TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Good luck with the checks Bertie. Fx for you.

Had a big rise yesterday and not sure about today. Temp is .01 lower today but still basically the same. Hoping for x hairs tomorrow.

So think ov was the day before yesterday.

Feeling a bit crap today, weird cramps, dizziness and nausea. Don't think I'm ill but definitely off colour. Working from home which is cosier than the office.

Okay, not a massive rise! But it's up. And ov symptoms have all gone. Shame today's wasn't higher.

I want to echo what the others say fox. Please stay as long as you feel you need to.

Bertie, sorry AF showed up but I'm glad you had a good weekend with some booze and ciggies. Fingers crossed for the flat.

Lisa, I hope you're doing ok.

We're on the train back to Malaga to catch our flight. Hoping for a smoother journey home. Think I need to be good and cut back on the booze consumption now we're TTC again. Well, at least until Christmas anyway!

Sorry, after that heroic attempt at personals I then dropped back into lurking - I'm currently CD8 and have already mentally written off anything happening any time soon, let alone a 'cycle', because ...

I'm just being a wimp! Scared I won't ovulate and scared I won't get pregnant but also scared that I will get pregnant and then scared I'll lose it ... and ... trying not to wish time away. Acutely aware of how lucky I am to have children and guilty that I'm distracted from enjoying them. Aware that most people would just say stop trying and make the most of what you've got.

Not great company! A bad buddy when you are all going through your own stuff. I'm here and rooting for you though.

Crosshairs for you today, anne?

I hope you're doing ok today, fox.

I'm sorry you're feeling so scared, schnitzel. I totally know that feeling - scared to be pregnant and scared to not be pregnant. I know it's easier said than done but try and forget about what 'most people' would (you think) say - I'm sure multiple losses is awful whether or not you've had children, and no one apart from you and your partner gets to decide that your family is complete and so you should stop trying.

Yes Lisa! Sweet of you to remember. Lovely high rise today. Boom! As my last cycle was shorter than usual I'm now due af over NYE if I don't catch before then But one week at a time!

Schnitzel, I can only agree with Lisa, your feelings, all of them, are understandable and make sense. Please know we're here for you too Who cares what anyone else thinks, if and when you're ready to try again that's what you do. If it's this cycle, go for it and just play things by ear, if you need some time, wait till you both feel ready. It's a bloody rollercoaster, having children already doesn't mean it's not. Keep chatting if it helps.

Sorry ladies, have come for a mopey whinge!

All positivity has gone out of the window already and I haven't even got to the TWW! Just keep feeling that there is no point trying as it probably won't work anyway but then if we don't try it definitely won't work! A self-preservation thing really.

I went to my best friend's who has a 3 month old for dinner last night. Two other friends who are both TTC were there too. I'm not sure why but I just felt a bit disconnected from everyone. I was on call for work and had to leave to see a patient. I could have gone back but just went home instead.

I think it must be this looming due date. The testing on the pregnancy showed it would have been a boy. Last night I dreamt I had a baby boy. Then I dreamt I was caught up in a war with a load of people from my running club. We were trying to get across a field whilst a plane flew over dropping bombs.

Anyway, must pull myself together. My sister is arriving with my 2 nieces in half an hour.

We got the flat!! :)

Keepon, sorry you're feeling down. That does sound tough.

Have decided to temp this cycle, if I remember.

Oh that's great news, bertie - congrats! When will you move?

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low, keepon. This whole thing is an awful rollercoaster and I think it's totally normal to find that you feel positive one day and despondent the next. It's so shit because there's nothing to do but keep trying, but trying is so hard and takes so much. I also think it's normal to feel disconnected from others at time.

When is your due date? Do you think it might help to have a plan to mark it, even if just in a very small and private way?

Can I join this thread I'm new to all this. Just waiting on my D and C after 5 years of trying, assisted and natural. Had a chemical after one of the IVFs but never been through this. This pregnancy was spontaneous and heartbeat was strong at seven weeks. My 5 year old came hone with slapped cheek, the following week the heartbeat was gone. I have been reading through all your posts and I am humbled by what you are all going through. Thanks for sharing

Can I join this thread I'm new to all this. Just waiting on my D and C after 5 years of trying, assisted and natural. Had a chemical after one of the IVFs but never been through this. This pregnancy was spontaneous and heartbeat was strong at seven weeks. My 5 year old came hone with slapped cheek, the following week the heartbeat was gone. I have been reading through all your posts and I am humbled by what you are all going through. Thanks for sharing

Not until February which is good as gives us time to plan and make arrangements for this place.

Really happy for you Bertie.

Keepon, big hugs love x

Great news on the flat Bertie!

Thanks for the kind words ladies. Lisa, no specific plan to mark it yet. Next weekend I'm going to Exeter to visit an old uni friend to meet her baby which was born in March. She's very kind and sensitive so I think it will be ok. Get back at lunchtime on the Sunday so I'll probably just allow myself a little cry and then go for a long run to clear my head. I've told a couple of close friends about it and am going to meet one of them in the afternoon.

Welcome Gill. Sorry to hear about everything you've been through.

I'm really sorry for your losses, Gill, and I hope you find this a comforting place to talk.

A long run, a cry and a peaceful day with friends sounds like a good plan, keepon. I think I feel glad that the only due date of the three I remember (because it fell on a day that was otherwise memorable for me) has now passed, so although I know there would be one in December and one in February I don't have days to mark. But I was so much earlier in the pregnancy, of course: although I sometimes think 'I'd be seven months now' or 'I'd have a newborn' I never got to a point where I really thought that would happen because I either lost them so fast or knew it was doomed for a while beforehand.

How's everyone?

Had an update in my ov date in FF, now says it was Thursday and I was feeling awful end of last week so we didn't dtd Wednesday or Thursday. Bit pissed off tbh. Assuming it's not happening so going to relax for the rest of the cycle, book flights for my sister's wedding next year, and try and keep busy.

I was really worried about my due date keepon, I worked from home as was expecting a bit of a bawl at some point. Because I'd been thinking about it in the run up I was actually completely fine on the day, DH and I both mentioned it briefly but it felt like any other day, which really surprised me as I'm always one for marking things.

If anything, once it had passed, I found myself no longer keeping track of where I'd have been with the pregnancy. It's coming back with a vengeance now as I never imagined we'd get to xmas 2017 and not have a baby by now. What the fuck is going on? But I haven't had a baby before, only a handful of pregnancies, so I stopped keeping track in my head as I don't know what the baby bit is like. Not sure if that makes sense.

I'm not doing so well - scan tomorrow morning, but symptoms have completely faded and I suspect it's going to be a complete re-run of last time, where a scan at the same point found just an empty and very undeveloped sac. Have been trying to be positive, but I feel like I've run out of emotional steam - I've been like a tightly coiled little anxious spring for three weeks now and I'm just so exhausted. Sorry for the moan.

Oh lisa, it is so difficult being where you are right now. Please don't feel you have to apologise. I so hope it is good news tomorrow.

Anne that's annoying that your ov date has been changed. Hopefully there were some swimmers waiting around from previous times. Booking flights for your sister's wedding sounds exciting!

I've never remembered specific due dates either. More just an awareness of roughly when and it was the beginning of December for this last one. I've not done anything specific to mark previous ones either. I tend to just acknowledge it in my mind and let myself feel sad, rather than the head down, crack on with life attitude I usually go with. Have felt better for being distracted at work today.

Thank you both. I’m really writing it off, which is so disappointing as we were on such a good run dtd through fertile week then got whatever it was and felt so shit I didn’t even think about it!

Wedding is in Italy! It’s gping to be the wedding of the century, epically fancy and being a bridesmaid for my little sister is a dream come true.

lisa

Thinking of you and with you in spirit tomorrow. What time is the scan? So desperately hope all is well and you and DH have a tiny sticky strong bean growing in there. Sending all possible good thoughts.

Glad you’re doing better keepon, keep chatting.

How’s your head foxtrot? Does it feel anymore real?

So glad I’ve got you lot. Thank you.

Thanks all - to my absolute astonishment there's a little bean with a heartbeat. Still such a long way to go, but feel like we're one stage closer than we've ever been before.