35+ TTC #1 thread 2!

[SoozC]

We maxed out our last thread, so I've started another one for us!

Welcome, all those over 35 who are ttc number 1! Whether you're just starting out or you're an old-timer, come and chat with others who know what it's like to feel as though time is not on your side. When you feel like all your friends and family your age already have children and you need someone to moan to, we are here!

@Blondcat that sounds very frustrating. It’s an uncomfortable one to navigate, and I don’t envy you.

@Darkstar4855 with AF due on 27th, I am sympathetic to the idea of not having a 2ww over Christmas! I suspect that everyone is starting to get suspicious of my sudden lack of drinking, which is really most out of character, and it would be nice to feel less like almost total abstinence was a good idea. (Still, it is nice not to give myself the opportunity to get back into the habit. I do that too easily. Much nicer to avoid both it and hangovers!)

I’m halfway through the 2ww. I’ve had a few blood tests. The first lot came back fine, except the Oestradiol measurement didn’t happen, so I have to take that again (booked for 28 December - it has to be taken on day 2 of the cycle), and the progesterone test happened on Tuesday.

DH has sent his swimmers in to be tested, too (Tuesday morning, just before my blood test. There was a massive traffic jam on the way to the hospital, and we had to take a different route to my appointment, meaning I was late. Very stressful!). I am ery relieved to have got most of the testing done.

I’m leaving my job tomorrow, to go freelance (working with DH, who has been freelance for almost two years). My friend assured me that this is what will make the difference, and I will conceive shortly thereafter. Fingers crossed there’s enough work to keep us fed. Also that she’s right!

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Hello all. Lovely to hear updates from you all.

@Blondcat I can sympathise. It is so tricky when you feel your FW slipping away. Bloody man flu

@Spargle congrats on leaving your job. Going freelance sounds exciting

@Blueberry1 amazing you are already 21 weeks. It seems to be going so fast

@Darkstar4855 month off sounds fab. Glad you can enjoy Xmas.

We are now on the first IVF step which is a Monitoring cycle. My period was early last Month BTW. 25 days!!! I'm feeling much more positive. It's a lot to get my head around but it's just one step at a time at the moment and I really like the clinic (against my expectations - we were expecting cold clinical efficiency but everyone has been really nice and helpful).

Slight negative is that because IVF is so intensive, we've had to tell loads of people that I wouldn't really want to - such as my boss and colleagues, SIL, my cousin. Bit uncomfortable but just have to get over it!

X

Nice to hear all your updates.
@spargle congrats on going freelance hope it is enjoyable.
@blueberry1 wow that seems to have gone fast.
@janefx40 sounds good you are on the path to Ivf. It must have been hard telling people not sure how I would feel about it either. Or friends went through it a couple of years ago and had two losses before the sticky one and their ds is now nearly 18 months I think it was hard for them as people knew but a comfort that they didn't have to go through it alone.

And now for a story full of hope. A colleague in her mid 30s had struggled to get pregnant and always had gynaecological problems inc extremely heavy periods & fibroids. Her husband was found to have no fertility issues.

After several years of TTC without success, they moved on to NHS funded IVF. She did stimulation over a year ago and they ended up with 3 good embryos, but weren't able to transfer any due to uterine fibroids that required surgery. She had surgery last December and was told to wait at least 3 months before embryo transfer. When the time came, more fibroids had appeared so she had to wait longer and then have surgery to remove them again.

Last surgery was in June and again they were waiting for green light to do embryo transfer. She had an appointment in September at which she was told off by the consultant when she admitted to having had unprotected sex with her husband, as this meant some investigations couldn't be carried out in case she was pregnant. She nearly laughed at that idea given that in several years of TTC she had never fallen pregnant. Anyway consultant said they had now to wait for next AF to continue.

And guess what? AF never came and she's now 14 weeks pregnant much to her surprise ! So miracles can happen. It also explains why she wasn't upset (I was worried she might be) when I told her I was pregnant as by then she would have had her BFP.

And let's not forget my chances of getting pregnant through IVF were 20% and here I am. Although of course our baby hasn't yet safely arrived, I am well out of danger zone and am so far having an unproblematic pregnancy.

Looking forward to hearing about BFPs in 2018.

I’m just waiting for FW here, hoping to have good news on 14th Jan! Good luck everyone & @Spargle, welcome to freelance life! It can be challenging but I’ve been doing it for many years now & would never go back to a ‘real’ job!

Sorry, just kind of catching up and can't respond to people at the moment; still very, very low about my mc, crying at random moments and really wishing the whole festive season would fuck right off. People tell me to stay hopeful but to be honest I am not at all and just want my little Speckles back and the happy Christmas I should have been having. I hate the whole thing, really think giving up is my best option right now, getting that bfp has made the whole thing harder and I don't think I can mentally cope with any more disappointments.

I may not be around on these boards in the new year; I find myself horribly jealous of any bfp even if they've had struggles or not, I always have struggled with jealousy but couple it with grief and it's almost too much to bear.

I wish you all every success in your journeys and wish I was as strong as you all seem to be.

Hugs Soozc. You’ll get there. Taking some time off even thinking about it all sounds wise. Hope you can take some enjoyment over Christmas. ❤️❤️

Hi @SoozC I'm so sorry you're feeling so raw. I'm not surprised - you are a total soldier with all you have been through. I don't think other people are stronger - we haven't been through all you have.

If you need time away from the boards then take it - I've done it before. They're here to help and if they're not helping then sometimes time off is best. But we're here if you need us.

Sending you lots of love xxx

@SoozC what @janefx40 said. I am relatively new on here but everyone is so nice and supportive wherever you are on your ttc journey. I know everyone is there to be a listening board where you can't talk about what you are feeling with anyone else. Love and hugs x

Hi everyone, ive been a lurker on the tread & just thought id join in if yous dont mind.
@SoozC i completely understand how you are feeling 😪. Ill be 36 in March & have had 3 losses this year since April - a mc, mmc & a chemical just this week. Very teary at the min & this xmas is not how i imagined it would be - i thought i would have had a little baby or been pregnant & im neither - it is a very hard time for everyone in the TTC world. Im trying to be upbeat to everyone however im very sad & scared on the inside ... cant wait to get this festive period over xx

Sorry to hear your news! Take your time and be kind to yourselves.
We Russians don’t celebrate Christmas, so I’m very impartial to it, and will support you by saying - can’t wait for this festive period to be over! Let’s be Scrooges together this year. It might be different next one! Let’s hope!.
As for me, we DTD this month but not sure what dpo I am and when AF due. We’re TTC for #2.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and happy new year!

Thank you for support guys. It means a lot. Just going to try and not think about everything for the next week.

@Russkispy - the mystery of your name is solved! I always thought it was Russ-kispy and thought perhaps your surname was Russell or similar. Now I can see it's Russki-spy! That has made me smile today so thank you x

Yep, born Russian! And my nickname has always been Russian Spy as far as I can remember! Then shortened to Russki but still a spy! 😉😉😉 glad it made you smile! 🤗🤗

@SoozC - don't underestimate what you've been through; it would make any normal person feel lots of sad & negative emotions. I don't think you should worry if you feel jealous or sad when another woman is managing to get pregnant. When we'd been trying for a year & nothing had happened a recently married friend (39 with PCOS so expecting to struggle to conceive) announced she was pregnant from her honeymoon (!). I cried my eyes out and was really scared I'd do so again when I saw her, but actually I was fine.

Taking a break from TTC might be a good idea. Whatever you do make sure you do some things you like that nourish/look after you (physically & emotionally) like nice country walks, a spa visit, posh afternoon tea, baking class; whatever will suit you.

Have you considered counselling? I have found it helpful (twice) after tough periods in my life (not related to TTC). If you do this remember that not every counsellor is right for every person. I've seen two who were both great for me, but my best friend found 1st counsellor she saw didn't suit, and then found another who did.

Sending you & a hug.

I strongly second counselling. It’s expensive but it got me through a very tough time with a heartbreak I could not get over for years. It was the best decision ever. I think everyone should have therapy, perhaps the Americans are really onto something for once, with their thing for shrinks! But seriously, it works.

Well, AF was due today, but when I woke up my temperature was still above the coverline, and higher than it was yesterday, so I took a test. BFN, and blood on the toilet roll, of course. I woke up late, in a warmer-than-usual room, of course, both of which lead to higher basal temperatures. That means the sore boobs I’ve valiantly not been complaining about over Christmas were actually something to moan about!

Still, I’ve got a day 2 Oestradiol test tomorrow, so at least I’m on schedule for that. I was fretting that AF would come yesterday (the first signs were definitely there), and obviously it didn’t. That would have meant returning home a day early, and sorting out a blood test appointment for today, today. SO glad not to have to face that!

Hope everyone else is doing well, and having better luck than I!

Hope you all had a nice Christmas. AF arrived yesterday which is not that surprising considering we haven’t actually DtD that much. But hopefully better planning next cycle.
Baby dust to all in 2018!

DH has just been asked to make a non-urgent appointment with the GP, seemingly to discuss a test result. He’s only had fertility tests recently, so I suspect it’s not going to be particularly good news.

His appointment is going to be on 22nd January, which gives us plenty of time to worry about it all.

Still, I knew we’d probably have problems with this when I married him, so at least nothing is going to be a bolt from the blue. Fingers crossed it’s something fixable, by means we can afford!

@Russkispy - better luck next month.

@Spargle - male factor problems can be fixable including sometimes through diet/lifestyle changes. My DP had slight motility issue (not so bad that natural conception was ruled out), but when we did IVF with ICSI all eggs fertilised (not typical) and of course one of the embryos that made it to blastocyst was put back & is now our baby!

Now nearly 23 weeks & getting a fat face (doesn't suit me) as well as sizeable bump. I now weigh the most I've ever weighed and I have 4 months to go . But no health problems so far for me or the baby so I know should be grateful!

How’s everyone doing? I’m in the dreaded 2ww & trying to ignore the multiple, probably imagined symptoms. Fingers & toes crossed for everyone this year.

Hello everyone. Happy new year.

@Melamine 2WW never gets any easier. I had a monster one this month as final try pre-IVF. Period is now firmly on way (boo!) of course it's playing silly buggers and looks as though it will arrive a day early - nothing like the prospect of IVF to stress out your body and screw up your cycle!

@Blueberry1 so exciting that things are moving on - I bet you look lovely with a fat face!!!

Love to you all xxx

Happy new year everyone.
AF was teasing me this month was 2 days later than the previous 3 months which I assumed was my normal was just about to test and bam here she was. I wasn't holding out much hope as dh was ill in fw so only dtd twice in the period but that did give me the tiniest amount of hope. On day 4 so showing down now. Feeling positive for the new year both of us aiming to be healthier this year so fx this is our year.

Love to all and positive thoughts for some more good news on this thread

I am not quite in 2ww - have had five days of high fertility on CB digital and was expecting peak today but no sign yet! Hoping this isn’t an anovulatory cycle.

Trying to be a bit healthier this month - better diet, regular exercise and cut out alcohol - so hopefully this might improve our chances over the coming months. Have also been on co-enzyme q10 plus vitamins C and E for the last month and OH has started a multivitamin plus cod liver oil and co-enzyme q10. I know it’s too early for them to have much effect as yet but again, hoping it may help things along over the next few months.

Good luck to all of you currently in the 2ww.

Hi everyone! I've not been on here for a while as I needed to take a break from everything for a bit! Anyway, it has been almost 5 months since my mc and I'm doing ok (mostly..) but today's AF starting has been another blow really! It was a couple of days late so I was getting so hopeful once again. We've now had all of the tests that the gp can do, and those have been normal, but because of my age she referred us to the fertility clinic and we have our first appointment there on Monday.

Does anyone know what to expect in this first appointment and what comes next/how many more tests to expect? I've also just started a new job (in the same company, but a new manager), so feeling anxious about straight away asking for lots of time off for mysterious appointments!

@phoebemouse Not been (yet) so no clue sorry.

Had my sixth consecutive flashing smily today. But I did get EWCM a couple of days ago and have also had my usual niggly right sided ovulation pain. I finally thought to have a look at the test sticks in the bin and some are darker, one is almost peak which must have been from a couple of days ago because today and yesterday definitely only had faint lines. So I’m hoping that I did have a surge on Tues or Wed as expected and the CB tests just didn’t quite catch it (I only test in the mornings and have been drinking more water than usual this week). Dtd Tues and Wednesday so in with a chance if so and would be 1-2dpo now but I’m not getting my hopes up too much. Trying to focus on improving my fitness and eating better for the next cycle instead.

Not going to test any further this month as I’m on night shifts now so would be difficult to dtd anyway! I had been finding the CB tests helpful but they have totally stressed me out this month!

Good luck to anyone else in 2ww and good luck @Janefx40 for the IVF, also fx @Spargle for the appointment, hope the news is ok.