you all again after a weekend of family stuff. Feeling kinda low today. DP's sister and I were at the same stage of pregnancy - now she's 20-odd weeks, and has found out it's going to be a girl. As was mine. ALSO, the tree I planted for last September's miscarried baby is dying, which is making me very sad.

Also, a friend who I never hear from has just told me she's having a m/c as we speak. It just brings it all home. I feel such a meany. Another friend had a m/c 18 months ago, which turned out to be a blighted ovum, and every time we meet she wants to talk about it. I don't. I just want to shout 'Try being ten years older than you, having five miscarriages, seeing the babies on the scanning screen, thinking they're going to be fine, then having them die on you and being ignored by the whole medical profession'. Which is really unsisterly and mean, as I know each m/c hurts.

Anyway. That's it. Rant over.

Oh, herby i'm so sorry. Big big hugs from me {hugs} It's good that you are angry and able to let it all out rather than let it fester inside you. Maybe you should tell your friend how you feel and ask that she doesn't talk about the m/c the next time you guys meet. I'm sure she'll understand having been through it herself. You are NOT a meany and don't let yourself feel guilty about how you feel especially after all that you've been through. We are all not matyrs (spelling?) and noboby is going to give us an award for suffering in silence. So rant, rave and scream to your heart's content so long as it helps your pain.

I hope you'll feel better.