TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

I really feel that this thread moves so fast because we all need somewhere to talk, like we just can't get it with RL friends? It sort of proves the point that miscarriage just isn't spoken about enough... I honestly find being here such a relief to my mindset even if I don't remember to comment enough or to reply to people.
Anyway nothing new with me, cd 10 and I go away cd 13 so will attempt to dtd the day before and hope for the best. At least I'm taking more vits now so hopefully all will be better next cycle. Have resigned to the fact this one probably won't be the one because we are away and won't be able to dtd at all, but enjoying the stress free approach for one month at least.
anne and bertie god I'm so sorry af has turned up. It's so hard to feel positive that first moment you realise another month has passed. I know you'll be back on track soon but allow the wallow for now.

You can temp while working shifts. Just temp after your longest stretch of sleep. Fertility friend will complain but it still tracks it for you. If you end up with two different temps in one 24 hour period it doesn't really cope with that so maybe just record whichever is closer to an actual morning when that happens. (Or the lowest temperature). BTW I don't think you need to worry about that peak, with Ovia, it's much less "This is when you're X/10 fertile" and much more "We're X/10 sure that you are/were/will be fertile on this day". So if you missed their day marked 10 but got the days either side of it, that's really no issue at all. I don't know much about those monitor things but generally timing is not a problem, so try not to worry about it. DTD every 2 days rather than every 1 day can be advised when sperm health is more questionable, so if your DH is also older it's probably a good plan.

AF is hiding but still getting BFN and I have no idea when I really ovulated so still expecting it.

Fia sounds silly and probably a long shot but did you ever do a pregnancy test at the end of last cycle?

Yeah - NoCats - I keep torturing myself by counting how many cycles we've been trying :( 18. Everything is more sort of muted now, so I don't feel annoyed when I see people on low cycle numbers saying they feel frustrated or sad or worried because I do remember how intense it was at that point. But sometimes I just think about it all and feel like we're being left behind. A friend who has a 2yo and I think is trying posted today a silly story about falling asleep on the couch and I realised I'm getting almost paranoid and looking for signs that people I know are pregnant so that I can feel jealous of them

It's also making me worry that my dream of having a small age gap which I'd finally put to bed with DS but built my hopes up for us having two more might not be possible. I mean, this one is REALLY paranoid and stupid and DH is on board with TTC as soon as I feel up to having sex again basically (though that was over a year last time! ) and so we'd have 2-3 years potentially for it to happen in, but still.

Yes did a couple, and also one the other day for good measure, definitely negative!

Temp went up .1 again this morning, so with 3 slightly elevated temps, FF is now pinpointing ovulation on the 18th. Dubious though. And IF it did happen that day, we only dtd on the 15th, so probably already out this month!

Bertie I have felt exactly the same as you regarding the paranoid pregnancy spotting. Since the first mcs I have cut myself off from people quite a bit and those I still see I have cut something off emotionally. I guess it's self-preservation but I realised recently that I have become quite a bitter person which is not a happy place to be. These threads are actually the first time I have talked about it all and felt safe and connected.

HI All,
Been lurking a while and after most definite "Not Pregnant" this morning feeling particularly fucking pissed off... Was so sure it would be positive this month... Hope you don't mind me joining, had an ectopic (where I lost 1 tube) on 26th July 2016 and MMC on May 21st 2017..
I remember the dates as every time I lose a child seems to be on a close relations birthday..
It must be so hard for you guys who have the positive results only to now be unable to fully accept it and enjoy your pregnancy, I had this with last one and it seems rightfully so.. I hope and pray for you all (and I am certainly not religious).
This is cycle 3 since the mmc in May.
I am sure that I am out for next month as I think the side I will ovulate from next month is the one without the tube..
I am not sure how I can keep going like this.. I am 38 now, and dh is 45 this year.. I really really want this.. I don't even know why I'm writing it down and telling you all, but I really don;t know how to deal with the pain every month.. I am at work now, "working" and thinking about going home in a couple of hours so I can go home and wallow in self pity.. Anyhow sorry, I'm not sure if joining this thread will help me or make me more obsessed ...
hoping for some BFP's and more for all of you.

Hi everyone- found this last night and have been reading all night! I think sadly I recognise a few of you from the October bus I was on (I've name changed since though) - now we're approaching October I'm feeling more and more sad about not having a little one on the way anymore and echo others feelings about all these summer events that I thought I would be going to heavily pregnant...

We haven't been ready to try again yet but I think I now am. Dates wise for work it unfortunately makes sense to wait a bit but I think I'm going to try next cycle.

I'm just worrying about falling pregnant again when I feel the mc has messed up my cycle. They're currently around 42 days long and I don't know if I'm ovulating but I'll get opks I think when we do try. And I'm not even beginning to think about how I'll feel when/if I get a bfp and the anxiety until the dating scan. We had a MMC diagnosed at the dating scan- baby had stopped growing at around 9w+5... anyway. Helps to get it all of my chest and to see that I'm not alone by any stretch...

Hi @Elpheba and @intelligentPutty sorry you find yourselves here it's a good place to rant though!

CD8 here and I just bought 3 months of FF VIP membership as I do like it. Way better than dumb Ovia! Although I'm still on holiday with no OPKs and no BBT thermometer so 🤔 and don't get home till CD15. Lots of EWCM today so hope I get a CD15 ovulation like last cycle rather than cd18-20 which has been the norm for me, then all the relaxed holiday sex will hopefully pay off!

This is the last cycle it would be ok timing for work (then it gets crap again for a good few months) but I've stopped caring as much about that now. Going to ask for a big pay rise this year end so hopefully that will come through and make up for any negative impact next year (discretionary bonus will almost definitely be impacted by any pregnancy/ mat leave). The good news is that if I get pregnant this cycle (or later) I won't have to tell work before my pay rise is confirmed in writing. So I guess this cycle would be great! Just want to get on with it now. If it works I'll be 12 weeks on our wedding anniversary!

Welcome intelligent and elpheba. So sorry you find yourselves here, but it's such a comfort to speak to others who know what you're going through.

elpheba, I was on the October thread. It's rapidly approaching, isn't it. I think it's getting harder the closer to gets, like you say, with knowing we should have lovely big bumps and nurseries in the making. Take ttc one month at a time and don't worry too much about how you'll feel when you get a bfp - you'll deal with that when it happens. I hope it happens soon for you x

Grumpy, feeling hopeful for you this cycle with lots of relaxing dtd on holiday and hopeful slighter earlier ovulation.

MsJunpier, I am alsofeeling very bitter. I still look at people with a bump and feel so envious of what they have, even though I try to tell myself I don't know what they've been through. So many emotions involved!

Has anyone had any experience with Pregnacare? Either the conception or pregnancy one. I'm starting to think that could be the reason for my all day and night nausea and general feeling crappiness. I started it 2 weeks ago and nausea ramped up about a week ago. I know it seems silly as it's just vitamins but a little google session has shown that some people claim it made their morning sickness worse.

@emvy yes I was taking the pregnacare multi vitamin ones with my last pregnancy (one with the omega 3). I started taking them when my folic acid ran out at around 14 weeks. They made me extremely sick. I remember one day I dropped my daughter off at playgroup and on the way home while driving, I was multitasking at its finest throwing up in a sick bucket. How I didn't crash I'll never know 😂 carried on for 2 weeks until I gave up as they just made me so sick!

Hi intelligent and eloheba, to echo the others, sorry you've found yourselves here.

Was also in the October thread and yeah, also feel it's getting harder. I know a few women due at the end of October and it's a bit of a kick in the guts. Really hoping against hope that I'll be pregnant when the due date comes around or I don't think I'll handle it very well!

I just started Pregnacare Max after my normal oregnacare tablets ran out (I think this is the definition of throwing money at something when it probably won't make much difference, but hey).

I too have cut myself off from a lot of people. Basically spent the whole weekend crying because I'm so convinced I'm going to lose this baby (8 weeks tomorrow please please still be alive and growing). DH suggested telling our close friends asap so I have a big support network in case anything goes wrong and I just couldn't bear the thought of them knowing that I was a 'failure', even less so the ones who have children. It's probably stupid because I know one of my friends had a MC then got pregnant (successfully) straight away, so if anyone in RL is going to relate it's her. Maybe I'm worried friends in RL will think I'm being a massive drama queen. Usually I'm the sensible, measured one.

Awwww. @INeedABiggerBoat
I really get where you are coming from.
I don't think u should tell anyone unless you feel you want too. If they are your friends they will be there for you to tell them in case anything goes wrong.
Do u want to tell anyone now? Would it help to talk to them now. We are here too. But I know sometimes a hug is what you need.

Thanks Fia, I thought there could've been a link! What did you change to? I also only went onto them because I ran out vitamin d and felt like I had nothing to lose throwing everything at this pregnancy!

Ineed, that makes total sense. I actually feel the same - if I tell people then it becomes real and I'm opening myself up to being hurt when it all goes wrong. I also felt like other people could get excited and there was no reason at all for them to do that when it was likely to end anyway. My OH actually convinced me to tell 2 of my closest friends but I'm still not sure it was the best idea. You need to do what feels right for you but no one will think you're a failure, even if it does go wrong - they'll be supportive and loving, provide the support you need. Nor will they think you a drama queen - I've found friends very understanding, even the ones who haven't had mc's or fertility problems. Still, it's up to you. Keep it between you and your DH if that's what you want for now. There's no rush x

I actually didn't take anything after that as was so worried I'd be ill again, I actually lost 4lbs in those weeks I took the pregnacare as couldn't keep a single thing down! Was planning on retaking some after a few weeks break but then my 20 week scan showed a late mmc so that was that with the vitamins!

Emvy didn't like pregnacare at all. I'm convinced they actually contributed to my miscarriage in a weird and crazy not rational way. So when the time comes again, I'm just sticking with my folic acid and vit d/c combo. Shouldn't need anything else with a good diet.

Me too MouseLove

On a more positive side however, I took them with both my 2 successful pregnancies and never had a problem!

Sorry to those whos period started, hope you are feeling better today.

I have nearly run out of folic acid so buying more soon, but based on reviews of the mixed pregnancy / conception vits i will stay away from those. Read something about folic acid helping men too, so might get extra for DH.

I'm on pregnacare max and haven't had issues with it. I was on pregnacare conception and DH was on the male version.

Ineed I will also hopefully be 8w tomorrow and have had a real doom and gloom weekend. It just doesn't seem possible that this will happen. But every time I start crying DH says, well that's a good sign! I did fall asleep 3 x yesterday which is also hopefully good. My next scan is on 30 Aug unless I hear from these research people in which case it might be this week. As a pp said we need a window, or at least a live feed...

The only thing making me want to take a pregnancy multivitamin is the b3 in it to be honest! And the fact that all I can really get down me is ice lollies, hula hoops and strawberries. Not exactly balanced at the moment! Might try supermarket own brand and then if still no better, admit defeat and go back on individual folic acid and vitamin d. Thanks for the advice ladies!

I have my booking in appointment with the midwife on Thursday. That's check point 1 for me as never made it there properly before (was turned away first time due to worrying scan, second time I mc naturally before).

Hope everyone's monday is being kind to them x

MsJuniper Yes to a window please! DH actually looked up how much a personal ultrasound would cost over the weekend (he's such a sweetheart). Fingers crossed you get onto the research. I've booked myself into a private scan at what should be 9 weeks. Wish I could afford one every week but it's ultimately a bit pointless anyway, isn't it- more scans doesn't actually = more viable pregnancy.

Have you ladies seen the at home dopplers you can buy? There's a bit of controversy about them because of course a layperson isn't trained to use one but I think if you were aware of issues (and Def make sure you get checked out by a real professional if anything worrying happens) it's probably a useful reassurance.

I've recalculated my ovulation and now due on my period tomorrow which makes much more sense. I only have one test left so can't really justify taking a third this cycle unless I end up really really late.

I've just had to call and cancel the midwife appointment they sent me which arrived during the miscarriage.

I now feel terrible.

Home Doppler not a good idea. Too easy to get either false reassurance or false panic.

Oh no anti, that's rubbish, so sorry :(