TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

That's so well put lisa. Exactly that.

I'm all good thank you! Not sure what it was but got a normal temp this morning and head had stopped baking.

How are you doing?

I hope you have a peaceful day miami, happy anniversary

Thanks for the lovely messages.
I have just had a foot massage at the hotel and started crying in the middle of it - I think it was just a release of tension thing. We are going to head for a nice walk around the town and then for a nice dinner later.
We head off to see my parents, sister and nieces and nephews tomorrow which will be overwhelming but probably in a nice way - if that makes sense.

Happy anniversary Miami. I hope you and your DH have found solace in each other today. Thank you for the reminder that every month there is a chance. I will do my best to remind myself of that when we return to trying in a few weeks time.

Lisa and Anne, your talk of temping bamboozles me!

I finally managed to get my scan date sorted for a week on Thursday so that's something. And got back on the folic acid at the weekend. Dare I say I'm feeling excited about trying again, almost like I did wheb we first started 3 years ago. Long may it last!

Hope you had a lovely walk and dinner, miami.

Glad you're feeling positive too, keepon - and glad they've finally got your scan sorted.

Forgot to temp yesterday so just got my crosshairs confirmed today - 4dpo. While I remain unconvinced re my progesterone routine, it does somehow help to break up the 2ww; I start taking it again on Friday.

Glad there were some lovely things in your day miami. Crying can be healing, no matter how inconvenient the times is can happen! Better out than in.

lisa, we're a day apart! Stick with the new regime, you never know.

How are you bertie?

Hope scan is positive keepon

I used the magical oil my mum's friend sent me! Keep you posted

Fingers crossed that the magic oil does the trick!

I've convinced myself this cycle is a no-hoper, but obviously rationally it's far too early to know either way!

By the way, do you remember I complained/ 'gave feedback' to the hospital a while ago about my follow-up appointment? I got a really lovely phone call the other day; they were really kind, said they'd pass on my comments about appropriate language and that they'd look into having more written information (which they desperately need, as the verbal information I was given was so inadequate - for instance, this phone call revealed that I was supposed to be told to take aspirin from bfp, which no one ever mentioned!). She talked me through the most confusing bit of the appointment, the bit where she talked about collecting any pregnancy tissue if I have another miscarriage, in depth and while it wasn't a very nice conversation to have it was really good to finally understand what I'm actually supposed to do if that happens. It happened to be a day I was in my office, though (I work either at home or off-site more than half the time) and the walls are horribly thin, so I was trying to have this whole conversation without ever saying anything that made it obvious what I was talking about!

I'm alright thank you! Still on antibiotics for my UTI :( Need to go back to the doctor tomorrow and follow up.

I'm getting excited about my trip to Scotland. Will def need to test ON that day which means BFP or party. I really like it when timing matches up like that.

That's so good you had a positive follow up Lisa, well done for having given the feedback, it's so so important they treat people well and with patience, compassion and the information they need. You'll already have improved the experience of the women who will sadly have to go through the same thing and that's so valuable.

I'm taking the coated aspirin you can get in any chemist or supermarket, I think Tesco was the cheapest but everyone's got it.

It's awful thinking about that process if it's necessary but really helpful to be clear. They tested mine which they removed during the MVA and the whole thing was so gentle and all the paperwork and explanations were easy to get to grips with - essential given the emotional state I was in. There was info on what they do with it afterwards which made me feel really respected and cared for. A small thing but it helped with the 3 in the morning freak outs about some of it. I imagine these things have come on loads over the last few years already and there should be one expectation that you, your partner and your baby/pregnancy/loss will be treated with kindness and consideration.

If I'd passed it at home the same stuff would have applied and they advised how to get and keep it, what would be tested, how it would be despised of after - in our Trust they're cremated with a service from a non-denominational vicar.

Anyway, hopefully it won't ever come to that and your next pregnancy will be as boring as possible with a chubby gorgeous baby at the end of it .

That's exciting Bertie! What's the trip for? Sorry about your UTI, that sucks. More ABs? Hope you're better soon!

We've booked our NYE trip and are very excited. It has no phone signal, no wifi and no shower - but it does have a 4 poster bed and a massive copper bath in the bedroom! Planning to stock up on cheese, bread, wine and books. Can't wait! We're hosting my lot for xmas so we'll need some silence and space afterwards

My cousin's 30th birthday :) She's rented out a big country house up in the sticks on a Scottish island somewhere and we're all going to meet up there. I only know her, my sister, her boyfriend (vaguely) and possibly I've met a couple of her friends before, but I think it should be a lot of fun.

I'm quite hopeful we might even get to see the Northern Lights which would be amazing! I've wanted to see them ever since I've known that they were a thing.

That sounds great, Bertie - when are you going?

Thanks, Anne - hopefully it will help to improve things in the future. More selfishly, it also made me feel better because I didn't feel so dismissed and fobbed off.

So glad you heard back after your feedback Lisa. I do hope it'll mean things are done differently in the future.

My last 2 pregnancies were sent off for testing. I felt the hospital were very sensitive about it and I was given several options for what I wanted to happen with it after the testing. Both times I chose cremation with a service. I went to the service the first time and found it very helpful. Also both times I opted for medical management in the hospital as I felt that would be easiest for me for the collection side of things.

Weekends away sound great! Anne I'm loving the sound of your NYE plans. I'm always happy to get away from phone signal as I'm not always that good at exercising self control when it comes to staying away from my phone.

Anne, possibly a stupid question, but what did you do with the magic oil? Dab it on oneself? Bathe in it? Drink it?!

I went to some interesting training about PTSD this afternoon. The psychologist talked about the concept of a compassionate image. Basically you think of someone who you find to be very kind, caring amd compassionate. They can be anyone you like, somone you know/famous/fictional. Then in the times when you are finding it hard to be kind to yourself you picture them and what they would say to you. I thought it was an interesting idea and something some of you ladies may be interested in.

That's such a beautiful idea keepon. DH said something mean about himself the other day, something silly about his looks (he's drop dead gorgeous and gives me butterflies) and I said "oi, no one speaks about my husband like that, not even you!" He looked shocked but happy and it's the same sort of thing maybe? What would someone who's kind and/or adores you say. Am I barking up the wrong tree?

Not stupid at all, we were flying blind! It was cotton wool soaked in the oil which smelled like very strong olive oil, not spicy or anything. We dtd and it suddenly seemed like a good idea so DH wiped the oily cotton wool on my tummy, we lay with our hands on my tummy for a while, thought positive thoughts about fertility and our baby to come, then got up and dressed! Haven't used the water yet. It's got Mary and Jesus on the bottle... might pour it over my feet or something.

I know what you mean and I'm slightly dubious about no phone! I'll be thinking of you all! But it'll be brilliant. Log fire, healthy country walks, lots of sleeping and lying around.

How are you doing? Have you got things to look forward to? I find it's helps the most.

Hope everyone's doing ok. Have been wondering about mogscratch, if you're still reading?

Going to go see another baby this evening. Bit more nervous about this one - I'm not 100% on my friend's girlfriend, and I suspect she may be rather less sensitive than my brother and SIL, given that she once spent 20 minutes telling me how annoying it was to be pregnant when she knew I'd just had a second miscarriage! She's just generally pretty smug, and I can't imagine motherhood will improve this... I want to be there for my friend, though, and if it is truly dreadful it should be quite easy to escape quite quickly.

Good luck with the visit Lisa. Maybe set a time limit on when you arrive if you're not sure how it'll go. Say someone's popping in or you have to get to the shops for something? Then you can always change your mind if it's a nice visit and the gf behaves!

She sounds like a bit of a knob from what you've said before but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and this is her chance to NOT be an insensitive twat and to be nice, and if she reverts to twattishness then just go.

I'm 7 DPO so you must be back on the prog tomorrow?

We've had a bit of a situation with DH's ex which I won't go into but we've been super busy with stuff with the kids which is keeping me distracted! So excited about a boozy-blue-cheesy-christmas I'll feel fine if this isn't the month. And it's my sister's wedding abroad next summer which I'm bridesmaiding so if it's another couple of months till BFP it'll make the wedding a bit easier.

I'm kidding myself. I'd LOVE to pregnant this very minute. But most of the time it's working

Lisa - thank you for asking. I'm still reading when I can, but I have been so tired most days have been work, eat and early to sleep. Still no symptoms, pregnancy (other than tiredness) or miscarriage, so hoping things still OK. I told some friends who know about miscarriages and think they were bit awkward about my lack of enthusiasm! Realised this week that I had put off midwife after pointless appointments before, but now I'm 10 weeks I really need to sort it. Hopefully my panicked phone call will have sorted it in time.

Lisa and Anne - I really hope you have simultaneous positives. And bertie that you have to have a sober weekend in Scotland because of your positive.

Keepon - hope scan next week shows all fine and good for you to try again.

Fun plans to look forward to sound good. I kept meaning to book holiday this year, but never made a decision about when and where to go. Still planning on booking something. Maybe for January.

Foxtrot - how is the Opk testing going?

Good luck with baby visits tonight Lisa. I hope she surprises you with her sensitivity!

Thanks mog - she did, actually! I ended up telling them about the third miscarriage (I told him about it when I'd had two) and actually she surprised me with how kind she was about it. And their baby is a lovely little thing and I got to have a nice long cuddle with him. So it was all rather nice!

So glad you're doing well, mog. Are you waiting until your 12 week scan, or will you have another in the meantime?

I'm pleased the visit went alright Lisa.

Good to hear from you mog. And glad you're feeling tried in the nicest possible way!

I think there may be another baby bomb on the horizon for me. We've stopped over with some friends for the night on our way to a wedding tomorrow. She's not drinking and has a hospital appointment tomorrow morning. They've been married less than 6 months. But hey ho. Trying to remind myself that it is good that some people do get pregnant and then just get to have a baby and not everyone ends up in our situation.

I had best remember to not go too heavy on the booze at the wedding tomorrow. It does just seem to make me rather melancholy these days.

I'm pretty certain there'll be a pregnancy announcement at the bonfire night party I'm going to on Saturday - lots of things have given me that vibe from the hosts, and, while I like them, they are exactly the sort of people who would hold a big party to announce! Their wedding was in the summer, about three weeks after my last miscarriage (I ended up getting so drunk and telling a random priest all my woes - not my finest moment!). As you say, obviously it's good that not everyone has to go through this (the baby I visited earlier was a first cycle trying effort-free one), but it is hard not to wonder why it's easy for them but not for you - I think that's only natural.

TMI post of the day - Things that I never imagined myself saying: 'oh god, I've slept through my alarm! I'll have to put this progesterone up my bum!' (it leaks out if you don't lie down for a bit after putting it in vaginally)... TTC is nothing if not glamorous!

Lisa

A good tip should I decide to use the massive bag of progesterone that's hiding in the bottom of my wardrobe if I ever get pregnant again. Can you feel it once it's in, and does it not leak if it's up your bum?

So glad the visit went well. I remember you chatting to the priest, and I stand by it being a useful experience for him in his efforts to comfort people experiencing the full and varied tapestry of life!

Thanks mog, glad you're doing okay and things are "normal". Crack on with setting appointments up. Depending how busy your hospital is could you get a scan at say 11+5 and tie it in with your booking appointment? How you feel is how you feel. No one will be able to get exactly what's going on for you right now so be honest when it feels right and don't let people tell you how you should be feeling. It's your pregnancy, do whatever feels right.

Hmm, good luck both with potential baby bombs. Better to be prepared and practise your "oh so happy for you" faces just in case! I don't know who of my lot will have the next pregnancy. Quite a few people are done now, others don't want any, and I can only think of one person who I know wants a second but they have t do up a new house first. You never know though!

fox and bertie, wishing you both sober holidays! It's time ladies, someone please get themselves knocked up.

I'm looking forward to acupuncture in the morning. Been 3 weeks! I've read a book about her type of acu and it's been very enlightening. I really will embrace anything these days. Apparently only DH knew I was so woo.

Thanks Fox, enjoy the shagging

Haha oops Lisa good thing there is an alternative. Glad last night went well.

I will book a private scan if NHS scan gets booked for after 12 weeks due to my slow registering, waiting for letter confirming it through the post. If booking in and scan could be done together that would be V convenient anne but they are not at the same place, so not possible for me.

Foxtrot - hopefully ov still to happen to give you reassurance that your body is doing what it should. Do you get other ov symptoms?

Anne - Saturday morning acupuncture sounds a great start to weekend and thing to look forward to.