TTC after MC April 07 - Return to the Mother Ship

[popsy76]

Hi Ladies, thought I would just grab the bull by the proverbial horns and get this going. Hope the name is okay. MrsMc I am afraid we will all be thinking of you and your DH (and his light saber) everytime we post

Too many individual posts to go back and answer so I thought I'd start with a positive message for all of us from the March thread and for any MC newbies...

Today is my 1 month MN anniversary and I do not know what I would have done without you all. It is the ability to get on here and "let it all out" that keeps me going. I have been blessed to have found you all and whatever lies in my future - your kindness and advice will stay with me forever.

Big Love and Hip hip hooray for a fabulous new positive thread POPSY xxxx

p.s. Gilly get your arse down to london - we can drink the bars dry of Rose (purely medicinal of course )

MissNatalie ? I hope you have had some good responses to your question

Popsy76 ? the Rose fest sounded fun ? don?t like it myself ? like red or white but not the inbetween! I agree with you, Herby and Lissie and all of you on here deserve those baby?s you will all have and hold so much Great to see you on such good form; it?ll only be a matter of time before a new popsicle appears I?m so curious ? what did you send by text?! I used to LOVE spinning! Liked you list additions too ? what part of Spain are you going to for NY? We were meant to be there too but if all goes accordingly to plan, I will not be going very far from home at NY! working from home to me means ?MN fest without colleague interruption!?

Hey Basil how are you? Course we remember you! Someone asked where you were the other day too? We?ve been missing you!! feel awful that you have been too down to write, that?s when you need us the most you know hope you are doing much better! I was always worried I?d miss the boat so always started TTC before the EWCM appeared (used pre-seed anyway) always good to stock the arsenal just in case the target comes into sight unexpectedly! If you?d like to try before you buy some, I could send you a sachet or two? CAT me and if you do it quickly, I?ll get them in the post to you tomorrow and you may have a little something for the weekend EWCM appears just before OV in theory but it can get confused after a MC and be a bit erratic. That?s so crap about your student ? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I heard that about the full fat too ? bring out the Haagen Daaz!! PMSL at your list! One of the TTC graduates is mortified because her DD has started knicker spotting and even commented to her Mum when the MN made an effort not to do so in front of her ?Mummy, you haven?t looked at your knick-knacks!? love it Not sure I can get excited about the board but the house and JD ohhhh yesss!

Lissie ? that holiday is drawing closer! you are brave honey, really you are. Thanks for the re-assurance on the booze front

My1stbaby ? I?d really recommend the pre-seed!

Feedmenow ? it?s a defence mechanism that we forget traumatic things. I don?t really know the answer to your question but do know that a week after my MC when I was scanned (I had a complete, natural MC) they told me that my lining was back to the thickness it would be right after your AF but it still took me 40 days to get another bleed, I suspect that it is the interaction of the HCG. Lissie is right, it is anyone?s guess what the hell goes on in the cycle following a MC.

Ohhhhh KatyH congratulations! How exciting! hoping and praying that your little one is a strong, sticky one!! I?ve got goose pimples from hearing that ? we can be pg buddies ? let?s meet up when we feel more confident! I know exactly what you mean about the fear ? sometimes I actually forget I am pregnant again because it seems so odd. I had quite a lot to drink in the 2WW too ? almost to tempt fate if you know what I mean. Sorry I only saw your news today!

EllieG ? great attitude! fingers crossed it happens for you soon. Where are you off to on holiday?

BF had her baby at the weekend ? called her to talk it all through, all was fine and then when I asked when I could claim my cuddle she said she wouldn?t be ?receiving visitors for some weeks? am I a bad omen or something?

Herby ? I am sorry you are feeling so low sending huge hugs. I feel so crap because I don?t know what to suggest, do you think any of the bereavement helplines might be able to suggest a way to be heard? Maybe someone on the bereavement threads can help? Like your list Herby one of my biggest pleasures is my pussy cats trying to out run each other to get to me when I come home at night

Hey Torres so sorry to hear about the pain, I hope it is much better today

Hello Nh101 and alittlebitshy

Hey Wheely nice to have you back, hope the cold is much better

Hey MrsMcJ!
I think I know where you're coming from on the taking time thing - I would love to be PG again, but at the same time it scares me witless. Am glad you are doing it first and I will see how you get on!
Wouldn't worry too much about your BF (remember your hormones will be starting to rage now so you will probably be taking EVERYTHING to heart - I was anyway) she probably is just really tired and looking a bit fat and crap and doesn't want to see people until she's stopped smelling of baby sick and managed to look presentable.

Oh and what is pre-seed? If it's good I want some!

Looked it up. Looks a bit messy to me.

Hey MrsMc loved the previous post - i was just thinking the same thing - god - am i ready to turn my emotions on their head again (of cours I am) but is still worrying all the same.

Realised how much i want this when blood ran cold cos thought DH saying he would be going away again immed he got back from NY - my heart stopped - not cos I'd miss him but cos we'd miss OV . Was my mistake anyway - by time he does that trip (June) I'll be home alone with either Rose or peppermint tea for company yikes

Did manage a brief chat with DH today - yes he did get the text, no he wasn't in a meeting but to be fair he didn't sound too thrilled - think am a bit more adventurous than him when it comes to matters of the horn
I think he is just worried that he is gonna get it big style on Saturday - he asked what we had planned and I nearly shouted PLENTY OF FCUKING ACTION WISE GUY but then i remembered we were on skype video call and all my office mates would think am even madder than do already

just read my last post and am half laughing, half crying at how mad I am - so sorry ladies - just had a handful of minstrels (the tombola bag is still going strong - left them in the car though so have to walk out and get a handful everyhour - thus burning the calories am eating...not)

Hi Popsy - I really hope your OV corresponds with BD action on Saturday!

It was so interesting to read what you said MrsMc - how long did you wait before getting PG again? I had MC just eight weeks ago and desperately want to be PG again, but I thought that was just normal. DH is worried about me. I think I OVd on Tues so hopefully I am already PG but I think I am going to take it really badly if AF comes, and I think I am going to be terrified if BFP comes. Either way I feel like I am staring into the abyss!

I have had a bad day today anyway really cos I went to see my surgeon for follow-up. He said everything was fine with the tissue they sent off to be tested, and that there should be no reason why I won't have a healthy PG next time. He said they would scan me at 6/7 weeks next time and that if they see a heartbeat then there is only a 5% chance of MC after that. Has anyone else heard this? it just make me more sad cos last time I got to 10+4 so it must have been a low risk for something to go wrong at that point. But I have been sat around at home as well almost all day which hasn't helped, it always bores me and makes me mope so maybe that is why I am feeling down. I just want to get hammered so will have a few wines tonight, I know I shouldn't cos it is drinking for emotional reasons but what the hell. DH just said he is going out (he sometimes goes out with mates on Thursdays) and that has made me more sad cos feel I need some company tonight. Trying to find a girlfriend to go out with but don't know that many people here, all my friends are back home. Trying to resist getting a glass of wine now and it is not even 6pm yet!

Popsy I am glad you are feeling good, I think when you are thinking you might be PG again in a few days it deffo boosts your spirits. Good luck - I really hope we graduate to antenatal threads this time. I hope we all do.

Hey nh god that could be me saying those things - i feel exactly the same - either way we are going to be stressed (Pg or AF). That is why it is so vital to find something, anything to take your mind off it or at least take up a small bit (1%) of your brain activity so it isn't all focussed on getting PG as that is the road to madness.

I also feel gutted to have MC at 10 weeks. I also read that is very unlikley then - almost wish i had seen an earliy heart beat scan (to have seen it alive at least once) then the next minute am glad I didn't as would spend entire day looking at it. Even writing this to you makes me feel utterly shit as I am thinking of my baby when it was alive. I get obsessed with trying to work out when it happened so i have some concrete details - as i have no idea when OV in Jan - could really have been MC anytime in Feb .

I was told not to bother getting the tissue tested . I do hope that i get early scans etc - eek is all too much - so bloody overwhelming thinking about something that hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, was just trying to say I know exactly how you feel - is so shit there is no describing it.

have just been scribbling furiously in my diary...
(1) I feel like my leg has been chopped off and everyone just expects me to get up and walk (including myself)

(2)I wish someone could just come along and erase everything I have experienced this year

(3) As MrsMc says - getting PG again is not going to take away the pain and loss that i feel (though there will be some added happiness in my life along side it)

(4) There is nothing worse than the lottery that is getting and remaining PG - its like having a big black mark against your name which means life has dealt you a shitty hand and can do again

(5) Growing up is understanding and accepting that painful things do not just suddenly go away - they stay with you and shape everything that you experience from that point on

Sorry to be so melancholy
Hope the wine is helping NH - I tried it a couple of times this week but just felt really rough and headachy the next morning - even after a small glass

Right - back to being positive...ummmm...
back in a bit!

popsy you are a Wise Woman (i will refrain from quoting Blackadder here...)

I agree SO deeply with all you have said. I could never have predicted how hard this would hit me. I KNOW the stats - 1 in 4 pg ends in m/c etc - but it doesn't make it easier. To be honest, I frequently wish I lived 100 years BCB (Before Clear Blue) Then I would have innocently thought " Gosh, where's my period, oh it's late, oh here it is, gosh it's a bit heavy isn't it? Hey ho, can't have been pregnant then. I'll just get on putting these clothes through a mangle"
It's almost as if we know TOO much now, we can test before a bean even implants properly. It's all FSH surges and creamy CM and temping
The sonographer told me that even though I thought I was 7 weeks, my baby died at 5 weeks 4 days - how the HELL can they know that?? The knowledge was just too enormous and cold and raw for me to process.
By some miracle, I have thus far stopped myself counting backwards and pinpointing the day my tiny cub stopped growing - it's just Too Much Information in the worst possible sense.
Sometimes I think all this happened to punish me. I was really really down when we started ttc as DH had just not got an amazing new job in Switzerland. He got through 5 rounds of interviews over an agonising 2 month period and every round we let ourselves get more and more excited. Would have been twice the salary, private health insurance, school fees for sprogs, lifetime's supply of chocolate fondue etc etc.
The company policy is unanimous decisions re recruitment. He was interviewed by seven people on the last day and ONE of them said No.
I was devestatingly disappointed and cried in secret for about two weeks. Then suddenly life seemed amazing again because I got pg and was having a little bonfire baby due november 7th. Then when I lost it, I was sure the Fates were having a laugh "Ha! You shallow materialistic fox you! We'll show what's really important in this life! you think you know what disappointment is!"

Right. Enough maudlin bollox from me.

Big Hugs to all
BBx

just got home - chastising myself all the way for being so down - put radio on very loud and sang very badly

basil ughhh poor you - you see it is all tangled up in the new lives we were planning for ourselves (or just making the current one seem do-able)

off to eat something and then punch some sofa cushions on the pretext of cleaning house. Gonna go to boxercise tomoz just to get rid of some of the WHY ME anger

big love fab ladies xxxx

on a Lighter Note:
CD15 for me. Lots of tummy twinges and sore boobs but not much EWCM yet .
am sitting here waiting for DH to get home so I can pounce...rrrrwwwaahhh

went on babyhope's ovulation calendar thingy and it told me exactly the same dates for trying for a boy and a girl - scam!!

beginning to see the attraction of OPKs / temping now - at least you know when you HAVE ovulated and can put your feet up for the 2ww. I'm going to spend the next week thinking
"Agghhh...just....one....more...bonk......
tonight might be the night"
And then die of exhaustion and sore laydee bits

just slap on some calamine lotion and think of englnad (sorry - scotland) and those cute little booties with ribbons on them ...we are very good aren't we tee hee

Crikey, had so much to catch up on. Knew I shouldnt have gone back to work - it interferes with my Mumsnetting!! Work ok though. Except my ex-colleague who had a baby a couple of months before me is PG again. Felt p*ssed off!

Basilbrush I keep a diary and pinpointed the day the baby died. Very sad to think about the things I did that day...

Have pmsl at the references to booze at any time of the day, rings, legs in the air after sex. You guys are fab!

Oh yes Popsy the wine has helped loads (as you will see on our MC thread!) How annoying is it when you have to scroll all the way back up the thread to remember what it was you wanted to reply to?

Oh yes I remember now... I was going to say the wine is nice when you are drinking it but then the next morning you think 'oh I feel like such shit!!!' That is how I am going to feel tomorrow but right now I don't care. I have just spent 20 mins on the phone slagging off my new boss to my colleague (for all you guys who don't know, I was passed over for promotion at work while I was off recovering from my MC, someone more junior to me was promoted above my head, she is not up to the job and now she is stressing me out because she is not up to the job - well she is now stressing my collesgue out too so we can sound off to each other, Don't worry I am taking company to grievance/tribunal over discrimintaion etc and they are getting back to me this week about compensation)

Anyway.. sorry for ranting ladies.. this is a busy thread and you guys who come back on here after a few days will have to read all my nonsense thinking you might had missed something and actually you will read it and think 'what is that mental person on about??'

Basilbrush I know what you mean about how they wouldn't have known at one point about early Pgs (my mum says they had to miss two periods before they could even be tested for pg in her time).

It was not to punish you (but you already know that) Everything happens for a reason and your DH's job didn't happen for a reason I firmly believe it. I would never say that about your PG but you know that in a year's time you will have a baby, just try to focus on that.

Just in passing... Does anyone read New magazine. I work for it, I shouldn't say cos it is too close to RL but after a bottle of wine I was wondering if anyone did read it. It is like Closer/Reveal etc If so what do you think???

And another thing... the day my baby died (10+4) I was rushing around like a mad woman trying to get into Manchester to pick up a stupid jacket from Debenhams and then try to get to the Man City v Wigan game but I was 15 mins late for the game and I was so stressed that day and will always think maybe that killed my baby. We lost 2-0 and then it took me two hours to get home when it usually takes one. When I mc'd and I saw on the notes that it was 10+4 i thought 'that f*cking day when city played wigan'. We'd had a scan at 10+0 and the baby was fine, waving away at us, and then four days later I was having a bad day and the baby dies. Also I had been taking calcium and vitamin d tabs cos thought I wasn't getting enough calcium, could that have caused it??? I just think something I did must have cos everything was going so well...

nh101, stop torturing yourself! It could have been one of so many things or absolutely nothing at all. The hardest thing is that you will never know. I'm extremely dubious that scans are that accurate anyway. However, I do know how you feel. I had a bit of a cocodamol habit because I get really bad headaches and only managed to wean myself off when I was about 6 or 7 weeks pg. Ever since I have been doing internet searches for the teratogenic effects of cocodamol and opiate based drugs. Managed to find one study that vaguely confirmed my suspicions that the anencephaly was all my fault. This allowed me to safely beat myself up but it feels exactly like the beating I gave myself beforehand!

Also, I'd just like to confirm what MrsMc has so eloquently stated. I am glad that it didn't happen right away as I feel I have had a respectful amount of time to deal with the loss of the last baby. Although rather weirdly I still worry that the last bean will be watching and thinking I don't care and have moved on with an immediate replacement poor wee poppet, we should hopefully find out tomorrow if it was a boy or a girl. Also MrsMc, it would be great to meet up. Hopefully we will get to be those smug pregnant ladies who lunch at John Lewis before going to look at Bugaboos here's hoping!

Popsy - calamine lotion?

Exciting KatyH! Let us know when you do!

Morning ladies, is FRIDAY so lots of reasons to be happy! Hope you are all okay

Yes! And I think I have found a bigger cheaper place to rent so I can easily have a baby without having to worry about not being able to feed it or it having to live in our bedroom forever. Phew.

MrsMcBean Forgot to say in my Gloom Wallowing last nite - Thank youso much for kind offer of pre-seed but how do I "CAT" you, don't know what it means! (had vague images of stuffing moggy in envelope...)

KatyH wow! a gender scan already, how far along are you? i'm in fife, since you asked

nh Thank you hunny - yes! I will be pg a year from now! I will! I'm glad the surgeon said you have 100% normal chance of a normal pg next time - hang on to that thought!

winky it's heart breaking isn't it? I try and turn it on its head and think about all the comedy, mundane things I'll doing at the magical moment I conceive triplets (ho ho) - like putting the bin out or, uuuggh, teaching Sixth Form

popsydoodle i too am intrigued as to where you stick you calamine lotion.... as for thinking of scotland, better come clean and admit that I am actually dun dun dun...English but as I've lived here over a decade, got married and had a son with a strapping celtic name, I consider myself half scottish now

torres fiddley diddley dee two ladies fiddley diddley dee two ladies und he's ze only man - ja!!

And to everyone, just like to share I had some rather fantastic nookie last night good to see the old magic hasn't been ttc to death just yet

Morning!

working from home this morning before the appointment. It's the gender of the last baby that we'll hopefully find out today as we get the post mortem results this morning (I'm only 5 weeks pg). Sorry, I didn't make that clear! Was already feeling quite emotional today and now my boss has just e-mailed to say that I've been given the team leader post I went for. Didn't even really want the job but I blubbed when I found out . Unfortunately for them they have not realised I am in major 'family comes first' mode so not sure how good I'm goin to be

BB, stop making me jealous with your fantastic nookie! I've forgotten what that's like. How is life in 'the Kingdom' today?

Popsy, still want to know what the Calamine lotion is for!

katy oops, sorry misunderstood but it's still great you are 5 weeks pg! The Kingdome is fecking freezing today to be honest, am about to have nice warming cuppa
Re last nite, lol, i wasn't expecting it to be so great, i just suddenly really Up For It - maybe this means i'm ovulating??!

Kingdome - ha!

Oh sorry KatyH didn't realise. Hope you are OK today x