TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

That'a shame mog, but hope you get both through quickly.

fox, I get quite strong ov symptoms, ewcm, usually notice it in the morning but also could arrive early evening, basically feels a bit like I've wet myself, it can be copious. And usually the same day but sometimes the day after I get a few twinges and/or a proper stabbing feeling in the right or left ovary side. Tends to alternate each month.

Since temping, I now realise I get that the day before I ovulate, so could be ewcm one day, ewcm/watery the next + a stab + bit bloated, then watery cm but much much less of it and my temp spikes the day after showing I've ovulated.

Everyone's different though, which isn't helpful. Some people get no symptoms at all but I seem to always get symptoms for bloody everything.

What day are you on now, fox? My ov symptoms are frustratingly unreliable - I mostly but don't always get EWCM (and I don't think it means anything because I conceived on one cycle where I didn't get any). Sometimes I continue getting it for a day or two post ovulation. I don't get any ovulation pain. I am always in a vile mood the day of ovulation, but that's hard to identify at the time because it always feels like I have legitimate grounds for being annoyed!

Hope you enjoy the acupuncture, Anne - it sounds like a positive start to the weekend. No, it doesn't leak if you use the back passage, but obviously it's not the nicest thing to do!

Glad that helps. Who knew feeling like you'd wet yourself was a good thing!

I tend to ovulate around cd13 but it was 17 recently. After my first mc last year I got clear ovulation symptoms 10 days after it started, so sort of cd10, the mc was early, and I got pregnant which was then my mmc which we found out about a year ago tomorrow. So it does change. No one seems to know why. Knowing about the luteal phase was so useful. You can't have a late af unless you're pregnant but you can ovulate late which makes your cycle longer.

I've been a bit thoughtful about how we'll both feel tomorrow but we'll have the kids here, friends over, fireworks to go to, which I missed last year, and we'll be manic. I'm generally feeling pretty positive at the moment, energy levels are good, I feel strong and healthy. A year ago I'd never imagined we wouldn't be parents together by now. But we'll get our baby. Not sure when but it'll happen.

Hope everyone's okay.

I'm going in a couple of weeks.

Lisa that's great! Glad you got your drugs even if a bit late!

It defo helps to have milestones to look forward to with pregnancy-inconvenient stuff.

DH had a baby bomb today. I think it is getting to him. I did struggle to really react with much sympathy though because for him this is what - the second baby bomb in 18 months of trying?? I've had now many? I don't even want to count! It serves me right for going to brunches full of women of childbearing age, I suppose It was a nice brunch this morning though. DS came too and I cuddled two babies meaning their mums could eat/pee/drink coffee and everyone remarked that they looked very comfortable on my lap. I even let one of them chew me for a bit hoping that some of the baby dust might rub off

Facebook is trolling me big time by not only sending me loads of ads about baby and pregnancy stuff but also loads of stuff about twins.

Hmm I do use a lot of emotes.

I get so much cervical mucous, always have - I have been known to shove my cup in at other times of the month because it drives me bonkers having to wear pantyliners all the time or put up with wet knickers. But I don't get any other signs of ovulation at all, I've never identified a cramp or a stabbing pain or anything like that. The only way I've been able to confirm ovulation is temping. And having done that I've noticed that I produce a combination of EWCM and watery stuff for anything up to 10 days before O and then as soon as I've ovulated that stops and I get creamy discharge on and off until I start spotting about 5 days before AF.

Why twins bertie?!

Hoping the baby dust works for you. And sorry your DH found it hard but I get what you mean. Well done for being okay with it.

Work is where I get bombed. Though the last one went on mat leave recently. Then two work babies were born on the same day but at least it meant the fuss was over quickly!

Not mc related but does anyone know anyone who's had their first at or over 45? A colleague friend started ttc after her wedding this year and is getting very down about their chances. I don't know what to say to her to help. I don't know if she'd use a forum? Her DH has older DC.

Dunno but I would love twins Maybe facebook knows something I don't!

Sadly everything I've read says after 45 most women's chances are extremely low. :( In fact they say that the common figure of 35 is misleading because the drop off at 35 is actually very small/slow - and many people who have fertility issues after this age assume it's age related but they would have had issues at any time, but that by 45 only about 3-4% of women can get pregnant.

I've heard there is a test she could take to have her egg reserves checked but then I also read it isn't very reliable so no idea if it would be helpful to her or not. I think it's called AMH, they do it before IVF.

Thank you fox xx

I would too bertie My twin DSC are something of a handful but it's quite convenient having two the same age and an efficient way of getting more babies per pregnancy! They were from ivf so as far as I know we're not naturally predisposed. But you never know.

Wishing you a super strong bfp very soon and at least a couple of babies

She wouldn't qualify for ivf though I don't know about privately. She'd be such a wonderful mum. I hope for a miracle for them.

My main concern, which I realise is shallow, is I want two more DC less than 4 years apart. Preferably less than 3. Twins would take the worry out of that nicely... plus I've always loved the idea of them. I do know that it's not easy though, nor is it a stress free pregnancy, higher chance of premature birth, likely c-section, etc etc... it's definitely not all rosy. In reality two pregnancies would be better, I know.

The time taken to conceive this one isn't concerning me overly, it's if it takes as long again. We've already decided we won't use any contraception after this one is born. Though I plan to breastfeed so may not be fertile for a while anyway. Considering doing a bit of a mix, actually, for fertility reasons - just need to maximise all chances really. But I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself!

Oh yes I know your friend wouldn't qualify for NHS IVF, I think you have to be under 42. But the AMH test can be done regardless. She should ask about it.

I am terrified of twins - of course, I would so much rather have twins than no baby, but it would really upset all our plans - one of us would have to give up work because neither of us earns more than two lots of full-time childcare.

I always assumed we'd have more than one, but I now think it depends how much more we have to go through to get one. I'm full of admiration for mums going through this - when I've been at my lowest with this I've struggled to properly look after myself; I can't imagine also caring for a small child.

Thank you bertie, if she brings it up again I'll mention it.

We've got closer over this year but she massively annoyed me when she said, in the middle of the office in front of a couple of people last year when I was about 8 weeks "oh you're pregnant!" I went bright red and stammered yes but only a little bit! After that people knew waaaaay before I'd have chosen to say anything. A couple of weeks after I'd got back to work she asked me, at the printer, if we were trying again. I could have lamped her. Who does that?!

But she then said later, far more discretely, they were ttc and looking back, she's been finding pregnancies and babies so hard to be around she's just a bit clumsy about it.

Acupuncture was really good! I'm shattered now. And really crampy, which was going on when I woke up.

That sounds awful for you, Anne, but I sort of understand why it might make her clumsy. When people tell me they're pregnant I always have this huge urge to ask how easily it happened - how long TTC? Any MCs on the way? - obviously I never do as it would be massively inappropriate, but I guess I always want to know if I'm alone or not.

I'm not caring for a small child, he's nine and enormous And pretty much looks after himself except for giving me palpitations in the supermarket because I think he's about to smash the trolley into a shelf full of glass bottles

Oh god, in an ideal world I'd earn loads of money and DH would be a stay at home dad, I can't see that happening while we're in Germany though sad to say. Maybe if we move to an English speaking country and I do a proper teaching qualification. Not that we'd be loaded but I could earn as much as DH is earning now plus a bit more.

You get four weeks extra here for twins or premature births. And there's a sibling bonus if you have two close together which I assume also applies to twins, so a bit extra pay.

I've had my bawl. Felt really good and positive all day but it hit me when we were watching the fireworks, standing in the dark with a hugely pregnant woman standing behind me holding onto a pram with another little baby in. My baby should have been here in May and with us tonight. Safe in my arms. It's been a year and all I have to show for it is yet another lost baby from the February mc. DH gave me a big hug then I legged it and had a proper howl in the tiny child sized loos of the local primary.

Feel okay now, just had to come out I suppose. Tomorrow is another day and all that.

@AnneLovesGilbert
Hugs to you. Some days are just shit. Well done for getting through it. And better to cry it out then trying to keep it all in.
Twins = even more anxiety, but at least it would get it all done in one go. I don’t think I could handle having another reason to be high risk on top of my existing ones though. I have always randomly thought I would have twins, was slightly surprised that my pregnancy with Eilidh wasn’t twins. But all that is very far away for me at the moment. I am waiting for my first AF to land, it is six weeks since the birth on Thursday. I need to write my list of questions for my gp on Thursday also. One of which is going to be what support they can offer me - I certainly don’t want to ever have to deal with my very unsympathetic midwife ever again.
I found out that my grandmother had 2 maybe 3 stillbirths. She had rhesus issues in rural Ireland in the 50’s, she eventually found a gynaecologist who worked out what to do to help her have living children and she had three daughters in the space of 2 years and 8 months. So for the next few months I will be channeling my nana’s spirit and finding my own miracle team to help me sort this shit out.

Oh Anne sorry to hear that happened whilst you were out at the fireworks. I echo what Miami and foxtrot said, sometimes you have to just let it out.

Miami I do hope the GP appointment is helpful. Will you also have an appointment with the Consultant at some point to?

Well I got away with an indirect baby bomb in the end so that was ok. DH was told by his friend after I went to bed on Thursday evening and then had a text after they'd been for the scan. The wedding we were at on Friday was one of my school friends so we saw some of my oldest and dearest friends who listened to me have a bit of a mope which was very helpful. Only one of them has kids, one of whom is my adorable goddaughter, and the others aren't even close so fortunately it wasn't one of those situations where it is all baby chat.

Sometimes it feels like there are so many what ifs and no-one can answer any of them for us. My life plan got thrown out of the window a long time ago. I'm trying to spend less time ruminating on/worrying about the future and generally I think I have got better at it with time.

Popping in to update everyone. I had a bad scan this morning — no HB and tiny embryo. Bright red bleeding now. 3rd MC in a row now, and at the grand old age of 45 I think I need to do a reality check. I wish all of you the very best of luck and will pop in from time to time in the hopes of good news.