TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

miami ❤️ Sending you strength and love x

Testing again today lisa? I got a bfn at 12dpo. Feeling pretty alright about it. Boobs are so sure and my nipples are actually aching. Not sure what that's about.

How are you today foxtrot? Weeing loads can definitely be a sign!

Thinking of you, your family and your beautiful Eilidh today, Miami

Tested again - stark white, so can stop taking the progesterone. Apparently it can delay AF by anything from a day to a week, so hoping I'll be lucky and she'll come soon so I can get onto a new cycle. Sorry about the BFN, but there's still hope for you, isn't there - you usually test positive quite late? I've always got clear positives by 11dpo (apparently it's about your base level of hormone - doesn't mean anything at all but differs from person to person) so I knew that was it at my 12dpo test.

So sorry Lisa, what a fucker. Big glass of whatever you fancy tonight and something sinful for dinner!

I have in the past, which is sweet of you to remember. We'll see. Due Saturday.

We were up very late last night making totally non baby related plans. I did some thinking while reading this new book by the acupuncture guy. He was saying he asks his patients what they want, they say a baby, and he says what else. Life certainly hasn't stood still and we're doing stuff all the time, but since we started ttc early last year it's been there, as something to consider for every plan we've made. Feels inevitable.

It's an interesting exercise though to think about what else I want. Maybe to get another cat, maybe to book a holiday to look forward to. Maybe not losing a few lbs because it doesn't matter, I'm healthy and who cares. I was trying to lose weight so I'd be 100% happy with my BMI when I have my next booking in apt.

I've been saving so we'd have a cushion for when I'm next pregnant/on maternity.

But screw it. I'm going to paint our room and we're planning a few days away over new year.

That's where I'm at today. I'm going to buy tester pots!

Miami You're in my thoughts today, sending strength and love to you all today xx

foxtrot get that, you want people to acknowledge its happened but also value your privacy. I have never told any family about my mc's. My mum especially would be the last person - not that she'd be horrible but she would constantly be asking me questions every day.

I did slip up to sil at fil's funeral a few weeks ago though and she started asking me lots of questions... not seen her since but i'm dreading it now she knows!

fingers crossed for you anne

Much love to you Miami. You have been in my thoughts today.

Sorry about the BFN Lisa. I second Anne's suggestion.

Anne, thumbs up on the non-baby making plans. We blew a load of savings on a trip to California last year, it was great! It is hard because I find it is always slightly in the back of your mind but we need to keep living and enjoying our lives in the here and now.

anne I cross posted with you earlier, I too wrote out a pot that was basically saying I think im nearing the end of ttc as I feel like my life has been on hold for 3 years, I feel like ive missed ds growing in that time due to caring for terminal relatives, my life is on hold as I cannot make any plans, so today I thought fuck it all. Ive booked a holiday to new york in a few weeks, Im taking my mum with me, just like we used to do each year, Ive not been away in 5 years.

Im also booking a trip for new year somewhere hot for dp, myself and ds, to have something to look forward to.

I didn't press post on it as I didnt want to sound so negative but now I actually feel happy, ive stepped back slightly and can enjoy other things rather than spending my time worrying! Get painting your room, book a trip, go live your life!

Hi all! I haven’t posted on this thread before but there seem to be two “TTC after miscarriage” threads now so I’m just popping in to say hello. I’ve had 2 miscarriages after several easy pregnancies and just wanted one final fling at the ripe old age of 45!

I’m pregnant... for now. Trying not to get too excited as I know the odds aren’t great. Just sharing the news because I have felt really encouraged by others’ good news on here.

Will catch up on thread later.

Oh congratulations Water :) Hope everything goes well for you.

🕯 For Miami and family

I actually found it really cheering and encouraging to hear both you and Anne's non-baby planning, flynn - it doesn't mean giving up hope at all, just thinking about other things.

I try really hard to do that with work - to not pass anything up because of TTC because it's too shit when you do that and then you're not pregnant (I sort of have the opposite of that at the moment - I have to do something in January that I don't want to do and which I agreed to thinking 'haha, I will actually be on maternity leave then so someone else will have to do it!'). I'm applying at the moment to go to the US on a three-month fellowship in 2019 - obviously I'm desperately hoping I have a baby by then and I wouldn't go if I did, but the lead time for the applications is so long that I can't not try.

There is a big looming problem with work and TTC, and that makes me worry a lot. I'm on a three-year contract, which runs out in March 2019 (the idea of the fellowship is it would extend that to June). We're getting quite near the point where if I conceived and carried to term I'd still be on mat leave when the contract ended. I worry that we couldn't afford that, and also that it would be really hard to come back from to get another job. When we started TTC we said that if I wasn't pregnant in 18 months then we'd stop trying for a while until I'd found a new job because of this problem - but obviously that was hypothetical, and I was 29 and had spent my entire adult life terrified of accidental pregnancy so I never really thought it would take us 18 months. We've both agreed that we don't feel like stopping trying is an option for us emotionally, but I am terrified about what we'll do financially if I don't have a job. I know I have to just cross that bridge when if we come to it, but it keeps me awake at night. It's just another thing that feels so desperately unfair - I feel like I had a fairly sensible plan (it's not like my friend - who I am incredibly bitter about - who gave herself a two month window to get pregnant and then got pregnant first go and is now about to give birth) and life just laughed at it.

Sorry, that was an epic post - please don't anyone feel like they have to wade through it!

Miami. What can an internet stranger possibly say to bring you any comfort at all...? Just that I am more sorry than words can express for the loss of your precious girl.

So happy for you water, what lovely news. I did a little dance in my head. Hope you're feeling well and positive x

lisa, I second what foxtrot says, worth putting stiff down on paper.

More tomorrow. I've been out at a gig! On a school night! It was awesome. I had a drink, I sang my heart out. I'm now shattered but happy and turning in.

There have been some nice things about mc awareness on fb this week. Sadly too many people I know have been there but shining a gentle light on it seems to help them.

Thanks foxtrot - I know you're right we should put it on paper but I think we're too scared. We've talked it half to death, and I think we're both too scared to admit that it would be a bit of disaster and we would really struggle financially, and that we really ought to stop trying after January, but neither of us can face that; I'm crying thinking about it now. We're both so terrified that we'll never have a baby, and the thought of deliberately putting ourselves through the uncertainty for another year or two is so upsetting. I swing wildly between 'we're being incredibly irresponsible and should face reality' and 'but we would find a way to cope, and if we wait another couple of years and it never happens I will always, always blame myself for that'. It's made harder because it's not certain everything would work out for me career-wise even if we did stop trying. I'm an academic and there's always a percentage of people who never get a permanent job and I'm an ok but not stellar candidate. I imagine a future where I have no baby but also no job and feel like I gave up for something that never happened.

I did talk to my mum about it - her response was that if I have a baby but not a job and we're in real financial difficulties we should just move in with her and dad, which was kind, but!

That does sound tricky Lisa. The opportunity to go to the U.S. sounds very exciting. This may be a stupid question, but have you thoroughly checked your company's maternity leave policy? I only say because we've had similar dilemmas about taking a(nother) break from TTC due to my job. I'm due to finish my training next August and will need to get a consultant job and was worried about if potential due dates, qualifying for pay etc. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that if I am 29 weeks or more at the end of my contract it would be extended and I'd be entitled to maternity leave and pay. Obviously the NHS is a large organisation so I appreciate this may not be the same everywhere but might be worth a gander? We had decided that carrying on trying was the priority regardless but finding that out has taken one weight off my mind at least.

Anne I'm so glad you had a good evening last night.

I've been doing career planning stuff too this week which is quite exciting. I'd been feeling a bit lost over the last year or so but now I have a direction - or indeed two directions, based on whether we stay in Germany or come back to the UK. And plans! So I'm going to enrol in a German course probably in the new year and try to get my German up to the level to do a high school qualification here.

It's so hard isn't it? I started TTC 2 years ago and if I'd known I still wouldn't have a baby I would definitely have changed jobs. But I've held off so I can get maternity pay, 3 times now. It's so depressing, because each time I've been pregnant I've done the whole planning how I won't be there to deal with this project and that project in 8 months time. but I'm still there, there's no escape! I don't hate my job, I just want to move on.

I've kind of accepted that I'm just staying still for another 2 years and either I will by then have the baby or will give up completely and make a new life.

Lisa hope you can work things out somehow, nice to know that you can always move in with your parents though!!

Af is making an appearance a day early.

Feeling pretty okay about it. I have another month to get my head in a good place and to let myself rest and mend.

Back to my paint charts

And I got a free pumpkin today. One of the perks of village life.

Hi Lisa I'm an academic researcher, and also suffered 3mcs (but I'm on the other TTC after mc thread). Just wanted to say I truly understand the job / baby fear and how hard the whole scheduling thing is with fixed term contracts. I'm about to leave a post with nothing to go to as I was pregnant at the 'right time' (but mc of course). Nightmare emotional load!

Really sorry about AF, anne - glad you're feeling ok, but do let yourself be sad if you want to. I hope you've got nice things planned for the weekend. Mine came last night too - was pleased, as it means the progesterone only delayed it by a day.

Hi, greyclouds - I'm really sorry for your losses but it's good to hear from someone who gets the job/baby problems that fixed term academic contracts cause. I'm sorry you don't have anything to go to next, and hope something comes up for you soon. What sort of field are you in? Is industry an option for you? It's not for me - I have thought about giving up on the hope of an academic career, but I think it would mean significant retraining and I'm not really at a point where I want to do that either.

By the way, just because a couple of people have mentioned there being two threads, I just wanted to say that I didn't set this one up as a rival! I just felt that there were some issues specific to recurrent miscarriage that it would be nice to have a space for. I don't post on both, but I assume lots of people do?

Sorry got yours too lisa, but given its come you're right it's good it hasn't been delayed by the progesterone. Hope you're doing okay.

Despite feeling okay, I bawled before, during and after my acupuncture this morning. Sobbed. Nothing particular in my head while it was happening but I guess it just needed to come out.

Having a gentle day doing laundry, watching tv and going to make a nice meal for the DSC later. So tired.