35+ TTC #1 thread 2!

[SoozC]

We maxed out our last thread, so I've started another one for us!

Welcome, all those over 35 who are ttc number 1! Whether you're just starting out or you're an old-timer, come and chat with others who know what it's like to feel as though time is not on your side. When you feel like all your friends and family your age already have children and you need someone to moan to, we are here!

I'm so sorry Sooz xx

I’m sorry @SoozC we’re all here if you need us xxx

@SoozC so sorry to hear that. X

I am heartbroken. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep. Life is just so awful, isn't it? TTC or having a miscarriage, it's all just awful.

@SoozC I hope you’ve been able to get some sleep, I totally agree it is all horrible! But try to concentrate on being kind to yourself and your partner for now and take one day at a time. Can you take any time off work? I took a week off and on the days when I had things to do round the house I was better than when I ran out of things to do and couldn’t stay away from the internet. I am hating being back to TTC but it does get a bit less awful each week - just let yourself grieve and rest and comfort each other xxxxxx

@SoozC it is awful and it’s so unfair. You’ve been through so much...such a long journey. @PhoebeMouse let yourself grieve and make yourself as comfy as you can while you do. Xxx

@SoozC I hope you managed to get some sleep. This ttc is a lot harder than you think when you spend years trying not to get pg as you are lead to believe that you will fall as soon as you dtd unprotected but reality is so much harder even before the losses. Sending hugs.

So AF seems to have got me 5 days earlier than I expected . I guess I am not quite into a settled cycle yet.

Yes AF has got me too. Seems a little early tho not properly started yet. Feeling quite depressed. I think we need to start intervention but am pretty unwilling / terrified about it.

Clinic we will probably go to (recommended by friends and is best for over 40s) is hugely intense. Daily tests and injections and not much bedside manner from what I understand. But their results are impressive.

I’m scared to be honest and it’s just not how I want to have my baby. But I can’t see that we have much choice. Wish the NHS had come through first - I trust them more...but they are still faffing with my referral because of various bits they don’t seem to have. By the time the referral is in and I get my appointment it could be months.

Sorry to anyone doing IVF - I didn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having a baby that way. I just meant injections and Drs and test tubes and clinics wouldn’t be my ideal way - I don’t suppose it’s anyone’s really x

Jane, you can alsways start with IUI, less intense. I did it after 5 months natural TTC, and did the only one IUI and it was successful. It was last September and I was 40. I’d do it again and giving ourselves 3 months of natural TTC this time and then go for IUI again. We’re starting from January and in April I’ll be 42. It sucks age wise but nothing we can do about it.

Hi ladies,

I'm new but feel like I could do with a little like minded support. I am 36 and trying to conceive number 1

We had a miscarriage this time last year, 3 years after first trying to conceive. My best friend is good, but .. well she announced her pregnancy, 2 weeks after our miscarriage,, her baby was early and was born the week our baby should have been here. Sometimes just that, is so hard for me.

Anyway in August we started the journey to find out why it seems to be impossible to get pregnant. The doctors have been useless amazing. They didn't update our new address, wrote the wrong tests for me, lost OH's results from the hospital (everything is fine and normal) Asked the dr for a referral to the fertility clinic, got the letter and codes to book, and there were no appts, and screen said to wait for a phone call within 15 days. Argh! just getting to this point feels like hell.

Anyway AF arrived on Tuesday, I was feeling down, so I went to the Drs and asked if they could follow up / look at records / help an any ways. They looked at my records and said I wouldn't get to hear about an appt until Feb next year. I must have looked the way I felt! So I asked to change to a different hospital, any that gave us an earlier appt, as we only chose the first one as it was close to OH's work. Secretary worked her magic and we have our first appt on the 19th of Dec at the infertility clinic.

I feel like all my Christmases have come at once, the only thing that would be better is that we were already pregnant!

Hi, @81Louise, welcome. Sorry you've had to join us here but we are a lovely bunch. Well done for being forward with the docs about what you want - I think infertility isn't considered amongst those 'serious' medical issues. Sorry for your loss too.

I'm also 36, just returned here after a miscarriage last week. We've been trying two years.

@SoozC oh no! I was so hoping you were wrong. Sending you & a hug.

@Melamine - welcome! Have you been using OPKs and tracking your cycle? I didn't initially and then one time I thought I was 5 days late & I got very excited and then very disappointed to get BFN. But in fact when I retrospectively tracked that cycle, I had just ovulated late ! I found from tracking my cycle that my ovulation varied from day 11 to day 18 although most commonly 15-16, (I think most women aren't that irregular..), but my luteal phase was consistently 11-12 days.

@janefx - We looked at IUI, but success rates when you're over 40 aren't much different to TTC naturally, so some clinics are reluctant for that reason. But if no motility/sperm count problems probably worth a go (less invasive & cheaper).

We were at Care London and they were brilliant; but they're not the cheapest (not most expensive either). Treatment was highly personalised eg during stimulation they kept adapting dosage and duration, and egg retrieval and embryo transfer were when was best for me even if it had been Sunday (not all clinics do weekends).

A friend struggling to conceive her 2nd child in her mid 30s had a very bad experience of NHS; they messed her around with Clomid & other stuff for 2 years despite her very low ovarian reserve at only 35. When she finally went to a private clinic (Care, but not London), she was told "if we'd seen these test results two years ago we'd have advised straight to IVF". By that time, sadly even IVF was no longer an option. Of course there's no way to know whether IVF would have worked.

@Louise81 - welcome! Sorry you've had to battle the NHS, but at least it seems your efforts paid off. We didn't even bother with NHS as I knew we wouldn't qualify for IVF according to my local CCG criteria and my friend's experience (see above) put me off. We had one round of successful IVF this summer and I got pregnant just after my 42nd birthday (2nd embryo transfer). Am now 16 weeks with a noticeable bump, but I would caution that (average) chance of success we were given was 20%, so we were lucky.

Welcome @81louise and so sorry to hear what you have been through. Great news that things are now moving forward! I also had a miscarriage about 3 months ago now and have been trying again ever since. AF just came again yesterday - sigh! Going to get back to OPKs like @Blueberry1 says, this coming cycle especially with Christmas coming up and my fertile window that month looks to be right over the family visiting time gah!
DP had his tests done last week and we’ve got a docs appointment booked in 3 weeks to discuss all our test results and see what is what. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed.

@81louise welcome. Sorry things have been tough.

I’m so down today. It’s just the 3-4 days between migraine and period that I find so hard. I cope ok the rest of the time. Had spotting and cramps getting stronger but still play mind games with myself and then keep crashing back to reality.

@Blueberry1 thanks for your advice. I saw Care London on the HFEA website but (and I can say this to you because you are already pregnant!) their results for over 38s didn’t look that promising. But if you recommend them that puts them back in the game for me. The only 2 that had good results for our age group was Centre for Reproductive and Genetic Health (who have an open day Wednesday that we are hopefully going to) and ARGC who sound like a nightmare but my friend used them and they have really good success rates. Did you research other clinics?

I just feel like it’s not going to happen for me. So pessimistic at the mo. Sorry to be a downer.

Sorry @PhoebeMouse about bloody AF. Grrr

Xxx

Hi I'm wondering if I can join in?
My daughter was stillborn at 30 weeks on 17/10/17 and although it might seem soon for ttc I just feel at 36 my days are numbered. My situation is probably a bit diff as I've split from my partner but we are still good friends. He is willing to help me try for another baby but we have opted for at home insemination. I started tracking opk and temps and luckily picked up my ovulation, even though I've not had AF since my stillbirth.
Here's the confusion we done the deed right over my fertile period but I don't know when I'd be due AF?
Can anyone help me out?

@soozc - so sorry to read of ur loss too x

Hello @Angelmummy17 I am sorry to hear your devastating news. I don’t think you can 100% know when the first AF will come - after my miscarriage I was advised to wait until the first AF before trying just to make dating more straightforward. We didnt actually wait but my AF came after 29 days anyway which was a couple of days later than my average cycle. I didn’t use OPKs though so don’t know if I ovulated later than normal but maybe you can work it out based on when you ovulated? I read your first AF can take up to 6 weeks.

@phoebemouse - thank you I just feel so empty and feel that having something to look forward to again would maybe help me grieve a bit better. I wasn't advised when to or when not to try again tbh or even if I was I think I would just disregard it anyway, I want to have a child. I've seen a fertility specialist before (dec 2015) and was advised that a perimenopause was imminent therefore every cycle that passes my chances get slimmer. I really hope this has worked, like everyone here, we all want the same BFP. I'm currently on 7dpo so when would you suggest is a good time to test?

Thank you x

Ps. Sorry for ur loss too x

Welcome, @Angelmummy17. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss; what an awful time for you. I know what you mean about being 36 and feeling time is not on your side, although I know plenty of people who've conceived later in life. Big hugs

@soozc thank you, yeah everyone else seems to just fall pregnant easily, well until
I started reading these threads. Life is pretty cruel to those least deserving of it. I read somewhere that u are more fertile after having a child (full term or not) I don't know if there's any truth in that but I'm praying to my little angel everyday to help me xx

@Angelmummy17 do you know how long your luteal phase generally is? I took 2 tests before my first AF around when I would have expected it to start, including on day 27 when I had got my BFP before, both were negative and then AF came on day 30. If you normally have a 14 day luteal phase I would maybe test a week today? And then keep testing every couple of days until AF or BFP! I am a bad one to ask, I’m always testing when I know it is way too early!

@phoebemouse
I have no idea I never started tracking anything until I had my daughter. So that was just over 4 weeks ago. I definetly ovulated on 10-12th tho as that was when I had my positive opk so I'm calculating from after sun 12th as my dpo not even sure if that's right I have the fertility friend app but because I haven't had a period it's all a bit confusing 🙈 X

@phoebemouse
Are you temping too? My temps are a bit all over the place they are still above my coverline but very up n down x

@Angelmummy17 no I’ve not tried temping I’m not sure what to do! I am trying not to do too much as I get really obsessive about things, we are mainly trying to just keep DTD every other day for now and hope for the best!