TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Ha ha keepon loving making the cat pee on a stick.
Eilidh should have been due on Christmas Eve, which is just a head fuck of a situation, but we just have to get on and get through it. I love Christmas so am planning to do some things for her in the build up. We are so proud of her and want to still have it be her Christmas a small bit even though it will be very sad as well.

That is so hard miami and it's so desperately unfair that you have to go through this. I think the idea of including Eidleih and doing some things for her is a beautiful one. It will of course be very sad, but I think your instinct to acknowledge that and your loss is a really healthy one.

Keep, hope you slept better last night. What a dream!

Miami, do you want to share some of your plans? Eilidh will always be with you. I feel like we know her too from what you'd said, I'll never forget her. What are your Christmas plans?

I found myself trawling FF pregnancy charts to see how many got there dtd 2 days before ovulation. And I'd told myself I wasn't even going to think about it this cycle.... Muppet. There were 20. But it doesn't mean anything!

I totally understand not wanting to get your hopes up unnecessarily, Anne, but o-2 really isn't terrible timing! I don't think you're necessarily out because of it.

Hey everyone, been lurking for a few
days, never posted on a group like this before and a bit unsure. Would like to join as it seems a place for support but also honesty and real ness. You are all amazing!
I have a fantastic daughter who is six, one early miscarriage before her, then a missed one and then two weeks ago my third. They won't refer me for anything because it's not three in a row (like not winning a particularly sucky game of bingo!) and I feel a bit too crazy for the ttc after miscarriage thread. Feels like here might be a good place even if the NHS doesn't think I qualify as having had too many, you guys seem to be kinder.
Oh that made me sound rather cross, I'm not really, just very mixed emotions and the fear of can I do it again? Which I'm sure you are all familiar with.

Haha, I looked through FF pregnant/non pregnant charts the other day and I found that WAY more people seemed to get pregnant with DTD before O than on or after it.

Haffertee, you are so very welcome here, and I'm incredibly sorry for your losses Real, honest, occasionally crude, no such thing as TMI, kind, funny and totally understanding are what we're doing here I hope. Jump in.

I think I saw that Bertie where someone was asking how often people are dtd! 2 days before seemed a bit much tbh and not sure whether I'm glad I checked or not but it is what it is. I wonder why it is though, do you know? Is it swimmers hanging around?

Thanks Anne, it's good to be here.

From what I understand about the little swimmers, which is more than I ever thought I would, they live for up t 72 hours and kind of go the sleep in the fallopian tubes if there is no egg about. The egg emerging makes them wake up again. So I think before is best so they are there waiting for the egg, the egg doesn't do waiting! This was surprising to me but I think my understanding of how it works was largely from watching look who's talking which it seems is not that accurate biologically.

Sperm once they get to the fallopian tubes are thought to be able to live for up to 7 days. Though that is apparently a stretch and 5 days is more likely, and anything up to 3 days is going to give you better quality. But certainly 2 days before is well within the good time - that's why they call it a fertile week, as it's 5-7 days before plus a day or so after ovulation.

I'm actually surprised this isn't common knowledge, because I've always known sperm can live up to 7 days - TMI - but I distinctly remember when I first went on the pill and so had ditched condoms, walking around all smugly the day after DTD with my then-boyfriend thinking that I had a little piece of him with me all the time Cringe!! And yuck! I wonder where I learned it from if most people don't know.

Haffertee, I've heard of that before, it must be so frustrating. It doesn't make sense either, why should they reset the count - it's still unusual enough to have had three miscarriages.

I did find after two in a row I felt a bit more motivated, because I knew that third pregnancy would either get me a baby or some testing. I don't know if that helps at all.

They definitely told us at school that sperm can live for five days. However, this was part of a general 'if you go near a boy you will get pregnant' message, which I realised had been a bit misleading when I started TTC...

My third pregnancy was a big shock because we only had sex four days before ovulation so of course, given all the perfectly timed cycles of nothing, I assumed I was out.

Can I join? I’ve had two confirmed and three suspected miscarriages. Had basic bloods which were fine and DP is fine except slightly low morphology. One DS from a previous relationship. I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, and one possibly two chemicals.

Currently I’m possibly pregnant again. Very faint bfps but I’m not very hopeful they will stick. Also we only DTD about four or five days before o so I’m doubtful of these lines.

Lisa just realised I’ve PM’d you before, and seen you had a heartbeat at your scan. Congratulations!

Hi catspaws (and haffertee), who I think I missed above - sorry that you have to be here, but welcome.

Thanks catpaws but still only 7 weeks (time is crawling) so I don't feel like congratulations, yet - I am letting myself feel happier and more relaxed than in my last pregnancy, though, and today am feeling quite chirpy

When did you get a bfp? Mine we're properly rubbish at the start of this one - as in, it disappeared for a despair-inducing day - and the darkened up a bit later.

Lisa it’s hard so I’m glad you’re feeling better.

Yesterday. About 9dpo ish, I didn’t use OPKs but I get very painful o. Did one today and today’s was worse but I drank a lot so it might be that. Not testing any more. Agonising over lines only tortured myself.

FFS everybody is fucking pregnant. Just seen my old boss's new wife announce :( 20 weeks already. Probably won't be pregnant again before then will I?

DH's boss's wife (who is also his ex colleague) is also expecting by Christmas which is probably going to depress him because he wanted to be pregnant again before their baby arrives. Then his current boss is going on maternity leave next year.

I think I've lost count of all the baby bombs now?? It just feels like we are getting left behind :(

bertie Sending you a hand hold and/or hug if either helps. It’s the shittest feeling. I hear you.

Hi everyone, can I tentatively join? Recognise a few names - hi @miami81, I've thought of you a lot recently, I'm glad to see you on here as I wondered how you were getting on.

Although I'm not TTC right now, I hopefully will be in the new year. Had a MMC at ten weeks December 2016, then found out at our 20 week scan in November this year that there was a severe heart defect - so severe that tfmr was really the only option. That was three weeks ago, and we're not waiting on results of genetic testing [as they suspect the heart defect could be linked to a genetic syndrome] and post mortem. I don't expect we'll get those back for a while - 6-8 weeks is what we've been told but with Christmas in the middle, I guess it will be a little longer.

At the moment I just feel utter fear and dread at the thought of getting pregnant again, combined with a lot of other worries - what if one of us does have the gene (our chances will then be 50-50 that it happens again), what if the tests are inconclusive...what if it's something else. I also know that I am never ever going to relax in pregnancy now - this heart condition usually doesn't show up til 28 weeks, so I know that even if we are lucky enough to get to 20 again, I won't believe everything is fine until I actually have a baby - which seems to be a vague daydream right now.

But, I am trying to stay positive as much as I can, as I know there's not much I can do about any of it. You seem like such a lovely bunch of supportive ladies - I have joined the other TTC thread but it was all a bit much for me, your experiences seem more in line with mine here.

It's such a sad thing to see so many of us struggling - and I know I haven't suffered as many losses as others - but it's also lovely to know there's somewhere you can go for support as it does make a huge difference.

I'm 34 next year and I have to admit, for the first time I've started having a small panic about my age - what if it takes years etc...I think at the moment I'm just in a general worry spiral!

Anyway apologies for the essay - I'm going to read back through some of the posts to familiarise myself. :)

we're *now waiting

Rum I’m so sorry for your losses. I had a missed miscarriage and honestly it robbed the joy of pregnancy. Because I miscarried without even knowing it’s as if I can’t ever trust myself. It was then followed by a confirmed early loss and a suspected one.

I’m now at a stage where I look at a positive test in the way I look at o signs - indicators of a potential chance but nothing concrete.

I hope your results help you and you feel ready to join us later on

Oh yes defo, that's the way I feel about BFPs as well. It's not a given (well, it's never been a given for us). It does make it easier to cope with, IME. It's all milestones and will be until we have a baby in our arms.

Rum - not knowing until 28 weeks sounds incredibly rough. Is it anything they could pick up on an amniocentesis or CVS earlier do they know? Perhaps that also depends on the results of the genetic test.

We’ve been pretty organised with Christmas this year and spent the last couple of hours wrapping presents. Had some bubbly and we were having a lovely time when I ended up having a big bawl and we were both wondering how the hell it’s Christmas and we don’t have the baby that was meant to arrive in May. Had a big hug and the moment passed but it catches me off guard sometimes.

I love my DSC to bits but since we got together we’ve hoped to have children together and as much as I try as hard as I can to unconditionally love being a stepmum, I’d always imagined being a mum as well as a stepmum and I don’t know if it’s going to happen.

Welcome to our new people. Wish you didn’t have to be here but hope you find some comfort from a place which gets it.

Thanks for the welcome. @bertie I know what you mean about everyone being pregnant - six of my friends are, and two are due within days of what should have been my due date :( It's tough.

We have been offered lots of extra monitoring next time, irregardless of the results, including a detailed cardio scan at 12 weeks which should hopefully pick up any abnormalities but I know, like most of us on here I'm sure, I won't let myself believe everything will be ok even if the scans are fine.

@annielovesgilbert That sounds tough re DSC but it also sounds incredibly human - I think I'd feel the same tbh. I know what you mean about it catching you off guard. We put up the tree today or started, and it suddenly struck me that this was supposed to be the last christmas just the two of us, even though I'd had a reasonably good day, this just took the wind out of my sails a bit.

Had a rough day Friday as well when a midwife appeared on the doorstep - she had me on her list as ten days postnatal and, after introducing herself, said "where's baby then?" - was left to me to explain what had happened and that actually, there wasn't one. She was mortified and it didn't do much for me either.

Sorry to be a downer, I am actually managing to be relatively positive at the moment, just trying to get my head in gear for TTC in Jan providing we have our results then.

Good luck for everyone hoping for a BFP in the next couple of weeks - I had no idea pregnancy was this hard before we started.

God that's awful about the midwife turning up like that - I bet she was mortified and how rubbish for you. I hope she gives them hell back at the hospital for that. It doesn't take much to be sensitive and I bet she would have been had she known - was it for a check up for you?

One of my friends was pregnant and due around the same time as my first MC would have been, she even had twins. They will be a year old this Christmas. I am okay about dates though, we have lost so early that I had never really progressed to feeling as though we were expecting a baby. I just felt as though I was pregnant and then not any more. But I did find it a bit difficult during the progression of her pregnancy, it became easier afterwards and I don't somehow look at her boys and think "That could have been me", it's just like we never got that far. But I know it must be very different when you've been further along.

Hi to all the new people, so sorry to hear such sad stories and Anne that sounds really hard. Well done for
Keeping your cool with her.

I definitely know what you mean about stuff catching you off guard. Had a wedding yesterday, that I was not looking forward to anyway and was fine with the old chestnut 'well at least you have your other daughter' managing to think she just doesn't know that isn't a helpful thing to say. But then something completely unrelated that someone said and I was a drivelling crying mess outside for ten mins.
2 of my best friends are also pregnant and I feel totally ok about that at the minute, but would expect not too. It's bizarre isn't it.

Ffs. Just got yellow tinged cm, this is it, this is all over, again, isn’t it? I can’t hrlp but think I’m about to start bleeding.