TTC after pregnancy loss - lucky thread 13

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Hi guys I couldn't see a new thread so hope you don't mind me starting it off @BertieBotts ?

Great @Weasledee!! How long ago was your miscarriage? 14 weeks must have been horrendous, I'm so sorry

@blueespottytiger I feel your pain with the age gap. It took me a year to get my periods back after birth of DS. Got pg straight away, so gap would have been about 20 months which I was happy with. Then mc. Then gap would have been 24 months. Then mc. So then gap would have been 30 months. Then mc a third time... so now who knows... if don't wait a cycle and manage to get pg AND if all well then would be a 33 month gap, but likely to take a while so DS is probably going to be at least 3... my siblings are much older than me so I always wanted my children to be close in age so I'm sad I've not managed that for my DS.

For me one of the worst things about recurrently miscarrying is the delay it causes. I should have given birth to my first mc last week, and now I'm still not even pregnant...

I am grateful to have DS and I guess it's good that I can get pg quickly but it's a very frustrating process when you feel you have a 2 different clocks ticking xx

Even though they give a sense of control, i wonder if using opks might just add stress at the moment with hormones a bit haywire? Or you could try the (much more more expensive) clearblue ones.

bean - its positive if it's as dark as or darker than the control line

@beanhunter If the second line is as dark or darker than the control one :)

@Fillybee I don't even know what to say except that I'm so sorry that's happened to you and to run over with the biggest hug I can give

@beanhunter hope this helps.... example of a negative & a positive.

The negative (the one on the 'one step' wrapper) was from yesterday, hoping its creeping towards a positive! This month I've actually stuck them all down on a piece of paper & labelled them so I can properly see any progression.

@beanhunter a positive OPK has to be the same colour as the control line. I stopped the pill at the end of Feb and only had this once (in June) and that's when I fell pregnant. I do wonder if I wasn't ovulating from end of Feb until then, as my body was settling down from all those years on the pill.

I feel the same about the delay @Fillybee. My MMC at the 12 week scan has put us at an absolute minimum of 4 months behind. I don't have any kids, I'm 32 in a few weeks and DH will be 37 in January. Time isn't on our side, and we want 2!

I completely understand @flatwhite and it must be very hard having no kids yet (our DS has been a great distraction for us, he literally won't let us to sit about and be sad).

You do have time on your side being only 32 though, lots of baby making years left so you've definitely got time for 2! It's hard not to worry though isn't it.

Are you planning to crack on again straight away after this period?

Ps I think I didn't ovulate for 3 or 4 months after coming off the pill (Yasmin) had been on it about 10 years. My periods stayed in the same 28 day pattern as they were on the pill (literally to the hour) and then after 4 cycles they started changing dramatically so I'm sure the pill hormones weren't out of my system until then.

Thanks @unicorn, that's kind. I feel like I shouldn't be sad about it as it looks like a lot of people struggle to get pg in the first place. But I do wonder if I have this 'unfussy' womb or 'hyperfertility' thing that I've heard about, where basically your womb just accepts any old sperm and egg combo even if it's not very good, and then only realises later that it's no good. So you get pregnant easily but then miscarry a lot. The 'normal' womb would spot a problem in the early stages and you'd pass the pregnancy before you were due your period or as a chemical pregnancy. Apparently even if you time it all perfectly, you are still only supposed to get pregnant 1 out of 4 times. But since my DS I've basically got pg each month we've tried apart from one month when I'm sure there was a faint positive so I think that might have been a chemical. All the other mcs have occurred around the 8 week point

Filly - one thing I've cried a lot I never o infertility message boards is "there is no pain olympics". There is ALWAYS someone in the world in an objectively worse situation than you but your pain is still valid and real. after my miscarriage I thought 'losing one in the second trimester would be so much worse' or 'losing a baby at full term would be so much worse' and yep I still think either one would be worse than what I've been through, but it doesn't diminish my pain or right to be upset - same with the people who got pregnant right away and had a mc versus trying for years and having one. We're all in this together.❤️

Is there any help you can get for your 'unfussy womb' or would it be ivf to make sure the embryo is a good one?

Well said @KerryLeanne84. Xxx

Yes @Fillybee we'll be starting again soon. I've had what I think was AF, although it came only 26 days after the ERPC, and was 2 and a bit days of crazy heavy bleeding, then absolutely nothing. Not a spot of blood, brown discharge or anything. It was literally like turning a tap off. I had no symptoms either (e.g. sore boobs) and I ALWAYS get AF symptoms. Very odd and confusing.

It may well cause stress but it makes me feel like I'm doing something. When we were doing ivf actually being in treatment was the easy bit in some ways as it felt proactive.

@Fillybee You're fully entitled to feel sad though. There's a lot of emotions that appear when something like that happens, and they belonged to only two people in the whole wide world, so take as much time as needed to grieve and get your head around it.

Something that actually comforts me is knowing that they would have had they most devoted parents towards them, and it makes me happy to realise that had it all gone well, they would have been backed up from day one. They still are. I'll always be on their side, even when they can't do much themselves. I don't know if that makes much sense though.

I hope things get easier for you and you manage to catch a break. Be kind to yourself.

Oh my goodness I haven't stopped crying since that BFN yesterday. I feel like our little bean has well and truly 'gone' if you know what I mean. I'm not sobbing hysterically, just a steady stream of quiet tears.

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day flat. I think it is the finality of it - I was the same after the scan to confirm my miscarriage.

@Flatwhite31 it makes perfect sense. I felt like this twice. Once a few days after the surgery when it finally hit me at once. And the BFN. The positive was the start of the journey, and the BFN just confirms everything that we went through, and that it actually fucking happened. I still feel a bit like I'm just in a trance and all the physical aspect was some weird made up event, sometimes.

Wow lots to catch up on!

@Flatwhite31 I have the clear blue fertility monitor but stopped using it as the sticks are so expensive and I actually like the IC OPK better as you can see the LH increasing and you can test in the evening too which doesn't work with clear blue. I think CB can miss the surge sometimes which is highly annoying. Although I assume it would not if I have a 5 day surge again like last month! This is my cd13 morning OPK and I'll do another tonight - I tend to get positives in the evening.

DTD this morning but it's the first time since cd10. We were too tired last night after being out at a wedding!

Flat I understand that feeling. I finally had my negative last week - 6 weeks post Eroc. Actually starting opks has made me more tearful - I sat sobbing in church this morning. I should be gearing up to a 20 week scan, instead I'm back to ttc again. It all feels so hopeless. And some people say that at least I now know I can conceive that I should feel more positive. I don't. I just feel empty. I miss my baby girl. Actually not having a pregnancy was easier than having one and having it ripped away after 12 weeks.

Sorry to everyone struggling with grief. It's so tough to finally see the negative after a mc because it does feel like "did this really even happen" but it did and the cruel end to all our hopes and dreams for those babies is devastating. However the bfn also means your hormones are getting back to normal and when you are ready, will be able to try again.

I certainly empathise with the feeling of wasted time. I felt like crap all 10 weeks of my pregnancy - and for what? I'm also annoyed at getting older and that I'll be at least 32, instead of 31 when I have a baby. I was pregnant on my 31st birthday. Now I'm hoping to be pregnant before my next one, feels weird to consider I could be pregnant on two consecutive birthdays with no baby to show for it yet.

Christmas will be very tough for me. My Edd was 10 December and I was so excited. Hoping that this cycle works and I'll be 16 weeks on Christmas Day 🤞🏼

@beanhunter the amount of times I heard "well at least". The only people who I'm okay with saying that to me is myself, DH, and my mum. Everyone else can bugger off because they have no idea how hurtful that shit is.

Is it better to say "well at least you don't have to go through this"? Because that's what I feel like saying and I hope it makes them feel as crap as what their thoughtless words did to me. I hope it makes them second guess their helpful phrases to others

Thanks everyone. I'm sad that so many people have to go through this but it's nice that we can share experiences.

@kerry I'm not sure tbh, we've been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic so I'll ask them. In theory maybe IVF would be a good option, but we'd not get it on the NHS as we have a child. The midwife said I should go to GP and ask for high dose folic acid but then if it is a 'dodgy' embryo then might not be a good idea to have try to keep it holding on longer than nature intended? I don't know...

Has anyone here been to the recurrent mc clinic? I feel like it might be a lot of theories rather than 'this is definitely the issue and this is what we can do to fix it'. I've had the blood tests which showed nothing abnormal.

Doing the internet cheapie opk every day to see the progression sounds a good idea, I think I'll do that this month... one month we did the ones with the smiley faces and it's definitely missable- I did one at 6pm and negative. Did another at 10pm and got a smiley face. Did another with fmu and got negative! I only did the 10pm one as I was sure I should be ovulating.

Oh @beanhunter I know the feeling. My 20 week scan would have been the week of my 32nd birthday, which I know I won't be in any mood to celebrate.
Also, people who say 'at least' just don't get it. They probably all mean well, but it's one of the worst things to say!

Sorry you're struggling today @flat and @bean. There's nothing to say to make it better but sending love xx