TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Apparently I've given up caring about timings now - I ovulated some time and I'll be due some time this week but I didn't even remember to buy a test at the supermarket and I kind of... don't care? I just feel like it doesn't make sense to test and hope and wonder all the time, I'll know if my period comes and I'll know if it doesn't. I might stop temping. I haven't bothered for a few weeks anyway and I already know that I'm ovulating regularly, so I suppose I don't really need to that much?

Just live life and if a baby comes along then we'll fit it around whatever else is happening.

DH was looking at this holiday resort he wants to go to next year and I was thinking about the saunas, hot tubs, water slides etc and vaguely wondering if I'd be able to go on them or not but that's about it for now. Just feeling very meh about the whole thing really.

I'll probably test if I plan to get bladdered like at my cousin's birthday next month but I'll have a few glasses of wine tonight - it's never stopped me from getting pregnant before!

I don't think that's a bad thing Bertie. Just good old DTD.

Lisa I don't think you need to worry about people viewing it as a rival group. I agree that there are different issues once you enter the world of recurrent losses and I certainly felt like I didn't quite fit in the other group. I've become a bit too cynical maybe!

We went to a wedding yesterday. We didn't know anyone else particularly well, so had lots of the inevitable do you have/would you like children questions. There was a couple on our table without children who were quite vocal about not wanting any. They may well not want any, but I did find myself wondering if that's just what they say. DH had a drunken heart to heart with someone he had met once before! He found me and declared that he had told him all about our issues. It doesn't bother me and I hope it was cathartic for him as he doesn't talk to friends about it much. And the other guy was equally smashed so I doubt he'll remember it anyway!

I think it's okay to loosen up a bit on temping, timing etc Bertie, if only because you know you're ovulating, your cycle seems to be reliable, you're in good health, have nothing to prove, and it's healthy to give your head a rest.

Are you feeling down about things or just more relaxed about things?

AF has had marked differences this time, may or may not be connected with the acupuncture. Much much less pain, heavy but manageable and liquidy with no chunks. Boobs went back to normal the day I started, no massive bloating, hardly any back ache. I took 3 doses of pills between Friday night and this morning and didn't really need one of them. It's normally 3 doses a day plus extra paracetamol if I need it.

How's everyone?

Lisa, thank you for this thread. I agree, there are different issues when you've had a run of losses. It's nice to be looking forward together as well, there's lots of great support elsewhere for people in the middle of the physical/medical trauma of the actual loss.

Hope the wedding was fun keepon, despite people sticking their noses in. Good for DH letting it all out as well!

I know what you mean about not taking at face value people's protestations about children anymore. I have one friend who genuinely loathes babies/children/pregnancy and has never wanted any of it in her life. And one of my brothers seems to be choosing not to have children with his wife. But I now know people I used to think were anti babies were trying and having a shit time of it. So I don't assume people are lying, that wouldn't be fair, but keeping an open mind I suppose? What do you say when people ask?

No I don't feel down :) Just focusing on other things.

Okay

Your plans sound good. How is your German now? Is your son fully bilingual?

Yes DS is fully bilingual. I can make basic conversation but that's about as far as it goes. It's not great when we've been here for four years! But I have found a class I think is affordable, after Christmas, anyway.

Hi there
Anne I found that the acupuncture made a massive difference to my AF. It went from very clotty and dark to much more cranberry red with very few clots. I found it very helpful.
I am having a bad day. The funeral is over, and all visitors are gone home. Had to go to the doctors this morning thinking that I maybe had a UTI. It was an emergency appointment so didn't get to any of my normal doctors. The doctor that saw me was around 8 months pregnant - I just completely lost it. I just sat there crying. Took me ages to even be able to look at her. I felt really sorry for her afterwards as I am sure she was quite uncomfortable too. No idea how it could have been avoided. Every day is just a bit overwhelming at the moment.
Bertie I think that stepping back from temping etc if that's what you want is very sensible. Agree with Anne.
Lisa I agree with the others - I think there are so many different issues when dealing with recurrent loss. I for one am really glad that this thread is here as there is no way that I could engage with the other thread at the moment.

Exactly that Miami! Now wondering is my afs were "wrong" in the past.... Will you have acupuncture again? You've been through so much it might be a way to nurture yourself at the moment.

So sorry about your day. Don't feel bad, she's a professional and you were the one in need. I hope she was kind to you and if it was a UTI you got something to help.

What's the deal with work now? Have you spoken to SANDS or any of the other charities?

Can you focus on doing one thing for yourself every day? It depends on how you're feeling and what feels doable - forgive the cliches to follow - but watch a funny film if you'd enjoy it, find a new show to binge watch (homeland?) and distract you for a bit, take a short walk and get some fresh air, paint your nails, make a meal or bake a cake, phone a friend, have a bath or a lovely hot shower. Something that makes you feel like you're looking after yourself.

I often come back to food.... My acupuncture woman doesn't do anything diet related but she said if I ate meat she'd have me on regular bone broths. I don't, so we agreed I'd have hearty stews, grains and anything heavy in veggies and colour and it has to be hot.

DH made a massive stew at the weekend with dumplings and pearl barley in. Having leftovers for lunch and I swear I can feel myself getting stronger and healthier

Hello, sorry I've not posted in a while. I have been keeping busy to help distract myself but time is still dragging. Think I will book a scan this week to find out what is happening with this pregnancy. Will be about 7 weeks so there should be a heartbeat if there is going to be one. Hoping I can book a last minute scan. I find it hard not to worry once a day is booked in. Irrational really!

I have missed lots, so will read back properly later, but from this page.....

Anne - there seems to be a lot online about diet if you know what deficiency or symptoms acucupucturist said you have. Glad period is not as painful or clotty.

Miami - unfortunately there are probably going to be lots of difficult situations, but people will understand, you just have to do what gets you through. I hope the days get easier for you though.

Bertie - I think once you know your cycles tracking is less important. I found it hard not to think about where I was in cycle, even when I wasn't trying to get pregnant, once I knew my cycles though.

Keep - I find it is the people I would want to talk about it to least who bring it up, like ancient relatives, but people who I don't mind talking about it to have too much discretion to ask. So if asked I give vague comment and change subject.

Yeah, I don't think I'll stop thinking about it, I'll still roughly know and prob still track AF etc but not feeling like temping right now.

It's good actually because I'm in that last stage where you don't know if it's pre-AF or early pregnancy symptoms but I'm not going crazy wanting to test because I know I won't actually be late until the end of the week anyway.

Miami sorry to hear you had a difficult day yesterday. I know there's nothing I can say but please know that we are all here and keep posting if you find it helpful.

Mog finger crossing for you with the early scan. How are you feeling?

Bertie I am very impressed with your zen-ness!

The vast majority of our friends know about our miscarriages now. I figured they probably all thought something was amiss as we haven't had a child yet and if I had any other health problem we would tell them. It is the acquaintances/people making polite conversation with well meaning questions I find trickier. A big part of me wants to just blurt it all out but instead I tell them I have a cat and make a vague statement about hoping to have a family one day.

I'm so sorry, miami, that you are facing these extra things in the middle of such an awful time for you. Seconding anne that you shouldn't feel guilty - she's a professional and will (or at least very much should) have understood.

Do you get an early NHS scan or are you going to have a private one, mog? Thinking of you and hoping you're managing to keep calm and distracted.

How are you doing keepon? Hopefully the post-op soreness has stopped now?

After last miscarriage epu said they would give me an early scan next time and hopefully they wont change their mind. I'll have private one if they won't though. Before I have had private scan but epu ignored it and rescanned me, but I'd prefer to avoid that. I'm feeling so excessively tired at moment, any chance to nap and I take it, become good at napping in cars and trains! That's making me feel more positive as my body must be doing something extra if it's this tired and I definitely didn't feel like this last 2 times.

Bertie - will you wait until end of week to test? I have fingers crossed for you.

Mog, that definitely sounds promising. First trimester exhaustion, who knew it would be a blessing

How are you Lisa?

Hi Lisa I've got a 3 month research contract that I'm taking part-time, so I'm sorted at least from January to June. I'm in the social sciences. The possibility exists to cross over into industry in America, but not so much here in the UK. I'm also holding on for the possibility of a permanent post - I love my work and like you, I'm not ready to think about retraining.

I'm resigned to being "on the hustle" of short contracts for a while until I either get pregnant (and stay pregnant) with kid number 2 or we close the door on the whole thing - for sanity and job reasons.

I had my first child straight a few months after I defended my PhD. It's pretty much always a bad time to have a kid in academia! Mcs make things a lot harder, I'm on my third now - 1 before DC and 2 since then.

I still feel that it's possible to have both a kid and a career. When I look around at my peers, everyone else has managed to find academic jobs. Some of them took a while, but everyone has found a home. I'm hoping that the same will be true for me - and for you. If you really want a family you should go for it, as there's always something that can be done / found / applied for / cooked up!

I'm doing alright thanks Lisa. I went back to work on Monday and going to try a little run tonight so almost back to normality! I had got into a place of feeling quite positive about TTC again but was chatting to DH about it last night and he's feeling anxious about it. Then last night I had a dream that I had an actual baby, got caught up in a family party at a leisure centre and forgot about him and left him in his cot. When I went to check on him I thought he was dead and was distraught but half an hour later he moved so I breastfed him. WTF?!

So maybe I'm not really that positive about it deep down!

Hi all,
I have just had my 2nd miscarriage at 8 weeks within 4 months of my 1st miscarriage at 12 weeks.
Glad i have found this thread.I am so scared of the idea of ttc again as scared of it happening again .i still recovering at the moment but nice to read your posts xx

Glad you're doing ok, keepon. For whatever reason my DH is also going through a really down patch about TTC at the moment, too - it feels like we're slightly out of sync, we was more positive when I was more down, and now we've switched! I go back and forth day by day on how I feel - today I feel quite positive, tomorrow I might feel despairing.

Sorry about the weird dream, I know they can shake you! The last time I was pregnant I got this really vivid dream that I had literally lost a baby and had to look for it (but got more and more upset as I couldn't find it) two nights in a row, and felt a bit 'OH COME ON subconscious, maybe at least try and use a bit of subtlety?!'.

It's so tough, isn't it grey? Does your DC make it a bit harder for you to be geographically flexible, too? I worry a bit about that; DH and I always had a deal that we'd move to wherever I got a job because he's a teacher and insisted he could do that anywhere. But he started at a new school in September and he loves, loves, loves it and I'm finding it tough to imagine yanking him out of there are making him go back to a school like his last one, which he found such hard going.

Glad you're feeling more positive, mog - I know it's so hard, and I hope you get a reassuring scan soon.

I'm fine, thanks, Anne - CD5 and I don't ovulate until 16-19, so I always find this bit of the cycle a bit boring and frustrating, but not at all stressful. AF seems to be on her way out today, which is welcome - she sometimes hangs about until day 7. How are you doing?

Hi Lisa yep, his work ties us to a particular city . He moved abroad for a fellowship with me for a year and hated it so much. It's a bit of a nightmare.

Hi all
Having a slightly better day today. Thanks.
Any recommendations on pre-conception vitamins? I know my reflexologist mentioned folate instead of folic acid - but any other recommendations would be appreciated.
My plan is to take folate, ubiquinol, vit E, vit c and vit D for at least 3 months. It will make me feel like I am doing something vaguely useful whilst we are waiting for test/ pm results.
It is hard to find even a multi vitamin that doesn’t have folic in it though...... I am assuming that you can’t overdose on this anyway??