TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

and my ovia app has decided hindsight is wonderful . because i went from negative to peak fertility yesterday its now decided to move my entire fertile window.
means weve only dtd 3 times in the window. i was changing tack this month anyway but i got an unexpectedly early peak on cd13 - it was cd 15 last month.
weve been dtd daily (or more!) in the fertile window so id said maybe it was too much and we should change to every other day.
i wish i could just adopt the lovelu blase approach i had before i got pg.... i was very much of the opinion that if it happened it happened and if it didnt it didnt. now i want it more than anything and its so hard to cope with each month.

Vicar that sounds like a hard but sensible decision. You shouldn't feel guilty (although easier said than done).

Thank you for the comments on acupuncture. Will see what happens at appointment. A bit sceptical about it for fertility, but think it might help my other issue.

I don't mind people knowing about miscarriage or talking about it afterwards but I don't like telling people at / soon after. I'm better ignoring emotions than letting them out. If people don't know, they won't expect me to act a certain way and can distract me more easily.

thanks mog
sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing. the fact i didnt get pg again. its hard. it feels like punishment sometimes.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B015WKODDM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xXhMzb87R13BP?tag=mumsnetforum-21

This is the one I've got turquoise. Reasonable price, tiny, v quiet beeps, does two decimal places, nice little case, remembers last temp. Only one I've ever used though so I'm not an expert.

I've had a small temp did the last two days and thought I had mild pre af feelings. Had a bfp couple of days ago. I'm 12dpo according to ff, cd29. Longest cycle in ages. Af due Monday. Not sure what to think tbh. Don't want to poas again.

Would the tempers out there wait for a big dip signalling af? Might just see if it shows up Monday. As much as my consultant advocates early testing, I'm a fan of mental health and really don't want to pee on anything...

Well @AnneLovesGilbert I assume you mean you got a bfn??? My temp didn't dip until after AF showed so it's not good at predicting anything in my experience! Just confirming.

Indeed I did grumpy! Sheesh, that'll teach me to type on the hoof, sorry

It was a couple of days ago on the off chance I ovd cd13 not 17. Haven't been bothered to poas since.

I'm trying to remember my happy content feeling of last night. Tonight I'm tired and pissed off

Being a stepparent has its ups and downs and tonight the very high price of sharing children is too much. I'm rung out. Wondering if I really want to bring an innocent baby into my life...

And it's dipped but only slightly. Still way above cover line. Oh well. Only time will tell.

I think I got my first BBT thermometer from Boots. I just bought the cheapest one. I think it had 2 decimal places but I can't remember. My latest two have been cheap ones from an electrical store and then a Boots type store with only one decimal place but seem to do the job okay.

AF seemed to start today in the supermarket but it's a bit stop start but that's normal for me. I'm under no illusions! My temp doesn't dip until afterwards either.

What happened tonight Anne? Stepparenting must be vv tough, I think we are fortunate in many ways that DS's father is no longer involved in his life, it certainly makes things simpler anyway.

Hi all mind if I join? (And also pick your brains)

TTC 3rd baby after 3 consecutive miscarriages, two early ones and one at 16 weeks in June this year.

We're on our second cycle and having a pretty strange one this month, which I know is probably down to hormones trying to regulate again after the last miscarriage, but still!! Wondering if any of you ladies had anything like this afterwards?

So my period came just over 4 weeks after being induced at the hospital. Started temping, using opks and charting straight away. Got my positive opk on CD16, temp dip CD17 then high temps like text book until AF arrived on CD29. This was the strangest af I have ever had, always always really heavy and lasts a week. This was light (only needed a liner) lasted two days, went away for a day then returned slightly heavier for another 2/3 days!!
I then on CD8 got sharp ovulation style pains and opks were darker however not dark enough to be positive (internet cheapies). then got neg on both the cheapies and clear blue until cd16 again, along with all the other usual signs of ovulation. Opk stayed positive and smiley faces until Cd18.

HOWEVER. Currently on CD20 now, and no temp dip or shift?!?! It's only been up .1 for the last 2 mornings that's all! I've had ovulation type pains every day since my positive so I'm just so confused I want to scream!

Hi Fia. I can't help you specifically, but my first few cycles were not normal either and pretty convinced I didn't ovulate for at least 2 of them. They settled down after time though. An annoying answer as I'm sure you want something practical to help, but maybe just knowing abnormal can be normal might help? Hope yours settle down quickly.

No that's very helpful thankyou!
I never knew not ovulating was even a thing until recently, especially when your body seemingly gears up for it!
Never had a problem actually falling pregnant before now, the current theme seems to be actually keeping hold of them once it happens! So I hope this isn't thrown into the mix now too! Definitely took benign pregnant for granted with my first two!!

Fia- me too. Just assumed mc and difficulties with ttc were things that happened to other people. My DS was conceived despite contraception 8 years ago and just assumed things would be as straightforward this time. We then fell pregnant on first attempt, so I was like: la la la la la...everything is going tickity boo. And then 12 wks scan... 😞no heartbeat. Probably lost it at 9/10 wks based on size.

Just to give you an idea of what I hope is the sort of 'right of arc' (i.e. worst case), I'm on month 5 post mc and this is my first vaguely normal cycle. I had lots of months that were just solid bleeding and definitely didn't ovulate for many of them.

I hope your path is more straightforward but I definitely think it helps to brace yourself for it to take a while...

AF here in force. I'd really got my hopes up this cycle

Sorry you're in the the same boat bertie

Fuck, it's so disappointing. Every bloody month. 6 months now since my last failed pregnancy. And another wasted month. Leaving DH to it with the kids this morning and staying in bed having a weep.

Oh Anne I'm so sorry.

Really sorry Anne and Bertie. Anne you definitely have every right to be nice to yourself today, and if that means staying in bed so be it!

Welcome fia - sorry for your losses and that your cycle is now proving so frustrating. I really hope everything gets back in sync for you as soon as possible.

Annie & Bertie I'm so sorry. Definitely be kind to yourself today.

Well I'm an emotional mess. I have a family thing in a couple of weeks and my sister just said the line 'at least we can be childless together'. It took a lot not to hang up.

I FUCKING DO HAVE A CHILD. Okay, they're not around, but if one more person acts like they don't exist or that a new one will alter their existence as a replacement and that it'll magically work Out, I'm honestly going to have a breakdown or something! 😦

I hate other humans right now.

Sorry I needed to rant

Hi all, have had a busy weekend with friends visiting so have just caught up!

Welcome to those of you who have just found us - although it sucks massively to be here, everyone is wonderfully supportive and kind to each other - it's such a little safe haven.

So sorry af has reared its ugly head Anne and Bertie, definitely keep yourself curled up in bed today.

Unicorns, people can be so thoughtless sometimes! Rant away - it's what we're here for. So many people just don't understand.

So I've been almost flat out with nausea and exhaustion all weekend. My OH (surprisingly) was keen to tell our friends that visited about this pregnancy. This kind of brings us back to the previous discussion of telling before 12 weeks - he was adament not to the first two times but this time has completely changed his mind. He's so excited and I'm just petrified that he's going to be even more heartbroken when this pregnancy doesn't make it. Our friends were also excited and I kept having to ask them to tone it down a bit as I just can't deal with the expectation that there will be a baby in less than 8 months. I just cannot see it happening, at all. It's why I think, I just can't talk about it. In my head, it's not going to work out. Oddly, I have moments where I feel quite optimistic I'll make it to 12 weeks but then I'm certain I'll see a dead baby on the screen. It haunts me so much that I can't sleep. I haven't had an early scan, I probably won't get an early scan as I'm unsure what it would do to make me feel better before 12 weeks anyway, and I'm just so scared of what I'll see. And it's so far away I shouldn't even be worrying about that yet. I am thankful for each day I get through that I'm still pregnant and these symptoms definitely are kicking my butt big time, but I can't shake this feeling of impending doom.

I'm so sorry for a massive post. I needed to get it out somewhere where people understand.

I hope you're all enjoying your weekend x

Vicar take Ovia's recommendations with a pinch of salt TBH I don't think it's very good at working out when you're fertile. It's fine if all you want is a rough idea, but don't worry if it's moving stuff around, don't let it stress you out.

hey guys
anne - hope you feel a bit better now? and bertie thank you for the ovia tip....its just hard to think i scored a 10 on thurs and didnt have a clue i was even in the fertile window!
that said - ive been looking at the stats at 45. depressing. tempered with the miracle stories of women giving birth to healthy babies at 46....
im either stupid or the worlds biggest optimist. (m not usually an optimist i have to say) unicorns i get you i really do. i named my baby girl and had her blessed and cremated - it affirms that she was real and here on this earth for a short while.

im cd 15 today and assuming ive ovulated as got static on CB on cd 13.
(i dont know how i could temp with shift work? maybe i should just try it and set an alarm but i work nights so guess it would mess up the stats and just make it more complicated! - unless i just do it when im not on nights. ?))

anyway. i went to screw fix and then had a screw fix just to make sure.

Emvy I hear you. The feeling of impending doom. Today I've felt so sick... I'm certain it's morning sickness. It's pretty bad, it's made me cry (bloody wimp).

All I can think of is "I'll know when it's gone wrong when the sickness switches off like last time"

I really wish I had the answer to being more positive but I'm still searching for it...

emvy and lime I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. Remember that just as (sadly) there is no way to be sure that everything will be ok, nor is there any way that you can be sure it won't be. I remember in my last pregnancy when I was telling DH that I just knew I'd miscarry soon he said: 'I'm sorry, are you a soothsayer now?!'. It shocked me (he was generally being very kid-glovey around me) and I started to get cross, but he pointed out that I was acting like I had some access to some special pregnancy predicting power, and, actually, I didn't know. Of course I did go on to lose that one, but I still think he's right that I had turned my fear into a fact in my head, but it wasn't yet a fact. Sorry, this is all quite rambling but: I'm not going to tell you everything will definitely be fine, because no one can tell you that. But at the moment things look good for both of you: you have symptoms, you're not bleeding, and every day that passes the odds get better for these pregnancies.

emvy - did you say you've started seeing a counsellor? I think since you say the anxiety is stopping you sleeping it might be time to talk about it with your counsellor (if I've remember right and you have one) or your GP

Thank you so much Lisa. I know I can't change it, I do keep reminding myself of that. I have mentioned it to my counsellor (which officially starts in 2 weeks but I might have to postpone until 3), and she said it's something we need to focus on. I seem to be able to sleep in the day well enough!

Lime, I feel the same about symptoms. It probably is morning sickness - I've had it for a week now but it's just nausea. I say just. It's constant, all the time discomfort and I generally feel so unwell. Which is both reassuring and worrying at the same time. I woke up this morning feel slightly less sick and panicked. Within 2 minutes it was back. I definitely need to start chilling out. I'm going to ring to book in with the midwife tomorrow. That's check point 1 for me. It won't ease anxiety but it will feel like a step forward. Again, sorry. I honestly am overjoyed that I'm pregnant again and NOT complaining!

Been away for a few days and trying to catch up; this thread is so active!

Sorry to those who've recently joined, those who's af has turned up unwanted and those feeling a lot of anxiety.

Fia for what it's worth I had the same stop/start periods after my mcs as well so as others have said I think it's normal to be abnormal for a while.

Currently on cycle 3 after last mc and finally finally! got a static smiley on my opk. Not sure it's helping using them as it definitely increased the number of stuff I'm panicking about (arrrg it's too early! Arrgg it's too late!arrgg it's not coming! :) have been embarrassingly ridiculous! but at least we knew to dtd a lot and currently in tww.

Had another 2 baby bombs over the last two days; seems to be getting harder the longer it's taking to get pg again for some reason. Trying not to feel jealous and resentful but it's proving hard.

Glad to know it seems to be normal to be abnormal for a while, it's definitely what I needed to hear!

It's also very refreshing to hear others having the same feelings as myself over hearing other people's baby news! Nice to know it's not just me that finds it difficult! Although not nice that we all are here having to feel those feelings!