TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

@Waterfeature I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. No need to make decisions right now. Take it easy on yourself and hope you have people there to mind you in real life. Big hugs.

I'm so sorry waterfeature. Like Miami I hope you have people to look after you, and that you're able to be very kind to yourself right now.

Am being a mad hopeful twat and need someone to talk me down! I've had really swollen boobs for a couple of days, which has only ever happened before when I was pregnant. Took a FRER this morning (10dpo) and clearly negative, though I briefly managed to half convince myself there was a shadow of a line - there clearly isn't! I know it might still be too early, but I also know that means this isn't pregnancy symptoms and is far, far more likely to be the results of the progesterone (though it didn't happen last month) - if I were pregnant enough to be getting symptoms I'd be pregnant enough to get a line on a FRER. I can feel myself getting my hopes up despite all evidence to the contrary, and I felt so deflated when there was no hint of a line this morning. I need to stop getting my hopes up otherwise I'm going to be really upset by another negative in a few days' time - someone talk sense into me!

So sorry to hear that waterfeature, please look after yourself.

Oh Lisa, I think it is impossible to not be a hopeful twat. And we cannot protect ourselves from the disappointment.

I for one am crossing my fingers for a BFP in this group some time soon!

Thank you - I know you're right, it isn't possible to not be hopeful, but I just feel a bit shit and teary (probably another sign of incoming AF!) today. I am just so sick of this and I want it to be over. First due date is Saturday - when I lost that one I was a bit sad, but I never thought that, nine months on, this is still where I'd be.

Thanks for the lovely comments the other day.

Water, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news

I think it's one of those inevitable things Lisa! Don't beat yourself up for feeling hopeful, or emotional.

And I can so sympathise with the boobs, mine are massive, rock hard and absolutely boiling. Which I didn't have anywhere near as badly last cycle but sore boobs are a feature of my usual cycle.

I've never had a BFP at 10DPO, even on a FRER, but you know yourself. I wouldn't give up yet, and I don't blame you for testing when you have strong symptoms.

Keep yourself busy for the next couple of days! Crossing everything for you.

Thanks so much Anne - and you, too! I think testing is actually good for me - although I did feel deflated, I think it's actually better to feel that now than after four days more days of increasingly convincing myself that this is my month. I'll try not to test again until Thursday, but I think it's easier for me if I think of myself as out now.

Water - sorry to hear scan showed bad news.

Lisa - I'm hopeful for you, I've only had almost imaginary lines/shadows when I've been pregnant and stark white when not.

Joining you in reluctant hopeful twattishness lisa.

Epic madly painful boobs. So tired I skipped Pilates. Felt dizzy and sick as a dog. Made myself eat cheese on toast and felt better. My super smell is awful too. And I've had a mega hot flush.

But then this all happened last cycle, I'm sure.

Could it be less bloody helpful how these symptoms have resulted in gorgeous bfps and bright white bfns. Bastard ttc.

Totally off topic, but Lisa I wanted to congratulate you on your response to another poster on a thread on the infertility board! She's always spouting self-righteous crap and telling people to get counselling. Really gets on my wick

Well this looks pretty conclusive

PMT related shatteredness and boob pain after all. No af yet but it's a hell of a drop and I'm a bit crampy again. And two fucking days early.

I'm not sad but I'm pretty pissed off. Why the hell am I not getting pregnant?

Oh anne I'm sorry - but one low temperature doesn't necessarily mean you're out. Understand why you want to be realistic but I'm hoping it goes back up tomorrow. How long have you been trying since the last miscarriage now? Do you have a timeline for when you'll seek further help?

Haha, keeping, I was in a foul mood and she bore the brunt of it! I actually hid the thread so I didn't see her response so I don't know if she was enraged!

What happened Lisa?!

Hmm, you're sweet, we'll see. Loads of creamy cm. When are you testing again?

Last BFP was 1 Feb and lost it a week later at 5 weeks.

Had my Mum on the phone last night asking when I need to ask for help. There isn't anything I can do though is there? I'm healthy, managed to conceive easily in the past, nothing has changed apart from I've battered my insides with miscarriages, I'm temping and know my cycle and we're shagging like rabbits and at the right time of my cycle.

There just seems no reason it's not happening and I don't know what to do.

I'm honestly fine, not sad or freaking out, but it's bloody frustrating.

Oh, someone had a really lovely thread about 'how do I tell my infertile sister I'm pregnant' - the OP was really nice and clearly full of compassion - and an idiot said that it was ridiculous to walk on eggshells and that OP should just be happy for themselves and not bother herself about her sister's feelings and if her sister was upset about other people's pregnancies then she needed counselling. So I said she should fuck off

I agree, it's so frustrating and hard that you're doing everything 'right'. I do think if you get to February without conceiving again (and I hope and believe you will get pregnant before then!) then it might be worth a visit to the GP just to see what kinds of investigation they can do.

Good for you. No need to ever be a dick, especially around something as sensitive as babies and infertility. Glad the OP was nice. Most people are, thankfully, but as we all know, there's also some absolute wankers around.

Yep, I could have a chat with the GP and just see what they say. DH never had any tests as he has his two already and when we started with the RMC we were on a run of quick conceptions so it was all about managing to hold on to the next one, not getting it in there in the first place. I have an "open appointment" with the RMC to go back there when I get the next BFP. I could call and ask for a chat with the doc but I don't have a clue what they could do and they're about trying to save pregnancies, not help create them.

I don't really know what to ask but haven't seen much out there about recurrent miscarriage followed by it taking ages.

I know it can take a while to conceive for healthy people doing all the right things, but it's a kick in the nuts to have had no problems and 3 in such quick conceptions followed now by nothing.

My worries about having another loss are going to be overtaken by worries about never getting bloody pregnant again.

I completely understand why you're feeling so frustrated and upset. Maybe it would be good to speak to the RMC - even just hearing 'this is normal and nothing to worry about' might be reassuring?

DH's were IVF babies, weren't they? Presumably you know that that wasn't connected to him and so he did have some testing at some point?

I have one FRER left and determined not to use until 14dpo! I do also have some internet cheapies, though, so I make no such promise with them...

Boobs feel less sore and swollen today, though, so I suspect it'll be onto a new cycle we go...

Abuse the cheapies! I hate POAS but you said it makes you feel better so I'd go for it if it helps

Sorry about your boobs. Mine are worse in the evening so could be anything. I ease my enormous bra off when I get home and stick a soft but supportive sleeping one on.

They were, yes. He was tested and everything was perfect, but they're 8 now. The issue was on her side.

I asked the doc at the time but he was sure there were no problems with either of us, not entirely sure how tbh, but because I was getting pregnant they weren't worried. He didn't diagnose me with anything and said we'd try his clexane protocol anyway. I'm now worried the drugs I have waiting are going to expire!

Anne, IME it is worth getting tested. It just helps to know and have answers. They wanted us to wait a year since the last pregnancy :( But if you state 2 mc plus the total amount of time/number of cycles trying they might get you in earlier.

Whether there's something they can do or not you'll still have the option to keep trying naturally, so you don't lose anything, but some issues which cause miscarriage do also cause infertility. It makes me a bit cross when they insist that it's one or the other because it can be the same cause for both, or it might even be that you have different things affecting both! Or they might not be able to find anything, but at least you'd know.

It's almost like the infertility bods go - oh well you've been pregnant, so none of this could possibly be the problem. (But why not look anyway?)

And then the RMC lot are just like nah we can't do anything until you get pregnant again.

So you get stuck - but I don't think there's any harm in having things looked at while you're waiting.

I agree that the 'well you can get pregnant so there can't be anything wrong' is infuriating. DH said the other day that if I miscarry again he wants to go and get tested privately, because it really bothers him that no one's checked him at any point. The recurrent miscarriage doctor was adamant that there was no possibility of a male factor issue because 'then you just wouldn't get pregnant' but - as you sadly know, Bertie - this is bollocks.

I mean he's right it is very rare! But genetic issues in the man can cause miscarriage. It is more common for male issues to be the cause of infertility than miscarriage. Sperm testing is useless if you can get pregnant but it's worth having a karyotype done.