TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

[BertieBotts]

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

So glad you're feeling better yellow - enjoy your dancing! Thanks to both you and anne for the kind words but it really was horribly embarrassing - I was so, so drunk that I kept repeating myself, and think of the poor guy - his one night off from an actual seminary and he gets some bloke he used to know at university's deranged wife drunkenly going on about her uterus and giving her half-baked thoughts on theology! He was actually super lovely and kind so his training probably kicked in... I can sort of laugh at it now. Maybe.

Hi ladies,haven't posted for months, but I'm still floating around. Brief reminder I have a three year old who was conceived easily but trying for no 2 for 18 months. Mc at 5-6 weeks in Aug last year, MMC at 12 weeks in Dec last year, mc at 5-6 weeks in march.nothing since. This month I'm not temping, not using opks just trying to dTD every second day from day 9 - 18 ish. in truth we struggle with this as DH and I would probably be happy with once a week, but we are fully committed to another baby so we manage. I always feel guilty about not being able to be as supportive as some others on here are but I struggle to keep up. It also makes me so sad when a BFP doesn't stick, because I need to believe that my next BFP will be fine, but then I also so good to you you're not alone in haven't consecutive losses.... I so wish miscarriage didn't exist and that BFPs meant babies.

Hi and welcome mog - I'm really sorry about your losses. I hope you get your healthy pregnancy as soon as possible and so that you're not here for long, but hope you find it a good place to hangout in the meantime; I certainly have - I think I might have gone mad(der) without the support and chat here.

Wibble don't worry, if you need to dip in and out that's fine too. There's no requirement to answer every post every time :) Some of us just spend far too much time here

Gosh I just cried at this from Anne. It made me have a big lump in my throats and very moist eyes:

"Honestly, it's so healthy to talk about it. And what a privilege for a trainee priest to feel he looked kind, safe and trustworthy enough a woman in distress was able to open up to him. He'll have been honoured and it might have helped his compassion with people he meets in his work"

That's why I love this thread. People always know just what to say. Sorry people are finding it hard tonight.

I told a few people my news today and people are shocked that I told them this early. In one way I can see what they mean. It is awful having to untell people. But on other hand it simply isn't spoken about enough and I have taken massive comfort in people that have told me their story and how it worked for them in the end. It seems quite a few of my colleagues and friends have not had the easy ride to parenthood that people think.

So sorry for your loss Mog.

Home from the wedding now & tucked up in bed.

Funnily enough Lime, DH & I have debated how open we'll be if we get another bfp. I feel like I need people in our corner, rooting for us if that makes sense? I'm naturally a very open person by nature, I've been honest with people about my miscarriages & haven't shied away from questions or conversations about them.
Each to their own, but I feel like the so-called '12 week rule' makes women suffer in silence; as my mum said to me, in her day (best part of 40 years ago!) once the doctor said you were pregnant, you told everyone!

That we do bertie But better out than in I guess!

lime, sending you and your babies so much love. I wish more than I can tell you that the next 8 months will be healthy and uneventful and you bring them home all squidgy and gorgeous when they're fully cooked. Look after yourself. It's good you're telling people. It's entirely up to you who to tell, how, and when. And I know what you mean, a few people knew about my mmc and I was beyond touched when one of the admin ladies who had to know as I was off after shared her loss and how it had affected her. She went on to have two healthy children who are now grown up but it was kind of her to open up in an email while I was off so I knew I wasn't alone.

I hope you've got people looking after you all.

Sorry about the spotting bertie and I hope af stays the hell away!

I felt truly happy tonight. I'd done a load of cooking, was singing away and washing up, looking out onto the garden and thinking that I'm desperate for a baby, our spare room is crying out for a cot, we're so so ready for it, but I also have a lot to be grateful for and despite moments which still level me, I'm happy.

And on that cringe horribly schmaltzy note, I'm off to sleep. Someone remind me of this next time I'm freaking the hell out that life isn't how it should be right now and I want to stamp my foot at the injustice of the last 12 months!

Hi everyone, just checking back in if you don't mind. Lovely to see good news for many of you - and Lime I'm counting yours as double good news, even though I totally understand why you're so worried.

Had my 7 week scan earlier this week and found a heartbeat. DH, parents and ILs over the moon but my anxiety has been getting steadily worse. I had some acupuncture today which alleviated the worry for a few hours, but it's back with a vengeance this evening. Keep comparing the statistics for MC after seeing heartbeat with the sheer number of stories online about MC and MMC after that point. I think someone on another thread (or maybe it was this one?) who said that once you've been part of the unlucky statistic it's difficult not to imagine being in it again. So true.

Thank you for the welcome.

I am about to start acupuncture for something else, but might mention miscarriage and TTC too. Anyone had it and know where they stick needles for fertility?

Welcome mog and welcome back wibble.

Ineed that is great news but I am in the same boat as you and understand 100% why you are not yet dancing for joy. Hopefully there will be dancing ahead.

Impatient that looks a great deal on the ubiquinol. I know it's supposed to say "Kaneke Ubiquinol" on the label but that is showing in the Amazon entry, however all the comments and reviews are from people who are happy with it. You could post a question asking if it's Kaneke?

Oh mog I had acupuncture for mc/fertility a while ago and they put the needles in various places including tummy. It didn't hurt, but was v expensive and I only went the once.

When I had DS I told close people pretty much as soon as I was pregnant, not because I was blasé about it but because I felt I would want them to know if I mc so I would rather they knew I was pg and share the joy. He was a long-awaited baby after some fertility issues.

Since then I haven't told people early, partly because my sister kept it to herself until 12-14 wks and that made me feel a bit stupid for sharing so early. In my 2nd & 3rd pregnancies I had just told a couple of people due to having early scans for bleeding, but then obviously went on to mc. The times in between it was over too quickly to have told anyone.

I haven't told anyone this time just because I don't want them to get too excited. Maybe it's the (nonsensical) fear of jinxing it or tempting fate too. The only people who know are DH, one colleague (just in case I need to leave suddenly) and the RMC staff and researcher (the last of whom is the most excited!)

I agree it would be nice if there were a culture shift. I have several close friends who've had mc, plus I'm aware of some fb friends who've liked or commented on things about mc, and one woman who openly talked about her mc on fb - she doesn't know it but her post got me through some dark moments.

Mog this was my first acupuncture yesterday and I'm going to try to go back weekly as long as the pregnancy progresses, even though it will be horrendously expensive. I suppose it makes me feel like I'm doing something to try to help the baby grow, instead of just waiting around for scans, if that makes sense? He put one between my eyebrows which I looked up afterwards - that's the spot that's supposed to encourage pregnancy hormones. No idea what the others were for (one in wrist, one top of head, one on each leg and a load on my feet) but I suspect he was trying to treat my anxiety and, hopefully, my nausea because I haven't felt sick since.

MsJuniper I'm so glad to hear that your scan went well too.

I've told DH I don't want to tell the wider world until 16 weeks, providing we get that far. But we are slowly telling people we see in person. We've been quite open about the MC with friends and if I do do one of those announcement things on SM I will say how difficult it's been, in the hope that it helps any friends who are having difficulties.

We will probably tell family around 6/7 weeks but save facebook etc for more like 10/12 weeks. I did find it hard explaining to acquaintances over and over again the first time (I had to ask for advice on a closed local group because I didn't know what you do in this country.) I didn't like the repetition of the exact same expressions of sympathy and having to respond politely over and over either. I know that seems ungrateful but it's just how I felt.

It's easier when you can tell one person and ask them to spread the news. Which you can do between family and close friend groups but not in large extended friend networks. I don't mind talking about MC a few months after the fact but I'm too raw when it's just happened and also having people ask how the pregnancy is going is especially awful.

I don't want to tell work people openly about my miscarriages because my employers are a bit shit and I don't want them to know I'm TTC. DH has told some of his work friends.

i think telling people - for me its once bitten.....everyone knew i was pg. i work in a field that its hard to hide something like that because your role changes the moment you tell..
i dont think id be as quick next time. telling people youve mc must be hard but telling people you are choosing to terminate due to foetal abnormality....i felt like a monster when i returned 3 months later and i felt judged.
dont know how id play it at work if i got a bfp again but its certainly made me more wary.

on lighter note im glad you enjoyed the wedding yellow and lisa - your priest story actually made me smile....im sure it wasnt as bad as you think!

glad the ladies who had scans are doing well....long may it reign!

since i got my static yesterday i have been putting oh through his paces! im almost into the dreaded 2ww.

lime I'm so pleased the scan was ok, it must be terrifying that it's twins again, but fingers crossed for you

I'm 6 weeks tomorrow, met the midwife yesterday, she was very lovely, and if I have any problems to just give her a ring. My dating scan is booked, for the day after we get back from holiday, so I'll be 13.5 weeks then, so will def have to be booking an early scan. It's just deciding if I do it soon (Had MMC where baby died

I had to tell work as soon as I found out, both previously and this time (although this time I did leave it until after the weekend when I found out on thursday, just because the line was so faint, but I was extra careful to avoid anaesthetic gases etc, but there was no way I could leave it any later than the monday, just too many risks, and if people aren't aware they may be less careful around you)

Last time I only told clinical staff, but when I had the mmc all the support staff found out anyway (I stupidly went to work the day after I found out for sure and was just a bawling wreck, who then went home and didn't come back to work for a couple of weeks, so they had to find out, but they were all so supportive) so I have just let it be generally known this time.

vicarina I'm sorry you felt judged - though it sounds like you are judging yourself more harshly than anyone else. Fwiw a friend told me (after I'd had 2 mc) that the reason she'd tried for a 2nd child so quickly was because that prior to her first she'd had a tmfr. My only thought was how awful for her, how sad that there are so many women carrying these burdens. It never even crossed my mind to question anything about her decision, much less judge her for it. My heart goes out to you and I hope you have a successful pregnancy very soon.

Bertie I understand that feeling. In fact one of the first things I did (alone on the beachfront in Spain actually, having just left the EPU at Barcelona hospital) was text every single person we had told (about 20 friends and family members in total) so that I didn't have to untell them later- or worse, have them ask about the pregnancy. I was on autopilot I think. Went and packed my case. Had breAkfast(!). Got on the next flight home. Still to this day don't know how I managed it. Amazingly my travel insurance paid out £600 for lost accommodation cost (pre paid hotel) and the new flights. I sent them the scan letter from Spain - I think it said "fetal demise" and they first said unlikely to pay out as "not a medical necessity" to fly home straight away. I think someone at HSBC had a moment of conscience or something. Still grateful for that recognition.

Juniper I hadn't heard about the 'Kaneke' bit, what's that?! I'll have to check packet on the one I've ordered...

Vicar I can only imagine what you've been through, I'm so sorry you felt judged by others. You made the opposite of a selfish choice, clearly out of love and care for your baby, and knowing you'd break your own heart in the process. It obviously took great strength and courage x

Been reading comments with interest about the 'norm' to wait 12 weeks before telling people (obviously be nice to get to the point where I'm making that decision again at all !)

We'd only told my parents, which my partner disagreed with in case something went wrong. Well it did go wrong, clearly!- and we had to phone them anyway straight away to come and look after our 3 yr old so we could go to the Epu. So I'm glad they'd known, we'd have had to tell them anyway.

Since then I've told a few close friends what happened, and I've been reminded (not that I'd forgotten as such, just long time ago) that of my closest friends 2 have had 2 x MC each early on, and another has had 1 MC at 20 weeks.

All 3 of these ladies have 2 children each now by the way (2 of them in their later 30s.)

Its made me wonder how many others this has also happened to, that I don't know about, and also reminded me that after MC can come healthy pregnancies which is what I'm holding onto now...

X

Hello all
Hope we are doing ok today?

My BBT thermometer looks like it's about to give up, it's a bit rubbish anyway.

Looking for recommendations for any decent (not too expensive) ones?

@AnneLovesGilbert
I think you posted a link to your one in recent weeks? I can't keep up!

Thank you all

thanks again or such kindness. The reality was that i was 44. my dd (had she survived pregnancy, birth and beyond) would have been left with no one t look after her . id brought up two adult children , one has a disability to a degree and i i had to fight tooth and nail for every single tiny bit of help i got with him. id have had my wee girl if id been confident of a safe, loving care system for when i wasnt here, but of course that doesnt exist.

i think i felt judged beacuse of a few careless comments at work - one woman said she had thought her dd had a disability in the womb but thankfully it was ruled out - though she told me that by then she loved her baby anyway so would have gone ahead.
the fact was i loved my baby too. i loved her from the second id found out i was pg. i had had 15 weeks to love her more every day. i still couldnt bear the thought of her alone in the world when id gone. or worse - my eldest dd turning into her carer and effectively giving up her own life (which i suspect she would have done)
i did it for them both.

anyway. onward and hopefully upward.