TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Thanks for all your kind words ladies. I'm just hoping this newly refurbished uterus does the trick. We shall see. One day at a time.

Anne, DH's reaction was pretty much what I expected to be honest! He likes to try and adopt the attitude that if you don't look forward to things you won't be disappointed if they don't live up to expectations. Clearly that approach does not work!

Lisa, I second that!

My husband and I have your dynamic in reverse, keepon - he's a chirpy and optimistic soul, I tend to expect/imagine/dwell on the worst. In some situations I think my attitude is better, but I don't think this is one of them. In the current pregnancy I've been trying really hard to suppress that instinct with some (but limited) success - as you say, it just doesn't work and all constantly expecting the worst does is extend the misery out for longer if it comes. I've been trying to tell myself that just because you know bad things can happen doesn't mean it's stupid to hope for good things. I don't know how deep-seated or problematic your husband's tendency to pessimism is - I've actually been seeing a counsellor (for various reasons, not just that) and talking about it as a problem for me, which has helped a bit.

Woohoo keepon, excellent news. Now stay put, do you hear? (Probably a good job it doesn't have ears yet because I'm rubbish at being stern!)

Loving the refurbished uterus

Grrr someone has annoyed the fuck out of me today. Was posting about our current apartment since it's often customary here to offer your apartment to friends/acquaintances in order to help the landlord have a smoother transition to the next renter. Was having a bit of back and forth with somebody about it and the person who we rented it after, who now lives in Canada butted in with all kinds of commentary about how the landlord is so nice and blah blah and she wants to find pictures because Bertie has such a lot on her plate .... and I was thinking WTF is she on about, I do have a lot going on, but not that she knows about? And then in a later comment she was all "Congratulations by the way, I don't think I said, when are you due?"

... so I just replied that I'm not pregnant, and I have no idea where she's got that idea from. With the crying-with-laughter face because hahahaha, isn't it just a jolly mistake, and I don't want to make her feel bad.

Then she replies with "Oh noo, LOL, I'm so sorry LOL, I swear somebody is pregnant in the group, I wonder who it was...?"

I feel like replying with "About a million people on this group are pregnant. #waitingforever" but I feel like it's too passive aggressive so I have stuck to being grumpy and ignoring her instead.

What a tit bertie, sorry she was so thick and insensitive.

The only mitigating factor is some women who’ve genuinely never poas stick before they get their bfp think the test line should be as dark as the control, and/or have a DP telling them so. But I completely agree. Smug fertile twats. And I’ve had the best sex of my life while pregnant, never known anything like it, so I don’t know where the practise thing comes in as there’s no automatic reason to stop post bfp if you both feel up for it!

I’m feeling a bit viral tonight and managed to hurt my wrist with a pumpkin related injury. Don’t ask. But it’s embarrassing and sore

I stabbed myself yesterday in the finger with a fork. It made it bleed a lot. It's the same finger I only have half the nerves in as I cut the tendon earlier this year So I'll join you on the stupid injury bench. Luckily it's just the skin this time!

Oh no! Hope it’s not too sore.

Hi all can I join? Just recovering from natural MMC at 7 weeks (embryo stoped growing around 5), trying for DC2 after EP, MMC then DS. Will have to go back to EPU later in the week I guess to check everything has “passed” and I guess also need to have a chat with GP to see if the NHS can offer any help. Any advice?

PS congrats keepon stay hopeful!

Hi Eastend. Sorry about your miscarriage. Unfortunately usually the NHS are reluctant to help unless you've had three pregnancy losses in a row (no live birth in between) so be prepared that they might not offer anything, but it's always worth asking.

So almost exactly 11 weeks after having my beautiful baby girl my period has arrived!! To very mixed emotions - glad that I don't seem to be broken physically (which was really really starting to stress me out) but just so fucking sad that it has come to this. Instead of randomly giving birth today I am sat here bleeding and being thankful that it has actually happened. Life is properly weird sometimes.
Welcome Eastend - we managed to get some testing done after 2 mc's due mainly to a very sympathetic GP backing us up. It seems to be luck of the draw but generally yes you will struggle to get referred due to having your dc (this happened to my good friend, they actually said to her that there couldn't be anything wrong as she had a child, it was all very heartless the way she was treated). There are always options for private tests if that is feasible for you.

Oh Miami I'm both glad that your AF has arrived confirming that your body is getting back to its rhythms - I'm glad you don't have to wait for it any more - and at the same time so, so sorry. It must be horribly mixed emotions and it makes perfect sense that it's a relief in some ways and very painful in others.

Miami I am not surprised you're experiencing mixed emotions. I don't have anything to say other than I'm so sorry you're not welcoming your baby girl into the world but I'm also glad you're not waiting for AF anymore.

If you would like a tentative cycle buddy then AF is here for me too Miami although obviously our emotional situations do not at all compare. Sending hugs - you've been through so much and extremely mixed emotions are very understandable. Re: cycle buddying, I'm not sure whether you're planning to try again straight away so please ignore me if that's not helpful. xxx

Schnitzel I am sorry that AF is here. We won't be trying straight away, unless the meeting with the consultant next week tells us that there is no reason at all not to, and even then I think it will be a good few months before we get back into that head space. We shall see.
Part of me wants to try straight away, but it is all so terrifying. I read on one of the babyloss forums and one of the ladies was saying that they decided to go for it straight away as it was going to be terrifying no matter what they did and they may as well just get it over with. And I can completely understand that logic, my DH on the other hand is backing away from it quite rapidly. He was asking me about egg freezing yesterday, I didn't want to burst his bubble but I don't think drugs and ovulation stimulation and more hospitals is where I particularly want to go with this right now, I just want to be pregnant and have a baby. Which seemed like such a simple prospect 2 years ago and now just seems like such an ordeal.
Sorry for ranting, I do appreciate you ladies willingness to have me here. It helps.

Sorry to hear about AF Schnitzel.

I have been behaving like a mad woman and peed on 2 sticks in the past 24 hours. Did the second FRER yesterday after work and a boots one this morning which was a 25 sensitivity. Both positive but have been working myself up that the lines weren't as dark as I would have liked even though I KNOW that a line is a line. Anyway, I have no more sticks to pee on and am determined not to but anymore. Just feel convinced this is going to end up being a chemical but at least I have reached the point where AF is actually late now.

Bleurgh. Sorry for the word vomit there.

Sorry about AF schnitzel. Was it you who was worried about cycles not getting back to normal? Apologies if not, but if so I guess it's some sort of silver lining?

Keepon I think it's basically impossible not to be a crazy lady at this stage! I never used to believe that a line is a line - I always thought, yes, but a darker line is a much better sign - but this pregnancy started with really rubbish lines, far lighter than all the ones I miscarried early, and the line even disappeared at one point (leading to a freak out that you might remember!) - and while obviously it's far too early to call how this one will end, it's by far the furthest I've got, and obviously it definitely wasn't a chemical, so now I think that a line really is a line, and can't tell you much about how things are going in there! It's so frustrating trying to guess - I was saying to DH that I wish my abdomen and uterus were see-through or something (which would obviously actually be disgusting!) so that I could check how things were whenever I felt like it!

To make you feel less crazy/out myself as more so, here is a picture of the giant collection of Things I Have Peed On In The Last Few Weeks. Does not include: internet cheapies (numerous), 4 digitals. I just did a quick calculation and I think I might have spent £100 on tests...

When I got them out to take that photo I did think 'why on earth am I keeping these?!'. I might bin them today. To make matters even worse, I haven't taken a test since the first scan, so those 15 (I counted them!) were taken over three weeks - not far off one a day! It did make me feel a bit better because I've always been able to see all my previous ones 'fade out' before the bleeding started, and although it was shit I appreciated the warning - obviously I'm now past the point where that'll necessarily happen, so I've stopped taking tests!

Morning everyone,

Excited for all those with little beans, Rooting for you all! There also seem too be lots of us with AF currently, going to be making xmas better with drinking and sex I think.

We are a crazy bunch aren't we, one of the things I thought when af showed was "at least I don't have to wear boring white pants over xmas so I can inspect them crazily for specks of blood".

Hello ladies, firstly sorry for all of the losses you've had secondly I'm really anxious myself, after my last miscarriage I told myself I'd be calm if I got a positive again. I'm not sure what to make of this as apparently clear blue give false positives.. what do you think? X

Thank you foxtrot! I'm going to get a frer and do it tomorrow x

I'd definitely second the recommendation for a FRER - even when they're faint they're clear, if that makes sense. Good luck!

Ha ha Lisa! That pic definitely makes me feel better.

Haffertee I am intentionally making myself choose dark coloured knickers in the morning so that I can't inspect them!

Valley I've never used that test either so not sure what it is meant to look like but I think I can see a cross if that helps?