TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Thanks Miami. I've just rung Coventry and they booked me in a phone consultation on Tuesday. I'm a bit worried they'll just tell me off as, of course, this wouldn't have happened if I'd just tested on 14dpo as they told me to do! But I just feel more convinced than ever that there's actually not much point messing about with my hormones and womb lining (both of which have never been shown to be anything other than normal) - I think I make dud eggs. Four conceptions in thirteen cycles with not one getting anywhere at all (which I am grateful for - much better than later, I know, and I don't think this one is a loss at all, just a particularly shit kind of cycle-where-I-didn't-get-pregnant).

Lisa, I can't believe it? But nearly nothing there isn't negative and your lines were nice and strong. I'm shocked. Well done for contacting Coventry, have they told you to come off the prog? They won't tell you off for testing early, they should completely understand. You definitely need the positive to be recorded, it was so clear.

God, I'm so sorry, what a rollercoaster for you. Sending hugs

Sounds good Bertie, please be careful around traffic! Lots of people report vivider than normal dreams as a symptom.

Thanks Fox. I used it to get a prescription the other day and they were shocked when I offered to show them the card as they were just taking my word I don't have to pay! Anymore symptoms for you?

Mog, how've you got on with booking appointment and scan plans? Are you feeling well?

Thanks Anne - I was also a bit shocked at how quickly it went. I did an internet cheapie, too, so it wasn't just that test. And that is weird, because I did an internet cheapie when I got in from work last night and it was clearly present then. Mine have all featured fading lines apart from the last MC, but they've never gone so fast before. When I spoke to Coventry just now the woman on the phone (who wasn't a doctor, but clearly has been given a lot of information about 'common questions') said I should stop with the progesterone now if the test is negative - I know it's not quite but I feel there's no hope now so I just want AF to come and to get onto a new cycle. I guess the one good thing about early testing is that I know exactly what that maybe-in-the-right-light-a-line means, whereas I guess if this was the first test I'd taken I'd be obsessing over it now.

I actually wonder whether Coventry will say this is the prog+endometrial scratch doing its job and making my lining 'choosier', and that's why it kicked it out so fast. They might want to keep me on it longer now - you're only supposed to do three cycles on it but that's because it stops some women ovulating properly, and clearly it doesn't me. Anyway, will have to see what they say on Tuesday.

DH desperately wants to get some testing on him, but, as we discussed the other day, I don't know what could usefully be done there? He wants us both genetically tested, but I don't think that's something we can just do even if we pay for it, is it? Anyway, this is probably an overreaction to not much happening!

Sorry for mega post! Thanks so much to you all for listening to me making a mountain out of a molehill over this over last few days - I really appreciate having this space to chat. I'm also sort of glad I posted the picture of the test as it's the only thing that makes me feel like I definitely didn't just have a brief delusion!

Your head must be reeling, give yourself some time to process it all today Lisa.

What did the woman say about any or all of it? Are you coming off the aspirin? It can make your period a but heavier so I'd come off it before you think you'll come on. Not dangerous in any way but it probably won't be doing anything at this point so I'd stop for now and keep it for next time x

It's definitely good you're still ovulating. Bless you for seeing the positive in having had a line. It's so hard, it's okay to lose your shit a bit about how fucking confusing and exhausting the ups and downs are. It wasn't an overreaction. We all saw the line. And it's not a molehill. You had a BFP and it's shocking it's going now. It probably feels like ages till Tuesday but write down any questions you have as they occur to you and I hope the call is helpful.

See what they suggest about testing for DH. It's really good he's so on board and up for doing what he can. I feel for you both.

Yes, you can have a private karyotype done for but £400 I believe. That should show up any genetic issues.

I thought that too about the dreams and it's been a symptom of mine before. Mustn't get carried away, though! It's still a week until I can really test.

For about. I didn't mean to suggest 400, especially x2, is small change!

No it's definitely not small change, but it is more possible than I thought it would be. But then I suppose the question is what would we do with the information in the very unlikely event it did show something? Similarly, both DH and I feel like we wish we could know whether I am just producing crap eggs with no chance of making embryos that make it past a couple of weeks. Obviously there isn't actually a test for that anyway, but I have thought about having my ovarian reserve tested. But again, if it comes back low: then what? The advice is still the same - keep trying and hope you happen to get a good egg, and I guess it would just make us feel more hopeless and down about it all.

I was very pleased with myself for not getting upset and being all 'just one of those things'. Then DH texted to say he nearly cried in front of year 10 (he's a teacher, not a random weirdo who gets emotional around teenagers) and, of course, that set me off!

Oh and thanks for the aspirin tip Anne - I didn't take the aspirin this morning anyway, but will make sure I stop so it doesn't make AF worse. I was thinking that next cycle I might start taking aspirin at the same time as the progesterone (7dpo) just anyway (and then I won't have any excuse at all for early testing!) - do you think that's a bad idea for that reason?

Oh love Big hugs to you and brave DH, what a shitter of a day. Is there anything you like to drink to take the edge off tonight? It might not feel quite right but if it does then drown your sorrows. That's friendly, not medical, advice!

Yep, don't take it for now but starting again with the progesterone is a good idea. Usual advice about having it with food etc but loads of people are on it all the time with no ill affects so if you use it responsibly (which I think really only means make sure your stomach is lined) you're all good. Stopping it now will probably mean no change in your period, and it doesn't seem to change mine now, but for a couple of cycles when it was torrential I put two and two together and made four, and it could have been just post mc weirdness so I was actually making five, but I'll never know. I stop taking it as soon as I come on as it's not doing anything at that point in my cycle.

This period has been heavier than the last one, but it's still the same i.e. completely different to normal and I can only put that down to the acupuncture. Blood is a different texture and colour and it's heavier than before at night but not as much during the day. Just interesting to note the change. It sounds a bit daft, but the blood almost looks healthier. almost no clots and the very few I'd had have been tiny, and the bright red or cranberry colour miami described.

Lessened off today and no pain thankfully now. So back on it again soon....

Can't remember if I said the GP suggested taking a couple of months off and using contraception. Seems utterly insane tbh and I asked DH if he needed a break for his head to decompress but he looked at me like I was mad and said how could we know my cycle well now and not crack on when we roughly know when I'd be ovulating. I don't want to call again in January for tests only to be told it hasn't been a full 12 months as we've not even actively trying for two months and to come back later either!

Apart from wanting to punch in the face anyone who peddles that relax and it'll happen bullshit, when you know your cycle how the hell do you pretend you don't? I could stop temping but I'd still know from my normal symptoms, and I don't want to stop as it's the one thing that gives me any sense of control/insight.

I get she wants my mental health to be good as well as my physical, but I wonder if I sounded a bit nutty on the call for her to suggest i "step back".

Well if it shows unusual results you can then be referred for genetic counselling, I think on the NHS? They can then advise from there. Sometimes nothing can be done. Sometimes using donor sperm or donor eggs is the best option. Sometimes they can do some IVF magic and fix things. Mostly as I understand it they do PGD or PGS which is pre genetic screening/diagnosis (not sure what the difference is) - they do IVF but then take a certain number of embryos and test/screen them all to see which are healthy, and only put the healthy ones back in.

The most valuable thing to come from it is you should be able to get some odds on what your chances are of conceiving to term naturally. You can then use this information to make the decision whether you want to keep trying or stop.

Re relax and it will happen - actually it has relaxed me somewhat not temping any more. I still know when I need to DTD but I don't seem to fixate so much on the 2WW. I thought that it was helping me feel in control too but I just don't really need it. Maybe try for one cycle and see if it helps or makes you feel worse?

Lisa - sorry to hear what has happened. It's so hard getting that glimpse of hope, even if only for a couple of days, then it disappearing.

Thanks mog. Feeling ok today - DH and I drew up a list of questions we wanted to ask Coventry on Tuesday. It's probably a completely cheeky use of their time - I only paid them to do one specific test! - but they're the only helpful and sympathetic medical care we have. My GP is a nice person, but knows nothing about miscarriage (she told me that it was impossible to have miscarried and to still have a positive pregnancy test...). I really do wonder whether I have an over-friendly uterus that lets all the no-hopers implant briefly - if so, I think the only solution, shit as it is, is to keep going and hope we get a good one one day.

Anyway, how is everyone else doing?! Feel like I've really dominated things in last couple of days, sorry. Any nice weekend plans?

Well done on your list lisa and glad you're both doing okay today. Talk it out, you know we're here for you! Sorry your GP is a muppet. How some medical professionals stay so clueless is surely a mystery.

Same old this weekend here. The laundry seems to be breeding and cleaning the house is like painting the Forth bridge. I'm hiding out with a new book leaving DH and DSC to wreak havok downstairs.

I had a tiny strop earlier. My friend who's always been lovely but turned into smug mcsmuggerson when she was unexpectedly pregnant and said some breathtaking stupid and insensitive things about how unconvenient it all was for her even though she knew Id had my mmc a couple of months before sent a round robin thank you card for gifts. Double sided with photos of the baby and a generic thanks for your warm wishes for our precious boy blah blah message.

I opened it, said oh fuck off, and threw in the bin No one saw thankfully.

Af has gone which is good and I think I've lost a bit of weight. Which is something.

I think that's totally ok, Anne - didn't do anyone any harm and it sounds like she was a nightmare!

So, at this point I know I basically seem like a lunatic/a mad attention seeker... but I did another test at lunchtime today - I don't really know why, but told myself that I'd see if it was completely negative so that I could expect AF at normal time if it was - and this happened. I am so, so confused - both the FRER and the internet cheapie were all but negative yesterday, so it wasn't a dud test, and it was pretty concentrated FMU. I have no idea what it means but I took the progesterone and aspirin again and I rang the EPU to ask about blood tests - they said they'd happily do it but my GP has to refer me so I'll call them on Monday, I guess. Unless phantom positive goes again by then! Still completely confused and unsure of what this means - and as I said, I now really do feel like I've gone mad. This has been the strangest few days! Am glad I only had one beer in the end last night - original plan was to go to pub and get pissed but we decided it was too cold so stayed home and ate pizza!

(Sorry, I now feel like I shouldn't have posted the tests - I know it might not be a nice thing to see while TTC-ing)

Lisa
Ok just take it easy for the rest of the weekend and get straight onto gp for bloods referral on Monday. I have everything crossed for you.
Don’t apologise it’s great.
Anne
One of DH friends did this, sent us a thank you from their daughter Anna with two pictures of a chubby baby on! Ffs - like we just had the funeral for our daughter 4 wks ago. Just a generic card would have been fine (or no card at all). People are stupid.

Holy fuck lisa! What a gorgeous line! I agree, stop boozing for now, try to keep distracted till Monday aha get thee to the hospital for bloods. If you get there early you should get the result the same day. Then get back two days later.

Have you carried on temping lisa? Any insight there?

How's everyone today?

There's no point temping while taking progesterone (because it's progesterone that makes your temp go up post ovulation, so it's always sky high no matter what if you take artificial progesterone). Too scared to do any more tests so will just wait for the blood tests, I think - would rather bury my head in the sand that see the bad news coming, I think.

Ah, that makes sense, sorry. Not long now, we're half way through Sunday. Do you have a time to go in?

No - I have an appointment for my GP to ring me at 8.15 on Monday, and then they have to ring the EPU and refer me. I'm hoping they'll say that I can come in Tuesday - for them it's just writing a form and sending me off to phlebotomy - but we'll see. It might take a couple of days.

How are you doing?