35+ TTC #1 thread 2!

[SoozC]

We maxed out our last thread, so I've started another one for us!

Welcome, all those over 35 who are ttc number 1! Whether you're just starting out or you're an old-timer, come and chat with others who know what it's like to feel as though time is not on your side. When you feel like all your friends and family your age already have children and you need someone to moan to, we are here!

I get mine from Amazon -
www.amazon.co.uk/First-Response-Early-Result-Pregnancy/dp/B001DULLKE?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Hello - I'm new!

I turn 39 in January & DH is 40 in January, & we're pretty new to this TTC stuff for a number of reasons - we didn't meet until I was 33 & I hadn't found anyone before him I really wanted to think seriously about having a child with, but mainly because I have some inherited genetic issues which came to light a few years back, when my baby niece passed away - so not TTC before now & it's a bit of a complicated road ahead!

We've been referred for PGD at Guys but also been told it won't hurt to TTC naturally in the meantime as it could be quite a wait (although this comes with potential complications if the tests we can have at c. 12 weeks bring bad news...), so I'm just trying to find out as much as I can about how it all works while we wait. OH thinks we should wait until after a trip to the US in March, but I am suddenly very aware of my age, so have started supplements now & doing a bit of research into what we need to be starting to do in the meantime - we may start trying after Christmas as I'm pretty positive it's not going to happen very quickly anyway!

I also need to get my head around getting my BMI down in order to progress with PGD, and if that doesn't happen then it might be the natural conception route for us in any case, but working on that slowly!

Because of an absolute fear of what might happen if I allowed myself to get too attached to the idea of having a baby, I've not really delved too much into the whole wide world of conception so forgive me if I ask some dumb questions in the early days! :)

Welcome Claire & good luck!

Thanks Melamine!

Good luck Claire!

Well my period seemed to start bang on day 28, but was only a bit then stopped for a week. Took a cheapy pregnancy test this morning and got I think a very faint positive, then almost instantly my period started in earnest. So I’m thinking if it was a positive then it was a chemical.

So here we go again, not sure whether to count today as day 1 of cycle or the earlier bleed.

Hi Ladies,

I was on the thread earlier on. I'm 36 TTC #1

So on Monday I got my BFP but sadly I am now having early miscarriage. Feel quite flat but relieved I can get a BFP. I'm keen to start again straight away, do you any of you have any advice re ttcing after miscarriage.

Hope you are all well.

@Hopefulbunny and @Composteleana so sorry you are both going through that. Having waited so long for a BFP, I can only imagine how hard it must be for it to go through that loss. Nothing very fair about this TTC lark xxx

Welcome newbies and sorry for your losses.

@Janefx40, how are you?

Hi Everyone, anyone TTC first baby at 37? I had a miscarriage in August which was horrific, but now feeling positive for the new year and hopefully a rainbow baby! Anyone got any tips for conceiving when you're older?! I've got the ovia app which is good for monitoring fertile days. Other than that, taking folic acid, trying to be healthier and eat more healthily. Good luck everyone! x

Hi @Londoner12 welcome. I wish I had tips but since I am still BFP free, I’m not sure I’m qualified to say! Sorry to hear about your loss.

Hi @SoozC I’m good thanks for asking. We have a kind of introductory appointment at one IVF clinic on Tuesday and then our first proper appointment elsewhere on 15th.

How are you feeling? Are you back at work yet?

Xxx

@Janefx40, ah, I hope you find a clinic you like. It must be a relief to have something actually happening?

I'm back at work this week. I feel much stronger than I did. I don't want to go, but feel like I can so I probably should! It's only for a couple of weeks until the hols so I'm hoping I can cope okay with that.

Hi @Londoner12, I’m 37 and just heading into cycle #5. I found Ovia was totally wrong on my fertile week initally and put it much later than it should have been although it has corrected itself since I’ve been putting my opk results in.

Sorry to those who have had early losses, fx for some December/January BFPs that stick.

Hello to all the new folk! There are so many of us on this thread now, hopefully we will have some positive tests rolling in soon.

@SoozC glad to hear you're well enough to go back to work. A good idea to get a couple of weeks in before the holidays.

@Janefx40 - hope the appointment on the 15th goes well. It'll be good to have a plan in place.

I've had a really busy month with lots of work travel and a very messed up cycle with lots of spotting, but it's been a stressful period. OH was applying for his dream job which would change our lives dramatically - his first proper job (after 12 years of being in the same crap one unrelated to his degree). Three times his current salary, and with great career progression and scope for the future, with lots of perks, and he got it! This undervaluing of himself has been a major issue for us, and the relationship dynamic when one earns all the money and the other does nothing to rectify that has been a problem. A massive weight has lifted off my shoulders - it means should we conceive we now have the flexibility for me to not have to go straight back to work, I could go part time. I'm so proud of him, it will do wonders for his self worth. I'd given up hope that he would ever even apply for a job!

We're still having some couple counselling, and that's going well. I think we should be in a position to start TTC properly from Christmas. It's taken so long to get to this point, I'm hoping to have the resilience to cope with TTC. It feels like we finally have all our ducks in a row, so hopefully mother nature is kind on us and it's not too late.

Welcome, new people I’ve not yet greeted. I hope that everyone is doing ok. Sorry to hear of some new miscarriages.

My temperatures were all over the place last month, so it’s hard to tell if AF was early when it arrived yesterday.

Today I had a doctor’s appointment. She’s sent us both off for blood tests, and DH off for a semen analysis, although she seemed to think she’d have preferred us to wait the full 12 months despite our advanced ages (36 and 38), had DH not had mumps as a child. Still, we should have results in 6 weeks (and should be in the middle of another 2ww).

She did encourage us to be spontaneous, and DTD 3-4 times every week, regardless of when in the cycle we are, to help us to relax. Unfortunately, I find charting and having DTD at the appropriate time to be very relaxing, particularly as I have given up on achieving any success - it’s good to know that I did what should have been done, and I always enjoy the process. DH is of a mind to agree with the doctor, and has said that I am too demanding. He is correct, of course, but it’s a blow!

Interesting @Spargle, I find I am less demanding and things are less stressful since I’ve been using opks as once we’ve passed peak/ovulation we know we’re just dtd for fun and if OH is shattered after a long day at work he doesn’t feel bad about not wanting to dtd! I find concentrating on five or so days a month means we can relax the rest of the time and it’s not taking over our lives so much.

@Spargle my doctor also said to not come in until after 12 months of trying, despite being 38. Maybe it's a new policy? I agree I'd find it much more relaxing knowing exactly what point of my cycle I was in. DTD 3-4 times a week would be a stress in itself.

@Londoner12 - I used Ovia for a while but it seems to be way off compared to Fertility Friend (which matches my OPKs and learns about my cycle as we go along).

@Hopefulbunny and @Composteleana missed that you had an early miscarriage. Hopefully the next one sticks, and you don't have too long to wait.

Ah, so looking forward to a good break over Christmas. I love this time of year, although we are distinctly lacking in young children in my family despite having lots of siblings, which is sad in a way as everyone wants them, but at least I'm not the only one struggling and no one will be baby bombing.

Welcome newbies (from an also-newbie) & hugs to those with losses. No news here as OH basically refused to do it over my fertile week due to either being tired feeling under pressure. He’s not as keen as me to be a parent yet (despite our advancing age) & I’m really very worried! Oh well.

Missing or* there!

@Melamine sorry about OH. It’s a tough one because we need them to get on board (metaphorically speaking!) and they don’t always see it so clearly. Mine hates the TTC sex (it has got really boring) and we ended up arguing about it the other night - never a good way to motivate a man into having sex but I couldn’t help it - it’s got so dull and I felt like he was blaming me for that. Ah he’s very lovely really but a stubborn soul too.

Can I ask your opinion on OPKs?

We had a couple of months off OPKs to help relax OH which worked but is stressful at other end as I don’t know exactly when period is due. This month started testing at CD12 with digital (not dual hormones) (bit late in month but never had a positive earlier than CD12 before). It was negative but had two clear blue lines. All tests since been negative and now on CD18 (latest in past has been CD16) and blue lines inside got fainter to point where there has only been one line since CD14. The packet says you can’t read anything from the lines but do you think it means anything? Is it likely I would have got a pos on CD11 had I tested then or do you think it’s an anovulatory cycle?

Hi @Janefx40 - sounds to me like you just missed the surge? My ovulation day is cd16 bang on every month except for this one when it came a few days early. I guess it happens sometimes.

@Melamine similar here. It's been a long road of working through the list of things OH wasn't happy about before we could start TTC (this list included me changing jobs as I travelled too much, him getting his new job as he felt he hadn't achieved enough - further delayed by the fact he refused to apply for anything, improving our emotional interactions, and also going on more holidays which he wanted to do as felt he hadn't seen enough of the world). This started when I was 35 and we have finally ticked everything off that list three years later and he is happy to proceed. I'm hoping it's not too late!

There's a bloody awful amount of patience required for TTC at advanced age it seems, not helped by reluctant partners.

@Janefx40 - I used the clearblue dual hormone OPKs which show high & then peak fertility (peak = ovulate within 24-36 hours). They always showed 2-4 days of high fertility then peak. The fertility clinic had me use them (nothing else) to identify ovulation when I did natural cycle frozen embryo transfer. I found that I ovulate between CD11 to CD18 (!) as my cycle is rather irregular. I think best explanation is that you ovulated early & missed the surge.

@Melamine - my DP (older than me & already a Dad) took a lot of persuading to agree to us having a baby. He was OK to stop using contraception and see what happened, but when things got more complicated (first targeted TTC, then being checked out by doctors, then IVF), he found it quite stressful. I also found it stressful not just because no BFP, but also as I wanted more support from DP. Now I'm 19 weeks pregnant & he's totally fine & even a bit excited (in his very understated way) .

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing as we all seem to have gone quiet for a while.
I am currently in fw but dh has man flu so not sure how much dtd we will manage.

I would’ve been in the 2WW (AF due 26th Dec) but for various reasons we ended up taking a month off from TTC. It was a really hard decision to make but in retrospect it was a good thing for both of us as we had reached the point where it was starting to put pressure on us. We didn’t dtd during FW at all as we were staying with family so no 2WW for me. I feel much more relaxed and I’m definitely enjoying the Christmas run-up a lot more now that I’m not obsessing over every twinge or bit of nausea, or dreading the disappointment of a BFN.

Planning to start afresh in January and take it from there.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

@blondcat - there are many colds going round maybe your DH got one of them?

@darkstar4855 - you can now enjoy Christmas & New Year and then go back to TTC again in 2018.

I'm now approaching 21 weeks (all was fine at 20 week scan last week) & getting large (am struggling to bend over!). Last day at current job tomorrow; colleagues gave me leaving present which included "hangover free Shiraz" .